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[helenahovanec]

UPDATE: my donor sperm has been delivered to the Doctor’s office. Last night I took my last dose of Letrozole. Finally, my pregnyl injections have arrived to my home.

[helenahovanec]

Step 1 of Phase B

Because I started this project a bit late in the game, I’ll explain a bit of what Phase A is all about...

Phase A is all about research (IVF vs IUI vs Egg Retrieval), making financial changes, finding the right fertility doctor for you, genetic testing, blood work, ultrasounds (or in my case an additional test of an MRI of my uterus), obtaining all your clearance letters (mine were from my therapist, general doctor and cardiologist) and a bunch of scheduling of different appointments and starting any vitamins, diet changes, and sometimes medications. It has its moments of nervousness, frustrations, and excitements. If you want to know in more details, let me know & I will do a whole post dedicated to a Phase A.

But onto Phase B...

Step one of Phase B is officially choosing a donor and making that purchase. You’ve passed through all of Phase A, your ducks are all lined up (as best as they will be), and you’ve started your period. They will repeat an ultrasound and the necessary bloodwork, which means if everything comes up dandy you will start your 5 day dose of Letrozole and purchase your sperm so it makes it to your doctor on time. Choosing a donor is difficult and it’s probably the first thing you look into when really it should be number 15 or 20. When I was starting this process and I asked my doctor what I should look for - having already looked 30 times -, it was told to me “the man of your dreams, depending what your genetic testing reveals.”

I would find someone, email the nurse the donor number and would get an email back stating, “great! we don’t need that yet let’s schedule you to come in for some bloodwork.” Then I would go back to the site to check the donor’s credentials again and he would be “sold out” (which told me a lot of people were on a similar journey to mine). Which can be frustrating because looking at a donor you have your own criteria and then there are all these filter options on the website that are very overwhelming: height, weight, hair color, hair texture, eye color, education background, religion, light, medium or dark skin tone, ethnicity, looks like celebrity whoever, pregnancies reported (meaning your child has x amount of unknown siblings out in the world) and whether you want open, anonymous or ID disclosure (there will be a whole post dedicated to this decision) and so much more. Ultimately, I took the advice my mother gave me because she is a labor and delivery nurse and has seen it all...

The advice my mother gave me was to go with a donor that opted into expanded genetic testing and came up negative (not a carrier) for all that was tested. The goal of every parent is a happy and healthy child and there is so much that can happen during a pregnancy (shout out to all the incredibly strong parents who have been through some stuff and are raising an amazingly unique cool kids). I found that while nothing in life is guaranteed, I wanted that extra level of comfort of knowing that I was not a carrier for everything that was genetically tested for and so was my donor. Which meant the chances of my child having anything was significantly lower. I made this decision down to the last second. No matter how organized I was or detailed in who I wanted my donor to be, that was the one choice that beat out all the rest. The hair color or eye color didn’t matter as much to me than that did.

Everyone is different and there might be things that matter more to you than they did to me and that is okay! It is your journey! I opted to focus primarily on genetic testing and knowing if I or my donor were a carrier for anything. But that was me.

I want to be very honest in these posts. I have great health insurance with my employment, which meant a lot of Phase A was covered significantly by my insurance (I maybe spent $300 out of pocket, including the MRI to date, there is more coming). The sperm, however, is not cover by health insurance. One vial cost $855 and the shipping was $310, totaling $1,165. Which means if this doesn’t work for me, I will have to wait for my next menstrual cycle, repeat the ultrasound and bloodwork and make that purchase again.

Wish me luck, send good vibes and keep me in your prayers please!

[helenahovanec]

Intro...

I’ve been on a journey of self discovery. There has been many ups and a lot of downs. I’ve traveled, spent a ton of time with my therapist, moved, adopted a rescue dog, broke up my thirteen year “relationship”, set very difficult boundaries with my overbearing family, and let some not so good friends and people drift out of my life. All in an effort to get healthy and truly figure out what I want out of life. I’ve decided... about three years ago... to become a mother. Due to some distant events, I will be doing it on my own via a donor and IUI. This is that journey. If you’re curious or on a similar path struggling with fertility issues, I hope this brings you hope, help you feel less alone, and can answer some questions. Every path to parenthood is unique and I am no expert. This is just my own walk in life.