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Annotated Bibliography

“16 Remarkable Historical Figures Who Were Transgender.” HistoryCollection.co, 31 Dec. 2018, https://historycollection.co/16-remarkable-historical-figures-who-were-transgender/5/.

This was a really cool thing to find because I only recognized one of the names on this list. The article lists all of their sources at the very bottom, and I Googled some of the names online to make sure the information matched up. It did, so I knew that I could trust the information. This type of article wouldn’t really have a conflict of interest or any bias. Each person’s story was plainly told the way that it happened.

I was drawn to this article because 1) I hadn’t addressed the transgender historical impact and 2) I was looking for stories that were more of the ‘heart-wrenching’ variety to continue the idea of mentioning the sacrifices that the LGBT community made. The story of Jennie Hodgers aka Albert Cashier stuck out the most to me, so I decided to use it in both the opinion series and the research essay. Jennie immigrated from Ireland to the US; she changed her name and identity on the boat ride over, so everyone in America only knew her as Albert Cashier. Albert was a Union solider during the Civil War. He would bait the Confederates into action and even escaped the custody of a Confederate soldier after being captured. After the war ended, Albert took up normal life, living off of his army pension. An accident revealed that Albert was genetically a woman. His army pension was revoked but he won it back in a court battle. He was committed to an insane asylum when his mental health started to decline, where he was forced to live and dress as a woman. Albert started to go a little crazy from the stress of not being able to live as the gender he identified with. He would use safety pins to fashion the skirts that he was forced to wear into trousers. He lived there until his death in 1915.

 Bie, Søren. “Canonization: Joan of Arc.” Joan of Arc - Jeanne D'Arc (1412 – 1431), Joan of Arc 1412 - 1431, 7 Oct. 2019, https://www.jeanne-darc.info/biography/canonization/.

‘Canonization: Joan of Arc’ was written using information from the Catholic Encyclopedia and the National Library of France. The bibliography itself lists about one hundred sources, give or take. The information was very professionally researched which means that it should be accurate and reliable. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t bias. The author is Catholic, so the information is presented with religious bias. Sentences like “Our predecessor of blessed memory, Pope Benedict XV, who was deeply committed to the spiritual welfare of France, was thought give to this nation, noble of all, a pledge special benevolence.” Are scattered throughout every article on the website.

Although a little unorthodox, I’m going to use the information presented about Joan of Arc’s life in my research essay as an example of a transgender historical figure. I got the idea when I was looking for examples of transgender historical figures and found a small article about Joan of Arc being labeled as a ‘gay icon’; LGBT speculate that she was either transgender man or a lesbian. She was the one who came up with the idea to dress as a man. She continued to do so even after signing a plea deal saying that she wouldn’t and was burned at the stake for breaking her word. In the opinion series, I played around with stances from both sides: the religious version of the story and the LGBT presenting their own claims, all backed up by historically accurate examples from the website. Addressing the argument from both sides helped me refine the argument that I’m going to present in the research essay.

Gates, Henry Louis. “Bayard Rustin, the Gay Civil Rights Leader Who Organized the March on Washington.” PBS, Public Broadcasting Service, 19 Sept. 2013, https://www.pbs.org/wnet/african-americans-many-rivers-to-cross/history/100-amazing-facts/who-designed-the-march-on-washington/.

PBS is an incredibly reliable source. Most of their programs center around education. The article was published about 6 years ago but it’s written about the Civil Rights Movement that took place in the 1960’s. It’s highly unlikely that the information is outdated. The article doesn’t present any bias because, once again, PBS is an educational program. They present the information and events the way that they are.

I decided to use this article to address how the Civil Rights movement helped to foster the Gay Rights Liberation movement that happened in the 1960s-70s. Even though the Civil Rights movement was about liberation for African Americans, it also became a bolster for other minorities to push for equal rights as well.  In a time where there was already such discrimination and persecution of African Americans, it seems unheard of that any of them would be openly gay. Bayard Rustin was not only openly gay, but he was also a key player in the success of the Civil Rights movement. He helped to organize the March on Washington. He taught Martin Luther King Jr. about Gandhi’s non-violent resistance. Rustin’s sexuality was used against him by other African Americans who disagreed with MLK’s peaceful protests. They threatened to spread rumors about Rustin and MLK being in a homosexual relationship. These men threatened one of their own people simply because they disagreed with how MLK was running things. Rustin stayed in the shadows and is often uncredited for all the work he’s done. Although not a tragic death or sacrifice, it was an important sacrifice nevertheless. I can use this example to address my theme of LGBT sacrifices throughout history.

 History.com Editors. “Stonewall Riots.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 31 May 2017, https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/the-stonewall-riots.

I’ve used History.com for many papers and I’ve found time and again that this is a quality website with accurate facts and stories. This website presents its information without little to no bias. The article was only written two years ago, so the section where it addresses the Stonewall Riots’ legacy is still applicable to today’s political climate. The only new thing that was influenced by the riots is the Equal Rights act that was presented earlier this year.

The Stonewall Riot happened in New York City in June 1969. At this time, sodomy had been decriminalized in a few states but was still illegal in most places. NYC had been a hub for LGBT culture since the 1800’s but it was illegal there. A lot of lowkey gay and drag bars started popping up; these places were a safe refuge where LGBT folk could be themselves. These places were constantly raided by the police as New York had passed a law that it was illegal to serve alcohol to LGBT people. Police were also looking to catch people engaging in illegal same-sex acts; people could be arrested for something as simple as holding hands. Isn’t that nuts?? Stonewall Inn was a refuge for gays and welcomed drag queens when other bars didn’t. The owners were usually tipped off before raids happened. One night, police raided the Stonewall Inn with no warning and started arresting workers and patrons. Those that were arrested were roughly handled, which sparked outrage among patrons and neighbors. A riot broke out and lasted a total of six days. These riots, an important event in LGBT history led to the creation of many gay rights organizations, like Gay Liberation Front, Human Rights Campaign, GLAAD, and PFLAG. There's a reason that the Stonewall Riots are still widely discussed some 50 years later.

 “HIV and AIDS --- United States, 1981--2000.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm5021a2.htm.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has got to be the most accurate and trusted source out of these ten. I found this source when I was looking for information about the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. I knew that there was a stigma around gay men but that was basically it. This article only addresses the facts from 1981-2000 and was published in 2001, so I did look elsewhere to find up to date numbers for how many people had contracted and died from the disease. Gay men are most likely to contract the disease, with minorities not too far behind. Infections numbered as high as 150,000 per year and the 1980s but as social awareness and efforts for prevention increased, the number of infected individuals dropped to 40,000 by 1992. The LGBT community, mainly gay men, are still feeling the social impact of this rampant disease almost forty years later. Gay men aren’t allowed to donate blood or plasma for fear of infection, even if they test negatively for HIV. There is still a ton of negative social attitudes towards those with HIV or even just getting tested for the disease. This has prevented people from coming forward to be tested. They’re scared of the social impact if they do test positive for HIV. Because of this, a lot of infected people remain undiagnosed. Eighteen years after this report was made, scientists are still working on creating a preventative HIV vaccine.

 Robson, Ruthann. Lesbianism in Anglo-American Legal History. CUNY School of Law, 1990, https://academicworks.cuny.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1321&context=cl_pubs.

Lesbianism in Anglo-American history was published in 1990. It discusses laws and punishments put into place for lesbians, or rather, the lack thereof. This source is almost thirty years old, but as it focuses solely on the history of lesbians, it isn’t necessary outdated. The end of the paper does address modern day lesbianism, but as a plea to not let the legal history of lesbians be shrouded or erased. A theme repeated throughout the paper is that there usually weren’t laws that made same-sex relationships between women illegal. The reason being that people often believed that it just wasn’t a thing or rather ‘impossible’ to behold.  Queen Victoria straight up didn't believe that lesbians existed. "Queen Victoria's stance of ignorance on lesbianism which resulted in the 1885 Criminal Law Act not covering sexual activity between women." The American colonies seemed to have the most strict laws against lesbianism, which fell under the blanket term ‘sodomy’. However, it's not well known whether these laws were effective or if they were ever enforced. 

There was a quote that inspired my argument and the last few paragraphs of my research paper. “My plea is one for the future: we are living legal history and we must not allow [lesbianism] to be obfuscated in that history, whether by deliberate concealment or benign neglect.” Although this paper is specifically about lesbians, I could just as easily put gays, or transgender folk, or LGBT people where the parenthesis are, and it would still make perfect sense. We cannot and will not allow our history to be erased. This was essentially the basis for the tone I used in my first paper for the opinion series. I wrote something along the lines of ‘We cannot be erased and we will not be erased! History is super gay!’ etc. I'm going for a softer approach in my actual research essay. I don't want to alienate the audience, so instead of a tough stance, I want it to be open ended, an invitation for change. The whole essay is based off of 'History is super gay!'. It's just not stated outright. 

 Erickson, Tyler. “Legalization of Gay Marriage--United States Supreme Court Declares It Unconstitutional for States to Deny Same-Sex Couples the Right to Marry: Immediate Impact of Gay Marriage in North Dakota.” North Dakota Law Review, vol. 91, no. 1, Oct. 2015, pp. 219–232. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=asn&AN=115834666

This paper outlines the impact of the case Obergefell v. Hodges (2015), wherein the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples are legally allowed to marry under the protection of the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th amendment. States must recognize gay marriages that happened in other states. “… the Court found the right of personal choice regarding marriage is an integral part of a person’s individual autonomy…the right to marry is a safeguard for families and their children, which connects it to similar fundamental rights…an individual’s right to marry is a keystone of the nation’s social order.” There were fourteen petitioners in four different states that insisted their marriages being recognized as legitimate. Marriage is a right for any given person. The officials who ruled against this said that if gay marriage was legalized, it would threaten the very institution of marriage itself. Their decision was overruled by the Supreme Court. The United States finally legalized gay marriage in all 50 states, 14 years after the Netherlands became the first country to do so. This paper addresses the changes that happened that led up to this historical event. Up until the 1950’s, homosexuality was viewed as immoral by the Western countries. It was illegal in most of them. Homosexuality was classified as a mental illness in the 1950’s. But more and more LGBT started living their lives out in the open due to social shifts and equal rights movements. In 1996, the Defense of the Marriage Act was passed, defining marriage as between a man and a woman. In 2003, Massachusetts overturned this and legalized gay marriage. Eventually, enough people challenged the laws that the whole country had to follow suit.

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Burke, Monica. “7 Reasons Why the Equality Act Is Anything But.” The Heritage Foundation, The Heritage Foundation, https://www.heritage.org/gender/commentary/7-reasons-why-the-equality-act-anything.

‘7 Reasons Why The Equality Act Is Anything But’ was written by Monica Burke and published March 14, 2019.  It’s immediately obvious after scanning the title and the mini bio about the author that this article is going to be biased, which makes it the perfect source to use when addressing the counterargument in my research essay. Burke was a research assistant for DeVos Center for Religion and Civil Society at The Heritage Foundation, which provides her with some credibility. Burke’s first sentence, “Most Americans don’t want a nationwide bathroom requirement...” more or less erases the LGBT community and its allies.

As Burke lists the ways that the Equality Act could affect the community, her examples aimed at the religious population. A baker was sued for refusing to make a wedding cake for a same sex couple and won. The same baker was sued for refusing to make a gender-transition cake and was found guilty of gender discrimination. Burke reasons that people should be able to refuse things like this (aka discriminate) on religious grounds. The next example is of a teacher who refused to use a student’s preferred pronouns based on religious beliefs and was fired. She effectively uses ethos by stating that the Equality Act could get charities shut down. “Although same-sex couples have the opportunity to foster children through the state or every other agency in Philadelphia, the city canceled its contract with Catholic Social Services. The agency’s approved foster homes remain available while children languish on the waiting list.”

This article is effective to address my counterargument because the audience I’m trying to address is the non-LGBT community which is largely a religious population. I can address their concerns specifically.

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Project Proposal

LGBT Rights Are Basic Human Rights

In 2001, The Netherlands made history when they legalized same sex marriage. 18 years later, 28 countries have now legalized same sex marriage. Laws have been changing as acceptance becomes more common among the non-LGBTQ community. It has been a long, continuous battle throughout history that has gotten us to this point. It’s amazing how far we’ve come but the fight is far from over. There is still plenty of discrimination at school, in the workplace. Bakeries are refusing to make cakes when they find out it’s for a homosexual wedding. Kids are being bullied at school and kicked out by their parents for being gay or transsexual.

There has been tragedy that has rocked LGBTQ history, but it’s the tragedy and the sacrifice throughout time that has gotten us to this point in time, with (INSERT WORD) and more tolerance and acceptance. History seems to dictate that homosexuality and trans-sexuality was a rare occurrence; sodomy was (is) condemned by many religions. Being gay seems to have become a recent fad; everyone’s obsessed with labels.

When looking through history books, a lot of LGBTQ figures and occurrences has been erased or edited out. The history that we’re taught in school is often censored or edited to make our countries look better than they are. The internet has provided a wider scope, with a ton of information about LGBT history but some people don’t really know to search for it. In the words of Tumblr user, thefingerf***ingfemalefury: “History is infinitely gayer than a lot of people want to admit.”

There is no country in the world that doesn’t have some type of queer community or queer history. There are tons of LGBT historical figures scattered throughout history. Can you think of anyone? Freddie Mercury, the prominent Queen band member, is the most well-known (and well liked) bisexual in modern times. I want to research and address not only the famous LGBTQ figures throughout history, but also the prominent cultures and communities. Ancient Greece is a fantastic example. Homosexual relationships were quite common between men because the Greek didn’t care about gender. The sexual roles were dominant and submissive, rather than male and female.

I also want to address the history in different churches (acceptance vs later dispute and outcry), especially the Catholic church, who’s stance has changed quite a bit over the past few hundred years. I plan on covering the AID’s epidemic, how legislation has changed, the Stonewall Riots,  and hit all the important points up to gay marriage being legalized in different places, mainly focusing on the changes that occurred in the US. At this point, I will address the Equality Act that’s currently being debated in Congress. I will explain how the bill will make a huge difference in LGBT lives.

My counterargument is going to address the things people are worried about <if> the Equality Act is passed. There is a lot of concern surrounding the 1st Amendment- freedom of religion and freedom of speech especially. I found an article that’s called ‘7 Reasons Why the Equality Act is Anything But’. It addresses concerns about being forced to go against religious beliefs i.e. calling someone by their preferred pronouns instead of their birth pronouns. It also addresses the fact that transgender women (male to female) will be allowed to compete in women’s sporting events and have an unfair physical advantage. The other concern about transgender people is highly debated bathroom situation. People are concerned about getting molested if they share the bathroom with a trans person.

With my research, I want to erase the stigmas that surround LGBTQ people to create more acceptance and more understanding among the general population; ESPECIALLY those within strict religious organizations. Not every part of the timeline is going to have some horrible act or tragedy, but I do plan on including a few. I plan on comparing Joan of Arc to Albert Cashier, a transgender man that fought in the Civil War and was later committed to a mental asylum. 50,000 men were arrested for being gay in Nazi Germany and thousands died in concentration camps. Gay men were accused of spreading the ‘gay plague’ aka HIV. People were afraid to touch them or even be in the same room. The stigma for being tested or having AIDS is preventing many people from being diagnosed for fear of social isolation.

The point of mentioning these specific stories is to tug at the heart strings. ‘Take a look at the persecution we’ve faced.’ I plan to present my information in a way that will (hopefully) not alienate any reader i.e. I will try to present the information in a way that isn’t super biased. The whole basis of my essay is to get people to question their belief i.e. was Joan of Arc transgender? I want to invoke an empathetic response. I’m not trying to get them to suddenly give up religion or whatever they believe in all of a sudden but I do want them to evaluate what their beliefs stem from and address the biases they have likely formed. The main part of my argument is something along the lines of ‘We’re just like you.’ We get up, go to school, go to work, go out with our friends to our favorite pizza place. We want to get married and raise a family just like any other couple can. We want to be ourselves at work without the fear of losing our jobs. We want to go to the bathroom in peace for goodness sake. These are basic human rights. One of the fundamental building blocks of the United States has been the phrase ‘Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness’, the three unalienable rights mentioned in The Declaration of Independence. Everything that the Equality Act will change (if passed) would be in accordance to these rights.

I don’t know if the way that I’m structuring my research essay will evoke the affect that I want it to have. I don’t know if anyone will even care. Nevertheless, my ultimate goal is a focus on the push for equality.

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A Dive Into the Past Could be the Key to a Better Future for the LGBTQ and You.

Have you noticed that being gay (or bi or transgender or asexual) seems to have become a recent trend? And by recent, I mean the last 50 years or so. As of 2016, one in four Americans identifies as LGBTQ. There are early examples of LGBT history of course, but now it seems that being gay has become a sort of pop culture fad. At least, that’s what a lot of people seem to think! But this so called ‘fad’ had been around since the dawn of man. Every country and every culture in the world has a history of same-sex relationships and intersexual (transgender) people. The first recorded history of same sex relationships was found in cave drawings in Sicily; they were believed to have been painted between 9,600-5,000 BCE. Attitude towards same-sex relationships and transgender people has changed a ton throughout history. First it was accepted, became quite common and even somewhat expected (like in Ancient Greece), was labeled a sin but not really punished, then was severely punished as the Catholic Church’s influence grew, then it was illegal (still is in many countries), labeled as mental illness, and now, in 2019, is legal in 28 countries.

It might seem like a simple straight line got us to this point, but it wasn’t simple at all. There were hardships endured and many sacrifices that have gotten us here. Our community is just like any other minority group. We’ve been fighting for peace and acceptance. I’ve traced out our history to create a better understanding how these people lived and how their influence has gotten us to this day and age.  

I’m going to skip through the earlier history and start our timeline in Ancient Greece. Greece is a fantastic historical example of widely accepted homosexual relationships. The commonness of these relationships is actually why olive oil became so popular. These relationships didn’t replace marriage between men and women but typically occurred before or in concurrence with it. Relationships were not viewed as between men and women but rather as between the ‘dominant’ and ‘passive’(Livius). Sapho, a poet born on the island of Lesbos, wrote poetry centered around love and passion for both genders. She inspired the term ‘lesbian’ that was adopted in the 19th century.

Our next stop is in the 1400s: Joan of Arc. You might know the story. Surely you recognize the name. Joan of Arc was a French girl who went form peasant to Catholic Saint. She claimed to have heard the voices of saints, who commanded her to find Prince Charles and help him ascend the throne during a war between the French and English. Joan cut her hair short and dressed as a man when she went to find Charles and later when she led his armies into battle. Charles even commissioned a custom-made suit of armor for her. The English captured Joan and eventually she was burned at the stake for heresy and cross dressing (Bie). 

Though it’s a controversial claim, The LGBT community has claimed Joan as a transgender icon. She was the who came up with the idea to dress as a man; she continued to do so throughout her life, even in public. Joan risked her life and her freedom to continue dressing as a man. Some say she was simply following God’s command. But her stories reflect experiences of other transgender people who also risked their lives to live as the gender that they identified with.

Speaking of the Catholic Church: they weren’t always sticklers about homosexual relationships. In fact, it was quite common for priests, bishops and senior clerics to be gay in the 1500s (McClain). Sodomy was grouped in with the ‘lustful’ sins and was rarely punished. The Renaissance brought about a stricter rule from Rome and the Pope. Homosexual relationships went form legal and overlooked to punishable for both men and women by mutilation and death in most European countries.

Let’s cross the ocean to the Americas. Before the Europeans started colonizing the Americas, ‘Two-Spirit’ people were quite common among the different tribes of indigenous people. This blanket term referred to gender identity rather than sexual identity. Traditionally, the term Two-Spirit people were made up of men, women, and intersex who took on the traditional roles and responsibilities of both men and women. Among the Navajo tribes, Two-Spirit men would become weaver’s, traditionally a woman’s role. Two-Spirit women would often take up hunting, engage in warfare, and could even become leaders or chiefs (Two-Spirit Health Resources). This became a common third gender. Colonization forced these tribes to conform to white societal expectations. Two-Spirit people were particularly vulnerable, often the subject of violence and punishment. Their practices were all but eradicated to preserve their lives. The recognition and tradition of the Two-Spirits are practiced today among many of remaining Native American tribes.

When the American Colonies started to establish their own government, they modeled many of their laws after Great Britain’s laws, including those concerning sodomy. Death was one of the punishments, but the laws were rarely enforced. In 1786, Pennsylvania repealed the death penalty for sodomy and soon after a majority of the colonies followed suit.

In the 1790s, psychology became a wider field of study. The term ‘homosexuality’ was coined, and it was finally being addressed outside of church condemnation. Some believed that homosexuality was congeniality based, while others diagnosed it as a symptom of psychosis. In 1791, after the French revolution, France became the first country to decriminalize sodomy. A small but mighty steppingstone towards LGBT+ acceptance.

The 1800s saw New York become a hub for LGBT culture in America, though sodomy was still illegal. There was a higher visibility of alternative genders and same-sex relationships; many men got away with it by passing it off as a ‘loving male friendship.’  The American Civil War, like many other wars, saw a number of women who enlisted in the army as men. Jennie Hodgers was one such woman. She immigrated to America from Ireland, changing her identity to Albert Cashier along the way. Cashier was a brave soldier, fighting in over 40 battles. After the war ended, Cashier decided to continue living as a man. An accident led to the discovery that Cashier was born as a woman. He had to fight in court to retain his army pension. He won but was then committed to a mental asylum where he was forced to dress and live as a woman until his death in 1915 (16 Transgender Historical Figures). Poor Albert would use safety pins to fashion his skirts into pants. His story sounds incredibly to Joan of Arc’s life. One immortalized, praised and worshiped for the exact same actions that deemed the other mentally ill. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

The late 1800’s to the 1930’s saw quite a shift in perspective and gay culture. Berlin, Germany became the gay hub towards the end of the 19th century. Berlin was a liberal city, with gay bars, nightclubs, and cabarets. It had the most active LGBT rights movement at the time (Daily Mail). The Scientific-Humanitarian Committee was founded to fight against the laws that made sex between men illegal, as well as recognition of transgender men and women. It was the first public gay rights organization and became the first international LGBT organization after establishing branches in other countries. In 1908, Edward Stevenson published a book called The Intersexes: A Study in Similisexualism as a Problem in Social Life under a pseudonym. It was the first book that openly dealt with all aspects of homosexuality. The 1920’s brought about a wider (but short lived) acceptance of minorities and gays in the US. In 1922, the first gay demonstration was held in Berlin.

Even though gay marriage was illegal in the 1930’s, there were still a ton of gay and lesbian weddings that occurred in secret across the United States. They could get away with it by passing of their spouse as roommates or ‘close friends’. Women had an easier time with this than men did.

Meanwhile in Berlin, who had previously enjoyed an unprecedented freedom, were forced back into hiding when Adolf Hilter took over. Over 50,000 men (including bisexual and transgender men) were sentenced for being gay; thousands died in concentration camps. Female same-sex relationships weren’t illegal and therefore very few were imprisoned for their sexuality.

When the US joined WWII, over 250,000 women joined the military, most in the Women’s Army Corp. A ton of lesbians joined to meet women and those that had more masculine features were overlooked because they were able to take on the harder jobs typically filled by men. General Eisenhower was quite aware of the number of lesbians in the army. He went his secretary, Johnnie Phelps, and told her that they needed to be rooted out. Phelps replied, "If the General pleases, sir, I'll be happy to do that, but the first name on the list will be mine… and if you want to replace all the file clerks, section commanders, drivers, every woman in the WAC detachment, I will be happy to make that list.”(Knaff). Eisenhower withdrew the idea and didn’t bring it up again.

The Civil Rights movement was in full swing by the early 1960′s. It was a fight for equality for African Americans but indirectly became the push for equality in other minorities, including the LGBT community. It set up the gay liberation movement that dominated the 1970′s.

In 1961, Illinois became the first state to decriminalize sodomy; it was still illegal everywhere else though. Gays found safe refuge in bars and clubs, where they were safe to express themselves. These places were constantly raided by the police; first because of a New York law that banned serving alcohol to LGBT individuals and also to catch them engaging in any homosexual acts (even something as innocent as holding hands). In 1969, police raided Stonewall Inn, which sparked a riot among patrons and neighbors because of the rough mishandling of those being arrested (history.com). It was a 6-day long uprising, a monumental movement in LGBT history and the final push towards the gay liberation movement. Twenty states decriminalized sodomy during the 1970s.

The AIDS epidemic was a defining part of the 1980’s. Gay men made up the majority of those with the disease. They were accused of being carriers for the ‘Gay Plague.’ This created a huge stigma around the infected, which in turn created a stigma around gay men. People were afraid to touch anyone or even be around anyone who was infected for fear of catching it themselves. Around 74.9 million people have been infected since the first diagnosis (UNAIDS). Although the death toll is decreased significantly, the LGBT community still suffered a great loss and deals with constant discrimination. Did you know that gay and bisexual men are not allowed to donate blood or plasma solely based on the fact that they’re gay, even if they test negative for HIV and AIDS? Because there are no laws against discrimination, gay, bisexual, and transgender women can be turned away from housing, job opportunities, etc. Transgender women are often resort to prostitution to make ends meet. This, in turn, increases the spread of HIV. There is also a lot of social pressure around getting tested or treated for HIV so a significant number of people remain undiagnosed for fear of harassment.  

After a few more states repealed their sodomy laws, activists started pushing back against the Supreme Court’s ruling, stating that these laws were in violation of the federal constitution. Lawrence v Texas was the turning point for the decriminalization of sodomy. Texas police entered the home of John Lawrence on a flimsy excuse and caught him having consensual sex with Tyron Gardner. The precedent by Bower v Hardwick was overturned and the Supreme Court ruled that state laws banning homosexual relations was an unconstitutional violation of privacy (Urofsky). In 2003, all Sodomy laws were officially eradicated in the US.

In 2001, the Netherlands became the first country to legalize same sex marriage. Over the past 18 years, 28 countries, including the United States in 2015, have legalized same sex marriage. This also allowed same sex couples to participate in joint adoption (when previously, couples couldn’t hold joint custody over a child) This has been a huge stride! We’ve been building to this for years and years.

Now we’ve finally reached modern times! Though there have been ups and downs, we’ve still made incredibly strides in the past 50 years. But, we’re not quite there yet. The Equality Act was presented to Congress in March 2019. “[It] would provide consistent and explicit non-discrimination protections for LGBTQ people across key areas of life, including employment, housing, credit, education, public spaces and services, federally funded programs, and jury service.” Achieving this would be as groundbreaking as the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

In January 2019, South Carolina applied for and was granted the right for agencies to deny adoption or fostering rights for same sex couples. A heart wrenching step backwards (Considering Adoption).

The trajectory for LBGT rights has not been and never will be a straight line. Same sex couples are granted the right to marry and adopt in 2015 but those rights are taken away in South Carolina just 4 years later. Transgender men and woman are legally allowed to change their gender on their identification forms. A gay club was the target of a mass shooting that killed 49 people. Colleges are installing gender neutral bathrooms, but people feel threatened when transgender men and women use them.

Passing the Equality Act would mean that bakeries can’t refuse to make a cake for a gay couple. This would be an infringement on the 2nd amendment: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, etc. You would need to address people by their preferred pronouns rather than their birth gender pronouns, even if you don’t agree with it. Transgender women (male to female) would be allowed to compete in women’s sports which could easily be considered an unfair advantage. You might not agree with the LGBT lifestyle or what we stand for. The thing is, I’m not asking you to agree.

 This war has been fought for thousands of years. Just like the fight for equality for all races. Just like the fight for equality between men and women. We simply want equal rights for us as well; the right to marry, the right to adopt, the right to live a normal life, the ‘American Dream’. We’re just like you! You don’t have to agree with who we have sex with but surely you can agree that it’s a fundamental right to get to marry whoever you want and raise a family; that we should be able to go to the bathroom in peace like a normal person; that we should be able to kiss our SO in public without someone posting a huge rant on Facebook complaining about gay PDA; that we should be able to work and not worry about risking our jobs by expressing ourselves.

Know this: We’re not going to give up. We’ve come to far, sacrificed too many to turn back. Join us in this fight for equality. Join us in the fight for basis human rights.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

“16 Remarkable Historical Figures Who Were Transgender.” HistoryCollection.co, 31 Dec. 2018, https://historycollection.co/16-remarkable-historical-figures-who-were-transgender/5/.

Bie, Søren. “Canonization: Joan of Arc.” Joan of Arc - Jeanne D'Arc (1412 – 1431), Joan of Arc 1412 - 1431, 7 Oct. 2019, https://www.jeanne-darc.info/biography/canonization/.

Burke, Monica. “7 Reasons Why the Equality Act Is Anything But.” The Heritage Foundation, The Heritage Foundation, https://www.heritage.org/gender/commentary/7-reasons-why-the-equality-act-anything.

Cherry, Kittredge. Joan of Arc: Cross-Dressing Warrior-Saint and LGBTQ Role Model. QSpirit, 30 May 2019, http://qspirit.net/joan-of-arc-cross-dressing-lgbtq/.

Erickson, Tyler. “Legalization of Gay Marriage–United States Supreme Court Declares It Unconstitutional for States to Deny Same-Sex Couples the Right to Marry: Immediate Impact of Gay Marriage in North Dakota.” North Dakota Law Review, vol. 91, no. 1, Oct. 2015, pp. 219–232. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=asn&AN=115834666

Gates, Henry Louis. “Bayard Rustin, the Gay Civil Rights Leader Who Organized the March on Washington.” PBS, Public Broadcasting Service, 19 Sept. 2013, https://www.pbs.org/wnet/african-americans-many-rivers-to-cross/history/100-amazing-facts/who-designed-the-march-on-washington/.

“Getting Rid of Sodomy Laws: History and Strategy That Led to the Lawrence Decision.” American Civil Liberties Union, https://www.aclu.org/other/getting-rid-sodomy-laws-history-and-strategy-led-lawrence-decision

.“Greek Homosexuality.” Livius, https://www.livius.org/articles/concept/greek-homosexuality/.

History.com Editors. “Stonewall Riots.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 31 May 2017, https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/the-stonewall-riots.

“HIV and AIDS --- United States, 1981--2000.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm5021a2.htm.Human Rights Campaign. 

“The Equality Act.” Human Rights Campaign, https://www.hrc.org/resources/the-equality-act.

“Joan of Arc Bibliography.” SparkNotes, SparkNotes, https://www.sparknotes.com/biography/joanofarc/section9/.

Kennedy, Lesley. “Why Was Joan of Arc Burned at the Stake?” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 16 Apr. 2019, https://www.history.com/news/joan-arc-burned-stake.

Knaff, Donna. “The ‘Ferret Out the Lesbians’ Legend: Johnnie Phelps, General Eisenhower, and the Power and Politics of Myth.” Research Gate, The “Ferret Out the Lesbians” Legend: Johnnie Phelps, General Eisenhower, and the Power and Politics of Myth.“LGBT Timeline in the US.” 

Gsafewi, GSAFE, https://www.gsafewi.org/wp-content/uploads/US-LGBT-Timeline-UPDATED.pdf.Mailonline, Bridie Pearson-jones For.

 “Berlin before the Nazis: German Capital Was a Liberal Hub with a Thriving Gay Scene in 1920s.” Daily Mail Online, Associated Newspapers, 30 July 2019, https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7300631/Berlin-Nazis-German-capital-liberal-hub-thriving-gay-scene-1920s.html.

McClain, Lisa. “A Thousand Years Ago, the Catholic Church Paid Little Attention to Homosexuality.” The Conversation, 31 Oct. 2019, https://theconversation.com/a-thousand-years-ago-the-catholic-church-paid-little-attention-to-homosexuality-112830.

Robson, Ruthann. Lesbianism in Anglo-American Legal History. CUNY School of Law, 1990, https://academicworks.cuny.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1321&context=cl_pubs.

Smit, Peter J, et al. “HIV-Related Stigma within Communities of Gay Men: a Literature Review.” AIDS Care, Taylor & Francis, 2012, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3379736/.

“Two Spirit: Health Resources.” Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Health, https://www.ihs.gov/lgbt/health/twospirit/.

Urofsky, Melvin I. “Lawrence v. Texas.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 19 June 2019, https://www.britannica.com/topic/Lawrence-v-Texas.

“What to Know About the History of Same-Sex Adoption.” Considering Adoption, ConsideringAdoption.com, https://consideringadoption.com/adopting/can-same-sex-couples-adopt/history-of-same-sex-adoption. 

[helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog]

Opinion Series

Lydia Cole

English 2010

Opinion Series

Dec. 3, 2019

 History is Gay, My Dudes

I was scrolling through Tumblr the other day when I saw an LGBTQ history post. It was just a quick little snippet about how olive oil gained its popularity because of gay relationships in Ancient Greece. Tumblr user thefingerf***ingfemalefury replied to the post with one hell of a line: “History is infinitely gayer than a lot of people want to admit.” It inspired me to start looking up LGBT+ history and it’s true! There are tons of examples of gay and lesbian relationships, and cross dressing/third genders throughout history.

To the left is a picture of a lesbian wedding that took place somewhere in the US between the 1900s-1930s. You read that correctly. Gay marriage wasn’t even legalized then! Weddings like these took place in secret and the girls could happily live together because everyone just assumed that they were close friends or roommates. There are few countries that passed laws against female relationships because people thought that it just wasn’t really a thing!

I kept looking and I found an article about Bayard Rustin. He was a trusted friend of Martin Luther King Jr. and played a key part in the Civil Rights movement, which paved the way for the LGBT+ rights movement in the 1960s and ‘70s. Rustin was the one who taught MLK about Gandhi’s philosophy of nonviolent resistance. He helped organize the March on Washington. He’s done a ton of amazing things, but you’ve probably never even heard his name. That’s because Bayard Rustin was an openly gay black man. When opposing parties found out about Rustin, they threatened to spread lies that Rustin and MLK were in a relationship. Others that were helping with the movement were concerned that this rumor would hinder or stop their progress. Rustin stepped out of the public eye to protect MLK and the Civil Rights Movement.

I found a really cool article that was called ‘16 Historical Figures Who Were Transgender’, most of whom I’d never heard of. The story about Albert Cashier, an Irish immigrant, caught my eye so I tried to find out more. Albert Cashier was a brave Union solder during the American Civil War. He fought in over 40 battles. He once escaped a Confederate soldier that had taken him prisoner. After the war ended, Albert went back to a normal, happy life. This happiness was short lived because an accident revealed that Albert was actually a woman. His birth name was Jennie Hodgers. When Jennie was sixteen, she immigrated to New York in 1859. Jennie arrived in America as Albert, having adopted a new name and a new gender.

After Albert’s secret was found out, he had to fight in court to keep his rightfully earned army pension. He won the case but was then committed to a mental asylum. The asylum forced Albert to live and dress like a woman. Albert hated it and would use safety pins to fashion his skirts into pants. He remained in the asylum until his death in 1915.

That small Tumblr post led me down a rabbit hole full of a new and exciting, and often tragic, side of history that I definitely didn’t’ learn about in school. It’s so amazing to hear about these different people! The lives they lived, the sacrifices that they made seem kind of insignificant on their own but all of these amazing people pushing against social norms is what has gotten us to where we are today; gay marriage legalized and the Equality Act on the Congress floor. thefingerf***ingfemalefury was right! History is super, duper gay! Or bi. Or transgender. Whatever you want it to be. Don’t let anyone fool you. We have made our marks on history and continue to change the future as new laws are passed and the fight to change legislation continues. We cannot be silenced! We will not be silenced. Never again.

Joan of Arc: The Transgender Catholic Saint

It’s not really a secret that the LGBTQ community and the Catholic church don’t really get along. Catholic protesters are often spotted at pride parades and can be found sharing their opposition to The Equality Act being passed. But looking through their own history brings up some interesting questions. Like, why was the Catholic church fine with having gay priests and bishops, etc. before the Renaissance? And why do they celebrate and worship Joan of Arc, who was most likely transgender?

Here’s a quick rundown if you don’t already know the story. Joan of Arc was born in France in the 1400s. She grew up a simple peasant girl who was in charge of her family’s cattle. One day, Joan claimed to have head voices from different saints, like St. Michael. They told her to seek out Prince Charles and help him ascend the throne as France’s king. The English and the French had been at war for years by this point. Joan cut her hair short and dressed as a man to protect herself as she traveled to find Charles. Charles trusted Joan and soon she was leading French troops into battle. She was even gifted a custom suit of armor from Charles to protect her. The English captured Joan, and after spending time in prison, she was brought to trial on charges of witchcraft and heresy. After being cross examined and tortured, Joan was found guilty of heresy and cross dressing. The Bishop who examined her told her that dressing like man was a thing ‘contrary to divine law and abominable in God’s eyes’. Joan kept insisting that God had commanded her to dress as a man.

The church offered a plea deal wherein Joan had to stop talking about her so called ‘visions’ and stop dressing like a man. Joan signed a written agreement with these terms but a few days later was once again found dressed as a man and talking about her divine destiny. The church judges dubbed this a relapse into heresy and sentenced her to death. Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in 1431 at the age of 19. 25 years later, she was retried, and her conviction overturned. About 600 years after her trial, Joan was canonized a Saint by the very church that prosecuted and burned her.

The cross-dressing part of the story seems to be downplayed, and her miraculous visions and commands take the spotlight. Why does such an important detail often take the back seat? It’s a critical part of Joan’s life, her story. I’ll tell you why. The LGBTQ community has adopted Joan as an iconic figure in their history because it would make sense that Joan was transgender. It was her idea to dress like man; she risked her life and her freedom to keep doing so. Many will say it was the call of God. But there are tons of examples of transgender people who have risked life and limb to keep dressing as the gender they identify with. People who are transgender are often mistaken for having mental illness by a lot of religious types; Catholics being a prime example. And yet, these same Catholics who crash Pride Parades with nasty signs and bash people’s lifestyles online are out celebrating a peasant girl who became a martyr for the very thing they’re so strongly against. Sounds a bit hypocritical, don’t you agree? Just some food for thought.

   Joan of Arc: A Beloved Martyr Turned Saint

Even if you don’t know her story, you probably at least recognize the name Joan of Arc. Joan was born in 1412 in France to a peasant family. Those who lived around Joan saw her to be a quiet, pious girl. She was often seen at church, knelt in silent prayer. The French and English had been at war for years and years. Prince Charles was scared to claim his throne for fear of retribution.

One day, Joan heard a voice; it was St. Michael telling her that she needed to seek out Prince Charles and help him ascend the French throne. Joan decided to travel to find the prince; she cut her hair into short bob and donned men’s clothing to protect herself and her virtue. When she arrived to where Prince Charles was staying, she instantly identified him amongst the 300 or so courtiers. Charles promised to give her what she needed to be successful. She asked for a sword that she said had been buried for some time behind the alter at the church of Saint Catherine. It was exactly where she said it would be! Joan, along with a few men at arms, traveled to the battlefield to fight on behalf of France. Joan lead armies into battle in armor gifted to her by Charles himself. Joan succeeded in that which was commanded of her and Charles ascended the throne.

During one battle, the English captured Joan and she was thrown in jail. After a spending a few months there, Joan was put on trial for charges of witchcraft and heresy. She was questioned for days, even tortured but she never waivered in her stance. God had commanded her to do all these things. Joan was found guilty and burned at the stake as a cross dressing heretic.

Joan of Arc was, is, a noble hero, a beloved Catholic Saint. So, it disgusts me to hear that gay people want are pushing their beliefs onto her, tarnishing her image. They think she’s a tranny or a lesbian. Seriously??

Joan was a woman called of God; it was He that commanded her to dress as a man to protect herself and her virtue! It was illegal to cross dress during that time, a sin that went against divine nature.  Why else would Joan have risked her life to do so if not for God’s command? It would have been inherently dangerous for a woman to travel with so many men. When she and her party were traveling, Joan would choose to sleep with the woman in the houses they stayed at instead of sleeping with her men. There are people claiming that she had sex with these women! Why else would she choose to stay with them?

Why else? Because Joan was a woman! Of course, it makes sense that she stayed with the women. Why would she risk her life and her virtue by staying with the men when she didn’t need to? She was examined twice by church leaders who confirmed that Joan was a virgin maid. If you’re doubting that God spoke to her or claim that she lied just because she wanted to dress as a man, let me remind you of something. Joan knew the exact location of the buried sword that she would later carry into battle. That’s nothing something that she could have just guessed. She was a peasant, with no education to speak of. She knew where the sword was through revelation from God. This is proof that God spoke to her and that He commanded her to dress like a man. There was no other reason.

     BIBLIOGRAPHY

“16 Remarkable Historical Figures Who Were Transgender.” HistoryCollection.co, 31 Dec. 2018, https://historycollection.co/16-remarkable-historical-figures-who-were-transgender/5/.Bie, Søren.

“Canonization: Joan of Arc.” Joan of Arc - Jeanne D'Arc (1412 – 1431), Joan of Arc 1412 - 1431, 7 Oct. 2019, https://www.jeanne-darc.info/biography/canonization/.

Cherry, Kittredge. Joan of Arc: Cross-Dressing Warrior-Saint and LGBTQ Role Model. QSpirit, 30 May 2019, http://qspirit.net/joan-of-arc-cross-dressing-lgbtq/.

Gates, Henry Louis. “Bayard Rustin, the Gay Civil Rights Leader Who Organized the March on Washington.” PBS, Public Broadcasting Service, 19 Sept. 2013, https://www.pbs.org/wnet/african-americans-many-rivers-to-cross/history/100-amazing-facts/who-designed-the-march-on-washington/.

“Joan of Arc Bibliography.” SparkNotes, SparkNotes, https://www.sparknotes.com/biography/joanofarc/section9/.

Kennedy, Lesley. “Why Was Joan of Arc Burned at the Stake?” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 16 Apr. 2019, https://www.history.com/news/joan-arc-burned-stake.

Robson, Ruthann. Lesbianism in Anglo-American Legal History. CUNY School of Law, 1990, https://academicworks.cuny.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1321&context=cl_pubs.

[helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog]

omG

[helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog]

Dear Fish,

I decided to take English 2010 immediately after finishing English 1010. What a horrible mistake that was! English has always been my favorite subject and I really enjoyed writing during class last semester. I figured that inspiration would continue. It did not. But that’s okay! We’re near the end and I finished my essays so inspiration must have struck me sometime this semester.

This semester has really solidified the fact that procrastination is my WORST personality trait. I know that it stems from a desperate need for perfection; I want to produce the best writing I can which means that I edit my papers a thousand times and put off turning them in for as long as possible. However, I always produce my best ideas when I’m under pressure, so this habit will likely never be broken.

I ended up procrastinating so badly that I left myself about a week to finish and edit all five essays and get the 8000 words document together. I’m handy at pulling an essay out of nowhere. I wrote the 1000-word rough draft for this letter in about 20 minutes. I already know that I get my best writing done between 10pm-2am. (I’m currently writing this at 4:12 am.) I couldn’t really do that with such a close deadline; I had to take advantage of any spare time that I had. To make up for it, I tried to set up an ideal writing environment. I leave the TV on in the background on low volume so I can just look up and take a break when I need to. I turn it off when I really get in the zone. I’ve got a water bottle, snacks, and a blanket so I’m not constantly getting up to do stuff. I deleted Facebook and Instagram on my phone so that I don’t get too distracted when I take a break.

A new thing that I realized is that I actually write better (and edit less) if I speak what I’m typing out loud. I end up reading the essay the way I want it to sound and end up finishing the sentence out loud before my fingers catch up. Some sentences I retype two or three times because it just sounds weird; this method eliminates that. Reading my essay out loud after I’ve finished it helps me to edit efficiently. I tend to finish the sentence the way I want it to sound rather than the way it’s written.

For me, planning and writing the research essay was all about the sources. My paper traces out a timeline of LGBTQ history, so I had to be sure that the sources I used were accurate. Depending on the event I was researching, I had to look at who wrote it and where it was published because certain companies project certain biases. The date stamped was also important, mostly for when my timeline started to hit the last 30 years or so. I needed to make sure that the information wasn’t outdated (or again, biased).

Writing every single essay centered around the same topic has been really hard to do. I ran out of steam while writing the project proposal, which is why I ended up switching topics. Although the open due dates were hard for me scheduling wise, they were really helpful when I started planning and writing because I could bounce back and forth between each essay without worrying about missing a deadline. The more I bounced back and forth, the more inspiration I got for my research essay.

I like doing mini student/teacher conferences when writing a paper because it’s really nice to hear a different perspective and get some suggestions to improve my writing. Most of ours were embarrassing for me because I hadn’t done any real work yet. When I did have stuff to discuss, they helped a ton. Bouncing ideas off of you and hearing what your suggestion for my argument and where I should go with my research essay really helped me plan and structure the essay.

The Opinion Series was definitely the hardest essay for me to understand and write. I wrote them like they were mini history lessons because my research essay is LGBTQ history. I had each one address a different audience. Figuring out which audiences to write for was hard! In my mind, it was ‘the gays’ and ‘the straights’. I had such a hard time trying to figure out more specific audiences. I ended up doing ‘the gays’ and religious folk. After writing the one about Joan of Arc, I was lost as to what audience I could address next. Last year, I wrote a five page essay with an argument I completely disagreed with because I misread the tone of the article I was basing it off of. That inspired me to write the third essay about Joan of Arc again, but with the opposite stance. So instead of gays addressing the religious, it was the religious addressing the gays. Since I’m both, it wasn’t too much of a stretch, but I disagreed with most of what I wrote. I’m glad I did that; As I was writing the third essay, I kept thinking of ways I could improve my argument/stance in the original version. It’s always beneficial to consider both sides an argument to find the weak spots in yours.

When I write in other classes, I tend to just spew out a bunch of sentences to get the point across and typically only reread it once to make sure it’s coherent. Now that I know my most effective editing strategies, I plan to incorporate them more often. I won’t have to take a writing class ever again (yay!) but I do want to keep writing. I'm never gonna be recognized or win an award or something if I keep writing but there’s always room to improve and learn from others.

Reflecting on the semester has helped me realize what the most important thing I learned in this class was: whatever writing I turn in does not have to be perfect! I feel like you said that at least once per class. No writing is ever going to be perfect. The perfectionist in me hates that lesson, but it’s the one that’s stuck with me the most. Well that, and that one time you spent the whole class giving an inspirational speech and said “I may not live forever but I’m sure as hell gonna try!”

You’re an awesome teacher and I genuinely enjoyed being in your class! I hope you have an awesome winter break.

-Lydia Cole

[helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog]

plz dont read

What is it like to be normal? 

You wake up and sigh in response to the day starting. 

So much to do today.

‘I want to die’ you say jokingly. ‘I have so much work!’ 

What is it like to be normal?

You go into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee.

The smell awakens your senses.

“I’m addicted to coffee’ you say to yourself. ‘Like, really addicted!’

What is it like to be normal?

You head to work, arriving precisely on time.

The boss calls a meeting.

‘Man can’t she just send an email’ you say to a coworker. ‘Seriously!’

What is it like to be Normal?

I wake up to the a cheerful tune, and sigh in response to the day starting.

Is it worth it to get up today?

‘I wish I was dead.’ you say. ‘Maybe today’s the day.’

What is it like to be Normal.

I wake up suddenly, 10 til 9. 

Going to be late once again.

‘Well shit.’ I say to no one in particular. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t go to class today.’

What is it like to be Normal?

4 hours later, I emerge, wrapped in a blanket and in search of food.

Only 400 calories allowed today.

‘Someday I’ll be pretty.’ I say with a smile. ‘Someday they’ll love me.’

What is it like to be Normal? To wake up without issue? To feel good about yourself? To fight normal battles and not the ones constantly waging war in my head?

What is it like? 

to be normal

[helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog]

dream

At a restaurant in a mall food court with nathan and natalie

The line extends to the lefthand side. There are people in front of us who are ordering. The shiny counter that you order at is at the far right side. I think its a mexican food place. Or pizza  The counter is red chrome and theres stanchions behind us to keep us in line

We’re laughing and having fun , getting ready to order when all of a sudden we here gunshots

People are screaming. 

Theres a window across behind the counter across from me. One of the school windows with the thick window panes. I can see some grass and bushes right outside but i don’t register that there shouldn’t be windows there, but a kitchen

I dont think i turn around to see the shooter. But i see nathan and natalie fall down beside me when suddenly the bullets rip through me and i fall to the ground next to them. I’m facing the counter wall, inches away from it. I can hear the gunman talking to himself about (????)

I hold my breath and pray to god that I can for long enough to convince him that he’s killed me. I can feel him hovering above me. I don’t feel nathan or natalie moving so i think that they are dead. 

The shooter walks away and i let out a little breath and take another big one in to keep playing the part

The gunman decides that he needs to make sure everyone is really dead. I don’t know how i know this. Perhaps the timbre of his shoes sending vibes across the floor. 

 He’s about 5 people over from me. He stops and shoots that person in the head. It’s pointless because they’re already dead. Slowly he moves down the line, taking his time to shoot each person in the head point blank. I realize that he is getting closer to me and I don’t know what to do

Why is it so quiet? Has he shot everyone? Where is everybody? Who is going to stop him???

The light behind my eyelids goes out, like a sudden lunar eclipse. I realize that he’s standing over me and i goes as still as absolutely possible. All i can think is ‘please believe im dead please believe im dead please please please’ i hear the gunshot and i don’t feel anything but everything goes black like when someone dies in the movie. There’s nothing on screen but you hear the sound and you know what happend. 

I survived

I don’t know how but i did. Did he miss? I feel like i remember running away but i dont think i ded. My best friend (joe keery?) survived too. He’s paranoid that the shooter is going to come after him because he survived. I try to comfort him but he’s in his own world. I can see the bandages around him chest even though they’re under his shirt. It’s like i have xray vision

[helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog]

What if Cinderella went to the ball to assassinate the prince? (Draft 1)

(Not my writing prompt can’t remember where I saw it)

A shrill voice pierced the air like a clap of thunder. ‘You? Go to the ball? Why, the very thought!’ Lady Bollen, both of her daughters, and even the foot coach were almost doubled over in laughter. Trinity wiped a tear from her eye in a rather dramatic fashion.

“Come, girls! We can’t keep the prince waiting can we?” said Lady Bollen, taking care to ‘accidentally’ tread on the already torn dress that was strewn around a crying Ella.. She stepped into the carriage with the help of the footmen, followed by her two haughty daughters. The carriage rolled down the road on its squeaky wheels, disappearing over the hill after a couple of minutes.

Ella watched it go with a look of disdain on her face. She wiped her tears off with the back of her hand, blew her nose daintily, and let out a whistle. A colony of mice scurried towards her in a sort of military formation that one could only describe as uncharacteristically bizarre. The stopped a few feet from her and sat waiting for something. Commands, perhaps? Ella addressed the mice. “Lady Bollen didn’t hold up her end of the bargain. ‘Finish all the household chores in a day and I’d get to go the ball!’ I knew it seemed too good to be true. But we planned for that, didn’t we?” The mice nodded in solemn agreement. “Time for Plan B then,” Ella said. “Go make the necessary arrangements to make sure this goes off without a hitch!” All but one of the mice scurried off in various directions. “Gus,” Ella nodded at the mouse. “Who’s going to be my fairy godmother tonight?” She chuckled at the ridiculous nickname that she and her friend Arya had come up with for the agents. Her laughter was cut short, however, from a short squeaky from Gus.

“luCINDA?! LUCINDA IS MY AGENT TONIGHT?? YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!” Ella shouted, her face red with anger. “That incompetent

[helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog]

What would happen if Cinderella was sent to the ball to assassinate the prince? (Draft 2)

(Saw this writing prompt somewhere but don’t remember where)

You? Go the Royal Ball? Why, the very thought!”

 Raucous laughter filled the quiet night, taunting poor Elle. She fell to the floor, her face tucked in her knees to hide her tears. Her stepmother and stepsisters stepped into their carriage in a rush of taffeta and lace. Lady (Tremaine?) was still chuckling wryly as she pulled the door closed. The carriage took off on the bumpy dirt road, quickly fading into the distance.

 Elle hadn’t moved an inch. She sat there for a few minutes before peeking her head up. She squinted towards the dirt road and smiled.

 “Finally,” she said. “I thought they’d never leave!” Elle brushed the dirt off her skirt, then lifted her fingers to her lips and let out a shrill whistle. Gus (a mouse) had been hiding in a hay bale. He waddled towards Elle at a rather lethargic pace. He arrived short of breath at her feet, squeaking for her to pick him up. 

“Gus!” Elle scolded. “You’ve been gorging yourself on the cheese wheel again, haven’t you?” Gus squeaked at her. 

“Yes yes, all right,” Elle snapped. “Have you heard anything about the assignment tonight? The mouse shook his head indignantly, still seething about the cheese comment

.“UUUUUGH!” Elle shouted in frustration. She kicked a metal bucket and let out a few choice words that would make a princess blush. “Do you at least know which fairy is assigned to help me tonight?” Elle asked, teeth gritted in pain. Gus let out a small squeak, hoping that Elle wouldn’t hear him. No such luck.

“LUCINDA??!?! THEY ASSIGNED ME LUCINDA!?!?! Of all the fairies, I had to get the stupidest one?? She has a 0% success rate! I mean cOmE oN!” Elle was stamping around again, looking for something else to kick. Gus crawled down her leg and hurried back into the hay bail. 

[helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog]

Depression is a Bitch

It’s really hard sometimes… to be depressed. To constantly fight my own mind, to convince myself that I am enough, that I am worthy. But worthy of what? Of love? Of friendship? Of recognition? How is that people can get up in the morning, get dressed, brush their teeth, comb their hair, eat breakfast, and then go to school/work, no big deal? I wake up and I debate. And debate. And debate. Nobody will care if I’m not at school today. Nobody will know that I skipped breakfast again. Flick goes the rubber band, leaving an angry red welt against my wrist. Stop thinking about food, Lydia. Flick. Flick. Flick. Is this class really worth it? Maybe I should just stop going. Flunk out of college. Go home a disappointment. “We expected great things of you, Lydia. You always had so much potential.” Lay down and cry. Hope that my pain will leak from my body through the tears that keep pouring down my face. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m unloved. I’m weak. I’m not enough. I’m worthless. Selfish. People are going through much harder things than I am. There are children starving but I have the privilege to choose whether I’m going to eat my next meal. There are people that are dying of cancer, that are amputees who can no longer use their body to it’s fullest extent. But I’m here. IN gluttony. Watching Netflix because it drowns out the voices that bicker in my head, that constantly remind me that I have work to do, that fight and fight and fight.

[helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog]

Nanny Anecdote

It’s funny how dismissive we are of children’s feelings. A lot of the time, kids get in trouble for yelling or being angry or throwing a tantrum. They’re basically being told that expressing their emotions is wrong.

I’ve been a nanny for almost 6 years. I took a job for the summer with a 4 yo and twin 2 yo boys. I had worked with similar ages (with twins as well) so I felt pretty confidant in my abilities. The mom, Deb, warned me that Colton (4) had awful temper tantrums. I shrugged it off, figuring she was making them sound worse than they actually were.

Nope.

The second week I was working there, Colton asked for nachos for lunch. I told him that mom had already picked out the meal and nachos weren’t on the list. He started screaming and crying and trying to hit me. I thought ‘What the HELL??’ I’ve never had a child actively run up and try to hit me. I guess I’ve been lucky with my other families?

The summer continued like that. I did try talking to him after he had calmed down about what he was feeling that made him react like that. He didn’t really want to talk to me but I kept at it anyway in case it did anything. Nancy told me not to react. “Just ignore him,” she said. “It’ll stop soon.” That worked...sometimes.

The worst tantrum he had was sometime at the end of August. I had just woken up the twins from their nap and we were hanging out in their room. Ethan decided to join us (usually he stays downstairs coloring.) I found a random wood chip in one of the twins beds and got super worried about them trying to eat it. I handed it to Ethan and asked him to throw it in the trash for me. He rammed it into my thigh. 

I absolutely flipped!! I tried putting him in the corner for a timeout but he kept running around and playing. I was tired and (at this point) absolutely fed up with this family. I ended up screaming “SIT. DOWN!” I don’t think I’ve ever yelled like that. He sat down and started crying about how I was the worst nanny ever. I left him there for about 5 minutes while I changed diapers and tried to calm myself down. 

When he was allowed to get up, he ran into his room and shut the door. I felt awful for yelling but he wouldn’t listen to me if I did anything else. The talking didn’t seem to be working. But I kept at it anyway, desperate for it to work.

I left him there for about 20 minutes before going in and sitting on his bed. We talked about what happened and why what he did was wrong. We made a deal: I would try my absolute best not to yell any more if he promised to be a much better listener. 

We had some ups and downs; but every time I brought up our deal, I acknowledged when Ethan had listened to me that week and how happy I was that he had done that. I explained to him why I wanted him to listen those other times that he didn’t He seemed to be getting it!! 

I learned to ignore his tantrums, though not the way Nancy likely expected me to. I acknowledged what I thought he was (probably) feeling and told him that when he had had the chance to calm down, we would talk about it. 

Tantrums were few and far between. There was an absolutely awful one that centered around the fact that I wouldn’t physically feed Ethan his pancakes. But other than that, things seemed to be pretty good. I never yelled. Ethan was a better listener and that meant that the twins were better listeners too. I ended that job not hating it and I also learned a lot about how to deal with kids who have extreme reactions to their emotions/surroundings.

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I wish I’d found this article when I had first started my summer nanny job. 

I had to watch a 4yo boy that threw absolutely awful temper tantrums for the smallest, most insignificant reasons. His mom said that she does timeouts for stuff like that, or for hitting/kicking/rude noises. After about two weeks, he wouldn’t even sit in timeouts. The mom was kind of like *shrug* ‘Sorry it’s not working out.’ 

After a particularly rough timeout that revolved around me being stabbed in the leg with a wood chip and screaming at 4yo to stay on the bed, I realized that my approach was just not gonna cut it. That was the loudest I had ever yelled at someone. It barely worked with 4. What was I supposed to do next time? Scream louder? Not very probable.

So i stopped yelling. The tantrums continued but after they were done. 4 and I talked about how he was upset and how he could express it differently. It worked!! When you yell at kids, you’re teaching them that that’s how people react when someone hurts them or disagrees with them.

I don’t think I’d get away with telling scary stories to the kids I nanny because then they’d tell their parents and I’d probably get in trouble. Maybe I’ll use it when I have kids.XD  But there’s still a lot to take from this article.

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The Handmaid’s Tale: Prophecy or Inevitably?

Lydia Cole-November 2018

“Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you’d be boiled to death before you knew it.” It’s amazing how much the world has changed within the past decade, and even within the last few years. Eleven years ago, the first iPhone was released. Ten years ago, Obama was sworn in as the first African American President of the United States. Scientists are close to figuring out how to edit human DNA. Twenty-seven countries have legalized same sex marriage. This is truly the era of change. Sometimes, change happens so quickly that we don’t even really realize that life is different from what it was before.

The Handmaid’s Tale, a thrilling show set in a near future dystopia is all about change, big or small. The story itself isn’t new: it’s been around for over 30 years, since Margaret Atwood’s novel (by the same name) was published in 1985. Bruce Miller has done a better justice to the harrowing themes in Atwood’s novel than any other adaptation has; Atwood herself even stated that the realness of Miller’s story was too horrific to watch at times. It draws inspiration from different historical avenues: Lebensborn (a Nazi program that encouraged higher birth rates), America’s Puritan roots, and East Germany/The Iron Curtain, to name a few. The greatest accomplishment of Miller’s show is that it’s a feminist driven shock value, meant to prevent us from making the increasing anguish throughout the world our  new normal.                                                                 The Handmaid’s Tale is set in the Republic of Gilead, which was formerly the United States. The world is plagued with environmental disasters, as well as low fertility and birth rates. A religious extremist group took it upon themselves to make America great again; They made it look like their actions to abolish the government were the acts of Islamic terrorist groups. Once the religious extremists gained power, they forcibly separated fertile women from their families to create reproductive slaves or forced surrogates or ‘handmaids’. These handmaids are captives in the houses of a specific commander and his wife, who cannot bear children.  Once a month, these women are held down and raped during ‘The Ceremony’. It was either this or exile to the Colonies, where these women would spend the rest of their lives cleaning up nuclear waste from the waging war.

Moss leads the cast as the protagonist, Offred, a feisty feminist trapped as a handmaid in a society where a single toe out of line could end her life. She can’t let that happen though. She has to stay alive so that she can find her daughter, Hannah, who was taken from her. Moss’s narration gives us an insight to all Offred’s snarky thoughts. Many people tend to find voice-over narration an example of lazy writing, or unnecessary exposition. But for a character who is allowed to speak very little (mostly in repeated phrases) the voice-over is a welcomed device.    

We get to know Offred quite well throughout the show: not just through the narration of her thoughts, but also through flashbacks to her life before, with her family. These flashbacks allow the audience to piece together how not just Offred ended up in Gilead but also how little changes led to America becoming Gilead. . We see her and her colleagues being escorted out of the office because women can’t earn an income anymore. She can’t withdraw from an ATM or even use her debit card to pay for coffee. Flashbacks also tend to be an annoying narrative.  But in this case, they work in favor of the story rather than against it.

   It is not the flashbacks, narration, or dialogue, that shows off Moss’s spectacular acting. Rather, it’s the silence in between, the expressions on her face, the defiance that shows in Offred’s eyes as she is being slapped or tazed or whipped. Moss does have some of her work cut out for her because Offred is a brilliantly written character. I mean, what kind of person cracks jokes while looking at the dead bodies hanging above her? But Moss’s choice to play the character with astonishing nonchalance is audacious and sensational; her performance carries the show. You can’t have a well written protagonist without an equally enthralling villain. Or in this case, villains. We can say that the obvious villain is the patriarchy, or the system that designed the role of handmaids in the first place. But these are just ideas, mentalities.  The Handmaid’s Tale is less about the  patriarchy itself and more about the women who uphold it.

Acting alongside Moss is Yvonne Strahovski (Chuck) as Mrs. Waterford and Ann Dowd (Compliance) as Aunt Lydia, the tormenting handmaid handler. Neither of them are inherently evil. They believe that what they are doing is for the greater good of Gilead. What makes them great villains is the fact that they aren’t far off figures, like ‘Big Brother’, or whimsical in their villainy like Captain Hook. They’re written well because they’re so real, so raw. Mrs. Waterford helped create Gilead because she believes in love and in family. All she wants more than anything is a child. Aunt Lydia, though harsh and unwavering in her punishments, truly cares for the handmaids, ‘her girls’. She is a twisted motherlike figure; she punishes but only to ready the handmaids for their divine purpose. Miller has effectively created villains that you will love to hate.

Although the show has many strong points, there are many people that argue that it’s distastefully explicit. Even if you know it’s coming, there’s something new and unnerving about watching Offred lay on the lap of Mrs. Waterford while she is being raped by the Commander. We see the handmaids casually observe the bodies of hanging men, marked by their crimes: Catholic, gay, abortion clinic worker. There is a woman who is repeatedly shamed until she believes that it was her fault that she was gang-raped. These scenes don’t show everything, but they show enough.  Margaret Atwood herself  said that there were a few times where she had to avert her eyes because it was a scene was so horrific.  The show tells a fantastic story but the violence show on screen is what’s preventing a wider audience from tuning in. it’s not a show for the faint of heart.

The show would be unwatchable if it was all doom and gloom; American Horror Story being the example that springs to mind. But, it isn’t. Just like in every story of oppression, there is resistance. There is a spark, hope, that crackles in the darkness. Many of the handmaids come together in resistance, the taste of freedom on the tip of their tongues. In our society, women resist by speaking up: they post on social media, they petition, they protest, and they march. They make themselves known, because how else will they make change happen?. But in Gilead, resistance is a quiet whisper that is carried on the wind: Mayday. Hope. Freedom. Reunion. It is human nature to resist oppression, and the Handmaid’s Tale provides a splendid exhibition of that fact.

The most horrific part of this show does not lie in its explicit nature.. It’s the extreme similarities  to the reality that we live in, even though the story is based off of events that happened 30+ years ago. Moss herself thinks that using the violent nature of the show as a reason not to watch it is a weak excuse. She said, “I hate hearing that someone couldn’t watch it because it was too scary[…] I���m like, ‘Really? You don’t have the balls to watch a TV show? This is happening in your real life. Wake up, people. Wake up.’” The show’s timely premiere, close in hand with Trump’s inauguration seems coincidental. Was it? Either way, women have started dressing up in the iconic red robes and white bonnets worn by the handmaids when attending various women’s rights marches. Trump’s new policies, especially those in favor of anti-abortion, are being perceived as threatening to women. Discrimination against working mothers and women who choose not to be mothers are still battles that women continue to fight.

This ‘Handmaid’s Tale’ wasn’t written to be some urgent prophecy, but still as a potential warning of what might come to past. Aunt Lydia, a strong believer in the ‘greater good’ said it best: “Things may not seem ordinary to you right now. But they will.” It’s a dictation of the process that humans go through when they start to numb themselves towards the harrowing atrocities happening around the world, to the point where it’s becoming normal. It’s only when we look back on ‘the good ole days’ will we realize that it’s too late.