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hellothereobiwankenobi · 3 days ago

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party 4 u | joel miller

summary: you and joel have been in a secret relationship for almost a year, but fear soon seeps into the cracks when you get an offer you can't refuse - and all comes to a head at a party thrown for you by your dad

warnings: mdni, no outbreak au, age gap implied (reader is late 20s) fluff, heavy angst, joel is bad at feelings, lack of communication, insecure!joel, proud!joel, sarah is featured briefly, tommy has c. one line but meddles heavily, miscommunication trope, two idiots who love each other but don't know it yet, secret relationship, reader used to babysit sarah

a/n: (slight spoilers) ok so this is not party 4 u verbatim but i the fic is centred around the party scene which i listened to p4u on repeat for about 2 hours to write so pls allow <3 also if you enjoyed this please consider commenting/reblogging - interaction keeps me fuelled <3 word count: 4k-ish

The curtains billow softly, an early August breeze sifting through the room. Joel’s freestanding fan whirs sideways on the floor, having been knocked over halfway through your last round that had migrated from his bed to the carpet.

It had been like this for nearly a year now—sweat and saliva shared like your bodies belonged to each other. You’d agreed not to fool around on weekends, only afternoons you could sneak off work early, or weeknights when Sarah was tucked up in bed, none the wiser.

Joel prefers it this way. Not that he doesn’t care about you—no, that wasn’t it. He’s never been so taken by a woman before; it quite frankly terrifies him. Still, even with his baby girl growing up, it’s hard for him to have a casual dating life; he worries about Sarah getting attached to someone who has no guarantee of always being around.

He’s also sure your old man won’t appreciate you bringing him home for Sunday dinner. Although he’s never been buddies with your Dad, Joel still feels like a dirty secret, never meant to see the light of day.

To make things more complicated, you had babysat Sarah throughout her teenage years, meaning she practically idolises you. Joel has come home to the two of you crying to Uptown Girls in the living room more times than he can count. Now Sarah’s coming on eighteen, and you’re fast approaching the end of your research degree, the only thing keeping you in Austin. You’ve been in their lives for the best part of Sarah’s adolescence, and with endings come change.

“So,” you grin, fumbling for a lighter in Joel’s top drawer. “Dad’s throwing a get-together this Saturday.”

“That so?” He swats your hand away, pulling out a pack of Marlboro Reds and a light with familiar ease.

You position the cigarette between your lips and turn onto your stomach, leaning in for Joel to light yours.

“Says he wants to celebrate, or commiserate, the outcome of my viva. Reckon he just wants a reason to grill.”

“As good a reason as any.”

“Will you come?” Your request hangs in the air for a beat too long. Joel takes the cigarette from your mouth and places it in his own, taking a long drag before answering.

“Got something that needs seeing to first, but I’ll be there.”

“Breaking someone’s kneecaps with Tommy?”

“Something like that. But I’ll be there, honey.”

You don’t fight the blush that crawls across your cheeks as he places a soft kiss against your forehead. At the beginning, you would bat him away, muttering something about ruining your makeup – as if he hadn’t spent the previous couple of hours fucking it onto a smudge on his cream pillowcase.

With a soft breath, you push yourself up from the floor. Joel’s hand languidly finds your forearm, tugging you back into the tangled sheets and limbs with a groan that almost sounds like a plea.

“I gotta go, baby,” you shriek; a teeth-and-gum-baring laugh comes from a place deep inside you, the kind you can’t hide. “Plus, Sarah’s gonna be home any minute. I don’t know how many times we can get away with saying I’m borrowing sugar.”

“Guess I should get back to site anyway, make sure Tommy and the guys haven’t pulled any houses down.”

This part still fills you with dread. Wondering when you’ll see him next, if you’ll see him next. He’s skittish—a deer in headlights. One comment about the future, and he pulls back, retreats inward, remembering the exits he marked that very first night.

Now and then, he comments on his age. You’ve invited him to the bar with your friends before, birthdays, St. Patrick’s Day; any excuse to escape the confines of the four walls of your bedrooms. Still, his response stays the same. People’ll think I’m bothering you. Guy my age has no business hanging out in bars with twenty-somethings. And you don’t fight him on it. You know it’s a redundant argument that would lead him further towards the fire escape.

“Still want me to drive you tomorrow?”

You smile and push the neon-flashing sign, progress, to the back of your mind. The last time you’d snuck over, he’d offered to drive you to your thesis defence, but as he hadn’t mentioned it since, you assumed it had dissipated in the comedown of your absence. Sometimes you worried that you didn’t exist to Joel unless you stood right in front of him.

“I’d like to have you there.”

As you start getting dressed, Joel gives your arm one final tug. He kisses your palm, and you gently lift your hand to cradle his face.

“I’ll be there,” he says. “Promise.”

—

You pass your defence with flying colours. Your supervisor clasps your hand with both of hers, grinning wide enough to make her eyes crinkle.

“You held your own,” she beams. “Especially when Richard challenged your chapter on meta-theatre. That was brilliant.”

You thank her, still caught up in a daze, your stomach still clenched with residual nerves. Someone presses a lukewarm plastic cup of prosecco into your hand before you’ve even left the room.

Everything’s a blur of congratulations and relief until you step outside and see Joel leaning against his truck. He’s here, in the late afternoon sun, watching you like he’s been waiting to exhale since dropping you off two hours ago.

You jog over to him, laughing, breathless.

“I passed.”

His arms are around you in seconds, pulling you into that familiar cocoon of flannel and sweat and sawdust.

“Course you did,” he murmurs into your hair. “Knew you would.”

“I did it,” you mumble into his neck. “I actually did.” For a moment, everything stills. The future doesn’t exist. There’s just the thump of his heart and the smell of cut grass and petrol.

Then he pulls back and opens the passenger door. “C’mon, let’s get outta here.”

The ride starts quiet, his hand brushing your thigh as he shifts into drive. Austin hums past the windows, all red lights and pickup trucks and the slow turn of people living their normal Wednesdays.

“I got offered something.” You say, eyes fixed on a billboard as it flickers from a dental ad to a car commercial.

Joel glances at you. “Yeah?”

“A post-doc placement. Out-of-state,” you pause. “It’s in North Carolina. Just a year.”

He doesn’t say anything. You keep your voice light.

“It’s a good position. Teaching undergrads, an office, and decent funding for my research. I could get real experience before applying for long-term posts.”

Still nothing. His knuckles flex around the steering wheel. You turn towards him slightly, watching his jaw pulse.

“Joel?” You press on. “It’s not like I’m disappearing. It’s just—”

He cuts you off, voice low, just above a whisper. “Well, maybe y’should.”

You stare at him, not quite believing you heard right. “What?”

His grip on the wheel tightens. “Maybe it’s time you stop hanging around here. Stop wasting your time sneaking around with me when you’ve got all this potential. Whole damn world out there for you, and you’re still letting me take up space in it.”

“Joel,” you breathe. “Where is this coming from?”

“Where do you think? I’ve been waiting for this—hell, dreading it. You finally realise you don’t need me. And I can’t—I won’t be why you stay.”

You cross your arms, heart pounding.

“This isn’t about you being some sacrifice, Joel. I wanted to tell you because I thought we could talk about it. Figure it out. Together.”

He shakes his head. “There’s no together, sweetheart. Not really. This only works in secret. You think your dad’s gonna welcome me with open arms? You think Sarah won’t ask questions the second she figures it out?”

You blink, stunned by the bluntness of it, the way he says figures it out like you're some dirty secret waiting to spill.

“She’s not a kid anymore, Joel. She’d understand. Or at least she’d try to.”

“She idolises you,” he snaps, fear bleeding through the anger in his voice. “You weren’t there when her mom left—you don’t know how much pain that’s caused her, how it’s followed her through her whole life. Someone she loved walked out on her, and now you think she’s just gonna be fine finding out we’ve been lying to her for a year?”

Your voice comes quieter, steadier.

“We weren’t lying, Joel. We were protecting something new and fragile. That’s not the same.”

He scoffs, tapping his fingers restlessly against the steering wheel.

“You always know how to make things sound prettier than they really are.”

You don’t answer. There’s nothing to say that won’t crack the surface more.

The truck slows as he pulls into your street. The same houses, the same lawns, the same corner store with the busted ice machine. It all looks exactly the same, but suddenly it feels smaller—like the walls are closing in.

Joel puts the truck in park but doesn’t kill the engine. His eyes stay forward.

“I’m not the guy you build a future with,” he says flatly. “I’m the one you remember when someone asks what your early twenties were like.”

You look at him then, really look. The way his shoulders hunch like he’s bracing for impact. Like he’s already lost something he never really believed he deserved.

“You don’t get to make that decision for me,” you say.

Silence. Just the engine ticking and the far-off bark of a dog somewhere down the block. The ache in your chest is sudden and sharp.

“I still want you at the party,” you say, barely above a whisper.

He exhales, eyes on the road. “I’ll be there.”

But he doesn’t look at you when he says it. And the silence that follows feels like it might last forever.

—

The front door sticks like always. You push it open with your hip, dropping your keys in the bowl by the hallway mirror. The radio’s already on in the kitchen—some crackly Stones song playing low, the scent of grilling meat drifting through the house.

“Dad?” you call, kicking off your shoes. You head toward the kitchen, footsteps echoing faintly against the floorboards.

He’s at the counter, chopping onions with a glass of whiskey at his elbow and a cigarette burning in the ashtray. He looks up when you walk in and grins widely.

“Well?” He bellows, voice hot with anticipation. “How’d it go?”

“I passed,” you say softly, then smile.

Your dad whoops loud enough to startle the cat. He rounds the counter and wraps you in a bear hug, rocking you side to side.

“Knew you would. Your old man always bets on a winner.”

You laugh into his shoulder, trying not to cry. He smells like charcoal, aftershave, and the faint echo of a simpler time.

“Go on,” he says, nudging you toward the stairs. “Go get ready—people’ll be here in an hour. I’ll keep the grill warm and the whisky flowing.”

You nod and head upstairs, feet heavy, heart heavier.

Your childhood bedroom hasn’t changed much. There are the same posters on the wall, the same scratched dresser, the same too-small mirror framed with festival wristbands and pinned-up Polaroids. You close the door behind you and sit on the edge of your bed. The silence up here is thick, too close, and before you know it, your chest is heaving.

You fall face-first into the pillow and sob.

Not dramatic or cinematic. Just aching. Quiet, breath-hitching tears. It hits you all at once; everything you’d hoped Joel might say in the truck, the way his silence felt like a door closing. The way he looked at you like you were someone else’s memory already.

You cry until your ribs ache.

You cry because you passed your viva, and the one person you wanted to share it with made you feel small for hoping.

You cry because something beautiful and complicated has ended without ceremony.

Eventually, you sit up, wipe your face, and start getting ready. You fix your mascara twice. Change outfits three times. None of them feel right. You settle on a dress that makes you feel like a version of yourself you almost believe in.

You head back downstairs to the smell of sizzling meat and the sound of your dad’s old stereo playing Tom Petty loud enough to bleed into the backyard. The first guests are arriving: neighbours, family friends, and old colleagues of your dad's who still call you "kid" no matter how old you get.

You step into the kitchen, putting on your party face. Your dad’s house is packed—his usual crowd of long-time friends, some of Sarah’s classmates, and a few of your dad’s colleagues you’ve never met. The smell of grilled food lingers in the air, mingling with the sharp tang of beer and the murmur of conversation.

You take a deep breath, trying to push the conversation with Joel from your mind, but the knot in your stomach only tightens the more you see people laughing, their carefree energy a stark contrast to the quiet storm swirling inside you.

You head for the kitchen, where your dad attempts to hold court. His laugh rings out, boisterous and easy, as he tells some ridiculous story to an audience of a few older men, each hanging on his every word.

“Hey, kid,” Tommy, Joel’s younger brother, greets you when he spots you. “I heard today went well. Maybe I should start callin’ you doctor”

“Yeah,” you mutter, trying to match his enthusiasm. “It went fine.”

You try to shake off the weight of the day, focusing on the familiar comfort of the kitchen. Your dad’s booming laugh fills the room, but you find yourself checking your phone every few minutes, your fingers twitching over the screen despite knowing it won’t change anything.

Joel’s promise to be here plays repeatedly in your mind. He’s always been this way—good at making promises when it’s convenient, then retreating when things get difficult.

You feel your heart sink a little more with every passing minute. Still, you find yourself forcing a smile, joining in the idle chatter, even as you feel the empty space in the room grow larger.

It’s just a party, you tell yourself. You’ve been to plenty of parties where he wasn’t there. But that’s a lie. You can’t remember ever going to a party without Joel by your side—whether it was quiet, just the two of you, or in a noisy crowd like this.

Your phone buzzes, and you quickly swipe it open. It’s a text from Joel—just three words: On my way. You exhale, the tightness in your chest loosening just a little, but it doesn’t stop the nerves. A half hour goes by, then an hour. Your stomach churns.

And then, finally, you see him.

He’s late—of course he is. That’s always been his way. But this time, it feels deliberate, like he waited for the room to fill, for the music to swell, for the moment where you should be completely occupied, but instead stood at the centre of the celebration that doesn’t feel like yours.

The door creaks open behind you, and the air shifts. You don’t even have to turn to know. But you do, anyway, slow and heavy, your stomach already folding in on itself.

Because he’s not alone.

She’s tall. That’s the first thing. Then, her the hair: dark, glossy, falling in effortless waves over a bare shoulder. She walks like she knows where she’s going. Like she belongs. And she’s the complete opposite of you; from her features to her presence, she’s everything you’re not.

Joel follows her in with a hand pressed low on her back, familiar and easy, like muscle memory. Like he didn’t just leave you in a truck hours ago with every unfinished thing between you.

It’s so quiet in your head, the house may as well be barren. Around you, the music plays—muted, distant. You register someone calling your name, maybe, but you don’t turn. You’re watching Joel laugh at something she says, that soft, crooked smile you used to feel in your chest like a hymn. You’re watching him pour her a drink. You’re watching him pretend you don’t exist.

Then his eyes flick to yours.

Just for a second.

And for that one, flickering heartbeat, the whole world trembles. There’s something in his face; some tiny, barely-there ghost of before. It makes your breath catch in your throat. Makes you stupid enough to hope.

Then it’s gone. He blinks, and it’s gone. He turns back to her like she’s the only thing in the room worth turning toward.

Sarah sidles up beside you, clutching a paper plate stacked with crisps. “Did you know Dad was bringing someone?” she asks, chewing absently.

You shake your head. “No. I didn’t” Your voice barely comes out.

The party moves on around you. People laugh, glasses clink, someone drops a bowl of peanuts, and everyone laughs too loudly. You stand still at the centre of it, heart splintering slowly and privately, like a firework underwater.

You’d worn the dress hoping he might notice. Hoping he’d look at you and remember. But he walks past without a glance, like you’re just someone who happened to be invited. Like you’re nothing at all.

This—this—is what will consume you for the rest of the night.

—

You drift through the party like a ghost.

People talk to you—smiling, laughing, toasting to your success—but the words barely land. You nod, lift your drink, murmur your thanks, but your eyes return to the same corner of the room.

Joel’s hand still rests on her back, like a placeholder. He says something and she laughs loudly, unrestrained. You recognise the laugh. You’ve made that laugh before. You’ve been that girl before.

Not tonight.

You excuse yourself, barely catching the name someone just introduced to you. The hallway is quieter. Cooler. Your footsteps echo on the stairs as you take them two at a time.

In your bedroom, you don’t bother with the light. You know the shape of this room too well—where the bed dips, where the curtain hem frays, where your old posters peel slightly from the wall.

You sit down at the edge of the mattress and gently fold into yourself until your body sinks into the pillow.

You cry without drama. There is no sobbing, no broken gasps, just a slow, quiet unravel, a thread being pulled loose from somewhere deep inside your chest. You hear a thud downstairs—probably someone dropping a plate or knocking into the sideboard—and you sit up slowly, wiping under your eyes.

A knock.

You freeze.

“It’s me.”

You hesitate, lips parting like you might call out go away—but the words don’t come. The door creaks open anyway.

Joel steps inside like he doesn’t quite have the right. Like he half expects you to throw something at him. He closes the door behind him, gently. There’s a beat of silence where neither of you says a word.

You don’t look at him. You can’t.

He runs a hand down his face, exhaling like he’s been holding something all night.

“I needed a minute,” he says finally.

“Really?” Your voice comes out thin and sharp. “Because I needed a minute, too. Funny how we both ended up hiding in my childhood bedroom.”

Joel flinches.

“She’s Tommy’s friend,” he says quickly, like getting that detail out might save him. “He set us up. I—I didn’t plan for her to come tonight. I thought I could get out of it, but he just… he kept pushing.”

You sit up slowly, eyes glassy but dry. “You texted me,” you say, voice barely above a whisper. “On my way. I waited for you.”

Joel’s face twists. “I meant it.”

“Did you?” you snap. “Because you showed up with her. You showed up late, with her.”

He runs a hand over his face. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.”

“Then how was it supposed to happen, Joel?” You stand, the energy crackling under your skin. “You drop me off hours ago and then turn up with a date? You let Tommy set you up and just—what? Forgot about me?”

“I tried,” he says, quieter now. “I thought the longer I dragged the date out, you’d have left, you’d be with your friends or—I don’t know.” He shakes his head.

You look at him now. Really look. There’s guilt in the lines around his mouth, in the way he won’t quite meet your eyes.

“So, what?” you say, voice tight. “You just pretended? Just smiled and played along like nothing ever happened between us?”

His silence is answer enough.

Your throat thickens. “You could’ve said something. You could’ve—”

“What, out us in front of everyone?” He snaps, before immediately softening. “Sorry. I didn’t mean— I just… I didn’t know what to do. We’ve been keeping this secret for so long, and then suddenly I’m walking in with someone else and you're standing there, looking like—”

“Like what?” you demand.

“Like I made a huge mistake.”

There’s a long pause. The air between you feels too full, too heavy.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” he says. “But I did. I know I did.”

You swallow hard. “Yeah. You did.”

Joel shifts closer, slowly. “Her and me. It’s not— It’s nothing.”

“But we were something?” you ask, and your voice almost breaks.

He doesn’t answer right away. Just closes his eyes like he’s trying to shut the night out.

“I thought maybe this would make it easier,” he says. “To move on. To... untangle things.”

Your laugh is bitter. “You’re fucked in the head, Joel.”

Joel meets your eyes, finally. “I was afraid, earlier.”

There’s another silence, but this one feels different. Calmer, maybe. Sad.

He takes a step back, like he’s giving you the choice now. Like he's finally realised he doesn’t get to write the ending by himself.

“I’ll go,” he says softly, hand already on the doorknob.

You don't answer at first. The silence stretches too long. He nods, already halfway turned, and it feels like the moment is slipping through your fingers.

“Wait.”

Your voice is small. Barely there. But it stops him cold.

He doesn’t look back yet. Just waits.

You swallow hard, arms wrapped around yourself like you’re holding your ribs together.

“I don’t want you to go,” you admit, and it feels like breaking something open. “But I don’t know if I want you to stay either.”

Joel turns slowly, his face raw. “I get it.”

“No, you don’t.” Your voice wobbles. “You don’t know what it felt like—seeing you with her. After everything. After I let myself believe we could… I don’t know. Be something.”

“I wanted that too,” he says. “More than I should’ve.”

You sit down on the edge of the bed, your fingertips pressed to your temples. “Then why did you let this happen?”

“I panicked,” he admits. “I thought if I could just... reset things. Pull away before it got worse. Before it hurt more.”

You let out a shaky breath. “It already hurts.”

Joel walks over slowly and kneels before you like he’s praying. He doesn’t touch you. Just looks up.

“I don’t want to be just a regret to you,” he says. “Or a mistake you hide in your bedroom. I didn’t come up here to beg. I just—” He breaks off. “I just wanted to see you. One last time, if that’s all I get.”

The truth hangs between you both, heavy and awful and real.

You reach for him—hesitant, trembling—and your hand finds his cheek. His eyes flutter closed, and he leans into your touch like it’s the only thing tethering him.

“You hurt me." You whisper.

“I know.”

“And I don’t forgive you.”

He nods. “Okay.”

You pause. “But I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Joel’s breath catches. “Then I’ll stay. As long as you’ll let me.”

You nod once, and he rises slowly, carefully, like the air between you might crack if he moves too fast. He sits beside you, not touching, just close. You both stare at the wall in silence, breathing the same air but not daring to hope for anything more.

And for now, it has to be enough.

#WHO EVER YOU ARE YOU ARE NOW MY FAVORITE ANGST WRITER #joel miller #the last of us #fic rec

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hellothereobiwankenobi · 1 month ago

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- rest stop

Joel miller x Fem!reader

Request- Hiiiii. You one write a fic of reader x Tess trying to be quiet even travelling with joel and Ellie. And I was wondering would you do something like that with reader and Joel. But also make it car smex 👀👀 maybe when they’re camping out in the woods and Ellie’s asleep but Joel and reader get busy in the truck they take from Bill? Please

A/N- long time now post huh! This is my first time writing Joel. Which is wild after being in the fandom so long and because I really wanna fuck that old man . But the Joel x reader girlies scare me a bit lmao ( why are so many of you children? ) anyways. So this is my first attempt at Joel and kinda became like if you put Troy’s Joel and Pedros Joel in a blender. And it spit out this Joel. My Joel. Enjoy.

Warnings- 18+ MDNI || implied age gap( reader is mentioned to be born pre outbreak and was too young to drive pre outbreak too. Making reader at bare minimum 20 years old ), smut: car sex, unprotected p in v, fingering ( reader receiving ) prawn with a bit of plot. ( wc- 5.3k )

AO3 | Masterlist

“- if tanks were so damn useful why would they just abandon them on the road like this? Oh right probably for road blocks right? I heard they used cars and trucks to block people trying to leave cities and towns but wouldn’t that just make things worse? I think- “

Ellie had been yapping for the better part of 2 hours. You didn’t know how she constantly had something to talk about. It was as if she could link any subject to something else with just a beat. One moment be discussing the comic she’d stolen from Bills and then somehow end up on a 45 minute tangent about tanks.

You’d all been driving most of the day and she’d been talking the majority of it. The only silence had been when she’d given into sleep for a couple hours around lunch time, but woken up and gone straight back to it. It was fascinating to you how much she’d opened up in a short space of time.

Joel looked ready to screw up his other ear too to fully drown her out at this rate. His hands grasping the steering wheel so hard his bruised knuckles were blanching. You felt a little bad for him, he truly was getting the brunt of it after you’d let Ellie take the front seat. She’d been so excited about being in a car and so you’d let her claim the front seat for a while.

You’d gotten quite the glare from Joel for that.

“ - I think if I had a car I’d like one like this. Like a truck. You know? You can fit more stuff in it. Hey, did you have a car?” Ellie’s head popped around the car seat to look at you in the back with a bright smile on her face

“ no Ellie. My dad had a busted up work van but that was about it. I wasn’t old enough to drive. Joel was though, weren’t you Joel? “ you smiled and she laughed at that

“ right. Did you have a truck? You must’ve cause-“ Joel caught your eye in the rear view mirror, a mildly pissed expression on his face at you directing the conversation right back onto him. You just gave him a wink and went back to flicking through one of the magazines you’d stolen from Frank's pile back in Lincoln- which were thankfully far more PG than the ones Ellie had found belonging to Bill. All ancient gossip magazines, celebrities having their red carpet looks ripped to shreds. It made you smile a little to try to imagine any of them now. Was there a clicker stumbling around in shredded haute couture?

After another 30 minutes or so Joel seemed to have finally reached his daily limit of Ellie’s roadside ramblings and declared it was time to stop for the night.

“ alright. That’s it for today. Goddamn kid “ he grumbled and slowed down a little as he turned off the highway and through a bumpy field- that Ellie found highly amusing as she jostled in her seat- and into a stretch of woods. Thankfully the trees were wide enough for him to manoeuvre Bills ancient Chevy deep enough in that it couldn’t be spotted from the road. Not that you expected anyone else had a damn car this far out from a QZ these days.

And after an equally talkative dinner of long expired tinned ravioli, in which Joel tried and failed to teach Ellie some table manners like the true southern gent he seemed to be deep deep down. You all set up and settled in for the night.

You were used to sleeping on the ground.

Whether that was from the weeks it had been since leaving Boston. Or from the times you, Joel and Tess had travelled your ways over to Bill and Franks. Hell even your bed back in the zone may as well have been the ground with how fucking uncomfortable it was.

But for some reason you just couldn’t drift off tonight.

Ellie had had no trouble once Joel had promised her they’d be safe out here. She was flat out in her sleeping bag, mouth hanging open, snoring softly. You’d think the kid was in a luxury hotel, not a musty sleeping bag on the forest floor.

You looked up at the dark night sky above you, the trees blocking out the majority of the view. It was a little spooky, just like Ellie had secretly whispered when you’d all been settling down to sleep.

You turned your head, trying to locate Joel. He’d insisted on there being a watch. You thought it was pointless, you were all out in the middle of nowhere. No where close to any towns or cities that a group of raiders could have set up camp in. There’d be no infected out this way either. But he’d been his usual stubborn self and declared they needed a watch. And he’d go first. Of course. Because that meant he could stay up all right and ‘forget’ to switch with you.

Stubborn bastard through and through.

And so there he was now, sat up in the truck.

He had one of the camping lanterns he’d taken from Bill propped on the dash, softly illuminating the space so he could see what he was doing. His face stern in concentration as he tapped the end of a pencil against his scruff covered chin.

He was taking this job seriously for a man that didn’t want to do it.

But Tess had always been the driving force in your little trio. She was the brains. You were more often than not the distraction. And Joel the braun. It had worked so well. Until well… it hadn’t. And Joel respected Tess enough to fulfil her dying wish.

Even if that was taking this random kid half way across the damn country chasing a lead so half cooked it was basically raw.

You watched him for a while longer. How handsome he looked in the dim lamp light. The frown lines that seemed permanently engraved into his face, the way his brows furrowed as he concentrated - creating the little wrinkles in between

You missed kissing those lines. Tracing your fingers over them in the half lit apartment you’d shared in Boston, close enough to the outside wall that there was a constant chunk of light from the watchtowers seeping through the half destroyed curtains.

God you missed him. Curling up to him for warmth. His large hands tracing soft patterns on your back, whispering lowly in your ear when you woke up from a nightmare.

He’d never been one for PDA. And then with the whole… Tess thing. And Bill and Frank thing. And well… everything. He had barely touched you since that morning before you’d ended up with the kid. And that was weeks ago.

Maybe it was a little silly. In the space of a few weeks you’d lost three friends. Gained a kid. Gained a whole fuck load of responsibility for said kid… and yet here you were lusting over Joel in your sleeping bag? Stupid.

Or… maybe not. Maybe it was… what was needed. A distraction. Something good in the shitty shit pile you’d found yourself in.

Well that’s what you told yourself anyway as you double checked Ellie was still snoring. And climbed out of your sleeping bag.

You pulled open the passenger side door of the truck, climbing up into the seat and closing the door carefully behind you. Joel had the map spread out on the dash in front of him, flask of coffee in one hand and a pencil in the other. Because coffee had been dubbed very important in the ‘ only grab the essentials ‘ talk before they’d left Lincoln. Obviously.

“ ain’t your turn for watch yet darlin’ “ he mumbled, not looking up from the map. It had a bunch of scribbles and arrows. Clearly his nonsensical version of directions that you would no doubt have to try figure out tomorrow. It also seemed like Ellie had gotten a hold of the pencil at some point, some of the areas Joel had crossed off as suspecting to be total no goes in terms of infected, now had little monster faces scribbled beside them.

“ I know. Can’t sleep “ you said as you slumped back in the seat and glanced back out towards Ellie. Still out like a light, the little camping lamp by her feet casting a soft glow over their makeshift camp.

He hummed a response. Setting his flask into the drinks holder and letting his hand drop absentmindedly onto your thigh instead.

“ Tryna figure out the quickest route from here to Cody but… most of these highways here will probably be blocked off from way back when “ he pointed with the pencil at some of his scribbles and lines. “ some of these smaller towns might not be so bad for bunking down for a night but can’t be too sure. Close to highways. Good for raiders “

And he’d know all about that wouldn’t he

You’d joined the little group heading for Boston right at the last hurdle. Had only partook in one or two raids. You were young. Pretty. They’d throw you out as a distraction to lure people in and the others did the most of the dirty work. But you’d heard the stories. And you’d been around Tess and Joel long enough to know what they were capable of. What you were capable of now too.

“ sooo… that way?” You asked, pointing at what seemed to be his planned route for now. But if you were honest. You weren’t focussing on the map at all. Or what he was talking about

“ what? No. That’s a no go. Absolutely fuckin not. Look here- “ his thumb started rubbing soft circles into your jean covered thigh and it was like an off switch had flipped on your ears. Not taking in a single word he was saying to you. Not when he was touching you for the first time in weeks. Even if it was just a tiny pathetic thing like that.

It made your mind drift. Memories of his lips right there. The soft tickle and burn his scruff would cause as he kissed your skin. It made your pussy throb just thinking about it.

“ - there’s likely to be infected here. And here. Which leads us with no choice but to head up here to KC. But big city like that was probably locked down, ain’t really heard much on it so I don’t know if it’s even still an active quar- you even listenin?” His hand squeezed your thigh softly and you cleared your throat blinking quickly

“ what? Sure I’m. I’m listening. Ugh KC. KC. Kansas city?”

“ lucky guess “ he grumbled and let his eyes drift back to his map “ why don’t you try get some sleep?”

His hand was still on your thigh, his thumb back to rubbing soft circles. God how was something so tiny making you want to scream?

“ not even tired “

You closed your eyes a moment letting out a slow, deep exhale. Get it together you idiot.

But Joel knew you well. Knew your body well. And you didn’t have to open your eyes to see the smirk on his face when he spoke again

“ oh. I see how it is baby girl “ you wanted to scoff. Or scowl. Or tell him maybe he should get some sleep because clearly he was imagining things. But then his hand moved up. Deft fingers unbuttoning your jeans and pulling down the fly.

He really could read you like a damn book couldn’t he?

“ this the real reason you came in here huh?” He murmured as his thick fingers slipped through your slick folds, dragging the slippery mess you were making up to your clit.

Your eyes fluttered closed for a moment, your head tipping back against the worn leather of the seats headrest “ asked you a question there babygirl “

You whined in response. How could you possibly form a solid thought- never mind a sentence- when his finger was working at your clit like that. Slow but purposeful circles that were making your legs feel like jelly already.

God you were pathetic. A couple weeks without his cock and this is what it was doing to you?

“ so what if it was?” You whispered, your hips involuntarily rocking up against his hand.

Even just the slightest touches from him made you want to cry out in a mixture of frustration and pleasure. Like there was an open nerve, exposed and raw, and his focussed touch sent sparks shooting up your spine.

“ naughty little thing “ he murmured as he kept working at you with his thick fingers, wrestling the the tight constraints of your jeans to try get his hand in a little more “ tell me what y’need “

“ you “ you whined without a moment’s hesitation “ you Joel you “

He was always such a smug bastard. The smirk on his face at your response made you want to jump right out of the car just to piss him off. But you didn’t have the self control for that. Not even remotely. Especially when you had his fingers pressing at your entrance like that, the muscles already contracting as if trying to pull him in.

But two could play that game.

You reached over and flicked off the lantern. The last thing you needed was this being visible if Ellie woke up. And then your hand moved over to his half hard cock starting to tent his jeans.

He gave a soft grunt of a sound as you palmed at him through the worn denim.

“ acting like you’re not in the mood for it too old man?” You whispered, already a little breathless just from his fingers.

He doesn’t answer you with words. But one of his fingers pushed into your welcoming warmth, making you gasp and your eyes flutter closed for a moment

“ look at that “ he murmured as he carefully added a second with a slightly embarrassing amount of ease “ suckin me in so tight… tryna keep me right here doll? Right here?” your soft velvety walls squeeze around him in answer. Desperate for anything after weeks of absolutely nothing.

Everything about Joel was so big. You were damn sure not a single other person could make you feel this good with their fingers alone. Your own fingers never even made a dent in the sensations he gave you. Your cunt stretching around his digits almost obscenely. Gripping onto him in a way that was down right pathetic.

“ there y’are. Relax f’me sweet pea “ he mutters, feeling you open up more as warm waves of pleasure washed over your body. The space inside you welcoming him back home after so long without him “ good girl, open up f’me… there we go “

Your hand was still idly palming at his crotch, but god damn was it hard to focus when he was speaking to you like that. Touching you like that.

Your free hand grasped onto his arm as he kept steadily fucking you open with his fingers, soft sopping sounds filling the truck in a way that made you whimper softly. The tendons and muscles in his arm flexing under your finger tips with every purposeful curl of his fingers.

“ Joel “

“ I know baby I know “ he crooned “ gonna come on my fingers? “ you nodded eagerly, writhing around in the seat, eyes closed as you focused on how good he was making you feel and nothing else. Not even embarrassed at how fast he’d gotten you to the edge. You’d been lusting after him for two weeks without getting anything, so you weren’t much surprised.

“ y-yeah. Gonna come for you Joel “ you whispered as his fingers curled up, his thumb pressing against your clit. It made a choked sound escape you in some hopeless attempt to keep your volume levels down. “ fuck- Joel “

“ shh shhh nice and quiet. Don’t need ya wakin the kid before I’ve even had you on my cock sweet pea “ the half promise of finally getting something more than his fingers was enough to spur you on. To have your hips rocking up to meet the pumping motions of his fingers. Just enough to have you tumbling over the edge.

Your fingers digging into the tanned skin of his arm as you bit down on your bottom lip, back arching off the worn leather as your orgasm washed over you in a powerful, blissful wave. Trying as hard as you possibly could to be quiet. But some soft squeaks and whines slipped out your throat anyway “Joel”

“ there we go. That’s my good girl. Nice and quiet “ he murmured as he worked you through it, pumping his fingers in and out as best he could with your jeans still on “ makin a fuckin mess of my hand. Reckon I ain’t ever see you this wet “ he teased as he gently brought his hand to a stop when your death grip on his wrist released. Little crescent shaped marks left in place of your fingers.

“ fuck you miller “ you panted softly which made him chuckle. That deep rumble of a sound that often sounded more sarcastic than joyful. But you could usually drag some kind of joy out of him. Usually.

“ I do plan on it babygirl “ he smirked as he pulled his hand free, his fingers soaked up to the knuckle. The shiny sticky mess catching on the thin chunk of moonlight making its way through the trees and into the truck.

Maybe he had been right. Smug bastard.

You watched him with half lidded eyes still catching your breath, as he sucked them clean. It made your blood boil hot, your cunt clench around nothing. Missing those magic fingers of his deep inside you already.

“ missed your sweet taste babygirl “

oh the things you’d do to have him between your thighs right now. That familiar sensation of friction burn from his beard, his strong hands keeping your thighs spread. Refusing to let you close them until he’d made you come on his face multiple times. Not stopping until your were a shaking sobbing mess.

But that would have to wait for Jackson.

Your hand still laid idle on his now clearly fully hard cock in his jeans and a gentle squeeze of your fingers made him grunt.

“ get over here. Now “ he muttered, you didn’t need to be told twice.

It was not even remotely as easy or sexy as the books you read made it out to be. In fact it was damn right awkward. Wrestling your jeans off in the small space, especially when you were still trembling just a little. Clambering your way onto his lap as he wrestled with the stiff seat lever to try shove it back and give him more space.

“ goddamn piece of shit Chevy “ Joel huffed and finally managed to get the seat to shift back a little. It was only a couple inches extra room. But it was better than nothing.

Now wasn’t particularly the best time- or place- for making it last or wasting anymore time on foreplay. So you settled in his lap and immediately reached for his belt, tugging it open.

“ aw. Come in your pants old man?” You grinned as you unbuttoned his jeans, noticing a small damp spot on his boxers. Clearly only pre come. But you’d never miss an opportunity to call him old.

“ shut up, brat “ he grumbled, grasping your hips and squeezing in a silent request to lift up. Right. You were in kind of a rush here. Ellie could decide to wake up at any minute. And you weren’t in the mood to be interrupted.

You lifted your hips as he wrapped a hand around his leaking cock, gently rubbing the tip back and forth between your slick folds. The action making your breath hitch a little, still so sensitive “ you want it?” He murmured, coating himself in your wetness, occasionally notching himself at your entrance for just a second before moving again “ tell me. Tell me how bad this pretty little pussy wants it “

“ god Joel “ you whispered, pressing your forehead onto his for a moment “ need it so bad. Been thinking about it every damn day “ He just chuckled and stole a kiss before gently nudging his blunt tip to your weeping entrance again.

“ yeah? This what you need baby?” He said as he gently pushed in, hands tight on your hips to ease you down inch by tantalising inch “ that’s it babygirl let me in... So fuckin wet f’me… “ he murmured, pushing gently against the resistance of your cunt. Shushing you softly when a sweet whimper escaped your lips as he slipped in deeper and deeper “ shit you’re always so goddamn tight f’me “

Your lips part in a steady exhale as he eases his way in, stretching out your soft warm walls as your body welcomes him back home. Settling into the space inside you like it was carved out exactly for him, made for him. Maybe it was.

He fit with you so perfectly. Your hips flush as his tip kissed your cervix in a way that would’ve been painful if he was even a half inch bigger. It was truly the most perfect fit.

“ y’okay?” He murmured because sure Joel liked to fuck you like an animal in heat most of the time. But he was nothing if not a gentleman when it came to consent.

Southern charm and all that.

“ Hell yeah “ you whisper with a soft laugh that makes him chuckle as you wriggle your hips a little, reminding yourself how incredible it felt to have the thick weight of him inside you again “ missed this. Missed you “

“ missed my cock more like babygirl “

“ it’s one and the same “

“ maybe “ he scoffed and rubbed gentle circles onto your hips with his thumbs as he let you adjust as long as you needed. Sitting there completely stuffed full, the pressure almost overwhelming at first.

You start to move after a few moments, your hands resting on his shoulders for leverage as you push yourself up and down on his cock, building a painstakingly slow rhythm. You had to take it slow. No matter how many times you’d fucked him it always took you a minute to get used to him again.

You could tell he wanted more. In an ideal world he’d have you bent over the hood of the truck hammering into you like his life depended on it. One hand yanking your hair the other squeezing your hip. Or pinning your hands behind your back if he was feeling like being a real dick.

But this wasn’t an ideal world. So he’d take what you could give him. And he wasn’t a total bastard. He knew you needed to take it at your own pace right now. So he’d let you.

“ that’s my girl. Take it easy “ he murmured, his breath warm on your face, your lips just a few inches apart “ look how pretty you look takin my cock like that “ he brushes his thumb across your bottom lip for a moment before he pulls you to his mouth, your lips pressing together hungrily in a eager kiss. He swallows your soft whines and moans “ nice and easy doll. Nice and easy. Quiet f’me “ he murmured against your lips, pressing more soft but determined pecks between his words

Once you were reacquainted with his cock stretching out your cunt just right. You gave him a small nod and shifted in his lap to let him take over. And your thighs were already starting to burn from the awkward angle

“ made for me ain’t you baby? “ he grunted as if reading your mind. Feeling the way his cock fit inside you so perfectly. Each careful rise and fall of your body letting you feel every ridge. Every vein. Rubbing against your insides in the most delicious way. “ just f’me “

“ yes Joel “ you nodded because truly you felt you were. He’d ruined you for life. You were damn certain no other man could compare. No other man could make you feel this way.

“ that’s my good girl, takin it so well f’me “ his hands still grasped the plush flesh of your hips, letting you go at your own pace. For now anyway

“ i miss our shitty bed “ you whispered breathlessly into his neck, you hands grasping his shoulders as he lazily started to fuck up into you, keeping your pace but helping you out just a little. And unable to control himself. Still keeping it slow, probably more on account of the fact you were useless at being quiet. And Ellie was only a few feet away “ a roof over our head “

“ I know baby girl “ he grunted giving you another squeeze “ second we find Tommy I’m takin you to the closet fuckin bed I can find “ at least he was still being optimistic that Tommy might still be in the settlement he’d mentioned exactly once before going radio silent.

A bed sure did sound nice though.

You missed lazy morning sex when he’d wake you up with his hand rubbing you through your underwear and his morning wood poking your back. Or having your body damn near folded in half as he pounded into you so hard your brain turned to utter mush, legs hooked over his shoulders like a rag doll.

“ promises promises old man “ you whispered, shifting in his lap so that your clit brushed the soft thatch of hair at his base in the most delicious way “ shit “

“ that’s it baby girl. Take what ya need “ you rocked your hips, your slick making his curls sticky and warm. He met your pace, sensing your growing desperation, thrusting up into you quicker. Harder. You looked down at where your body’s joined, the way your pussy lips spread obscenely around his thick length. A hint of creamy whiteness starting to stick to his greying curls, more than likely the evidence of your first orgasm.

“ y’like that huh baby?” He murmured as he caught you watching, that stupid fucking smirk on his face again that you could never be certain if you wanted to kiss it off him. Or slap it off him “ lookin at how messy you're bein f’me?”

“ yeah” you panted, squeezing down on him, your walls fluttering around the deep intrusion of him. Gripping him. Sucking him in.

“ keep doin that shit and I’ll blow right now “ he grunted, making you smile as you squeezed down on him again just for good measure

“ easy there old man “

“ I’ll give you old fuckin man “ he muttered and readjusted his grip on your body, his hands splaying over your hips as he shifted in the seat “ old fuckin man “ he pushed your body down on his cock with more force than before.

Clearly done being patient.

You gasped loudly, clamping a hand down on your mouth when you realised just how loud you’d been. Desperately grasping at him with your free hand as he used you like a damn fleshlight, his grip on your hips bruising rather than gentle now.

And god did you hope it’d bruise.

“ that’s it baby girl. Take it. C’mon it’s what you wanted ain’t it? You been thinkin about this? Layin out there too fuckin horny to even sleep? Ain’t that right?” He’d always had a damn filthy mouth. Always knew exactly how to make your cheeks flame and pussy throb. Which had surprised you at first. For a man so silent and grumpy in public, he sure could get vocal in the bedroom. Or the truck you figured “ this what you needed? Needed fillin up babygirl?”

You nodded eagerly, your brows furrowed and eyes closed as his decelerate thrusts knocked every whisp of air out your lungs. Your brain going foggy. Lost in the sensations of his cock stretching you out, hitting the most devastating spot inside you with every thrust of his hips. Every drag of the heavy weight against your sensitive walls, still sparking like a live wire from your first orgasm“ use your words. Tell me “

“ god- Joel. “ you could barely form a sentence with him fucking you like that. The truck shaking with the efforts. Creaking softly like a scene from one of those cheap and cheesy 80s movies Joel has shown you before.

“ c’mon now. Use that pretty mouth of yours. And tell me “ he said firmly. Mockingly. Still slamming you down to meet his deep thrusts

“ y-yes this is… what I needed “ you panted out, eyes fluttering closed as you clawed at his shoulders , face falling into his neck “ missed you so bad. Missed your cock Joel “ you whined pathetically, muffling your sounds against his skin

“ yeah baby I know “ he whispered, breathless himself “ I know. Needed it so bad huh? Needed this pretty pussy fillin up. I know “

His hand slipped down between your bodies and he started working at your clit again. Quick and purposeful movements that matched the rhythm of his ever increasingly frantic thrusts. You were so wet he could barely even find any friction.

“ fuck Joel I’m- “ you moaned loudly against his neck, cutting yourself off as you felt your body growing hotter. The knot deep in your belly getting tighter and tighter

“ I know sweet pea. Gonna come all over my cock? Yeah? “ he grunted and you knew that tone of voice. That breathless, husky tone. He was just as close as you were “ gonna be a good girl f’me? Can feel you grippin me like a damn vice. Know you need it “

You nodded quickly, nails digging into his shoulders as you struggled more and more to control the sounds slipping past your lips. The sound of your skin hitting his filling the truck, the lewd wet sounds of your cunt sucking him in. Soaking him. The sticky, filthy mess you were making. And then the dam broke.

The combined sensations of his fingers. His cock. His husky voice in your ear. You were a goner. Biting down on his shoulder to try to dampen some of your whines and squeals of pleasure. Your entire body trembling and twitching in his lap, clamping down on him in a way that clearly was enough for Joel too.

Because he’d barely pulled you off him when he spilt his load onto your thigh with a deep, sexy moan. The hot sticky mess painting your skin.

Sometimes you wished he’d finish inside. Fill you to the brim with his load. But the last thing you needed was a goddamn baby.

The trucks windows had fogged up now. The air in their thick and warm, sweat beading on Joel’s forehead. You looked down to see the hair covering your mound sticky and messy, Joel’s own greying curls exactly the same. You really hoped there was a river or creek somewhere around here. You hadn’t entirely thought about the aftermath.

Thinking with your pussy and not your brain. Clearly.

But it was worth it.

“ well holy shit “ you whispered and laughed a little as you pushed your hair from your own sweaty face “ never let me go that long without you again “

Joel raised an eyebrow and then chuckled himself, shaking his head, his hand gently rubbing along your side. So gentle and tender compared to how he’d just been knocking the air out of your lungs.

“ Whatever you say sweet pea “ he pressed a kiss to your lips. Far too sweet for a man like him, but you’d never complain “ now get your ass back in that sleeping bag and get some sleep “

You grinned against his lips and stole another kiss before giving him a mock salute

“ yes sir “

#fic rec

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