her-eyes-looked-so-sad - Tumblr blog

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Someone today when they were like “you’re so damn skinny” and I was like *surprised pikachu face*

Someone: you look skinnier

Me: thanks!

Also me:

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me: eating voluntarily

my brain: wow you truly are faking your ed

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“Remember when you wouldn’t eat ANYTHING? And just look at you now!”

Me:

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Me every time my fiancé tells me I need food when I obviously look like I DONT

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When people compare an eating disorder to a diet

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Me: *experiences any sort of emotion*

My ED: 😈

Me:

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Me: I can’t eat that I know how many calories are in it

Mom: well just don’t think about that!

Me:

Me:

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Fuck your nutrients

My body: WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME NUTRIENTS

[her-eyes-looked-so-sad]

#ShoutoutSunday

🧜 Happy Sunday, everybody. Taking this time to highlight the designs & work of 22-year-old content creator, Jude @mermaidqueenjude (she/they)!  🧜

From Jude’s Youtube channel:

I am a latinx content creator who strives to make a difference for the creators who are going to come after me. I am the founder of the Mermaid Kingdom, a community which aims to create a place of self-love, inclusion, and positivity every day. Through my platform, I lead discussions based on social justice, body positivity, and work towards combating homophobia and other dangerous media stereotypes.

★  thinness is not an accomplishment design

★ my self love is an act of rebellion design

★ bodies have no moral value design

★ bisexuality (n) design

All designs are available in sizes small to 5XL!

  🧜 You can also find Jude on:

Twitter: MerQueenJude

Instagram: mermaidqueenjude

Facebook: Jude Valentin (mermaidqueenjude)

Website: mermaidqueenjude.com

(Mod Note: Hey, Mod #10 here. Just fyi, EDRP is not paid or coerced to give shout-outs to any people or products. Tbh? I just got my own ‘thinness is not an accomplishment’ shirt the other day & wanted to give others the chance to grab their own)

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Ok but I’m like this all week and then the moment I see Sam I’m cracking jokes

Therapist: How have you been doing this week?

Me:

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STOP CALLING ME OUT LIKE THIS

#galaxybrain #edrecovery

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Well guys I was doing ok in recovery for like a month 🤷🏼‍♀️

Me: I got my e.d under control

My ed:

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Me: hasn’t been drinking besides the occasional glass of wine, has been trying to eat more and hasn’t been purging except once a week, sends wonderful email to professor about how I’m doing better™️ and told her weeks ago that I WILL NOT get drunk and throw up all summer like I usually do.

Also me: gets blackout drunk sitting on kitchen floor alone, during the day, disassociates, cries for no fucking reason, purges three times in one day.

Ugh 😑😞

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This still applies two years later SHIT

Me: *desperately tries to avoid attaching to my therapist as a parental figure*

Therapist: *says they’re proud of me*

*crashing sounds in distance*

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“Remember when you wouldn’t eat ANYTHING? And just look at you now!”

Me:

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Yesterday was my birthday, and it was great ☺️

Except, my mom didn’t acknowledge it.

We don’t really have a relationship or talk but I still try and include her, bought her a present for Mother’s Day but she looked right at my fiancé and thanked him for it even though I hung it up outside. She never usually likes her gifts and I’m glad it made her happy but it seemed like she didn’t acknowledge we bought it together. We never really talk but I tried to sit and have a conversation with her, just a little chat is all we can manage usually, nothing deep.

Usually she’ll make a small Facebook post wishing me happy birthday or a simple text because she never reaches out to me. My brain told me she wasn’t this year but I shoo’d it away like “come on now, she always does, give her a chance.”

By 1pm nothing had been posted and I didn’t have any notifications on my phone. I started tearing up but I figured she was maybe still at work.

By 10pm, despite all the well wishes from friends and other family and my dad, I realized she wasn’t going to do it. “She must have just forgotten”, I told Luke. But who forgets their own kids birthday?

My mind swirled. Maybe I wasn’t a good enough daughter. Maybe I wasn’t nice enough to her the last time I saw her. Maybe I shouldn’t have been upset when she touched my graduation hat because I thought it was going to slip off. There was no “I’m proud of you” on my graduation day but she did say bye to me and Luke and seemed friendly. Maybe she thinks I’m a brat and didn’t wish me a happy birthday on purpose. Maybe she’ll text today saying sorry she’s late but wishing me anyways. She’s on her phone and on Facebook all the time, how could she have forgotten?

I always act like it’s ok because I have so much other love in the world to fill the hole. I always say “but it’s ok! I have everyone else, I love y’all!” I love my mother too though. I told Luke last night that my professor, who I never meant or asked to fill this hole, does a pretty damn good job of doing it. But on my 26th birthday, my professor was on vacation because she’s not my mother. And my own mother didn’t wish me happy birthday. This was the first year I didn’t hear from her.