hinkgh

[hinkgh]

All good things end.

I think about

How I was saying goodbye

To one of the greatest men

To have ever lived,

I found the little spoon

He gave me when I was born,

“To my little girl

From Grandpa”.

I was placing the flowers

On his grave,

While you

Were placing flowers

On the grave of our future.

[hinkgh]

Loving means giving.

My mother grew up

In a land locked country.

She grew up poor,

In a village far away.

All she did was dream

Of the vast blue sea,

Of the sound of the ocean waves,

Of salt on her skin,

Just how they described it

In all her favourite books

And all her favourite movies.

My mother grew up dreaming

Of sitting by the sea

And letting the waves

Lull her to sleep.

She had never seen the sea

Growing up.

So my father bought her a house

Right by the sea.

[hinkgh]

Love

My knees no longer bear

The bruises of a beggar.

I was conditioned

Into thinking that love

Meant screaming to be heard.

But with you I stand upright

And I speak a whisper.

[hinkgh]

i am not who i was six years ago.

there is and always will be

more shampoo for me to finish using.

[hinkgh]

I thought screaming without being heard was supposed to only happen in my nightmares.

[hinkgh]

I want to stop carrying

All of my hurt

And trauma

With me everywhere I go,

But I just don’t know

Where to put it down.

[hinkgh]

2012

It is 2012 and I am 9.

I am going up the stairs towards our house,

Holding my mother’s hand because it is dark and I am scared.

I can hear the crickets chirping in the bushes,

And I can feel the pebbles of the cobblestone steps beneath my feet.

It is 2012 and I am 9,

And not one person has said anything about my body,

And I simply do not care as to what I eat.

I am 9 and nothing bad has happened to me yet.

I am 9 and I am happy.

[hinkgh]

True love

I want true love

I want to be called beautiful

Not because I’m sexy.

I want to loved not for what

Pleasure I can give.

I want flowers in the morning

Kind of love,

And waking up together

Kind of love,

The kind of love that makes

Every single inch of your being

Scream, “Yes! This is my person!”

I want someone to say I love you

And not expect sex in return.

[hinkgh]

A whore’s lament

I am not loved but

Merely played with.

Men use me for my

Sexy body, for their

Own perverted pleasure.

And yet knowing all

Of that, I allow myself

To fall in love with the

Ones that I’m not meant to.

For one night

He made me feel seen,

And heard, and cared for.

I wanted to feel loved

And he let me fool myself

Into believing that I could be.

[hinkgh]

Him

I eat a diet of white lies

And empty promises.

They keep me full

And yet I’m starving.

You told me you’d come back

So I believed you.

You told me that you

Couldn’t believe you met me

And I blushed.

You used me

And I let you.

I am starving.

[hinkgh]

Losing you

The greatest pain I’ve ever felt

Is losing memories of you.

I no longer remember how you smelled

Or how you acted when you saw

A kitten cross the street.

I do not at all remember how your eyes looked

When they stared out through the window

On a happy rainy day.

The sound of your laughter, echoing

Through the halls, as you watch

Your favourite comedians

At the kitchen table, is absent

From my all knowing conscience.

I could almost remember

Your hands around my waist

And all the joy we had

Before this black cloud ascended upon me.

I wish I could remember

The love that you say

I once had for you.

And, darling, if you let me,

I would like to love you

One last time.

Started: March 9th 2021

Finished: July 19th 2021

[hinkgh]

I felt really sad about being 18 and far away from my mom this one night in March and so this poem was birthed…. (Pun intended)

I knew

I knew that deep inside

I’m just no longer five.

I knew that when the colour red transformed

From crimson summer sunsets

To blood dripping down my arms.

I knew it when the colour blue turned

From deep ocean seas

To tears trickling down my face.

I knew it from the moment yellow

Stopped being the colour of the sun

And it became the vomit in the sink.

It was when I could no longer fit on the couch

To cuddle with my mother,

in the safety of her arms.

It was then that I knew that I am no longer

A child.

[hinkgh]

I do not at all remember why I named this poem eh or why I wrote it. I was scrolling through some old poems of mine (I say old but practically every single one of them was written in March of this year) and found this one. This poem is most likely unfinished but it sounds finished enough to post so here it is.

Also in case you are wondering why a ginger man… I just like ginger people and think they deserve a bit more loving and it made sense to me rhythmically to add ginger man? Idk.

eh

My heart had crumbled and

Fell down near my feet

The day my love had left me

For another lovely treat.

It’s time I found another,

Kind and loving ginger man,

Than focus on the one

That left me willingly behind.

March 9th 2021

[hinkgh]

I miss it

I miss the good old days

Of sleeping on the couch.

Of cuddling with my mother

When things just got too rough.

Of endless sunny afternoons

Filled with laughter and pure joy.

Of having daytime naps

Without a single thought of worry

in this world.

I miss it when waking up was simply

Not a chore.

[hinkgh]

Scary

So scary is the thought of losing you someday.

And so I chose not to think of it all day

But cherish every moment

Of which I have with you.

Because I know that someday

We won’t start the day anew.

March 9th 2021

[hinkgh]

Wallflower

I wish to speak to you

But never found the words.

It seems you have the topics

Of all the knowledge in the worlds,

The ones to which no access holds

The little flower in the walls.

[hinkgh]

Hello!

I’m back with more shitty poetry

This one was written about my shitty ex after I had a dream about him :)

Oh how painful loving you had been

Dear loved one,

“Loved” as in the past.

The passing of the time,

The pain, the tears and, eventually,

The love has passed.

It all was caused by your smart deeds.

All my friends watched and pitied me

As I washed away the blood

Of a broken heart,

Of a traumatised soul.

When at that same moment you

Continued on

To live your life

In joy,

In bliss,

In a pure, loving kiss.

Dear loved one,

Never have I loved one so

As I loved you.

I have chosen you

In every lifetime that I can think of

Yet you abandon me still, repeatedly,

Over and over again.

But I let go

Of the ropes,

Of the chains that you have bestowed

Upon my mind, my heart, my soul.

Yet some bits remain.

A loose string from an old rope,

Some rust stains left over from years

Of neglect.

Dear loved one,

2 years I have spent

Taking away every piece of string,

Rubbing away every stain.

And now I love again.

I love again.

I love again.

Yet… there still is a small piece of string entangled in my soul,

Refusing to come out

Dear loved one,

How strongly do I wish to untangle that

Little piece of string.

I fear I may not be able to do it alone.

So dear loved one,

Untangle this piece within my soul

And let me go.

Let me be free.

So I may finally love

Carelessly.

- June 29th 2021