hollowportrait-log

[hollowportrait-log]

I've been having trouble sleeping, I've tried taking melatonin, magnesium. Hell. I've tried to stay up all night just to get a little sleep.

Even when I lay there, I just hear ringing in my ears and it just gets louder and louder. Sometimes, I hear screaming and repeating the same noises over again until it's painful. It's like, I don't know? Say you heard someone yell really loud in a tunnel and it's like the walls only focus on one word and it's repeating at the same volume.

I'm not sure if it's just a auditory hallucination from exhaustion, the ringing is just probably tinnitus...

I tried telling Mr. Yoke, but he just says the same shit.

"Sabrina, we both know nightmares are apart of growing up, you need to understand that."

"Truly it can't be that bad, my god you got here on time didn't you?"

"You're young, you have no stressors Sabrina. You're just being dramatic."

I'm scared to tell him about the sleep paralysis, some nights when I can sleep I'll see myself standing over my bed. Yet it's not me, my eyes and mouth are voids that stretch abnormally. They're just stuck there. One night, she pointed at the window beside my bed and I noticed her hands weren't human. Breathing was around the room and surround me, I couldn't tell if the ragged breaths were coming from me or her. I just felt weight on my chest as soon as she put her arm back down and left the room.

...I don't like to think about it,

but when I woke up, my window was open with soot-like smudges on the glass.

Maybe it's nothing, maybe I'm sleep walking.

Maybe Mr. Yoke is right.

[hollowportrait-log]

???

I don't know what to do, he says that I'm getting better but there's just no god damn proof. What else is there to say? What is left to tell him.

It's just bullshit, all of it. How many more sessions are there until I'm diagnosed? How many more rambles from the abysmal of my mind are there until he believes me? Until they believe me. For God's sake I know there's something wrong, I want help. I seek it. I scream and cry and beg for it but nothing comes to help me.

I just want to know who I am for once.

Offero misericordiam meam illis qui non noverunt se. Nunc requiesce. Aurora est dies nova, in qua non omnis spes erit inanis.