hopelesslov3

[hopelesslov3]

She’s dying. She knows it. I know it, yet the whole family isn’t ready for that truth. The question would just be how long will she live?

[hopelesslov3]

I dreamed about you last night, you were here. Well not actually here but at my grandparents house, at lease we were able to spend time together and touch each other. And then I woke up. I instantly knew it was a dream. But I didn’t let that bother me the whole day. Until now. I hope I cheered you up at least a little with the amount of messages I tend to send you. I guess it’s just one of those rare days I don’t get to hear your voice. But it hurts. It hurts I didn’t get to spend time with you today. Hearing about all those plane crashes in 48 hours made me kinda scared to fly. I wanna fly to you. And I can’t wait until October even if it’s just February. I can’t wait until you come visit here. I can’t wait to get a place together. Wherever that may be. I hope we survive. Because I love you. Even if I didn’t say it out loudly to you or hear it back from you.

[hopelesslov3]

when will I be loved genuinely? I'm asking when is it my turn to be loved?

[hopelesslov3]

controlling yourself from texting someone you badly want to talk to, is different kind of pain

[hopelesslov3]

How long can a person go with giving love constantly to a person that will give you just enough to feel like they care about you too. Yet disappear for days from you.

Cuz I’m reaching my end. And telling you how I feel isn’t working. I feel like it’s time to nurse a heart that keeps getting used by you. But I can’t force myself to cut you out just yet. I love you too much, care for you too much.

[hopelesslov3]

You say you adore me. But getting an answer from yours a rare occasion. And yes you need to focus on getting better. But just a text to say that you’re alive shouldn’t be too much right?

[hopelesslov3]

Please don’t leave me. I don’t know what I did or if something is going on with you. But please, don’t leave me. I’ll be better. I promise.

[hopelesslov3]

I miss you, we haven’t met and I miss you.

[hopelesslov3]

I miss talking to you, yes you answer my questions. I’m but it’s never a true conversation. And if it is, it’s always cut short.

Talking to you for hours upon hours is something I’d like. I never know what to say to get that tho. So maybe I’ll stick to asking questions instead, get to know you while you refuse to ask me.

[hopelesslov3]

Is it too corny to buy you a hoodie and wear it for a bit, wash it once and then send it to you?

[hopelesslov3]

I love you. It’s not just your voice or your cock that I miss. It’s your attention that I miss. And just because I stop asking doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. It’s that I hate it when you leave me on read. Wish I was with you, to smell you, feel your strong arms around me, to feel your body against mine. To lean against you without speaking a single word to you while we both read. To watch something with you that slowly turns into us kissing and eventually getting lost in each other. To have you slowly open up to me and trust that I won’t cheat. I want to be yours, and for you to be mine. But who am I to want what I clearly cannot have?

[hopelesslov3]

Am I hard to love? To want to love? Or am I so oblivious to the signs that someone likes me that I just friendzone everyone that tries?

[hopelesslov3]

If only he knew that I’d give him the world.

If only he knew I wouldn’t do what the ones before me did

If only he knew how terrified I am to mess it up

If only he knew I couldn’t get my heart back because it just keeps going back to him.

If only he knew that showing me that he wants me only to push me away after really messes with me.

If only he knew how much he means to me. If only he knew he could rip my heart out and feed it to the wolves I’d grow a new one to give to him.

If only…

[hopelesslov3]

I want to be loved, not by just anyone but by him. The one that’s thousands of kilometres away from me with emotional baggage that could sink a boat. And yet my heart yearns for him and his love.