horriblejokesdaily

[horriblejokesdaily]

"Would you look at that, mercury's in Gatorade."

"I don't believe in astrology."

"No, I mean there is a recall."

[horriblejokesdaily]

I have a joke about math but im 2² to say it

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I heard the Canadian Prime Minister resigned. 

I don't know if it's Trudeau.

[horriblejokesdaily]

they want you to make fried rice

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What do you call it when the opera rehearses?

Practice-SING

[horriblejokesdaily]

What's Jesus's favorite sport?

Lacrosse

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Why can you never put on the right shoe second?

Whatever shoe you put on first the other one is always left

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Personally I tolerate lactose but it knows what it did

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Happy birthday weed

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If cats knew what sin was they wouldn’t even care

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It’s a five-minute walk from my house to the pub.

It’s a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

[horriblejokesdaily]

This had me laughing for a solid 5 minutes.

[horriblejokesdaily]

Inigo Montoya’s Guide to Networking Success

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I don’t like the word xenophobia.

It sounds so foreign.

[horriblejokesdaily]

Professor X: what’s your super power?

Me: hindsight

Professor X: that’s not going to help us

Me: yes I see that now

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A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, naked, except for his boots.

“Where your clothes at, Slim?”

“Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’

So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. Then she takes off her clothes, and says, ‘You like what you see?’ Fellers, she had the most bodacious body I ever did see! I said, ‘Yes, ma’am, I do!’”

Then she lays down on a blanket, all friendly-like, and says, ‘Well, then, go to town, Cowboy!’

So I pulled on my boots and here I am.”

[horriblejokesdaily]

how to get the d