how-interesting-wow

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Astarion’s Hair: A Comic

Edit: there is now a part 2

(Edited to increase text size for readability)

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decentralize and clean up your life!!!

use overdrive, libby, hoopla, cloudlibrary, and kanopy instead of amazon and audible.

use firefox instead of chrome or opera (both are made with chromium, which blocks functionality for ad-blockers. firefox isn't based on chromium).

use mega or proton drive instead of google drive.

get rid of bloatware

use libreoffice instead of microsoft office suite

use vetted sites on r/FREEMEDIAHECKYEAH for free movies, books, games, etc.

use trakt or letterboxd instead of imdb.

use storygraph instead of goodreads.

use darkpatterns to find mobile game with no ads or microtransactions

use ground news to read unbiased news and find blind spots in news stories.

use mediahuman or cobalt to download music, or support your favorite artists directly through bandcamp

make youtube bearable by using mtube, newpipe, or the unhook extension on chrome, firefox, or microsoft edge

use search for a cause or ecosia to support the environment instead of google

use thriftbooks to buy new or used books (they also have manga, textbooks, home goods, CDs, DVDs, and blurays)

use flashpoint to play archived online flash games

find books, movies, games, etc. on the internet archive! for starters, here's a bunch of David Attenborough documentaries and all of the Animorphs books

burn your music onto cds

use pdf24 (available online or as a desktop app) instead of adobe

use unroll.me to clean your email inboxes

use thunderbird, mailfence, countermail, edison mail, tuta, or proton mail instead of gmail

remove bloatware on windows PC, macOS, and iOS X

remove bloatware on samsung X

use pixelfed instead of instagram or meta

use NCH suite for free software like a file converter, image editor, video editors, pdf editor, etc.

feel free to add more alternatives, resources or advice in the reblogs or replies, and i'll add them to the main post <3

last updated: march 18th 2025

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I want to apologise to

- Britney for making fun of her when she had her breakdown

- Monica Lewinski for judging her when she was a 22year old temp sexually assaulted by the most powerful man in the world

- Ke$ha for ever thinking she was trashy when all she wanted to do was make party music

- Kristen Stewart for ever thinking she was dumb when she’s actually one of the coolest people ever

- Megan Fox for ever thinking she was just a slut when actually she was an actress being harassed by her employer. 

- Hating all the women who made a career out of having a hot body. Being is shape is hard, beauty is a weapon and auto promotion is hard work. 

- All the Mary-Sues, who exist because young girls everywhere want to be part of a story they love so much

- All the female characters I ever snobbed because they got in the way of my ship.

- Hating the color pink during my teenage years, when it’s actually a lovely color and what I resented was society’s pressure to perform femininity. 

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ohohohohoho

did some plotting for kiara’s character in that main story i was talking about

so far, she’s one creepy gal

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being a writer is feeling like a genius and a fraud at the same time

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i think i’m gonna be a little late on today’s update 😭. i should have part 2 out by Wednesday at the latest.

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Are you 🫵 pissed off about the Lilo and Stitch monstrosity remake? Do you want to know how you can actually make a difference in supporting the people and ecosystems of Hawaii?

Tourism is a big issue in Hawaii (which the remake got rid of the original's commentary on because it makes foreigners look bad). I'm not gonna promote it, BUT I know that realistically, thousands of people arrive here every single day by the airplane-ful. And the majority of them aren't educated on the socio-cultural and economic impacts of tourism. SO, I'm making this post in an effort to educate visitors. If you or someone you know is visiting or moving to Hawaii (whether by circumstances in or out of your control), here are some suggestions on how you can give back!

You can donate to the Hawaii Community Foundation, which has been instrumental in giving aid to the displaced community of Lahaina after the Maui wildfires in 2023. They also provide scholarships to students of under-represented communities.

If you're interested in visiting Kualoa Ranch, you can do their Mālama Experience where you get your hands dirty giving back to the ‘āina (land)!

There are other organizations you can join to volunteer with, too, like Kupu and Mālama Maunalua. Check them out; maybe you can help with a beach cleanup or plant native trees! These are both non-profit organizations that accept monetary donations.

Visit the Bishop Museum to learn about Hawaiian history and culture! They also have events focused on sustainability and conservation.

If you're visiting Hilo on the Big Island, go visit the Laulima Nature Center! They're a non-profit aimed at protecting Hawaii's native species, and they even have an online store that ships to the US mainland and internationally! (After I post this, I'm gonna head on over and get myself a manu o Kū pin ♡)

A few other tips I have:

DO: Respect the locals' homes. Several beaches and hiking trails have access points in residential areas. Please be mindful to keep your voices down when passing by, and park ONLY in designated parking areas.

DO: Wear reef-safe sunscreen! Sunscreens containing oxybenzone and octinoxate are banned in Hawaii because they are known to damage coral reefs.

DON'T: Approach wildlife, particularly honu (sea turtles) and 'īlio holo i ka uaua (Hawaiian monk seals). Stay at least 10 feet (3 meters) away from turtles and at least 50 feet (15 meters) away from monk seals. If you see someone harassing animals, report them to the statewide NOAA Marine Wildlife Hotline: (888) 256-9840. You can also contact the Hawaii State Department of Land and Natural Resources.

DON'T: Collect sand, rocks, or other natural items to bring home with you. This is to protect the ecosystems and also out of respect for Kānaka Maoli (Native Hawaiians), who have cultural beliefs regarding lava rocks in particular. Taking lava rocks is extremely disrespectful.

DON'T: Litter! Please throw away your waste in proper trash cans. If you see a bin that says "ʻōpala," that's a trash can!

Many Kānaka Maoli (Native Hawaiians) are moving to the US mainland because the cost of living in Hawaii has been driven up so high (because of people moving here), they can't afford to live in their ancestral home. So, if you are going to visit or move to Hawaii, please:

- Make the effort to support local businesses, especially those owned by Native Hawaiians!

- Educate yourself and your loved ones about actual Hawaiian culture!

- Try Hawaiian food, like poi!

- Learn some Hawaiian words and don't be afraid to ask how to pronounce words correctly!

- Donate to a food bank!

- Watch films and read books written by Native Hawaiians!

My hope is that whoever sees this post will use it to educate themselves, their friends, and their families who are considering visiting.

My background is in sustainability and the environment, so that's what I know to suggest off the top of my head. If any Kānaka Maoli read this post and have suggestions to add, please do!

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WIP Wednesday Thursday

“I can help with that,” Astarion murmured, leaning over the lip of the tub. The water responded to his movements as his tail rotating to follow the twist and pull of his body. His cheek pressed against the cradle of his arms—his hand stretching out for her. His pupils wide and alert as they peered up at Kiara from where she was sitting.

Kiara’s mouth was completely useless, not a single helpful word manifesting on her tongue, even when she saw Astarion’s claws trailing over the top of her hand and gliding up her arm. He rubbed slow circles into the sensitive part on the inside of her elbow with his thumb.

“Let me help you take some weight off your shoulders,” he whispered.

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I went on pinterest to get an idea of what kiara’s house looked like and thought i’d share some.

very messy, very chaotic, and very lived in lol

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as i’m writing part two for due dedication for the thalassic, i’m constantly thinking about how this story would play out outside of an AU. cause technically the mermay fic was just a spin off idea.

kiara’s character and background story is heavily inspired by howl’s moving castle. that will probably get more obvious when part two comes out and yall get to see kiara’s house.

while kiara and howl are similar, i still wanted kiara to stand on her own and to not follow the same path or act exactly like howl. in kiara’s case, she is way more hermit-like than howl and but she “inherits” the way he condicts his magic, his pivoting personality, and his bird tendencies.

they are also down bad for people with silver hair with hot tempers.

maybe after i finished up writing this mermay fic, i’ll be inspired to write kiara and astarion’s “real” story. we shall see.

part two of due dedication to the thalassic will be out this weekend 😄

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Due Dedication to the Thalassic: Part One

Merman! Astarion x Original Female Character

Word Count: 3,699 words (😵‍💫)

Posted on AO3 (link) and Wattpad (link)

The boat swayed haphazardly under Kiara's boot as she carefully stepped off the pier. The wind circled her, spraying sea mist as it went, before rushing past her toward the shore. With one hand holding on tight to the dock, she gingerly lifted a squirming burlap sack and lowered it to lie by her feet.

Kiara was quite fond of her sailboat for its simplicity. While only big enough to fit herself and her supplies, she made it a point to take advantage of its functionality whenever she collected materials in the water. Upkeeping the boat was fairly simple, she found. The thing might as well be tethered to her soul with how much time and effort she had spent fussing over it.

Her mind whistled as she untied the boat and lowered herself to sit. The docks became farther out of her reach as the tide carried her out past the shallows. A beam of light from the lighthouse on top of the cliffside nearby shone overhead for a moment, painting a silhouette of Kiara and her boat onto the ocean floor before eclipsing again.

The bay was contained within a horseshoe-shaped shoreline with tower-like and barricade-like rock formations overlooking it all. The lighthouse, which was also her responsibility to manage, served as a surface-level decoy for her private quarters, which were built into the cliff itself, which was passed down to her after many generations. At the base of these cliffs lay a shallow rock bed that led onto Kiara’s personal pier and boat.

To get to each section of the cliff (separated by surface level; lighthouse, private chambers, and the docks), Kiara had installed an elevator shaft to avoid the long and grueling trek up and down the godsforsaken stairs. The elevator was powered using a water wheel capstan system. A lever and pulley network would open and close the sluice gates located deep below the bay. The gates would collect the water from the bay, use that water to power the wheel, which would then carry the elevator up, and then the process would happen in reverse to go down.

At the mouth of the bay, where the rocks resembled jagged teeth, lay an isthmus that separated the bay from the open sea. This created a visual indicator of where Kiara’s territory began and ended. Her territory hardly needed a warding spell to keep the townspeople away. The cliffs hanging over the bay and the jagged rocks lying at the bottom were enough to make most of the town hesitant to come around.

It was no secret that Kiara lived a peculiar life. The descendant of a long line of strange women with an affinity for the ocean, it made sense that the people would find her presence off-putting. Most, to some extent, believed her and her family’s connection to the ocean to be a sham. When she was the only one left to look after the bay, she had to work hard to seem as harmless and delusional as they needed her to be.

Nowadays, they merely waved her and her antics off. Tolerated her so long as she kept watch over the lighthouse and carried out her business quietly.

All that was to say, Kiara was supposed to be the only living thing in this spot of land. Which is why it was interesting to her when brutalized fish carcasses started washing up on her shore.

She had spotted them one day as she was on the beach searching for conus shells for a spell jar she wanted to test out. Their bodies were laid out on the sand for her to find. Many were torn open from tail to gills; their entrails discarded in a sad, clumped pile where some seagulls had been fooling around. Kiara remembered their pale, exsanguinated flesh and their hollow, terror-stricken eyes staring out into the distance. Some had been torn into pieces—chunks with their fins still attached, and some more morsel-like.

It was also around that time that whispers on the streets had wandered into her ears. Fishing boats came back with nothing to show or profit from for over a week. The fish market, the only remarkable revenue this little town ever seemed to consistently conjure up, suffered tremendously. Changing fishing spots did nothing for them—there was nothing to catch for miles out. The uncertainty of the situation was taking its toll as people began to panic.

While Kiara was insistently indifferent about the town, she knew it was only a matter of time before her own pockets began to suffer.

She grabbed onto the sail and opened it up to catch the wind. Within minutes, the boat had gained speed and pulled her out to the center of the bay. The moon seemed to hover just above the water. The pale light barely penetrated the bay--only cutting through a few feet at most. The beam from the lighthouse, however, seemed to illuminate the whole bay. The light would shine down methodically, revealing the depths below as if the water were made out of clear glass. When the light turned onto Kiara once again, the water revealed nothing unremarkable.

Kiara rubbed her hands together as she bent down to lift the bag from her feet. Carefully, she leaned over behind her and lowered it into the water. The seabird inside the bag thrashed in her hand, its body writhing to get away from the water. With a flick of her wrist, she pulled out a dagger from her belt and buried it to the hilt through the bag and into the bird’s neck. The bag only managed to flinch violently against the blade. Kiara twisted the handle before tugging it loose and letting go of the bag. The bright beacon from the tower returned just then, allowing Kiara to see the trail the bag had left behind in its descent. The blood had stained that spot of the bay a deep maroon, which diminished as the waves carried it away.

Kiara's eyes trailed across the water for any signs of movement. Her ears strained against the wind. The waves rocked the boat from below, the sound making it difficult to tell whether it churned out of coincidence or not.

She heard the water surge past her ears before she could register the presence behind her.

Kiara couldn't stop the instinctive gasp as the waves swallowed her down. A pair of arms wrapped tightly around her torso, pulling her backwards to slam into their front. When she attempted to flail her arms, long, webbed fingers came and latched onto her wrists like bony iron shackles. Twisting her neck around, she blinked through the water as they focused on a pair of glowing red eyes.

The creature that held her so tightly was what she expected—a merperson. And what a beautiful and harrowing sight he was, too. The one that held her now was pale in color and nearly translucent. The moonlight seemed to cut straight through him. His long, choppy hair fanned out around his head in the water. Kiara was able to see that there were big patches of hair missing from his scalp, making his hair seem almost wispy from how thin it was.

Before she could note any other features of the merman, his clawed fingers grabbed her jaw and twisted her face away. She stared wide-eyed at the underbelly of her sailboat as his jaw clamped down on her throat. She felt the prick of teeth scraping against her jugular.

The merman tightened his grip on her jawbone as he tried to bite down harder, the pressure building but never managing to break the skin.

Kiara took a deliberate breath, the water funneling up her nostrils and flowing out past her lips.

She felt the merman grunt into her throat before pulling away from her neck and adjusting his grip on her chin, his claws leaving divots against the fleshy parts of her face. The hand on her wrists fell away and landed onto her shoulder, at the same time, his other hand snapped her head off to the side. Once again, she felt the pressure build against his grip, but her throat stubbornly refused to split.

"Perhaps you'll have better luck with the knife?" Kiara offered patiently.

The merman hissed into her ear. His fingers tensed before shoving her away.

Whirling around, Kiara's hand shot out and caught his arm before he could flee from her. The surface of his skin felt soft and smooth and strangely firm. Keeping her grip tight to keep from slipping off, Kiara fought to get his attention as he thrashed and attempted to throw her off. He tried prying her grip off, hissing and snarling as he struggled. She used her spare arm to leverage his hand from hers, using that same arm to block her face when he tried to claw at her. Growling, she ducked past his claws and surged forward to crowd him.

"You and I need to talk," Kiara said firmly, her yellow eyes drilling deep into his red ones, "There is no place in this water that I don’t know the inside and out of, and I will be damned if I had to waste time hunting you down in my own home. To save us both the time and energy, I will be going back up to the surface for a civil conversation. I expect you to follow me."

Finally, she pushed herself away from the merman and began swimming towards her boat.

Breaking the surface, Kiara spat out the brackish bay water as she climbed back on board her boat. The water in her hair and in her clothes dripped and pooled around her feet. Her boots were thoroughly soaked, beyond help really. Groaning, she shucked them off and tossed them onto the other end of the boat.

Behind her, the light from her tower passed by. The light reflected off the water and into her eyes. She glanced to the side and was startled at the face that was just there and staring at her. No announcement of his arrival; no splash; no noise whatsoever.

The merman kept his face partially submerged, his nose barely floating above the water. The few long strands of hair he possessed clung to his shoulder blades while the shorter pieces made an aborted attempt to form a proper curl around his pointed ears. The bald patches were horrifically obvious from this angle—pale, fleshy scabs peppered along his scalp.

He glared at her from under his hooded eyelids as if he could spill her blood through sheer malice alone.

She dismissed the plunging feeling that began to settle in her stomach, instead distracting herself by wringing out the excess water from her hair.

"I don't judge you for trying to take me out," Kiara began, being sure to keep her voice within a patient, casual register, "I thought you would've gone after the seagull I captured for you in the sack, but I seemed to have underestimated your hunger."

She paused, giving him a chance to reply. But he didn’t. The merman remained eerily silent, his glare unrelenting and emotionless. Not so much as a twitch of an eye or a pursing of the lip.

After a beat of silence between the pair, Kiara attempted to start the conversation again, this time going for a more straightforward approach, "If you’re wondering about what…all that was about, I should tell you that was just part of my contract to the land, so to speak. While it's not your typical holy sanctuary, it still behaves like one so long as I don't do anything to jeopardize it. In short, I can't harm you, and you can't do any harm to me."

At that, his icy expression thawed around the edges. His eyes lost some of their predatory gleam as the pupils widened in recognition.

"...So, you’re a sea witch, then," the merman croaked, his voice raspy and hollow as he arose from the water just enough to speak clearly. Kiara caught a glimpse of his teeth as he spoke. They appeared human-like at first glance until she noticed the row of sharp teeth falling behind his front teeth.

Kiara nodded, “I am, yes. This part of the mainland has belonged to my family for generations now. I keep this area in balance, and the ocean rewards me with my magic.”

The merman rolled his eyes towards the second half of the sentence, “You don’t have to explain how the ocean works to me, dear.”

Nodding once again, Kiara propped her elbows on the edge of the boat. “Noted. Now that that’s settled,” she leaned forward slightly and continued in a neutral tone, "How about you explain to me why you are here?"

He drew back slightly, his face frosting up all over again, “Do I need a reason to be here? It’s quite clear that I’m not a danger to you.”

“That is true,” Kiara confirmed as gently as she could manage through narrow eyes and tight lips, “but there’s been some weird things happening in town lately that align with what I’ve noticed with you so far.”

The merman shrugged stubbornly, “I don’t see how that has anything to do with me.”

"You've been here for days," Kiara deadpanned, dismissing his comment. "There are only so many things in the ocean that could disrupt everything to this extent. The fact that you’re here and not out there with the pack makes me think that you’re the reason they’re there."

He huffed in irritation, glaring up at her down his nose but staying silent.

"Answer my damn question," Kiara snapped, the firm tone returning to her voice, "Tell me why you are here, or else I'll have no choice but to cast you out."

She and the merman held eye contact for a long moment. Kiara could feel her patience waning the longer the silence stretched out. She couldn’t hurt him, but she imagined flinging him out into the open ocean like a bag of flour, anyway.

Eventually, the merman's will to stay silent died. His ears twitched violently by his face as his gaze softened completely in resignation, "...It’s the lighthouse."

Kiara quirked her head to the side, dumbfounded for a moment. Her eyes glanced at the tower on the cliff, watching the revolving beam of light.

"What about it?" she asked.

The merman sighed in exasperation, as if the explanation were obvious, "It's a sign of human civilization—a rather obvious one at that. No other merperson would want to get close."

Kiara mulled over his words. She had read that most merfolk had a strong dislike, some outright hostility, towards humans. She recalled the stories her older sisters would tell her before bed to frighten her. Tales of merfolk luring ships into a watery grave for sport; of merfolk taking their drowned victims prisoner deep below the sea and molding them to join their ranks.

While Kiara knew there was some truth to her sisters' horror stories, she also grew to understand that while merfolk were insistently loathsome toward humans, they tended to keep their distance from human settlements to avoid being put in a situation that would put them at a disadvantage. That is why they usually hunted in packs under the cloak of moonlight in open waters, where they would have the upper hand.

Kiara took a second to look at the merman again. When the lighthouse struck his skin, his flesh lost its translucency and became more solid. Beneath the water, she could see the front of the merman’s chest where two gray nipples lay over a smooth chest. Further below, she saw the dark outline of a dorsal fin undulating to keep him upright.

Before Kiara could come to any conclusions, he continued, “I’m not some dangerous criminal on the run. I was a human—a magistrate on a trip across the ocean for some business when a pack of mermaids lured my ship into another one.

“Once I had fallen into the water after the collision, they found me, pulled me down and away from the sinking ships while I drowned, and made me one of their own. I’ve been theirs ever since,” he explained, his gaze locked on hers as if to ensure that she listened to everything he said.

Kiara’s eyebrows furrowed as she absorbed the new information that was placed in front of her.

“Not a runaway criminal then, but a runaway slave,” Kiara confirmed, her hands locked together over the edge of the boat. The merman looked carefully at Kiara before giving her a small nod, “And that pack out there is out there hunting you down to bring you back.”

He nodded again before adding on, “They don’t know that I’m here. I hide away in this bay because I know it’s a place they wouldn’t typically look. But I can’t leave now without them capturing me—I have to wait until they leave this town before I can move on.”

Kiara looked over to the mouth of the bay in thought. She could only imagine how many merpeople were just outside the bay. She knew that it was only a matter of time before they discovered her territory.

She frowned, a knot forming in her chest, “Part of my pact with the ocean is to respect its power and sovereignty. The merpeople are directly tied to the ocean’s sovereignty. Letting you stay here would put me in danger.”

“Please don’t cast me out,” the merman pleaded, to her surprise. He looked up at her with the softest look in his eyes, “I won’t let them find this place. I swear once it’s safe, I’ll leave.”

Kiara rubbed her face, a sigh barreling out of her chest. There were no morals when it came to the ocean, but it did come with a tight leash.

The selfish part of her wanted to stay out of this conflict completely. To send him out and find another way to survive. But the human part of her felt dread at the idea of turning him away. He was a slave trying to escape to freedom. The kind of person she should protect, no matter the circumstances.

Kiara glanced back at the merman, who looked back at her in kind. There was no trace of that predatory, malicious intent on him. Just naked fear and desperation.

Her shoulders dropped as something clicked into place in her mind: “Make a deal with me.”

He tilted his head at her, an incredulous expression on his face.

“A contract between a merperson and a sea witch would bypass anything preventing me from helping you. I can give you protection in my territory so long as you swear to protect me and the bay in kind,” she explained carefully.

The merman blinked at her as her words landed on him, “…What’s the catch?”

“No catch,” she insisted, “You stay here until it’s safe for you to leave. You keep your presence here a secret from anyone outside of the territory. In exchange, you have full immunity here. I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe until it’s time for you to go.”

He considered this through another lapse of silence between the two. Kiara waited patiently, allowing him the opportunity to turn the idea over in his head.

Finally, he gave a slow and cautious nod.

Kiara sighed in relief. Straightening out her shoulders and shutting her eyes, she concentrated on the sound of the waves and the water that was still dripping off her skin. She muttered the words of the contract under her breath, a familiar feeling in her gut expanding and convulsing with every commandment. As she spoke, the water that pooled at her feet began to turn black and gravitate toward her. It felt like an oil trail was crawling up her leg, over her stomach, and down her arm to collect in the palm of her hand.

When she brought her hand to her chest and the water began to shimmer a golden color, she opened her eyes and spoke up, “I’ll need your name.”

The merman had lifted himself a little higher out of the water. He had propped himself on the edge of the boat, his entire upper body now above the water as he watched her work in silence. Upon hearing her address him, he flinched minutely in surprise.

“…Astarion,” he murmured.

Kiara nodded, whispering the final portion of the spell. The hand she held to her chest began to glow incandescently.

Carefully, she placed that hand on the merman’s shoulder. The water that was in her palm began to sink into where their skin met. She felt the water sink into her hand, shoot up her arm, and into her chest. She saw Astarion twitch under her hand as the water spread out through him as well.

Lifting her hand away, Kiara nodded with a smile, “There. It’s done. Mutual protection and a haven for you.”

Astarion nodded solemnly, a distant look in his eye as he lowered himself back into the water. He quietly drifted away from the boat, his back turning away from her.

Kiara’s eyes widened as she caught a glimpse of the state of his back. Barnacles of assorted sizes were scattered across his body, trailing around and beneath his prominent shoulder blades, down his spine, and up his neck. She saw the few that were attached to the back of his scalp.

Before she could stop herself, she spoke up again, “I’m Kiara Crowley, by the way.”

Astarion paused, turning his head back to look at her.

Kiara swallowed, suddenly feeling timid, “…I hope to see you again.”

He watched her silently, a thoughtful gleam in his eyes. In a fluid motion that shocked her and revolted her to her core, he shot her a sultry smile and blew her a kiss before diving under the waves.

She barely had any time to react before his dorsal fin slammed down and splashed water at her face as he left.

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the mermay fic may have to wait until tomorrow to be posted. either it’ll be out later on tonight or tomorrow morning.

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Alright, the astarion merman fic is basically done, I just gotta proofread it and edit it.

I’ve decided that the title will be “Due Dedication for the Thalassic.” Can you tell I’m an English major? Lol

Part 1 ended up being over 2,000 words long 😵‍💫

There is a possibility that this’ll be three parts. I’ll see how this week goes when I start writing Part 2.

I’ll be posting on here, ao3, and wattpad. I’ll post links on my page tomorrow after I post Part 1.

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Siren

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"Unascended" Astarion

Why I love the Spawn ending and why it's not "lesser"

Up until now, I've been lucky to stay on the Spawn-supportive side of the fandom, but yesterday, I stumbled upon some Ascendant-supportive interpretations, some of which surprised or even upset me. I want to make clear that my intention is not to point fingers here - I just want to work through my emotions and put the feeling into words, because, honestly, I felt a lot yesterday. Also, I think it's a great opportunity to share my own view: why I love his Spawn ending and think it is beautiful.

Let’s go through some points I’ve seen brought up:

"Unascended" Astarion

I’m not sure if this is a unified term for Spawn Astarion, but I’ve seen several posts refer to him as “Unascended.” That phrasing alone feels invalidating - as if he’s lesser or incomplete because he didn’t take the power offered. In a way, it echoes how Ascended Astarion refers to his former self, calling him pathetic.

But the Spawn ending isn’t about not ascending - it’s about reclaiming himself. This Astarion isn’t “less than.” He’s the same man they say they fell for, but now he’s free to grow, reflect, and choose who he wants to become.

"Miserable" Astarion

The moment when Astarion breaks down in tears after killing Cazador and then says he feels numb is mentioned a lot.

There’s a claim that it shows he’s miserable and regrets not ascending - in contrast to the Ascended version who laughs and says he feels alive.

But this interpretation completely misreads the moment. That breakdown isn’t weakness. It isn’t regret at having missed an opportunity. It’s emotional, cathartic release.

He just faced the man who controlled and tortured him for centuries, resisted over ultimate temptation with power, and chose to break the vicious cycle. He is finally free - not just to live to but grieve too.

Killing Cazador didn't erase or undo everything that happened, but it gave him space to feel it.

Up until now, survival was taking all the space, but now that the overpowering shadow of his former master is finally lifted, he feels empty, numb.

With that cry, Astarion releases the pain he was carrying for so long, mourning everything that was stolen from him, and feeling the weight of finally being free.

And there is this huge relief that it is finally over.

So he cries - and this is a perfectly natural and deeply human reaction. Crying isn't bad - it's a way to deal with strong emotions.

Meanwhile, the Ascended version laughs, high on power and control, - a very different kind of reaction.

“Depressed” Astarion

Some say that Astarion seems miserable or depressed in the Spawn ending. But what I see is the opposite: he’s calmer, more grounded, and more honest. They are concerned because he doesn’t constantly joke or flirt like before. But that version of Astarion - the flamboyant, seductive, constantly smirking version - was his mask. A performance he relied on over centuries to survive.

In the Spawn path, he still uses it from time to time - old habits die hard. But now, with Tav, he doesn’t need it. He’s safe enough to be real - to show vulnerability, to ask for connection, to speak softly and show doubt. Yes, his tone changes. He’s more serious, but that’s not sadness - it’s growth that shows in calm self-reflection.

That some interpret as a “loss of charm” is actually him finally lowering his defenses. He speaks softly, shows doubt, asks for real connection and allows himself to be seen. That’s vulnerability and real strength.

Well, of course, he can feel sad too. He needs time to process. And that's how the healing starts. It can't be a 100% nice and pleasant experience - it will be painful, ugly, even - but in a necessary, honest way, with shaking and tears. But you need to get through the thorns to reach the stars.

"Rejecting" Astarion

There’s a moment in the Spawn ending where Tav can offer to protect him now that he’s still a vampire spawn, and Astarion gently declines. I saw someone interpret this as a sign of distrust - that Astarion can’t forgive Tav for denying him the chance to walk in the sun, and that he’s pushing them away to protect himself.

Yes, Tav’s wording may come off a bit awkward - “I’ll protect you” - but I believe it is said out of love: a sincere attempt to comfort and reassure.

And Astarion’s reply is a gentle refusal. He accepts their care, but sets a new boundary. He doesn't seek to rely on someone strong anymore - he wants to be his own protector, because now he believes he is enough.

That’s the new strength he found in rejecting the stolen power promised by the Rite.

"Strong" Astarion

There’s an idea that the Ascended path gives Astarion power and confidence, while the Spawn path leaves him weak and miserable.

But that confidence? Try asking Ascended Astarion about his past - about Cazador. He snaps. He doesn’t want to talk. He lashes out.

Spawn Astarion, by contrast, can talk about it. He faces it, even when it hurts.

Ascended Astarion might have new powers, but inside, he is weaker than ever.

He might look invincible, might say all the pretty words about being in control, but he’s emotionally cut off. He’s angry, reactive, guarded. He doesn’t want his past mentioned because it still owns him. Why? Because he became its embodiment, continuing the wicked cycle of power-seeking and domination.

The powers gave him control, but cost him everything else: his softness, his openness, his ability to grow. He becomes what he used to hate, and that’s not freedom - that’s entrapment by another name.

I think the tragedy is that Ascended Astarion no longer believes in love or trust - only in power, and the illusion of safety it brings.

In contrast, Spawn Astarion chooses trust: in himself, in Tav, in friendship, in this world. He chooses life, with all its mess and uncertainty.

Yes, he has limitations as a spawn. But don't we all have them, one way or another? These limitations don't make us less valuable. And yes, he mourns them, mourns the sunlight and everything else that was stolen from him. And that's human. But it doesn't mean he regrets his choice. He embraces what he can have: love, freedom, real connection, the chance to shape his own path.

And it is very brave to learn to face your shadows and work through them, so they won't hold you back or make you feel bad about yourself. It can make one stronger and more compassionate toward other people's weaknesses. It reminds me of this quote that stuck with me when I saw it:

"Do you understand the violence it took to become this gentle?" (Nitya Prakash)

Astarion isn’t “perfect” in the Spawn ending. He’s still learning, still healing, still growing. But for the first time in his life, he’s doing it on his own terms. He is not rid of his wounds and uncertainty. The Ascended path is covering the scars with glamor and denial. But these scars don’t make Astarion someone less, they make him real. And his choice - to remain himself rather than become someone he used to hate - is strength, not loss.

The Ascended path closes its eyes on the inconvenient moments, unable to handle them. Believing that version of him is happy and content is doing the same - painting castles in the sky instead of looking at the radiant in its messiness truth.

"Humbled" Astarion

Another criticism I saw was that Astarion thanks Tav for being patient with him. And trusting him "when it was objectively stupid."

The argument was that he shouldn’t feel grateful for being “tolerated,” that this shows low self-worth and implies an unhealthy dynamic where love is conditional.

But loving someone “as they are” doesn’t mean you resist their growth. You can see someone’s potential and want this for them, but still cherish them in every stage of becoming. Patience in love isn’t about wanting to fix your loved one - it’s holding space for them while they are looking for their way to their better selves. It's about seeing someone with all their flaws and wounds and staying beside them anyway. Not closing your eyes and pretending everything is fine.

When Astarion says “thank you for being patient,” it’s not self-deprecation, it's recognition. It’s him saying: "I know I was difficult. And I’m so grateful you stayed."

Astarion was still discovering who he was. He believed in a cruel system, and it took time, trust, and care to step outside it. It’s a deeply vulnerable moment of acknowledging that he was in the process of relearning who he truly was, beyond what Cazador told him to be, shaking off centuries of trauma and manipulation. And it takes immense courage to face it.

So Tav’s patience is a form of love. A love that doesn’t rush him. That looks beyond a mask or performance. A love that quietly waits beside him until he’s ready. When Astarion says next that he feels “safe and seen”, it's everything. He’s not being humbled in the sense of being diminished or broken - he’s grounding himself.

Astarion gains a deeper understanding of himself - the freedom to feel everything fully and still keep going. That’s not being less. That’s becoming whole.

And yes - this humility is strength. A strength that the Ascended Astarion refused. He cannot grow, he's entraped, frozen in a performance of power, unable to confront or heal from the pain that shaped him into what he chose to become.

But Spawn Astarion can move forward. That’s why his “thank you for being patient” means something. Because he finally knows himself. Or at least starting to get to know himself. And he chooses to be loved as that man.

Conclusion

The tragedy of the Ascended path is that Astarion loses the one thing he fought so hard for: himself.

He doesn't believe in love anymore, only in power and control. He inherited the world that Cazador painted for him.

But the Spawn path is about choosing to live. To feel. To love.

Astarion chooses to leave the past behind and start again. To face uncertainty and shadows as himself, not as a vampire lord.

And hearing someone rob him of this, invalidate and pity for this choice... honestly? It hurts. And yes, I do feel angry about it.

I do try not to blame or disrespect people who see this so differently, but it doesn't mean I can't have emotions about this. So I needed to vent in the most civilized way possible.

Still, no one can take that from him, our Radiant Hopeful.

[how-interesting-wow]

WIP Wednesday

Here's a snippet of the Merman!Astarion fic that I'll be posting this Saturday.

Kiara couldn't stop the instinctive gasp as the waves swallowed her down. She felt a pair of arms wrapped tightly around her torso, and her back slammed into a hard surface. When she attempted to move her arms, long, bony fingers came and latched onto her wrists like iron shackles. Twisting her neck around, she blinked through the water as they focused on a pair of glowing red eyes.

The creature that held her so tightly was what she expected--a merperson. The one that held her now was pale in color, practically translucent. His curls fanned out around his head in the water, accentuating the fins that protruded out of his face. Kiara could see that there were big patches of hair missing from his head, making his hair seem almost wispy. In her peripheries, she could see that his gills flared open and shut with every breath he took.

Before she could note any other features on the merman, his clawed fingers grabbed her jaw and twisted her head away. She stared wide-eyed as his mouth clamped down on her throat. She felt the prick of teeth pressing against her neck.