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i don’t exist out of my own head and i’m not saying this in a wow that’s deep man kinda way like i genuinely cannot comprehend that ppl may think of me or talk about me or perceive me at all and not in a insecure way either just in a wtf i exist way

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why is it that when i beg the universe for love i feel like a child kicking and screaming for a toy their parent refuses to buy for them. i see this colorful shiny thing that other kids get to enjoy and i want it for myself; i want to experience the joy of owning it, of playing with it, of saying that this toy is mine and it makes me happy. i beg and beg and beg and beg but when its finally given to me, out of annoyance, i no longer want it because now it doesn’t feel genuine. i had to fight and claw at my skin for this simple luxury to be given to me genuinely, only for it to be given out of obligation, to make the begging stop.

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unpunishable - ethel cain / georgia o'keeffe

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i’m so unused to feeling loved that when it finally does come my way i’m afraid i will be akin to a feral cat. i’ll bite and claw and hiss and yowl and the hair on my nape will raise in warning of the blood i can draw in my fear of putting my trust into the hands of this person who claims to love me. and even more i fear that they will not be patient with me, that they will give up before my hackles lower and my hisses turn to purrs and i lean into those tender touches that i have never had the pleasure of feeling before. because even if the idea of someone loving me has seemed impossible does not mean i do not yearn for it.

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By Andrew Blucha

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Guo Pei Spring/Summer 2018 Couture: Elysium

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AR Climate Control by Karl Sisson https://www.artstation.com/artwork/dOx5Qe

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Apparitions - Fallen Angels by Victor Hugo Harmatiuk

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B A S E L I N E_

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then, anxiety kicks in

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LOVE YOURSELF 轉 ‘TEAR’ — COLLECTIONS

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[persona] 

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DIRECTED BY 전정국

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bts - mots: persona \ 19.04.12 [insp]

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hope world by j-hope // tracklist

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When it rains I get a little feeling that I do have a friend asks me if I’m doing well and I answer, I’m still a hostage of life

#mono | stream forever rain on youtube

[click for higher resolution]

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singularity