ialwayswondered

[ialwayswondered]

cas successfully babytrapping dean twice IS iconic don't get me wrong but we really do need to talk about crowley trying to babytrap dean with amara more often. he had the VISION. he put that newborn baby into dean's arms and SAID 'let's raise her together<3' versus cas who just kinda abandons his kids on dean's doorstep for random stretches of time

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i am literally going insane

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oh dean absolutely dooms sam when he says “i’ll take you home” (meaning back to stanford/jessica) at the end of the pilot. by naming it home he instantly makes it place sam can never return to. jessica’s fate isn’t sealed until that moment i think. it’s the utterance of home…it’s dean acknowledging that sam now has another home, makes it so jessica must burn. because you can never, ever go back home. and well….i’m also thinking about how dean dooms himself years later when he gets cas back and he welcomes him into his arms and calls themselves home. he should’ve known then, he’d only end up losing cas again sooner or later. home is a place and home is a person and home is something you can never keep, is the ongoing lesson and tragedy of their lives. 

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but dean didn’t reciprocate…ohkaaay…

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"Dean Winchester is straight. He said he didn't swing that way!!"

Meanwhile Dean Winchester:

BONUS

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so jensen's gayass song was about destiel this entire time. have to give it to deranged destiel fans, when they're right they're right.

[ialwayswondered]

there is such a heartbreaking moment between Dean and Castiel in episode 9.06 ("Heaven Can't Wait"). when Dean and Cas visit the high school parking lot where a girl was disintegrated by a Rit Zen angel, and Dean says that they've gotta stop him, Castiel is looking at him. he is, alright?, he's staring at Dean as he watches him connect the dots and deduce what must be done to stop the killing spree.

here's the thing, though. as soon as Dean states that they have to stop him, Castiel's face drops, and he softly corrects Dean ("You have to stop him") before looking away. when he does, Dean realises that Cas is scared, and this prompts Castiel to explain that things are different now that he isn't an angel anymore. now that Metatron stole his grace, and now that he's Steve the gas-n-sip cashier who's got a date with Nora.

as he says this, as he looks through the passenger window because he for some reason cannot meet Dean's eyes while he admits to not wanting in on the case and to fearing what could happen to him if he tags along—Dean is looking at him. but then.

then Dean says that Castiel is right, and it's Dean's turn to look away and stare right ahead as he pretends that this doesn't hurt deeply. so he says that it's okay, that he'll figure out how to find the angel and stop him, and Cas looks away. he cannot meet Dean's eyes, and all he says, time and time again, is "okay".

which is made even worse by how Dean tells him to stay safe, to go on that date and live a normal human life. you can see Dean's guarding his true feelings, which is something he doesn't usually do around Castiel, and you can tell that he doesn't truly mean what he's saying. or perhaps it'd be more accurate to say that he does mean it—but does not feel alright with it. he doesn't look sincere and genuine, the way he did when he wished Charlie well on her journey to Oz or every time he told other characters to go live their best lives. nah, he doesn't. instead he looks and sounds hollow, and if you've watched more than two episodes you know that this is how Dean acts when he's protecting himself from pain. by acting nonchalant, and by trying to numb himself enough that it won't be obvious to anyone around him.

this isn't him accepting Castiel's decision to stay out of it. this is him pushing the pain down so he can deal with it later, once he's safe from prying eyes and concerned angels. and it makes so much sense, alright? the one thing that Dean fears the most is happening with Castiel, who raised him from perdition and is the only creature Dean has ever prayed to. as Dean has stated at least twice, he needs Castiel. he cannot do this without Castiel. and as he has shown time and time again throughout the series, what Castiel is doing to him right now is what hurts him the most, and it isn't death or change or rejection. it is abandonment.

so watch his face as he pretends to cope, and think about what must be brewing behind the scenes. behind the walls he's put up so that he can keep his feelings to himself. he looks ahead and doesn't meet Castiel's eyes. then Castiel points out awkwardly that he needs a ride back to the store, but even then you can tell that his smile is fake. so is his silence, because he is itching to scream at Castiel that he doesn't get to do this, he cannot just walk out on him. this is Dean Winchester, whose sharp tongue is infamous, and he doesn't say a fucking thing as he starts the engine.

he is in turmoil, and i cannot even begin to describe how much it breaks my heart to see his defence mechanisms kick in around Castiel.

[ialwayswondered]

Nice Tombstone reference you got there.

I wonder what, exactly, about this case - the case they all went on together right after Cas was brought back from the Empty - was so special that Dean’s unconscious mind manifested those cut-outs in the bar inside his head.

Also, shout-out to the bisexual-coloured beer sign hanging like a halo above Cas’ head in the first screenshot.

[ialwayswondered]

Is it just me or does having a positive interaction with a stranger scratch a very particular itch? I think it's the reassurance that the world is not split solely into people who already love you and people who never will.

[ialwayswondered]

migraine experiencer sam winchester. nosebleed haver sam winchester. mentally ill sam winchester. wasting away from consumption sam winchester. love a girl with ailments

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The way they’re literally in order.

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Don't you dare look down your nose at me. You're not better than I am.

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"maybe angels don't need to breathe." well maybe the angel didn't need to breathe until he met you. he touched your soul once and gasped in surprise and he couldn't stop consuming the air surrounding you ever since, yearning for a lingering taste.

[ialwayswondered]

4x22 is such a masterpiece for moments like this but. when dean and cas are arguing and dean punches cas to establish that cas is so physically strong and such an immovable powerful force that getting punched in the face did not hurt him at all and actually hurt dean a lot more and quite possibly even broke dean's hand. and then like a minute and a half later they do this

oooo how sexy how crunchy how delicious this little shove is.. oh little angel allowing himself to be moved by a human he's saying "please convince me please yell at me please tell me to do this because if you ask me one more time i'll do it i'll do it for you"

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will never stop being funny actually. they straight up are just not listening to him at all.