iamasunflowerblog

[iamasunflowerblog]

|June 6, 2025|

Title: "The Drink I Never Got to Give You"

Today, I saw you again.

You and her.

It wasn’t planned. I wasn’t prepared. I had even bought you a drink — a small, silly gesture I thought might bridge the silence between us. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I just missed how things used to be. Maybe I hoped you'd smile, say thank you, maybe… just see me again.

But then she appeared, and suddenly I felt invisible. Like I didn’t belong in that moment. Like I was trespassing in a space that once held our conversations, our energy — and now held hers.

So I walked past you both. No drink. No words. No “hey, how are you?” Just silence.

And in that silence, I felt the ache of every memory we ever shared.

You used to message me back. You used to smile when you saw me.

Now we’re strangers. We share a contact list but not a connection. You react to my statuses like we’re still something, but in real life… I’m just a face in the crowd to you.

And I hate that I still hoped today.

I hate that some small, stubborn part of me still believes you’ll wake up and choose me.

That I still want to be chosen — by someone who already made his choice.

I know I should let go.

I know I should stop wondering what I did wrong, or why she was enough when I wasn’t.

But letting go of you feels like letting go of something unfinished, like I’m trying to grieve a story that never even got its ending.

Still… I showed up for myself today.

Even when it hurt.

Even when I had to pretend it didn’t.

And that’s something.

Maybe one day, I’ll stop writing letters you’ll never read.

But for now, I’ll keep pouring my heart out —

not for you,

but for me.

— Me 🤎

[iamasunflowerblog]

|June 5, 2025|

Title: When Silence Speaks Louder Than Words

Dear G and Ty,

I never got to say everything I wanted to.

And maybe that's for the best.

You both showed me different versions of heartbreak - one sharp and chaotic, the other quiet and confusing. With G, I knew love could burn like fire, and with Ty, I learned love could disappear like smoke.

Both left me cold.

I used to think closure had to come from you - an apology, a change, a message. But lately, I'm realizing that sometimes closure comes from silence. From unanswered texts. From walking past each other like strangers. From watching you choose someone else - not because I wasn't good enough, but because you weren't ready to meet me where I needed to be met.

I still have moments where I scroll through old chats, where I wonder, "What if," where I hope the phone will light up with your name. And I hate that. I hate how much space you still take up in my heart. But I've also learned not to shame myself for it. It just means I loved deeply and that isn't weakness. That's beautiful.

But today, I want to make peace with the silence.

I want to stop expecting answers that will never come.

I want to stop hoping that you'll return - because even if you did, I'm not the same girl anymore.

You don't get to come back when I've finally started healing.

You don't get to watch me bloom after helping bury me.

Not this time.

I'm writing this not to bring you back - but to set myself free.

- Me 🤎

[iamasunflowerblog]

|June 4, 2025|

Title: The Weight I Never Spoke Of

Dear Me,

Here's what I've been carrying - quietly, heavily, deeply.

I've been carrying the weight of love that never got a proper ending. A love that was once soft, but turned sharp, confusing, and painful. G - he was everything I thought I wanted. He was the person I forgave when I shouldn't have had to. The one I chose over my own peace so many times. And I carried the hope that maybe... just maybe... he'd choose me back. Entirely. Without fear. Without violence. Without doubt.

But he didn't.

Instead, he chose something else - someone else. And even though I said I was done, my heart didn't follow my words. I asked him to wait, not because I didn't love him, but because I wanted to meet him with both of my feet planted firmly on the ground. But he couldn't wait. And now I'm left holding a love that has nowhere to go.

Then came Ty- unexpectedly calm and kind. He helped me in ways I didn't ask for but deeply needed. He gave me soft moments when my world still felt rough. And I let myself fall for him. But the truth is... I was a pit stop on his road to someone else. He said he wasn't ready, but he got ready - just not for me. That hurt in a way I wasn't prepared for.

I've been carrying the sting of rejection. The fear of being easy to leave. The silence between messages that used to make me smile. I've been carrying questions like,

"Why not me?"

"Wasn't I enough?"

"Did I matter at all?"

But even in this pain, a quiet voice whispers,

"You are still here. Still breathing. Still worthy."

Today, I'm not writing to them. I'm writing to Me.

To the girl who loved with everything she had.

To the girl who deserves so much more than breadcrumbs of affection.

To the girl who is slowly choosing herself even through the tears.

This is my first step.

This is where I begin again.

- Me 🤎