iamchrissi

[iamchrissi]

Jason as those AO3 authors who have the worst tragedies happening to them and yet still continues to pump out his new chapter every week

Some poor, unbeknownst Gothamite: “My favorite fanfic writer hasn’t posted or updated any of their fanfic in like four years. I don’t want to bug them but I’m always hoping for them to come back. I hope their okay :( ”

Jason, in between cutting off right hand mens heads and antagonize black mask, like Really Living It Up: “hey, sorry, guys! I know it’s been forever! I literally died and clawed my way back from zombiehood, but I’m back now! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!”

[iamchrissi]

“I have no idea why Lex Corps.' stocks dropped by eight points, I was over there dancing with an elderly lady.”

[iamchrissi]

Robin has bird-a-rangs, Batman has bat-a-rangs, Nightwing has wing-dings…

I’m sure Red Hood has some canonical projectile that is specific to him but I personally think it’s funny if Jason’s chosen projectile was just a commingled hodgepodge of his family’s projectiles that he’s found scattered throughout the city. He never knows which one he’s gonna pull out, so the angle and speed at which he must throw it is different every time, which only lends to his reputation of being a master marksman.

[iamchrissi]

Reporter: So, any plans for the new year?

Brucie Wayne: I’m looking forward to spending more time with my kids. Getting involved in their hobbies. You know, just some good ol’ quality family time.

Reporter: *practically cooing*

Meanwhile, back at the manor with this interview on the tv

Tim: Oh, cause of course I could NEVER handle a case on mY oWn.

Jason: Great. Now I’m going to have to change safe houses again.

Dick: I just debugged my apartment and now you’re telling me I’m going to have to do it AGAIN?

Duke: Oh sure, he’s says that *now* but when I want to go somewhere he’s going to be all “that’s dangerous, Duke,” and “please stop jumping off of methods of transportation.” Please.

Damian: How likely am I to be able to use this statement against Father in order to get another cat?

Steph: He’d better not be counting me as one of those kids. We do NOT need more quality time together.

Cass: ☺️

[iamchrissi]

i love the idea of the batfam wearing each other's merch cause like. i know they'd be petty about it. usually they'd wear their siblings merch in (kinda) equal rotations, but they'd change it up depending on sibling squabbles or sibling favours. Tim, walking into the kitchen in a Red Hood shirt: Dick: TIM!? Tim: what Dick: it's Tuesday. you always wear Nightwing merch on Tuesdays. Tim: oh. Tim: you stole my last granola bar, last week. Steph, looking for something in Jason's room: JASON WHY DO YOU HAVE EVERYONE'S MERCH BUT MINE?! Jason, peeking into the room: i have your merch. in the trash. Steph: WHY Jason: you hit me with a blue shell in mario kart last game night. i'm never forgiving you. Damian, sporting a full-on Red Robin hoodie: Tim: woah. what brought this on? you usually only exclusively wear Batman or Nightwing merch Damian: you helped me take that splinter out of Alfred's paw yesterday. Richard on the other hand has recently messed up my painting palette. Dick, from the other room: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Damian: he'll get over it. Cass, wearing Nightwing merch for the 5th day in a row: Jason: goddamn. what did Dickie do to get in your good graces like this? Cass, smiling: he made me a flower crown Jason: ... that's it? Cass: it was a very nice flower crown. Dick, buying seven Signal shirts: One for everyone. Duke, behind him: Dick, you really don't-- Dick: shhhh, sunshine. everyone will love your new merch. (they all wore exclusively Signal merch for a week straight) Bruce isn't allowed to change up his rotation or not wear someone's merch because he immediately gets accused of playing favourites. He'd rather keep some of his sanity, thank you.

[iamchrissi]

I've seen a lot of posts about Batman using his Bruce Wayne alter ego for the good of Gotham: job programs for felons released from prison, orphanages, charities, high wages for his employees, ethical business practices...the legendary post where Bruce Wayne goes to Wal-Mart.

Thus far I've never personally seen anybody really dig into the persona of Bruce Wayne the Billionaire Playboy. A handsome, rich, powerful man who always is seen at fancy galas, art openings, charity dinners, and wild parties with at least one beautiful woman on his arm.

We know Bruce Wayne is the mask, and its Batman who has a...complex love life, depending on the iteration we're talking about. Talia, Catwoman, sometimes Wonder Woman.

Bruce Wayne's dates, on the other hand, are all "normal" people. Maybe they're an aspiring actress, a supermodel, a prima ballerina, the occasional reporter...and every time there's that bit of nervousness at the start.

Sure everyone knows Bruce Wayne. Everyone knows the story with him. Sometimes his wilder parties make the news, but there's never really been anything nasty reported about him. Never...allegations. But he's a billionaire. He's one of the most powerful people in the whole city, nevermind the country. If he did have some skeletons in his closet. Well. Men with power have a way of making those kinds of stories go away, don't they?

As time goes on the Date's fears dissipate pretty quickly. Bruce Wayne is nothing but polite, kind, and at times charmingly awkward in an 'raised by his butler in a mansion' kind of way with his dates. Some of them can tell he's holding back, of course. Maybe the more perceptive Dates notice he's smarter than he lets on - playing the himbo or hamming up the "no-nothing rich boy" act to the cameras or some of his wealthy peers.

He also listens, is the thing. He's always listening to what they're saying, is interested in hearing about their careers, their hobbies, their lives. Really listens, too. Might refer to something a Date said weeks later off-hand. Buy out the whole museum for a private dinner date with a famous painting from an obscure artist they like, or a private performance with another's favorite band.

He has anecdotes and funny stories for days that somehow says very little about his personal life. The Dates know he has kids (it's practically a running gag in the news that Bruce Wayne has adopted yet another orphan) and maybe she might spot one of them at the mansion, but Bruce seems very keen to shelter them from any intense spotlight and scrutiny, and they all seem happy if a bit weird like him.

Eventually, there's drifting. He's a very busy man, with a very busy schedule. On more than on occasion his nice old butler will call and extend apologies that Mr. Wayne will not be able to make it this evening. Sometimes it's virtually impossible to get a hold of him over the phone. After a while they stop trying. None of them feel quite surprised by that. In the end, it just doesn't work. Sure, he's a little distant and doesn't make himself emotionally available...but he's not a bad person.

Especially when the so-called "exes" of Bruce Wayne start networking. Gotham isn't a small city, but the social circles Bruce Wayne travels in aren't as big. They don't quite gossip or complain about him. More like...who else would get it?

(I touched his side once and he winced...like he'd been hurt real bad there. He laughed and said it was tackle polo. How does that even-?)

(Somehow, after two dates, he saw right through me and listened while I told him what that casting director tried to do. He nodded, gave me the contact details of a law firm, and said not to worry about the legal fees.)

(I don't know for sure it was him, but it can't be a coincidence that my building got bought out from under my shitty landlord and we were all able to buy our apartments under market value.)

(He got my brother in the best rehab program in the city after his relapse. It probably saved his life. We'd stopped dating months ago, I still don't know how he found out.)

(He gave me a card with a phone number and told me that if I was ever in trouble to call it. Said one of his cars would come to pick me up, any time, any place, no questions asked. The one time I did have to use it after a bad party, it was Alfred.)

I think any tabloid reporter digging around for salacious stories or dirt about Bruce Wayne's love life would be completely and politely stonewalled when they try asking his former Dates. Even when money is offered. Every single one of them.

[iamchrissi]

He works alone.

[iamchrissi]

I bet the JL has a “how fucked are we” metric that’s literally just how many of Bruce’s kids are there.

Like if he pulls up to the alien invasion or whatever with just Robin, then everything’s fine. More than fine, actually, because Bruce feels comfortable enough to bring his eight year old along for the ride. This battle will take approximately fifteen minutes and they’ll all get shawarma after. Not fucked in the slightest.

But if Red Robin shows up too… hmm, okay, this is getting somewhat serious. Tim is one of Bruce’s most trusted partners; he’s the smart Robin, the tactician, the loyal one, and so if Batman brought him along then it means he’s at least a little bit worried about shit hitting the fan and wants one his advisors around. But the combined brain power of Bruce and Tim is pretty much unmatched (DC plot armor for the win), so everything will be fine, basically. Superman might take a hit, but everything’s going to be fine. Just keep calm and you’ll all make it home in time to Door Dash some Panda Express before it closes. So not that fucked.

It starts to get serious after that. When Signal and Spoiler roll up the scene, shit has definitely hit the fan. Batman’s worried enough to call in reinforcements and he’s probably doubting the League’s ability to listen/obey his orders, so he needs a backup plan in case things go really south. But with Signal’s abilities and Steph’s superpower of turning anything into a joke, chances are you’ll be okay. Maybe impaled or something, but okay. But still, fucked.

When Nightwing shows, the JL knows it’s starting to get dicey out on the field. See, Nightwing’s got his own team, his own issues—the fact that he set that all aside to help out his dad is cause for concern. On a scale from 1-10, they are at a 7. Above moderately fucked.

And… oh God. Black Bat? Most of the time the JL doesn’t even see her, but once she makes herself known and starts fighting alongside her siblings, they all start to silently freak out. Black Bat is a fucking machine and if she’s breaking a sweat trying to fight the Big Bad, things are definitely not going to go well. They start praying that Batman figures something out. They freak out. They are intrinsically fucked.

But God Forbid you catch sight of the Red Hood. The prodigal son is a legitimate killer, and if Batman’s letting him blow out brains then the JL knows he’s desperate. And a desperate Batman is not good. At all. They are definitely fucked.

[iamchrissi]

but like what if none of the Robins ever fully got over not being Robin anymore and it makes them highly effective but burnt out adult vigilantes because they’re always chasing a different world where it’s just them and Batman, partner and partner, forever? and even if/when Bruce treats them with respect and as full heroes in their own right, they lash out at him without realizing. because he took that world away from them. that simplicity. he gave them Robin and he took it away, maybe not on purpose. but.

[iamchrissi]

Saw someone wondering about how the buildings in gotham are chipped from years of the bats grappling everywhere and am now imagining

- the bats swing around all the time but in certain areas they tend to parkour instead of grapple

- after a couple of them have close calls of falling, gothamites realise its bc the buildings are too weak in places to use the hooks safely anymore

- in starts in one neighborhood but quickly spreads throughout gotham; people get into the habit of checking their roofs for chips and cracks and start painting them

- different places do it different ways, some people use bright neon colours, an apartment block keeps a tin of glow-in-the-dark paint in the rooftop garden for anyone to use, one children's shelter fills the chips in with glitter glue

- slowly but surely the gotham skyline becomes a starry night with stars of paint and colour, marking the weakpoints so they can be seen even in the darkest of the city's nights

[iamchrissi]

you’re twelve years old and you break your father’s hand when he hi-fives you. the first thing you learn is that the smallest slip up can hurt the people you love. your (foster) father smiles and says it’s okay (it’s not). 

your parents are not your parents. the idyllic farming community that raised you is not your home. you’re a You-Don’t-Know-What from You-Don’t-Know-Where. all you know for sure is that you’re not human. 

so you can fly. so you can run fast. so you can lift cars. so what? why do you even have this power? what should you even do with it? 

your father said do what’s right, so that’s what you do. 

you stop a robbery. the man’s knife shatters against your skin and you see the same fear in his eyes that you saw in your father’s when you were twelve. you catch a falling child before it can hit the water. his mother looks at you like you’re a god. 

they love you, even though they don’t know you. the most powerful man in the world hates you because they love you. 

you wanted to write when you were younger. you wanted to tell stories that needed to be told. you never wanted to star in them. you never wanted super-geniuses and demi-goddesses looking to you for advice; like you have any idea how to handle threats to reality itself. you’re just a kid from smallville who’s trying to do the best he can with what he’s given. 

you try and get back to the farm as much as you can. it feels normal being back among the open wheat; where everyone smiles because you’re that nice Kent boy. 

when you were younger, you pretended to fly, hands out to your sides and running through the tall grass by the river. it doesn’t look as beautiful from on high; the details get lost and the colors of your hometown blur together from a mile above ground. 

the problem with flying is that it puts you so far above people you care about

[iamchrissi]

"bluh superman is boring bc he has basically no physical weaknesses he's completely unrelatable" YOU FOOLS YOU BASTARDS YOU IDIOTS his weaknesses is that he was raised to THINK and ACT and FEEL completely human!!!! The whole POINT is to explore what happens when you take a guy who mentally is a caring and kind and decent and conflicted and messy human person and contrast that with him having the all powerful abilities of a god it's about the CONFLICT it's about the TENSION it's about the DOUBLE LIFE it's about wondering if you can theoretically spend 24/7 saving people because you don't have to eat or sleep or breathe can you actually justify having a job or going to bed or falling in love or living a life!!! It's about being well known as being powerful so your public persona can never once slip never be angry never trip up or else you become a symbol of fear rather than hope!!! It's about having to also keep yourself in check every day and having to keep yourself of two minds and having to explain over and over and over again that you're not interested in dominance you're not interested in power you're interested in justice and mercy and help. It's about no matter what you are always subduing some aspect of yourself either your mind or your body depending on which role you have to play!!! And all of that is JUST on the introspective level!!! Superman is one of the most fascinating characters ever if you think he's boring imo it's bc you're being boring about it

[iamchrissi]

big fan of superman having the most perfect mid-atlantic accent, like the most wholesome early 20th-century newscaster candence. REALLY sell that truth, justice, american way shtick. if people already think you’re an alien who lives in the clouds and doesn’t have a civilian identity then by jove clark will commit to it by making it seem like superman learnt english just watching and listening to historical news recordings.

[iamchrissi]

So I've just been thinking about clark kent wearing glasses, because i think the prevailing canon is that he wears glasses with no correction, but as someone who wears glasses i don't think that would last long as a pretense bc you always end up switching glasses with your friends/having them stolen by your normal visioned friends so that you can flex about how shitty your eyes are. Also there's a visible difference between lenses with correction and without. So people would know!

Here are some options ive thought of for what actually goes on:

Clark wears clear lenses, and everyone who knows him well knows this. (Lois makes fun of him for being a hipster. He says he thinks the glasses make him look more Professional. She counters that if he wants that, he should start wearing clothes that fit.)

Clark wears glasses with unnecessary correction, and the blurring helps sell the clumsy act. Since he's generally invulnerable, he doesn't tear up or get headaches.

Clark wears glasses with unnecessary correction, but his eyes can adjust to see normally through them. (His x-ray/infrared vision seems to be under semi-voluntary control where he can choose different wavelengths and focus at different distances, so being able to change the internal workings of his eyes actually makes some sense.)

Clark has superhumanly exccellent distance vision so he's mostly fine as Superman, but he needs reading glasses. 'Clark Kent' is exactly the sort of person who forgets to take their reading glasses off, so that works out, but the first time Superman has to hold a JL mission briefing farther from his face like a dad so he can read it is an Event.

[iamchrissi]

I want a “Clark helps out in Gotham while Bruce is hurt” story but I don’t want it to be Superman stepping in for Batman, I want it to be Clark Kent, intrepid reporter.

I want Batman to be working an investigation-heavy case where the main risk is getting offed by a mob boss or five. And normally Bruce handles this by going undercover, but now he’s hurt, and maybe the kids are outta town or maybe he’s worried about them with this particular case, and then he remembers Clark is literally invulnerable and most Gotham villains don’t bother to carry kryptonite because obviously Superman is a Metropolis problem, so…

Clark wins a Pulitzer for investigative journalism and Bruce has the entire article printed out and framed in the Batcave.

[iamchrissi]

the infuriating thing is that there is genuinely so much good queer literature out there, contemporary and not, but there is also a sizeable chunk of readers who think that a book only "counts" as good queer literature if it's a) unproblematic, b) contains romance as its central focus, and c) has the characters state their orientation and/or gender identity directly to the audience using socially acceptable 21st-century terms (as opposed to resorting to cowardly tactics such as Subtext and Themes)

[iamchrissi]

“Superman’s suit should be Kryptonian” “Ma Kent should make Superman’s suit at home” or how about the third fun option where the suit is the Kryptonian skinsuit BUT it gets damaged by Kryptonite and Ma Kent has to figure out how to sew/mend Kryptonian cloth that seems to have a mind of its own and won’t stop SQUIRMING.

Thousands of years of Kryptonian technology vs one Midwestern mom with her favorite show on? I’m putting my money on Ma.