iameliese

[iameliese]

Everything’s okay?

I didn’t know that this bot  @kokobot would make me smile. I started out last night after work. I was feeling down and lonely, so I wrote something here, to release the pain I felt. Suddenly, this bot showed up and asked me if I’m okay. Even if you don’t get a direct interaction to the other people who are using this, You will feel like somewhat at this hour, you felt okay, and you’re not alone. So try this out! This might help you breathe. 

[iameliese]

Mess

Help me. I suddenly felt pain, and I don’t know why. I suddenly wanted to breakdown, but I can’t. I wanted to know what I feel, I want to understand myself, but I can’t and I don’t know why. So help me. 

Where will I start? It’s all mixed up. I’m a mess, I wanted to ask for help but I can’t because I can’t figure out myself. I don’t know what’s wrong, or what’s making me feel like shit. I don’t know what to say if they’ll ask me what’s wrong. So how? How will I seek for help? How or what should I tell? But please. Please approach me, because I can’t trust what I’m thinking right now. I hope it will reach you. I hope someone will understand me. I just don’t know anymore. 

[iameliese]

Coward

I was reminded of you again today. I always wonder why I am so wounded by you up until now. It was because you never ended it with me. You were a coward for not choosing. You were so afraid of hurting me where you are already hurting me in the beginning. 

It was you who approached me first, who insisted to go with me wherever I go. It was you who said I love you, who kissed me first. It was all you. You made me fall in love with you. But I was the one who told you to choose her, I was the one who pushed you, I was the one who ended it between us because you made me feel that she was still the one, you love her still, and you didn’t dare to face me, so I walked away. 

I can’t seem to let go of these feelings yet, but I can’t wait to get rid of this. I want to be free from this pain. I want to free myself from you, and I can’t wait for that day to come. 

[iameliese]

Unsent Letter

It’s been a year and a half, and I still don’t know if I was officially over you. The moment someone asks me about my past relationships, you always cross my mind. It was like imprinted in my mind and heart, and I hate it. I hate how I’m still hurting even if it happened a year ago. I hate how the memories of you haunted me up until now. I hate that I’m still writing about you. I hate you for causing me this much pain. 

It’s funny how I’m feeling this much pain where in fact, we were never together. I want to blame it all on you, I want to tell this to you, I want to voice it out, but I can’t. You’re happy now, you have your life back, you have her now again. And who am I to say all these things to you, we were never together. So I have to heal my heart myself, and pick up the broken pieces for me to find peace. 

[iameliese]

Choice

In everything you do, there will always a choice. Those choices has different outcomes. So whatever you choose, do not regret it. Why? Because at that time, you did think about it and thought it was right or maybe you already know the outcome but you still chose it. So just live your life and learn from it. From now on, be wise to whatever you will choose.

[iameliese]

Love

I’m not afraid t love. I’m not just confident in choosing who to love. Love is easy to give as long as it came from the giver of Love Himself. It is not that complicated compared to human’s definition of love.

Human’s love is too shallow. Human’s love is too selfish. They think only of what good it will bring them. Love for human brings out insecurity, jealousy and pain.

I believe that love does not come with pain. It comes with struggle, because I think love brings comfort. Struggles are very difficult, but once you let love grow with it, you will overcome everything. It may drain or exhaust you, but will also bring contentment in the end. So don’t rush love. It will come when the time is right.

Enjoy your youth, discover everything about you. Take every opportunities that may come. You may not agree with me, but this is what I believe. I’ll wait for the guy that is worth my everything.

[iameliese]

Why do people have to wait to get hurt to realize something? Why is it always ending up with regrets? There could be something that they could have done to avoid the pain and regrets, but why choose otherwise?

[iameliese]

Shoutout to my boy bestfriend.

I'm hoping you won't recognize me, so I won't give too much details. I just want to say that I'm happy for you now. I'm happy that you're finally dating after years of complaining that your single. Finally, you found a woman who loves you.

You deserve to be loved so i'm happy you found one. I just wish that she'll take care of you, and love you the way you deserve. Remember that I'm always here if you ever need me, I will not meddle into your relationship if you two will quarrel, talk it out. I will not overstep because from now on she will be your bestfriend, your love, your go to person. I'm just a friend now. I'll support you two even if we don't talk much. I hope I can meet her soon, bring her here if you'll go home next year. You deserve the best, love. Don't screw it, okay? I love you.

love,

E.

[iameliese]

"Does dating your bestfriend ever cross your mind?"

We were bestfriends for years now, I don't exactly know when did it start, or when did we recognized each other as bestfriends when we are the exact opposites. Our friendship is weird, we hang out, but we don't exactly know each other very well. Ang alam lang natin is that we always, always have each other's back even if we don't talk that often.

If the other is sad, miserable or broken, nariyan tayo lagi sa para sa isa't isa. Anjan tayo para gisingin lagi sa katotohanan. You are my "talk to" person, your opinion kinda matter to me, but when it comes to guys, I often neglect your opinion. Maybe that's why it always fails.

Sa haba ng taon na magkaibigan tayo andami ng nagtanong if I'll ever consider dating you. Even my set of friends teases me that maybe it's better that we're together. But I can never imagine myself dating you.

However, these days I must admit, it crossed my mind a thousand times. But I'm scared, that maybe if we ever date, our relationship won't last and then our friendship will end too. I don't want that because you're the truest friend I ever had. Yes I'll be lucky if you date me because I know what kind of person you are and how much you love a person. I'll be the luckiest girl. But I'm scared to risk it. I wanna keep you forever. So i'll just be you bestfriend.

[iameliese]

"Maybe we're just not meant for each other."

Halos lahat ng taong kilala ko ay inaasa lahat sa tadhana. They will always conclude that iyon ang nakatadhana sa kanila. Wala naman mali sa tadhana, walang mali kung maniwala ka rito, kasi kung tutuusin may mga bagay namang di talaga natin inaasahang mangyari. Maybe, that's your tadhana. Ngunit sa palagay ko hindi dapat natin lahat iasa sa tadhana ang kung anong pwedeng mangyari sa buhay natin. We can just decide kung anong choice ang pipiliin natin, o kung anong daan ang tatahakin natin.

Kaya nung sinabi mo sa aking baka hindi nga lang tayo ang tinadhana, i'm sorry I can't believe you. For me it's just an excuse. You can actually work it out, but you didn't, and hindi na yun dahil sa tadhana, it is because of your stupid decision.

I remember everything. I used to understand you, your decisions, your struggles. But now that I cut our ties, I realized that i'm stupid for believing everything you say. You're a coward for not fighting, for choosing the easiest way out. I hate your choice of words, you actually didn't decide to stop if I didn't initiated. Sa bawat oras na magkasama tayo laging yung paghihirap mo ang sinasabi mo, kung gaano kahirap para sayo ang pumili, kung gaano kahirap sayo ang sitwasyon. From the time you hesitated, you should have end it with me, you should have said that you'll go back to her the moment I asked you. You kept me hanging, hinayaan mo akong umasa sa mga salitang binibitawan mo, and that's my mistake. The moment I let you go, nasa kanya ka na ulit, binalikan mo na siya ulit.

This isn't because we're not meant for each other, it was because you made a choice and you chose her over me. My mistake for loving a man who is not yet done loving his ex, now his girlfriend.

Wag niyong antayin ang tadhana, if you can work it out, then go. The moment you realize that it really won't work after trying, then let go. In that way, wala kang pagsisisihan, alam mong ginawa mo ang lahat pero hindi talaga pwede. Learn the art of trying and the art of letting go.

[iameliese]

Different people, different love language. So please never compare.

[iameliese]

It's not easy to cheer for someone when you can't even cheer yourself up. But you had to, because they're clinging on to you. So you have to be strong for them, and for yourself.

[iameliese]

My reaction when I opened my tumblr with one like from my first post! ❤

[iameliese]

How can I let you go if you were never even mine to begin with.

We started off as friends, to casual dating but we aren't really in a relationship. You got me there, I didn't even realize I was falling so deep into you, not until I fell straight to the ground. Long story short, you didn't catch me. The fall didn't open my eyes yet, I still believe that you will definitely catch me, because you said so. And that's my mistake, I shouldn't have fallen to your sweet words.

I should've seen it coming, you weren't yet done loving her. I chose you, but you chose her. I was there, I was the one who understands you more, who's patient with you but that wasn't enough for you to love me. I wasn't enough.

You heard my story about my past, but you still did it anyway. You hurt me more than my ex, not just by making me your second option, but also making me feel that i'm a mistress, and I feel horrible. The worst part was she knows about me too, and you both just let it happen. It's like you two planned it all out and just wait for me to give up. Well congratulations to you both! I surrendered, I made it easy for you. I was the one who cut it off, I still chose what's best for you, I took a step back, for you to take a leap to her. I'm sorry if I can't be happy seeing you happy. But I respect the both of you, I wouldn't bother you anymore.

PS: It's not a third party thing, because technically they were not together anymore when I was in the picture (that's what he told me). But my choice of words kinda feel like I am, but i'm not.

[iameliese]

I thought I am over you now, it's been months and I thought I felt okay. But then, after watching the kissing booth 2 I realized i'm not yet over you. I think what elle told marco that “he's not the one” hurt less than you telling me that “i'm the one” but ended up choosing the other. I let you know me better than anyone else but you ended up hurting me. You can't say that you loved me cause that's bullshit, you can’t love two people at once. So just be honest and end this longing feeling I felt for you.