iamhershe

[iamhershe]

Feeling: like a fraud, alone, dumb, numb..

[iamhershe]

Feelings right now: anger, stress, anxiety, alone, hot as hell, jealousy

[iamhershe]

Update: he’s bisexual. I have no issue with it but I wish I already knew that.

[iamhershe]

Okay… Jaime sounds gay asf ….turned off.

[iamhershe]

[iamhershe]

October 7th// HES still on my mind

I’m honestly just annoyed that Christopher (guy from early blog entries) is still on my mind…I’ve never seen a white man that had that big of a dick & as the days go by & my 🐱is still soreeeee… which still brings him to my mind & I keep thinking about how he kissed me… he’s nothing to me & I know it’s just lust but damn… I love foreplay and when a man knows how to kiss it turns me on but anyway I really wished he just got out of my head… side note I met a guy on Facebook dating… Jaime he is fine as hell… I wish he was taller like 6’2 or something but he’s like 5’11 but he has gorgeous green eyes and dark features and I’m excited to get to know him but I’m not expecting anything that way I don’t get attached but we had a nice conversation last night and I hope I get to talk to him otp today… but on top of that this morning I got my kitty waxed and issues with my insurance and it’s just a handful but there’s that.. overall a good day no work so I’m chilling but still horny and I’m hungry asf…. Idk what I want to eat but I’m hungry asf 😂 also let me show you the messages from Jaime and I last night. See next post.

[iamhershe]

October 6th// Feeling depressed

Honestly, all day today unfortunately all I could do is think about him when we made out our lives just sent so perfectly well together and it makes me sick to my stomach to think about him after he treated me but I don’t really know how to feel about that.  On top of that my vagina has basically been sore all damn day and we use protection in case you’re wondering it just hurts because he was literally pounding me very hard and it didn’t help because of the friction of the condom either. … but honestly, I’m just sad because I really could’ve let myself feel some thing 100%. I just don’t understand why people feel like they have to treat me the way they do and I’m such a good person I don’t understand why people are just assholes to me. It really sucks because I just don’t understand why…. Aside from all of that it just honestly felt nice to be touched and wanted in that moment and I love kissing because it can’t really tell you a lot about the person and I don’t know I’m just all over the place right now and I just wanted to vent and get it all out Granted I know no one is probably going to read these, but it’s just nice to be able to get it all out and not feel so confined to the inside of my brain ..

[iamhershe]

Me…

[iamhershe]

See the screenshots from previous post.

Purple text: Facebook dating app

When I said I wanted to kiss him ( I was laying right next to him) & when I said are you mad at me? (Cause he was acting weird when I was living his place) that’s when I had left and everything else was the next morning.

[iamhershe]

OCTOBER 5TH 2022// Welcome

Well here I am doing my first blog, i wanted to use this platform for me to be able to speak how I feel and share my story and what Im going through without feeling scared or so enclosed...I feel likeI cant talk to my family and friends about everything and I feel so alone most of the time and its depressing... I live in Louisiana for college and it honestly has been the worst experience of my life and I cant wait to move and start a better life and journey after I graduate.. I just experienced the most worst thing of my life which feels like it has been happening alot lately.. Most of this will probably be about guys I keep coming into contact with and my experience because men honestly make me feel so insecure about myself which is honestly so horrible no matter how badly i try to tell myself they don't. Im 21 and african american so theres that. 

Long story short last night a guy tried to make feel like i raped him and forced him into having sex with me when I literally DID NOT INITIATE ANYTHING. He tried to make me feel like I forced him into having sex with him but I didn't, we got high together and I drove my ass to come see him even when I didn't have gas to waste but me being nice that I am and i was interested i went over there, let him smoke all my fucking weed, let him have access to my damn disney plus account and just overall being a nice fucking person but clearly that didn't mean shit... Nevertheless (MIGHT I ADD I ALREADY TOLD HIM I WAS VULNERABLE) and while I was high I texted him cause I was nervous to actual tell him that I wanted to kiss him, I didn't even have the mindset that I was coming over to have sex I just wanted to hang out and chill maybe make out a little but that was it. 

*Also im gonna let it be known now i have a thing for white boys*

anyway, we ended up making out which was soooo good, i can tell if a guys lips will mesh with mine and his did they were soft and he knew how to kiss.. we were in sync very well. it was just overall a very sexy and steamy makeout session but HE WAS THE ONE WHO GRABBED MY THIGH AND PUT ME ON TOP OF HIM, and lifting up my shirt and sucking on my boobs... like he literally initiated everything, i didn't take his clothes off nothing... But tbh i dont like having sex while im high because for some reason my mouth gets dry and lowkey my pussy too and it was and HE DIDNT GIVE ME HEAD... So that didnt help... he had a sexy body and suprisingly a big dick but at this point he was getting ready to put it inside so i just said fuck it...but I literally just cried all day and was so sad at work because when I went home the shit he said to me was just like.. wtf but ill also give you guyss more insight too. 

People criticized me for that all the time because I like white boys too but i dont discriminate and whatever i find attractive is what i find attractive but clearly everyone is clearly racist or thats there preferences. But thats another story for another day. 

Just to give a little backstory, though, I met this guy off of either Bumble or Facebook dating and we really vibe together at first we were really interested in each other but we didn’t get a chance to meet because he ended up blocking me on everything because he had a lot of personal shit going on which I understand but it was just really weird because he basically made it seem like I was too good for him and it was just bad all together so we didn’t talk anymore and this was in July or June then I got back on Facebook dating because I basically had it turned it off for a while because the guys I was matching with was just awful and were not my type so I turned it back on yesterday, and Surprisingly he matched up with me again and he sent me this long message about how he said he was sorry and everything and I’ll put in the screenshots on the next post and everything that happened after we had sex and everything and it really just threw me left because he said all this shit but then after we had sex he was like there wasn’t a connection and we had already agreed that we were just gonna be friends because he said he didn’t want anything serious so I didn’t understand why he was saying that because if we’re gonna be friends with benefits, of course it’s not gonna be an emotional connection because we’re just having sex but again I also did not have that mindset that we were just going to have sex when I went over there I was just trying to chill but clearly things got heated up in the moment and it’s a two-way street but he was basically putting everything on me like I was the one making him uncomfortable. It made me feel like I was a culprit and I was just like really pissed off. Mind you I’m 21 and he’s like 24.

(See screenshots on next post) 

But anyway, I really wanted to get that off my chest because all day today I just felt like shit at work and he really made me feel like a worthless piece of shit like I’m just out here fucking around and just giving it up and I’m young and stuff but everything happened so quickly so I mean he making those accusations and saying shit like that to me and you’ll see what he says, and the messages really hurt my feelings and it seem like he just didn’t get a Shit I’m just always tired of acting so hard around people, even though I am not shy, but I keep to myself, because people are just so vicious out here and that’s why I want to just go back home. We’re not home, but I’m just ready to move out of Louisiana period.