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No renewal just yet, but things sounding positive for a TCL season 4!

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x07 thoughts (and even more feelings)

Now that’s how you do a tribute. Wow. Even though I was well and truly crying by two minutes in (and probably cried through about half of the episode in total), I actually feel kind of honoured to have gotten to watch that, to feel not only the love that the other characters had for Arman, but also the love that the entire cast and crew had for Adan. And while I truly wish we’d never had to lose either of them, I’ll always be grateful to have gotten such a beautiful goodbye.

Sorry if parts of this come off a little confusing… I had so many thoughts about everything and couldn’t decide how to organise them... in hindsight, probably should have just gone chronologically haha, but oh well. Here goes. 

Thony /Armony.

Honestly I’m impressed I managed to get a whole 90 or so seconds into the ep before the tears started, especially when it opened with Thony looking absolutely wrecked, sitting at a table with a bottle of alcohol, her buddha, some used tissues, and every piece of evidence she has about who was responsible for Arman’s kidnapping… and then for her to just shove it all to the floor and put her face in her hands?? Ugh, my baby. Her conversation with Fi was so devastating from both sides; on Thony’s part because losing Arman has broken something vital in her, and on Fi’s part because she can see the true extent of Thony’s pain as well as the dangerous path that Thony’s heading down (fixating on getting justice/vengeance for Arman rather than just letting herself grieve), and she knows she can’t stop either of them. And ugh then immediately after, when Luca has lost his beloved toy and the writers hit us (and Thony!) with: “That’s okay, my love. Sometimes we lose things and it’s… it’s fine to be sad about it.” Her face as her brain registers the truth of the words coming out of her mouth, even as she knows she can’t follow her own advice… ouch. And speaking of painful, the choice of Thony’s outfit for the wake haunts me; she’s covered head to toe in white (the traditional Cambodian mourning colour), and she’s also wearing the buddha necklace that we’ve previously seen her touch for comfort in stressful moments… I’m certain no one but us and Fi would be able to read the subtle lament of grief and pain that those choices represent. (And yet despite that, Fi still somehow thinks she can convince Thony not to go to the wake of the man she loves?? C’mon now Fi be real here lol) 

But ugh, that big breath Thony takes before getting out of the elevator at La Habana, her eyes closed and hands clutching tight at her jacket? Having to prepare herself to step into this space, his space, and be faced with the reality of his absence? And then even when Jorge tries to intercept her and turn her away for her own safety, she brushes him off and goes straight for Arman’s altar, because lbr, nothing’s keeping her away from this, from him. Her openly saying “We both lost him” to Nadia was honestly a surprise because of how clearly it indicated she was putting them both in the same category– aka both women who truly loved him, both of them made ‘widows’ by his loss??? Damn, that was more direct than I expected her to be. And ugh when she says to Ramona: “All I ever wanted was to bring Arman home” (...) “I need answers too. I don’t know how to move on from here.” I think that statement really captures one of the major aspects of both the episode and of Thony’s character: how utterly lost she is now. When Arman was missing, Thony had a goal to focus on. Even from S1, it was pretty clear that with any difficulty that was happening in her life, Thony could get through it as long as she had something to strive for, some way to keep moving forward. Like fighting to get treatments for Luca (and more recently, preventing CPS from taking him away). Outwitting Garrett and the FBI. Getting Arman free of Kamdar’s debt. Getting Fi home after her deportation. And of course, finding Arman and bringing him home. But now that he’s dead, the ‘difficulty’ that she’s facing has no solution. He’s just gone, and there’s nothing she can do to change it, no way to solve or fix it. No matter what she does, she will never be able to achieve the goal of getting him back. (Yes, I cried writing that). And so that is exactly why, instead of just accepting his loss and letting herself grieve like Fi says, she fixates on the only thing she can do: confirm that Dante was responsible, and then make sure he doesn’t get away with it, even if it means walking straight into the lion’s den and accusing one of their own.

The scene when she stands by Arman’s altar and remembers the first time she came to La Habana was so painful to watch; back then, she came to him to save a dying Luca, and yet only like 4 months later, Arman is the one whose life has been cut short. Thanks to him, though, Luca is safe and healthy, and will likely lead a full and happy life. There’s something so poignant about Jorge bringing the drawing to her right at that moment, almost like it’s a sign from Arman that it’s okay, that Luca’s life was always more important than his own. And honestly I can’t believe that Thony admits what she does to Jorge– that she thought she and Arman would have more time, and that there was so much that she’d never gotten to say to him. Like wow, talk about a love confession?? She knew how she felt about Arman, but had kept pushing it aside, thinking that there would be time for it later; that eventually everything with the FBI and Kamdar and Luca and Fi would settle down and they would have the chance to really acknowledge what was between them. But now that chance is gone, along with everything they could have been, and she's grieving that as well as him. And while it’s a truth that she had a hard time even admitting to Fi, she knows that Jorge will get it, both as someone who loved Arman (and who missed out on a lot of time with him, and had a lot of things that went unsaid) and also as a man who has been through the loss of the love of his life. Honestly, Jorge could save Thony’s life a dozen times over and I’ll still never be as grateful to him as I was for the simple fact that he told her he thinks Arman knew all the things she never got to tell him. (And really, from everything we’ve seen… I think he’s right. Arman knew.). 

That moment was one of many punches to the heart from this ep, and honestly one of the most painful was when Thony is left to clean up Dante’s murder (and in that all-white outfit! Oh no), and she’s frantically trying to get Fi to leave, not only because she doesn’t want Fi involved in this dangerous world, but also because I think she knew she was seconds from completely falling apart and she didn’t want Fi to see it. The wobble in her voice as she says “Everything is fine now. Everything is over… it’s over” and then just immediately breaks down sobbing?? Devastating. Because like I said, the need to make Dante pay for what he did to Arman was the only thing keeping her together and functioning– and with one bullet, it was suddenly done, and what does she have left now?? Just inescapable grief and emptiness in the space that Arman used to occupy in her life. It’s all over now, and that's really highlighted by the fact that the first thing she does after finishing cleaning up the murder is to tell Fi that she’s walking away from the criminal world (mirroring 1x01 when she was dragged into it by cleaning a murder), and then goes straight to Arman’s altar to tell him goodbye. She doesn’t tell him how grateful she is– she’s already told him that, many times over the course of their relationship– but instead, she needs him to know she’s sorry, for everything that had led them here, and for the fact she couldn’t save him. And then ugh, her “I just hope you knew…” and the way her eyes close as a more mournful version of their theme/leitmotif starts to play, and we see all the flashes of her memories of him?? We may not have heard her say the word ‘love’ out loud but we didn’t need to. This entire episode was a love letter from Thony to Arman, her own personal velorio within a velorio. (Not to mention, in this article sent to me by @crwdgoinapeshit, Elodie specifically describes Arman as someone Thony 'loved a lot, if not the love of her life' ugh). And lbr if his parents hadn’t appeared at that moment and interrupted things, she probably would  have finished that sentence, and would have said aloud how much she loved him. But like Jorge said– he knew. He died knowing she loved him, and that she would carry a piece of him with her always. 

Ok I love that despite her having told Fi that she’d be right out in a minute, and having the opportunity to just easily walk away when the drama starts unfolding with Arman's parents, she simply looks at his picture again, and then walks over to join Nadia, like she’s telling him,  “Don’t worry. I’ll have Nadia’s back, and if needed I’ll do my best to keep your family from bringing the place down on all our heads.” And that choice turns out to be a significant one, because she overhears that Ramona’s middle name is Marina, just like the word Arman wrote in the dust– and just like that, it’s not over. She has a purpose again, and she’s not going to stop until she’s achieved it. The leader of one of the most dangerous cartels in the country took the man Thony loved, a man that was supposed to be family to Ramona, and now Thony is coming for her. And if that’s not fucking badass, I don’t know what is.

Ngl, I do feel a little bit like I need to write a scene-insert fic for the gap between when when Arman’s parents leave, and when Thony gets into the car with Fi, because I think there’s a rather important conversation that needs to happen there between Thony and Nadia– both a ‘we need to talk, later’ (regarding Ramona and Arman) and a ‘can I have this’ (regarding the mini caddy), because I would feel bad if Thony just took it without asking, especially given that Nadia herself felt so bad about accepting it from Isabel. But oh my heart, when she sat down with Luca and reminded him about Arman, and pulled out the mini caddy… and then the “I’m sure he would want you to have it” (he really would) and “But no matter what it went though, my friend only loved it more. Do you think you can keep it safe for him?” (Help, there’s a waterfall coming out of my eyeballs.) To watch the ep end with Arman and Thony driving off into the sunset together in the caddy was all kinds of rough… I know a lot of fans kind of wish that that was the ending we had for them, that we’d never gotten a S3 renewal and could instead all just live in a shared fantasy where Arman and Thony got to go on to lead full lives together. And honestly sometimes I feel that way too. But I have also loved and appreciated season 3, and I’m grateful to have had more time with this incredible cast, and also to say goodbye to Arman and Armony in such a beautiful way.

Fiona.

Once again, Fi is very much proving herself to be the Samwise Gamgee to Thony’s Frodo Baggins, from trying to convince her to stop and let herself grieve (like Thony tried to do for her after Marco’s death), to trying to protect her by keeping her from going to the wake, to realising that even if Thony is doing things she doesn’t agree with, she’s going to stand by her. Ngl I did feel for her with Thony’s very blithe “Don’t worry! If anyone’s gonna kill me, it’s not gonna happen at a wake!” because that’s hardly reassuring, Thony! And seriously can you imagine S1 Thony ever saying something like that??? I think our girl has spent a little too much time in the criminal underworld, and she’s starting to get desensitised– and Fi can see it, can see how both that desensitisation and Thony’s need for justice for Arman is leading Thony to go deeper and take risks that could easily backfire on her or their family. Ugh but that moment in the laundry when she really thinks about the lengths that she and Thony would go to for each other, and realises that while Thony is making some unfair decisions in the grip of her grief, Thony would also run straight into any danger for her without a second thought– and so she decides to do the same, because that's who they are to each other.

Honestly I’m proud of the guts it must have taken Fi to go to the wake despite the presence of the cartel and their possible anger about Arman’s death, all so she can be with Thony to support her through this loss. But she does it, because she knows the loss is that immense for Thony. I’ll admit I’m a little confused why Fi would have gone to the loading dock rather than through the main entrance, and while it’s likely literally just for plot reasons, I’m going to explain it as bc she used to go to the loading dock to drop Thony off/pick her up when Thony worked at La Habana. I’m sure Thony probably even took her up in the service elevator one time and gave her a sneaky after-hours tour haha. But ugh of course her taking the service elevator now means that she’s right there as Dante leads Thony out, and in true Samwise fashion, she doesn’t go running for help– she goes to rescue her Mr Frodo herself! Seeing her creeping along armed only with a hammer, ready to take on all 6 foot 3 inches of Dante in order to save her beshie?? What a brave, foolish, wonderful woman. But then Jorge and Ramona appear and she’s too outnumbered to do anything, and all she can do is hide there and listen– and dude, for at least a solid minute or so she legitimately thinks that she just listened to one of her family getting murdered. Like holy shit that’s gotta add a whole new fresh level of PTSD on top of what she already had from her border crossing ordeal. And then for her to stay and help Thony clean the blood, despite Thony desperately trying to make her leave? It makes me think of Thony’s introduction to the underworld in 1x01, witnessing a murder and having to clean it up– Thony had no choice but to be pulled into that world, but Fi does. She can see that Thony is walking straight down the path into Mordor (sorry for the continued LOTR references, but they’re the best I got atm lol) and she chooses to go with her.

And I am so glad of that, not only because Thony is so clearly spiralling without Arman and needs Fi’s support, but also because we all know that now that I can’t have Armony, there’s literally nothing I want to see more out of this show than my dream of the three Mob Queens (Thony, Fi, Nadia) running Vegas lol. Plus, Fi has spent the last 2 seasons being a counterweight of sorts to Arman in the tug-of-war for Thony’s life-path; Thony’s relationship with Arman drew her deeper into the criminal world, while Fi has been trying to drag her away from it. But now Arman is gone, Thony is the one choosing to continue deeper in the underworld, and I think it would be really interesting to see Fi realise that her efforts to pull her away are never going to work, and instead kind of go ‘alright, if you can’t beat them, join them’ and follow her. (And I mean, the thing about Sin Cara being faceless means anyone could take over as the new Sin Cara, and no one need ever know…......)

Nadia.

Ugh, my baby Nadia. She seems so broken, so young and alone. And even with Ramona saying supportive things and calling her ‘my daughter’, her being in the office with Ramona and Jorge does have less the feeling of family support and more like sharks circling, especially when they start questioning her about the FBI. No wonder she seems to panic a little (justifiably, considering that she had Russo in this room only like a week ago!) and so tells them about Thony knowing the meet location– but unlike other times she’s deliberately directed blame at Thony to get it off herself, this time she actually immediately stops and backtracks, trying to defend her. I love that deep down she knows that Thony would never betray Arman like that, because Thony loved him too. And even when Thony shows up to the wake uninvited, Nadia’s immediate response isn’t to get angry or kick her out; it’s ~almost~ even like relief, because here is someone she can actually talk to about what’s going on. When she asks her about the Feds, it’s not because she thinks Thony called them; it's because Thony’s the only one she can trust to help in figuring out how they knew. But then Thony gets frustrated about Nadia telling Ramona and throwing suspicion on her, and Nadia gets frustrated about how trusting Thony about Dante potentially cost them Arman, and honestly I love this conversation so much?? They’re in conflict over Arman, just like they always have been, but now that he’s gone they’re also oddly united, and only have each other to turn to. Thony’s apologies to her are heartfelt, and there’s no force in it when Nadia suggests she leave. Tbh I don’t think she actually knows if she wants Thony to leave or stay, because while on one level she is angry with her, having her there to direct her anger towards is a much-needed outlet; and plus when it comes down to it I think she needs the familiarity and support that comes with having Thony present, especially with the Sanchez sharks around. It’s funny, but Nadia and Thony’s relationship is starting to feel just as sibling-like as the Sanchezs’ to me; that complicated mix of comfort and antagonism that any of us with siblings know so well. (Also ugh Nadia’s “Do whatever you want, you always do anyway” is practically an exact echo of what Arman said to her in 1x03, and I’m not fine at all). 

But regarding Nadia and Thony’s relationship, I think it’s clear that they’re only going to get closer as the season progresses, and one hint towards that is the complete change in the way Nadia interacts with Isabel in this ep. In the earlier seasons you could tell she didn’t like Isabel at all, and hated it when she came to La Habana/around Arman. She was absolutely jealous, because of the exact thing Isabel admits to her now: that she never stopped loving him. Before his loss, that was a threat, just like Thony was. Now, it’s a comfort, a connection that only three people can understand: Isabel, Nadia, and Thony. Aside from maybe his mother, the three loves that Arman had over the course of his life are the only ones who will truly carry his memory with them, the ones that will keep a part of him alive- and at least in some way, they’ll be forever bonded by that. But god, Isabel’s line about not being able to believe he’s gone, about walking into La Habana and feeling like he could suddenly appear from around a corner– that one was absolutely in there for the cast and crew, who have said practically the exact same thing about Adan in interviews. Having lost both the character and the actor makes this episode even more poignant and tragic, and you can feel the love in every aspect of it. 

But sigh my poor increasingly-inebriated Nadia is not making the best calls at the moment, such as running straight to the office to get Russo’s business card (out of its very secure location amongst a bunch of papers in the safe) to burn it right then and there. Not suspicious at all haha.  And of course Jorge catches her doing it, which would have probably been a nail in her own coffin if not for Jorge spotting the picture Luca drew (which Arman kept in the safe, ughhh), and that leading to her admitting the truth of Arman’s love for Thony and the regrets she had about their marriage, and Jorge seeming to realise that she did sincerely love Arman and wouldn’t have betrayed him. And man, does she demonstrate that beautifully when Arman’s parents arrive and the Morales siblings all start fighting, and she’s the one that calls them all out on it and reminds them that they’re here for Arman, and that he deserves respect, not their pettiness. Absolute queen behaviour from both Nadia and Eva, who completely knocked it out of the park this episode. Based on cast interviews, she seems to have been the cast member most affected by Adan’s death, so filming this episode must have been so incredibly difficult for her, but she was beyond amazing. And for Nadia’s sake, as unexpected as her last scene with Jorge was, I was so glad that someone finally thought to give her a goddamn hug!!!

Jorge.

Ugh, hearing Jorge using that soft voice with Thony, and him immediately apologising for not checking in on her, then trying to warn her of the danger from Ramona… like damn, kudos to the writers for managing to take a character I was so prepared to hate and making me like him. Jorge really did love Arman, and has begun to genuinely care about Thony, and I’m sure that it would mean a lot to Arman that his brother-uncle is doing what he can to protect the woman he loved now that he can’t do it himself. But ugh, Jorge’s wonder at seeing the mini caddy again and realising that Arman had saved it from the fire, and then him admitting how much he’d wanted to get Arman back after Eduardo had separated them? That was so bittersweet to watch. Tbh I think he spent years deliberately not thinking about his love for Arman, but then everything surrounding Arman’s abduction and death has brought it all to the surface, and I’m looking forward to how that will affect his choices from here.

For now, his next step is to interrogate Nadia a little to be sure that she didn’t betray Arman (and maybe also because he’s hoping to find Ramona a scapegoat that isn’t Thony??). The initial part of their conversation was actually super sweet though, and omg, learning that Arman wanted to go legit partly so he could help his dad open a distillery? One they’d call Heart of Heaven?? (Or maybe Heavenly Heart? I’m not sure exactly how the Spanish would translate). God, despite his badass exterior, my boy Arman really was just too soft and good for this world. And ngl, Jorge seems to have a bit of that in him too. His next conversation with Nadia– about his own (seemingly rocky) marriage and his regrets about it, and about losing his wife Vanessa– definitely seemed to create a genuine understanding between them for the first time, and I liked that he apologised to her for accusing her. So looks like Jorge now has two women to protect on behalf of Arman. 

Him bringing the drawing to Thony was so kind and thoughtful– partly for just even recognising what it would mean to her, but also for telling her that Arman had always wanted kids and basically implying that Arman would have viewed Luca as his own. In that simple act of taking the drawing, he spared Nadia from the pain of having to deal with it, and he ensured Thony got to have this reminder of Arman’s love, and I’m so grateful for it. Losing Arman– and him learning just how truly she had loved and had been loved by his brother-nephew– has definitely changed and solidified their bond, which is why she trusts him with the arrest report about Dante, and why she dares to even voice the possibility that Ramona could be involved. And though he immediately shuts her down about that, he still takes the report straight to Ramona and challenges her about what they’re going to do about it, showing that he is worthy of that trust from Thony.

But hooo boy, after everything that happens with Dante, and then the showdown with Eduardo, we definitely get to see a new side of Jorge, the frustrated agitation of a man who is starting to question everything he thought he knew. Arman’s death is going to have a ripple effect, that’s for sure, and though Jorge is still being the obedient brother for now and cleaning up the mess with Dante (interesting how Ramona was the one to pull the trigger, but it was Jorge and Thony that were the ones dealing with the consequences and making it disappear) I think he’s going to be doing some pushing back against her as the season goes on, and as he tries to figure out the truth. I couldn’t quite make out what he said to Dante’s body as he was kneeling beside it; couldn’t tell if he was apologising for his fate or telling him it was what he deserved lol!  @prhiswife do you mind translating? Also if you can be bothered translating any more of the Spanish in this ep I would be very interested to hear any or all of it lol. But honestly it surprised me to see him go back to La Habana there at the end, to stop before Arman’s photo and then to seek connection with Nadia about their mutual loss… and tbh, it looked like almost too much connection for a second there???? For a very fleeting moment I honestly thought they were actually heading for a kiss (the crying and the face touching felt oddly reminiscent of Armony in 1x06) and I was like ???? what the fuckkk??? Lol. But I think it was more just him genuinely trying to comfort her, and I'm happy to see the foundations for Thony's team of criminal badasses (Fi, Nadia, and Jorge) developing....

(I mean, it would be objectively hilarious if the show decided to make another Morales man fall in love with both Thony and Nadia, but I don’t think that’s what’s happening here lol) 

Ramona.

Loved seeing the sibling tension building over Jorge’s support of Thony, and loved seeing how immediately he defended Thony/how genuinely she wanted Arman back. Like Nadia, he really does believe she wouldn’t betray Arman. At this point of the ep it’s almost a bit of a Ramona and Nadia vs Jorge and Thony scenario, even if poor Nadia and Thony actually want no part in this sibling debate lol, and are in many ways united on their own team. The odd moment Ramona has when she stands from the chair definitely seems to indicate some kind of pain or medical symptom (like dizziness or something) and was very deliberately included by the writers… more clues that she is secretly dying??? But anyway later when Ramona says that with Arman’s death, there’s no reason to keep his ‘accessories’ (aka Thony, and maybe Nadia too?) around, I appreciate that Jorge again immediately defends Thony. He’s starting to see Thony (and soon, Nadia too) as a member of their extended family and I love that.

Okay yasss to this showdown of these two strong, intelligent, determined women, facing off against one another in a kitchen of all places (a setting that has associations with the disempowerment and minimisation of women)…  not to mention that with one all in black and the other all in white, they’re forming the perfect contrast of good and bad, light and dark… the writers made so many deliberate choices here and I love it. These two started out on such uneven ground, with Thony shrinking before the might of Sin Cara, and now here they stand perfectly eye to eye, with Thony daring to call out Ramona’s right hand man as their potential traitor. Daaamn. Seeing Thony witness Ramona’s shaky hand was also interesting– if not for that little ‘moment’ Ramona had earlier in the office, the shakiness could easily have been read as a sign of emotional stress in response to Thony questioning her about Dante, but instead it looks like further proof of the ‘Ramona is dying’ theory… either way, no doubt it’s going to come up between them at some point. Also lolllll at Thony’s “oh come on” expression when she sees Dante kiss Ramona (lol zero chemistry there, sorry guys) and realises she literally just accused Ramona’s boyfriend right to Ramona’s face. Oopsies. I think she might have suddenly been a bit less certain about the assurance she gave Fi about no one killing her at the wake after that?? Lol. But anyhow, now that Thony knows the truth about Marina, the next showdown between these two is bound to be even more epic…

Also it's interesting that when Jorge brings Ramona the police report and the truth about Dante, she makes a token effort to argue with him and say that Thony could be making it up, but within seconds she’s texting Dante to bring Thony down to the dock (given he literally nabs Thony like 30 seconds later). Clearly she’s not the type who hesitates about doing what needs to be done, no matter what it is, including murdering her boyfriend to cover her own ass. This woman is stone cold, that's for sure. But damn look at that Sanchez sibling swagger as they make their entrance, and the way Jorge puts on a little show about saying sorry to Thony, luring Dante into being secure enough to put his own gun away… and then Ramona gives her own little spiel about not taking betrayal lightly while Thony sputters for words to defend herself. Like yes that was absolutely meant to ~build the suspense~ for us viewers (and also to traumatise poor Fi), but also maybe it’s a sign that Thony is being considered to enter the family in a more meaningful way, and a warning for her if she does? 

But oh dude when the Morales family are having their big confrontation and Jorge learns that Eduardo and Teresa begged Ramona to let Jorge stay with them? And that she forbade them from trying to reach out to him?? He’s spent his whole life believing he knows the truth of what happened, to the point where he genuinely hates his own brother for it (and spent years resenting Arman as well) but now he’s starting to realise that maybe he’s only ever been fed her version, and that she may have manipulated him all along?? Oooh, that’s really going to ramp up the sibling tension a whole lot more for the rest of the season. And speaking of which, I saw someone suggest somewhere (sorry to whoever it was, I looked but couldn’t find the post again, happy to credit you if you let me know) that maybe Ramona actually had Jorge’s wife Vanessa killed to stop her from ‘stealing’ him away from her/the business, and oh man that would definitely make things interesting! Tbh atm I’m having a hard time imagining him fully turning on Ramona, even with the truth about her involvement with Arman’s abduction, but if he learns she killed Vanessa… well, that would be something to see.

Jeremy (ugh).

Ngl, really appreciated that Thony’s thoughts seemed to be echoing my own sentiments when I immediately yelled “Oh, fuck off, Jeremy!” the moment he appeared on the screen. Honestly I hate this guy so much, and I hate that even after costing them Arman, he’s still here, still invading their space and their private grief. Given Nadia’s very convenient building explosion and the insurance payout that her new lawyer was able to push through suspiciously fast, and also the fact that Nadia previously told Russo that a cartel had taken Arman, Russo is clearly after anyone and everyone she can possibly take out in the criminal world, and so she’s keeping Jeremy undercover because she knows that Thony is tied up in it all somehow. All Jeremy’s ‘casual’ questions are really grating on me, and it makes me wonder exactly what happened on the cliff after Arman’s car went off the edge… like the FBI were right behind them, so I’m assuming that he and Thony and Fi were all taken in for individual questioning by the FBI? But how would that have worked for Fi, given the FBI knew she was deported like a month ago?? I’m guessing we’re just supposed to ignore that, and to assume that the FBI let them go after ‘believing’ their story. Certainly letting them go would have been the smarter move, because they knew that they had Jeremy right there as a mole to get the kind of information that the women would never give up? But ugh damn the stress of the Velorio situation making Thony so distracted and eager to get away that she agrees to let this guy put cameras up in their house!! Girl, no!!!! Now he has cameras to see exactly who is coming and going from your house, cameras that he can access at any time!! And then omg Fi you also let him access the smoke detector, where he could plant a bug??? Goddamn this guy and his smooth lies-- like how much of that story about his dad on 9/11 do you think was fake? Probably all of it, just like everything else about him ugh. The FBI boys in this show sure do love sob stories about their dads (though at least Garrett’s was true!). But seriously, charismatic as this guy is, could these two stop being so chill about leaving him unattended in their house???? 

Promo spoilers.

Okay I know I don’t usually talk much about the promos for next ep during these recaps, but damnnn it looks so intense that I need to unpack it lol. First, Thony seems to have some kind of nightmare about Sin Cara, and ugh, what if she sees Arman in it? I'm not ready for how she'd react to that. And then the clip of her looking all tearstained (maybe the next morning?) telling Fi “If Ramona had anything to do with this, she has to pay”? Damn, she's really gonna do it, she's going to go up against the cartel version of The Godfather. (And you know what? She's gonna win.) But I’m curious which scene is going to happen first; Thony in the grungy apartment with Jorge and Ramona  (with Ramona telling Jorge to shoot her, and him seeing the ‘Marin’ writing) or Thony coming to see her in the art gallery in that red dress?? (the last time she wore that, Arman killed someone for her. Is this a sign she’s going to return the favour and kill Ramona??). At this point I'm definitely assuming the apartment stuff happens first, and obviously Jorge refuses and doesn’t shoot Thony, and he confronts Ramona about the Marina thing; and so having him sort of on her side (or at least, no longer so firmly on Ramona's) will help her be bold enough to confront Ramona at the gallery. Thony’s comment about the things people do when they have nothing to lose is interesting; I’m assuming it’s directed at Ramona, and maybe about the fact that she’s dying??? (Obviously it can’t be about Thony because she has plenty to lose.) Anyway ugh I’m so pissed about fucking Jeremy somehow weaseling his way into The Cleaning Ladies as well as their personal life?? Can someone please kill this guy already.  One of the clips looks like Thony’s dragging his body across a floor (you can see a glimpse of the light blue shirt on a man-sized body, so it makes sense that it’s him), and too bad we know he’s involved in the filming for later episodes, bc I would have absolutely thrown a party if he died this ep lol. Oh well, there's always hope for Thony to kill him in the finale haha

Anyway I think that's (finally) all for this week, and while it's going to suck waiting a whole extra week for next ep, at least they gave us one of the best episodes of the entire show so far to tide us over until then.

As always, I'm super happy to chat about this show so feel free to reply/send me an ask if you have anything you wanna contribute!

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x06 thoughts (and many feelings)

Well, as expected, this ep basically broke my heart into a million tiny pieces- but still, they really did give Arman the best send-off that they could given the circumstances, and I’m so, so grateful for it.

Breaking the recap up a bit differently this week because I have a lot to say about everyone lol

But of course, I have to start with my beloved boy Arman, and Armony. I always knew that this ep was going to break me, and man, they didn’t waste any time doing it… less than 4 mins in and the tears were already flowing from hearing him saying the Reloj line, because seriously, knowing that this was his one chance to pass on a message to the people in his life, and that he chose that??? God it was powerful seeing Nadia and the others incorrectly assuming the message simply meant that he was running out of time, vs seeing Thony's jaw clench on hearing it because she knew the truth, knew that it was meant for her alone. In some ways, it was a “I think my time is up and I'm the one leaving forever in the morning, and that's okay” kind of message, but it was also a “this is me telling you I love you, because I never got the chance before”, and a “no matter what they do to me, in my mind I'm there, dancing with you by the fire.” No wonder she reaches for a beer the moment she gets home, knowing that there’s the chance she will be able to hold him in her arms again in only a matter of hours, but not being able to do anything to make it happen except just sit and wait for news. Well, at least until the moment she sees the report and understands Dante’s involvement, and then there’s no holding back anymore, no more trusting others to save him. Her blind determination to go find him and bring him home is exactly like how she acted when Luca was dying or when Fi was deported; it’s the way she always responds when someone she loves desperately needs her, and I love that Arman is so clearly in that category. (Okay gotta break this up bc of Tumblr's character limit lol)

Anyway ugh the entire time she was at the apartments I could feel my heart in my throat, because god, she got so close. (Oh and the way she instantly recognised the jacket and then knew with a single sniff that it was his?? Help???). But anyway ugh when the kid pointed them to the apartment, and she saw him right there through the window, only for him to be stolen away again in the mere couple of minutes it took her to get back around to the apartment’s front door.... Ughhh these two have been star-crossed from the start, but it was so hard to watch the final acts of their tragedy unfolding. I'll never be over the fact that for days, he was kept in a haze of drugs and pain, and yet we (and Thony!) know from his message that he spent that time thinking of her, escaping his reality by living in the moments they’d shared. And her own drug-induced hallucination of him was equally heartbreaking… god, to see her be so honest and unreserved in the way she looked at him and held him and spoke to him ("I’m gonna take you home, I'm never gonna let you go again”)... like damn, in that moment we really got to see the unfiltered, uninhibited truth of her feelings for him, the truth she never got to tell him and that he never got to hear.

But still, I’d like to think that he knew it anyway, especially when he saw her there in that car– saw that she had come for him, that she was trying so hard to save him, even at risk to herself. (Naturally I wish that we could have had his real face for that heart-wrenching moment of goodbye, but it was close enough, and when it comes down to it, that moment was still truly Arman and Thony no matter what). And while I’m sure Arman would have wished that he could live, that he could have stayed and built a life with her, we also saw multiple indications in the past 2 seasons that Arman knew and accepted that an early death was likely for him, if not practically inevitable, just like it had been for Mateo and Carlos and Bosco. And so for him to get to go out on his own terms, and in the act of saving Thony? It was exactly the death that he would have wanted. (On first watch I was sobbing too hard to notice that he didn't just knock the gun away and cause chaos in the car, he actually also grabbed the wheel and deliberately drove them off the cliff, meaning he truly chose for himself how he met his death). Honestly, it was literally the exact kind of ending I'd been predicting for him ever since s1– both the culmination of his hero arc, and also the ultimate fulfillment of his vow to protect her.  I'm so, so thankful that he got to have that, got to go out fast and painlessly and like the hero he was, rather than dying in the hangar or alone in that grungy apartment, and I’m even more thankful that he got to see her one last time, got to have that final goodbye with her. He died knowing she loved him and never gave up on him, and knowing that his death would ensure she got to live on; and for him, that would have been everything. And as devastating as it was to see Thony on her knees on the cliff, staring up into the sky as everything faded into white and El Reloj began to play... it was also heartbreakingly beautiful- seeing them dancing together again truly felt like getting a glimpse into his heaven, like it was telling us 'This is where he is now. This is where he'll always be"- and though it'll still always hurt to have lost him, I can be at peace with that.

(Though ngl, this ep was full of 'if onlys' that are going to haunt both us and Thony forever... If only Chris hadn't blocked the toilet today of all days. If only Thony had called a different plumber. If only JD's friend hadn't gotten him the arrest report. If only Ramona hadn't put a tail on Thony that caused her and Fi to have to rely on Jeremy for a ride rather than going on their own. If only Thony had been able to trust that Jorge wasn't involved and had called him instead. If only Nadia hadn't sent her the address for the meet location. If only if only if only. The show has always centred around this theme (all the way back to 1x01 and ‘if only Thony hadn’t encouraged the underground fighter to make her own choices, then the fighter may have done what Theo ordered her to and deliberately lost the fight, and then Tarik wouldn’t have killed Theo and Thony wouldn't have witnessed it, and none of this would have happened’), and it's a vital aspect of both the storytelling (because if none of that had happened, then there's no story at all) and also of Thony's character development. But obviously in this instance we all know that the writers had no other choice, and that there was no way this ep could have gone differently anyway, not after the loss of Adan. We know that, but Thony doesn't, and so it's going to be devastating to see Thony blame herself for yet another death, especially the death of someone she loved so deeply.)

But alright let’s talk about who is actually responsible for Arman’s death, because while Thony inadvertently contributed to it, she absolutely wasn’t the one who directly led to them being in that situation! Let’s start with Dante: firstly, I knew it was very suss that he ‘accidentally’ killed that guy in the last ep! And then when I saw the BTS pics for 3x06 last week and saw that Thony and Fi were going to go to the same apartment buildings that Dante got arrested at, it was clear that he was definitely involved in Arman’s abduction somehow. So either it’s option 1, and that giant bastard knew just how deeply Ramona wanted Arman back in their lives and figured he could not only give her what she wanted, but could also use the opportunity to score a fuck-ton of money without Ramona ever knowing of his involvement; or it’s option 2, and he abducted Arman on Ramona’s orders so that she could a) get her hands on a bunch of Nadia's money, and b) receive Arman's gratitude for saving him, which would then lead to his return into the family. Personally I think that option 1/Dante working alone is much more likely, and I'd also prefer it to option 2, because if Ramona was involved it would completely ruin the enjoyment I’ve been getting out of her character and her sibling relationship with Jorge. So I'm really hoping that it was all just Dante’s plan, and that Ramona and Jorge believe Thony when she tells them about Dante’s role in Arman's kidnapping (and therefore his death) and then they fucking murder him for it. 

Speaking of murdering, that brings me to Jeremy Fucking Dolan. (Yes, I literally looked up his last name on IMDB purely bc I felt the need to put a curse word in it). It’s funny, but from the very first moment his character was announced and it was mentioned in his bio that he would befriend Thony while hiding a dark secret, I had an almost irrational level of hatred for him, even more than I had for Jorge’s character, which was definitely odd and inexplicable given that Jorge’s bio made him sound like he was purely meant to be an unwanted ‘Arman 2.0’/potential love interest, which I obviously did not want in the slightest. But if I’d been given the option to get rid of one of them before S3 even started, it would have been Jeremy with no hesitation. The moment he made his appearance, I called it that he was actually an undercover FBI agent who was using Thony to get to Arman, which was maddening enough because she just didn’t deserve to be manipulated in that way, or to be betrayed by someone whom she had been isolated and vulnerable enough to risk trusting. And then that undercover bastard not only uses her, but ends up being the very reason that the FBI shows up right at the worst moment– not only preventing the exchange, but also causing the chase that kills Arman??? I don't care if he was only doing his job and trying to catch criminals, goddammit, I still hate him so much, and it's going to destroy Thony (even more than she already has been destroyed after losing Arman) when she eventually puts it together and realises that her trusting Jeremy directly contributed to Arman’s death. Which is why I’m over here violently daydreaming of a moment sometime late in the season where Jorge and Ramona finally manage to capture Jeremy, and then they bring Thony in and let her pull the fucking trigger and end him. (I mean, is it at all likely that she would go that dark, even to avenge Arman? Well, no. But thinking about it certainly gives me great satisfaction so I’m sticking with it lol)

Anyway, moving onto something more positive– if you wanna find the MVP of this ep, you only have to look at Fi!!! I loved her for the kind and understanding way she addressed Thony's connection to Arman, and the way she almost got Thony to acknowledge her feelings for him. Though I guess in that moment she could see that Thony still wasn’t ready to talk about it, and so she tried to ease Thony's mental discomfort by shifting focus to jokes about Jeremy (gross). Still, throughout the ep she was just so completely ride or die for Thony, like she has always been, and honestly Thony needs that, needs her. And not just for her badass lock-picking skills haha (taught to her by Paolo maybe??). Basically, Thony is like the Frodo of this series, carrying a huge burden and going through unimaginable things, but Fi is like her Sam, and it’s only with Fi’s support that Thony is able to keep pushing forward through everything. Obviously the loss of Arman, the other vital person in her life (does that make him Gandalf??) is going to be absolutely crushing for her, and I think Fi is going to be even more incredible in the coming episodes as she supports Thony through her grief and devastation. Ngl, I already had a fic idea about Fi going and getting Arman's jacket back for Thony, and it makes me cry just thinking about it ugh

In addition to Fi and Thony, I did love the whole De La Rosa fam vibe early in the episode, with Chris and Jaz bickering, and Thony and Fi making a fuss of Luca, and then Chris gently telling them to ease off when Luca got overwhelmed– it felt so nice to have them all reunited again and just getting to be a ‘normal’ family getting ready for school in the morning, and for Fi and Thony to be dealing with problems like blocked toilets and wet clothes rather than threats of deportation or dangerous cartels or the FBI. Chris worrying over missing Camila’s call was super cute too; I’m glad we got to have another mention of her and I hope we get to see her again soon. As for Luca, I’m really happy he’s started school, mostly bc it frees up Thony’s schedule haha, but also because it’s an important step for both him and Thony in moving forward with their lives. Thony has lived in an endless loop of ~My Child Is Dying~ for 6 years, and finally (thanks to her and Fi and Arman, like she said in the ep) that cycle has finally been broken. Luca will always need careful monitoring of his health, of course, but Thony isn’t trapped by his illness anymore, and I’m excited to see what potential  paths that will open up for her. I will always wish that one of those paths could have been a relationship with Arman, and I'm sure she does too, but as long as she finds happiness and purpose, I'll be satisfied.

Okay, so Jorge showing up at the school was pretty great honestly; like he says, it kind of is their thing to just show up uninvited into each other's spaces, and plus I think he actually truly did want to help make the moment a little easier on her by being there and distracting her/reassuring her as a fellow parent. I also loved the sweatshirt mention lol, it was a good throwback and I enjoy that he’s comfortable enough with her to tease her. Just shows how much their relationship has changed in the week or so since he first tossed that sweatshirt at her in a different school parking lot!! And he definitely won points with me here by going out of his way to get the info for her about the legal/CPS stuff without being asked, and though he explained it away as basically just him buying her influence over Arman in regards to the Sin Cara business, again I think he just genuinely wanted to help. Like Arman, he doesn’t get the opportunity to do many things that are purely good and noble, and so the feeling of getting to help her and Luca clearly has somewhat of an intoxicating effect on both men haha. Even with the loss of Arman (and so the loss of his supposed reason for helping Thony with the CPS stuff) I don’t doubt that Jorge will still help her with it once he’s satisfied that she had nothing to do with Arman’s death. But ugh speaking of Arman, the way Jorge questioned her about her connection to Arman… he already knows that Thony’s husband only died a few months ago, and as far as he knows from Nadia's behaviour, her and Arman’s marriage was solid, so it’s understandable that the intensity of Thony’s loyalty to/concern about Arman is a bit confusing to him. And because he doesn’t understand it, he’s always going to view her with at least a trace of suspicion until he learns the truth. Which may even be as soon as next ep– it looks like Jorge and Ramona are going to be demanding answers from Thony about how Arman died/ whether she betrayed him to the Feds/ how she was even there in the first place etc etc, and honestly I'm desperately hoping we'll get some kind of "I would never betray Arman! I LOVED him!" outburst from her that makes both Jorge and Ramona stop in their tracks because of how clearly heartfelt and honest it is. And ngl, while we’ve seen Thony indirectly state or demonstrate her love for Arman multiple times now, it would really mean a lot to me to hear her just say it openly without holding back. Not to mention that I think it would also really help pave the way for her to be accepted into the Sin Cara/Sanchez family, which would make for interesting viewing for the rest of the season.  

Speaking of the Sanchez family, I enjoyed the flashback and getting the backstory about the caddy, and seeing more of the Eduardo/Ramona/Jorge dynamic. (I’m trying so hard not to be nitpicky about the fact that young Arman's hair was straight and young Jorge's was curly, when it should have been the opposite, lol). But I’ve been thinking a lot about what Eduardo says to young Arman in that moment about how the only way to be a good man is to work hard and make an honest living, and I think that before we meet him in S1 Arman had really internalised that, and didn’t see himself as being a good man even though he wanted to be, which is why it hurt him so much to have Thony reinforce that belief during their argument at the wedding in 1x03. But then through helping her and forming a connection with her, he sees that even though she’s witnessed him at his worst, she genuinely does believe he is a good man, and it allows him to start believing it of himself for the first time. The flashback also definitely gave us more of a sense of Arman’s relationship with Ramona and Jorge, and really added another layer to him not selling off his caddy despite the direness of his debt to RK. What Nadia said to Ramona about the caddy being Arman’s dream car seemed to prove to Ramona that Arman still loved her and Jorge, and never truly turned his back on them… and so hopefully her sense of family and honour will mean that she will now consider Nadia and Thony– Arman’s family– to be her family as well. I also really enjoyed the scene of Jorge and Ramona sitting together in the caddy, discussing their business choices/differences in their life plans, and also talking about Arman and his good heart… they’ve definitely both grown on me, partly because they’re well written, but mostly because they've helped Thony and they genuinely care about my boy Arman. I’m sad we'll never get to see an Arman and Jorge brotherly reunion, because that could have been truly great. But tbh what I’m really wondering is what will happen to my beloved caddy now that Arman's gone... will Nadia want to get rid of it because seeing it is too painful?? Will Jorge offer to take it? Will I get my dream of Thony being the one to keep it lol? Doubtful, but one can always hope.... (and I guess there’s always that fic I’ve been planning to write about it for like 3 weeks lol)

Sigh, poor Nadia gave me a lot of feels in this ep. She is working so hard to get Arman back, and handling herself amazingly well under incredibly stressful circumstances. She dealt calmly with the kidnappers (which Ramona was clearly very impressed by... a potential protege there, perhaps?). Nadia also politely yet firmly declined Ramona’s plan for Arman to be basically kept in their home, despite knowing how powerful Ramona is and how risky it would be to piss her off.  She also insisted on being at the exchange to get him back despite the risk to herself (and possibly partly because she still doesn’t trust Ramona’s intentions). She trusted Thony with the meet location, despite their complex history, despite knowing that it meant that she would have to share her reunion with her husband with the other woman he loves. Even if she only gave Thony the address because it meant getting to have a highly-trained doctor there who could be trusted completely with Arman’s life, it still means she put Arman’s wellbeing above her own wants. Honestly I respect the hell out of Nadia, and literally the only consolation I have about losing Arman is that at least I'll never have to watch her go through the heartbreak of Arman still choosing Thony over her despite all their history and everything she’d done for him. Of course, we still have to watch her going through an absolutely horrific heartbreak of a different kind, but at least instead of being alone in it, she has Thony to share that pain with. (Or at least, she will, when she gets past her initial anger and blame towards Thony). It's almost a certainty that Thony and Nadia's connection will continue and even strengthen throughout the rest of the season, and I strongly believe that Thony is going to do everything she can to support and protect Nadia now, not only because she genuinely does care about her, but also because it’s the only thing she can do now to honour Arman and give thanks for all he did for her.

Okay, last couple of things: I loved that even despite her desperate search for Arman and the ticking clock that was hanging over their heads, Thony still stopped and helped the kid’s grandfather. It was very true to who she is, and how she can’t not help the people in front of her that need her. And tbh in terms of TV medicine, this instance actually wasn’t too bad haha, even if her Epley manoeuvre was a bit off. The fact that the man turning to look at the clock helped her diagnose the vertigo was also a cool reference to the ep’s title/theme as well. But anyway the reference that I can’t quite figure out yet is the word Thony saw written in the dust on that mirrored platter thing; I’m assuming Arman wrote it as a clue in case someone found the apartment? It seems to say something like ‘Marin’ which means nothing to me rn, but they very intentionally included a shot of Thony seeing it, so I guess its meaning will become clear in the next ep or two? 

Anyway, this has been many many words and feelings, so I’m just gonna end it with this, the prayer that Thony spoke as Arman walked out of prison in 2x02, because it feels even more tragically fitting now:

Now he is freed Through your blood on the cross Through the blows to your face And through the crown of your thorns that pierced your head Deliver him from all evil From the rigor of injustice From the torment of conscience And from all darkness Welcome him into Paradise Where there will be no more sorrow No more weeping or pain Give him the blessings of the life to come As he enters into the kingdom of peace and light.

[idealisticrealism]

okay obviously I knew that this moment was coming and I knew that it was going to be incredibly hard, but god this ep just absolutely shattered my heart... what a beautiful and tragic goodbye for a beautiful and tragic character.

Rest in peace, Adan Canto.

Rest in peace, my beloved Arman Morales.

Thank you both for everything.

[idealisticrealism]

WARNING!!! ABSOLUTELY HUGE SPOILERS FOR 3X06 AND 3X07 OF THE CLEANING LADY!!

(Seriously do NOT click on the link unless you're prepared for some big answers and some even bigger emotions)

I'm trying to keep this entire post as spoiler-free as I can, so all I'll say right now is jesus christ I'm not ready

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x05 thoughts

The main things:

This ep starts literally immediately after last ep ended, and then takes place over 2 full days

Looks like Thony and Jorge swapped numbers at some point lol; I guess Dante got tired of being the go-between haha. But for a guy that was so concerned yesterday about Thony missing her interview, he sure seems chill about pulling her away today… only to have nothing for her but an unintentionally murdered guy and an uncomfortable fight with his sister lol. That’s a bit embarrassing for you there, Jorge! I like that he later ended the business call about Nadia’s payout to be able to answer her, and then followed through on her request to talk to Ramona on her behalf. And then she shows up at his office– did she google him or did he actually tell her where to find him??-- and tries to convince him to nullify the Amber Alert, and ngl I enjoy the fact that much of their dynamic so far is basically Thony either ordering or begging him to do something, and him being like “No” and making some mocking remark to her about it… and then later doing exactly what she asked/suggested lol. Thony (and especially the potent combination of Thony and Luca) really does have some kind of magic power over the men of this family… though Arman seemed to accept it far more quickly and eagerly than Jorge, who’s still half-heartedly trying to resist haha. But then again, the man still showed up at her court hearing and not only provided the exact thing she asked for, but he also stayed to see the outcome and her reaction?? Like I’m absolutely hearing Nadia’s words to Arman rn: “You love the way she looks at you when you do these things for her. When you are her hero”... Jorge got his first real taste of that during the last ep, and looks like he already wants more haha

Thony and Ramona are clashing more and more which is potentially going to be very problematic for Thony when they lose Arman and she is no longer shielded by her connection to him… but I guess that’s when Jorge’s growing regard for her is going to come into play, and create an interesting divide with the siblings…

Poor Thony reliving the trauma of losing Luca, only even more terrifying this time because instead of Marco (who sucked but was at least relatively safe), he could be with someone who intends to hurt him. “We’ve been down this road before” yeah in more ways than one

“You and Armando will work together, so when I’m gone…(etc)” okay this is a very odd statement for a 50-something to make??? And she later says something about bringing Arman home ‘while there’s still time’-- time for him, or her?? Like is Ramona secretly dying and that’s why she’s so determined to get Arman back, so Jorge will still have family watching over him? Surely the writers wouldn’t use a plotline like that though, not given how we lost Adan…….? 

Okay let’s all pretend that we believe that a 6 year old kid, who had barely experienced the world outside his own bedroom before a few months ago, managed to navigate the streets of a major city on foot to a location that’s a 10 minute drive away, and then also somehow snuck into a large public facility undetected and didn't raise red flags as an unaccompanied kid hanging there for hours lol

Ugh so much love for the courtroom scene and the fam all giving their testimony. I love that they were all clearly ready to commit perjury if needed (eg by covering up Thony’s shady activities if asked about it) and that they also said such beautiful, heartfelt things, because god did Thony need to hear those things. After everything she has gone through, and everything that her actions to protect Luca put the rest of the family through, she’d clearly started to question (like we saw in the kitchen earlier with Fi)  whether she is actually truly good– a good mother, a good family member, and a good person in general– or if she only brings pain to those around her.  The forgiveness and support of her family doesn’t erase what she’s done, but it is going to be a huge part of how she moves forward and grows as a person, and I’m really looking forward to seeing more of that journey.

I also loved that the people trying to take Luca away were two crusty old guys, while Thony’s lawyer (who looked like she was trying not to cry when Thony did her big speech), and the judge, and of course Susan (who, while on the CPS side, is actually fairly impartial and in some ways shows a lot of regard for Thony, and didn’t raise an objection even though she could have) are all women. It feels like a subtle nod to the themes of both motherhood and women supporting other women in this show, and that’s really cool. 

Other stuff:

Congrats to Fi for finally getting to have her own Traumatised Showering Scene haha, I think Thony has had at least 2 or 3 by this point. But I did feel for Fi and Chris that they barely even got to begin to unpack what happened to them because things were just immediately about Luca. Also ngl that music/voiceover combo right at the start with the abrupt fadeout was a bit weird lol

“Sometimes I wish I was a turtle, so I could hide in my shell” #relatable

Love the sweet JD/Fi stuff, though this dude needs to recognise his place in the family hierarchy and not make calls that aren’t his to make lol. Leave the dealing with big important stuff to the women, buddy, you’re out of your depth!  

Speaking of dudes messing things up… seriously Dante? Accidentally killing the best lead your bosses have to getting their relative back? That’s embarrassingly amateurish. Unless there’s actually more going on here than we realise, and he did it deliberately to keep the guy from talking??

Ok seriously how many doors lead outside from Luca’s room?? I know it’s a converted sun-room and not a proper bedroom, but still, they should at least be locked if not also securely barricaded. Geez.

Ah the many facets of Jorge, comfortable in a homeless camp and while torturing a guy in a warehouse, but also in a courtroom and a fancy corner office, and also while kneeling in a kitchen doorway to earnestly accept a gift of a cupcake from a 5 year old lol

Thony always tells Luca she’s never going to let anything bad happen to him… but uhhh, a little too late there, don’t you think Thony? Poor kid has been through more ‘bad things’ than most adults, and most of them have happened within the last 6 months lol

Lol at Thony trying to tell the officer to drop the charges against Dante and he’s just like ‘nope’ haha. I bet she really misses her surgeon days when she could just give orders and people would follow them without question

No Nadia this week! Honestly it felt weird not to see her; it really feels like she is part of the family now, and I’m looking forward to more of her and Thony working together

Goddamn I really gotta learn Spanish.

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x04 thoughts

Ngl this ep was pretty epic. Spoilers ahead.

The main things:

In-universe, it has now been a total of about five days since the events of ep 1 (Arman going missing, Thony meeting Jorge and Ramona)

But sigh this ep really was the Thony and Jorge show, wasn’t it? I’ll admit it upfront, I enjoyed watching their interactions change through the course of the ep, though god it was hard not to think about how absolutely incredible it would have been to watch Thony and Arman being the ones dealing with this situation together instead. But putting that aside, it was interesting to watch her and Jorge go from shouting at each other (and kind-of shooting at each other!) and ordering each other around, to Thony realising he was going to help her, to him playfully teasing her (the idea of burying her in the desert now nothing more than a joke to him despite the fact he’d been completely serious about it only days ago), to his concern about her potentially missing Luca’s interview, to his reaction to her comment about ‘losing a brother’, to her challenging him again and him calling her out and then her acknowledging the terrible things that she has also done, to him awkwardly comforting her as she absolutely breaks down about everything being her fault (which was hard to watch but kind of warranted lol), to fighting for their lives together, to him seeing that she has the guts to be ruthless when she needs to be, to him immediately obeying her orders when they find Fi, to him watching her with respect as she saves Fi's life, to him bringing her van back to her and them bonding over both their success and the realities of life with little kids, to her trusting him with the vial and its contents… like damn, that was a lot of progression for one episode! Reminds me of how much her relationship with Arman changed over the course of the pilot (but idk, with its own different vibe-- not really any of that electric chemistry and feeling of meeting someone you were always meant to meet and who is going to fundamentally alter your life, like Armony had, but more like finding a kindred spirit in an unexpected place? Idk). But anyway, the exchange “I’m not the man you think I am, Thony”/”Well maybe you could be”  compared with her 1x03 exchange with Arman “You’re not the man I thought you were”/”What am I then? Say it. You think I'm a monster” was definitely interesting and says a lot about how much Thony has changed since then. Her view of Arman changed over time because of how he got lighter and she got darker, and so they kind of met in the middle– whereas now, with Jorge, she is already so accustomed to his and Arman’s dark, morally grey world that it doesn’t scare her like it used to, and plus Arman showed her that even the ‘bad men’ of that world can be good in many ways, or can at least change for the better.  In this ep Thony saw the playful side of Jorge as well as the kind side, and though there was plenty of the dark side too, it was directed at people who even she thought deserved it, in a form of justice. Meanwhile his view of her changed from thinking she was just an erratic, reckless mess who didn’t listen to anyone, to understanding that she’s brave and determined and capable, and that her actions have been driven by both grief and an incredible level of family loyalty. Plus, she proved she could handle the harsh realities of his world and that she wasn’t afraid to do what needed to be done, nor did she shy away from his own darkness. It must have been an absolute revelation for him to see her so calm and warm and at ease after her family was all reunited at home, and to realise that this is the real her, and that the near-feral creature he’d known over the past several days was purely a result of the incredible trauma and strain she was under. No doubt it’s during the events of this ep that his reported ‘fascination’ with her truly starts… and I guess we’ll see where it goes?

Okay seriously though what was with them using the song ‘Listo pa’ pelear’ as the example of music Jorge likes???? Aka the exact song that was used in the opening scene of 2x01, which was a montage of Arman cleaning in the prison??? I have literally listened to this song so many times that I thought I was having a stroke when it started playing in this ep. Does the music tech for the show just really love this song, or are they trying to subtly highlight the connection between Jorge and Arman??? I’m so confused

Yessss Thony handling a gun has been on my list of hopes for this show forever, because it’s visual evidence of her further progression into the criminal world (my dream of Mob Boss Thony is inching ever closer), and I’m just sad that Arman didn’t get to see it because he would have been so damn proud

Love Nadia going from 'holy shit’ (terrified) upon meeting Ramona and realising she’s Sin Cara to ‘holy shit’ (exhilarated) when Ramona blows up the sportsbook and welcomes her into the family lol. I think Nadia has a new idol haha

(Now I’m imagining the next Sin Cara meeting, with Ramona inviting Nadia and Jorge bringing Thony, and them all being one happy little crime family lol) 

Man, there is no way that Fi and Chris are walking away from that super messed up desert journey without some intense PTSD. Like seriously, Fi looking around the van at everyone (including Chris) panicking and suffocating? That was freaking haunting, as was the macabre trail of bits and pieces (and the body) left behind by other immigrants in the desert. This show really does not pull punches when it comes to immigration issues and I respect that so much. (Also, the idea of border vigilantes is so absolutely fucked omg)

Ok I’m sorry, but no fucking way would Thony allow there to be an unbarricaded door in Luca’s room that leads to the outside of the house. Just nope lol, not a chance, but clearly its necessary for next ep lol so ok

Other stuff:

Our Adan is in the credits again; because of the photos, I guess? Also Nadia’s pic of Arman on the bike is a S2 BTS shot of Adan, I still remember seeing it for the first time :(

Speaking of motorbikes, I’d wondered what happened to the brief glimpse we saw in an early trailer of someone riding the bike Arman got at Bosco’s camp– never would have thought it was Nadia and not Arman on it though! Damn the writers are just making her even more badass

Is it sad that I recognised the location where Nadia meets the bounty hunter as the same spot they used for filming exterior scenes at Hayak’s truck depot (and which I'm 100% sure is literally on the studio lot)?

“We got a problem with Thony” lol how many times is Jorge gonna hear this from Dante? She’s already so notorious she gets first-name use lol

Ramona’s gallery is called ‘Sombra’, or ‘Shadow’, which is a cool nod to the shadowy world she operates in

Lol at the guys that drove Thony into the desert just yeeting her stuff out of the car and hightailing it outta there like "nope we ain't getting in the middle of this, byeee!" Lol

Love JD being just completely all-in for this family, and Chris calling him his Step-dad <3. Also damn that actor’s voice is just so incredibly soothing, I could listen to it all day

Nadia and “Auntie Kate” (lol) have the same kind of snarky antagonistic vibe as Garrett and Arman. But lol about time they froze Kamdar’s accounts, Nadia should have never even had access to them in the first place given their estrangement and how he died. I feel for her though, going from rich to desperately scraping for money to rich again to having nothing again, poor woman must be so stressed haha. Though I guess she’s getting a nice little chunk of insurance money now , so all good again lol

“Where are you from?”/“Las Vegas” Wooo that’s right, Vegas is her home now!

Omg the happy family reunion, my heart!! Also Camila and Chris continue to be adorable, please let her come back writers! I mean Luca is already calling her ‘big sister’ so she’s clearly meant to be family haha

Okay, a new wish for this season: to hear Thony tell Jorge/Ramona/Nadia “It’s not about doing things the right way or the wrong way, but any way you can. Arman taught me that” at some point. Please writers I neeeeeed it

[idealisticrealism]

Hi! I don't know if you're still looking for people to discuss The Cleaning Lady with. But here are my thoughts, let me know what you think. I think if Adan hadn't passed, they would be setting up a love triangle with Jorge, and he would've been the catalyst to make Arman act on his feelings for Thony. I wouldn't mind Thony and Jorge getting together. I think the show needs some romance. This is controversial, but I think they should consider recasting Arman rather than killing him off.

Hey! I'm always down to discuss TCL, so thanks for the Ask! I think you're right about the original plan for the Arman/Thony/Jorge 'triangle' happening to make Arman act on his feelings. I don't think there ever would have been a question in Thony's mind about who she would choose, but obviously Arman couldn't know that for sure, and just seeing Jorge's interest in her (and realising that Jorge and Thony could actually make a good match) would have likely been enough to push him to do something about it. I think that's also why ep 1 had the scene of Nadia buying a house for herself alone, not to share with Arman, because the writer's plan was for Arman to come back and for Nadia to see that his feelings for Thony were never going to go away, and so she leaves him.

Tbh, it hurts my pride a little to say it, but I've also reached a point where I wouldn't mind Thony and Jorge together either-- but only as a theoretical concept a couple of years into the future, not during the course of the show. The timeframe is just too short; for example, the 4 episodes of this season have taken place over FIVE DAYS. Arman has only been missing for FIVE DAYS. If the eps don't start having bigger gaps, this entire season will happen over barely more than 2 weeks. So while I'm fine with Thony and Jorge developing some kind of 'friendship' over the course of the season (something that ep 4 is certainly setting them up for), I would be incredibly disappointed in the writers and their choices if they had the two of them develop a romance so ridiculously fast and also while Arman is (as far as they know) still alive and missing??? It would be a bizarre act on Thony's part and not consistent with her characterisation at all. Plus, the show has never actually been about romance specifically; it has always been about family and the choices that protecting her family leads Thony to make. The Armony romance was always just a bonus, so I doubt they're going to turn around and suddenly try to push a new romance plotline when there's other more thematically-aligned stories to tell.

As for the idea of recasting; I can absolutely see where you're coming from, and it's fair enough! But personally, I know that I absolutely couldn't deal with a recasting. Arman was/is one of my favourite characters of all time, and for me there is simply no Arman without Adan, without the face and the voice and the hearteyes and all the little things that are just such an inherent part of the character in my mind. Not to mention that Adan and Elodie's chemistry was just on another level, and I don't think the show could ever recreate that with another actor. So as much as it hurts, having Arman die is the only real option in my mind (though @enigmaticfox has posed an interesting theory about Arman being rescued alive but having to immediately leave Vegas/go underground forever in order to avoid the FBI etc). But honestly however the writers do it, I just hope that they do it in a way that honours both Arman and Armony.

Anyways that's enough rambling from me now. If anyone else wants to weigh in here, they're absolutely welcome haha

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x03 thoughts

Many thoughts and spoilers, as usual.

The Main things:

Given the timeframe with Fi’s journey back (and needing her in time for the Child Protective Services meeting), it can’t have been more than a day or two since the last episode.

The reappearance of Adan’s name in the credits was very confusing until Russo produced the video. I’m pretty used to the body double use now (managed to not even cry at the sight of my boy, which I'll take as progress) so my main thoughts about the vid were that it looks just like a scene from a fic idea I had last week that did make me cry, and also that if the footage is from a police body cam, I’m guessing that cop is dead/unconscious and slumped against their own vehicle given the angle and the fact they’re not moving…

Calling it right now, ‘Jeremy the handyman’ is undercover FBI. Russo is smart enough and determined enough not to put all her eggs in the Nadia basket, so I think that this is her other plan to take Thony (and through her, Arman) down. And as she later tells Nadia: nothing is ever as it seems. So I'm convinced the racist attack on the Cleaning Ladies office was fabricated by the FBI to allow ‘Jeremy’ to be introduced into Thony’s life in a way that would lead her to trust him quickly and allow him into her circle, especially with his kindness and all his sentiments about the shittiness of xenophobia and how ‘this is her home, no matter what anyone says’. I’m actually genuinely pissed about it tbh, bc Thony deserves that kindness and support for real, instead of having her isolation and fear and vulnerability preyed upon by people who want to throw her behind bars just because she didn’t play by the rules of their flawed and biased system…

Sigh honestly though, Thony is too stubborn and short-sighted for her own good. Like yes she saved Soledad’s life by ignoring Dante’s orders, but in doing so she risked her own life as well as Fi and Chris’ lives, and also jeopardised her relationship with both Ramona and the CPS worker who is responsible for deciding if Luca should be taken from her or not. At least she’s written consistently in that she always tries to do the ‘right thing’ and save the person in front of her, but that means she often overlooks the potential consequences of taking that action and the overall balance of good vs bad that would come out of it. Like I’m guessing she’s one of those people who absolutely hates the Trolley Problem lol

Well now we know how Paolo’s money comes into play… funny that if he’d never given Chris the money, Chris wouldn’t have been able to give it to Camila and her mum, which means they wouldn’t have come on the crossing, so he would have never had to fight the guy to defend Camila, and wouldn’t have ended up getting stranded in the desert…. Again, this show really is great at demonstrating those ‘well-intentioned actions leading to bad outcomes’ moments 

This ep is really trying to give Jorge a bit more depth, from him being all cute about Violeta’s soccer practice (showing he’s an involved dad who is also laid back and knows how to have fun, not one of those intense/pushy ones), and how his warnings to Thony have become less like threats and more like well-meaning advice. He’s willingly acting as Thony’s chauffeur rather than sending an underling to do it, and he’s also letting her debate with him on a more even level than before, where previously he just shut her down immediately. He even actually seems to listen to her about not hurting Nadia and the idea of letting Ramona meet Nadia instead (given what we see in the trailer). The scene where he finds her with the van is likely meant to look like he is hiding something, but I think he is genuinely looking for Arman and actually didn’t know that this was the van that took him, and he just doesn’t trust her enough yet to be open with her about it.  I also think he respects that she cares enough about Arman to stand up to him, to challenge him about his possible involvement– if I’m right and he truly is trying to bring Arman home safe, her persistent loyalty to Arman even in the face of danger to herself would be a big point in her favour. 

Okay what the hell is the little glass jar Thony finds, though?? Something of Arman’s? Something that they can get a bad guy’s fingerprints off of to give them a lead? A sedative medication that indicates he was drugged and taken somewhere, rather than killed and dumped?? I need answerssss

Poor Nadia is suffering through feelings of betrayal on all sides here lol. I don’t blame her at all for going to Russo and trying to save herself and Arman through a deal, but I’m so relieved that Russo’s obsession with punishing Arman has made that alliance an impossibility. Now all we need is for Nadia to cool down a little, and realise that despite everything, there’s only one person she can truly turn to… (and yes, I’ve written a fic about it lol)

“You ever notice that everyone around him turns up dead?” lollll look at this show being all self-aware about its tendency to just kill off its problems haha. But still, Russo’s got it all wrong; Arman’s not the common denominator here. He may have been the one pulling the trigger a few times, but he was almost never the one actually setting the events in motion. Instead, it’s Thony. Despite being someone who tries at all times to save lives, Thony is like an unintentional angel of death for those she encounters, and sadly Arman is going to be the next to fall.    

Other stuff:

It was interesting to see how clever the cartel is with all the different types of vehicles they use to transport people in order to avoid suspicion, I wonder how realistic that is?

I love that the show has continued its tradition of having cleaners/household staff regularly appearing in the background, highlighting the fact that even if they’re often overlooked, they’re there

The date on the bodycam is messing with my timeframe for the show based on the only other previous reference to dates that we’ve gotten, and though I know they probably just picked a random date, I don’t like it haha

That was very cool imagery with Ramona’s tea, of something shrivelled and dull being put into an intense environment and blossoming into something amazing… hmmm, wonder what they’re trying to say about Thony there haha

Fi totally ships Chris and Camila lol. I love the bond that formed between the two families (Fi protecting them in the store by putting on the Southern Belle act was awesome), and I hope Camila and her mum continue to be in the show, like maybe Fi and Thony could hire the mum as one of their cleaners and help both of them settle into life as an immigrant in the US. 

Also, the ICE raid was hard to watch, but bless the ladies in the store who helped them to hide! True allies!

The emotional song playing at the end as Fi and Chris are left behind is called 'Sister, Take My Hand' which just feels fitting for this show

Anyway, really looking forward to the Nadia & Ramona meeting next week. My wild dream of a badass coalition of mob women (Thony, Fi, Nadia, Ramona) running Vegas may just happen yet…

[idealisticrealism]

Haha yes omg the CPR! Honestly, I think shows should just use CPR dolls so the actors can actually do proper compression. I did really like though that they were saying not to defibrillate because I swear in like 99% of all tv shows they use it. Yes, it can be a bit funny as well seeing all the medical errors that happens in shows/films. Yes I do agree actually, it would have been weird for him to kiss Thony and then right after go to Nadia. At first I wasn't too found of him cheating but then now I'm like, well he is a mob guy. He isn't exactly going to be the epitome of morally right so it does sort of makes sense. Omg that is amazing you actually met him! Did you actually go up and talk to him? Because I like the idea of me going up to an actor or singer I really look up to if I saw them but then I also feel like I would be way to scared too. I'm sure in time you will look at that memory with joy again, it just takes some time to process. =)

That is actually a really good shout out with the ao3, thanks! Sorry, I will stop clogging up your ask box now :)

Yeah as someone who is extremely morally opposed to cheating, my love of Armony caused a bit of an existential crisis for a while lol! Though back in S1 there was a comment from the creators that implied Arman and Nadia had an open marriage, and of course the two of them were also very rocky back then, so it was easier to ignore the impact on Nadia. But honestly if Arman had been able to come back at the end of this season, I would certainly be thrust into an all-new crisis about Armony, because Nadia has been so dedicated to Arman since S2 and I don't want to see her hurt! My only consolation about losing Arman is that the Thony vs Nadia decision never has to be made, and hopefully instead they will continue to be a big part of each others' lives after being bonded by the loss of Arman and everything that has happened/happens during the search for him.

And no, I didn't talk to Adan on the plane; I definitely had the opportunity though, because someone was taking ages putting their bag in the overhead compartment and was blocking the aisle (bless them lol) so I literally ended up standing right in front of his seat for a solid minute haha! He had headphones on though and was looking at his phone, and it was a late night flight, so I decided that the polite thing would be not to disturb him. I've been lucky enough to meet a lot of actors over the years, including my all-time idol, so that definitely helped me be cool about it in this instance! Though I hope that if you ever do see someone famous that you really want to talk to, you just take a deep breath and go say hello :) I promise they're always very nice about it.

Anyway no need to apologise for the asks! It's been a while since I've gotten one so it was a nice change :) Feel free to pop back by if you have more thoughts down the track!

[idealisticrealism]

Awe that is actually so thoughtful of you. But yes it was just like being slapped in the face. This is such a non significant thing but I got really excited because I saw that we share birthday and I never read about a celeb with my birthday, then boom!. Then finding out he has such young kids, man. And yes, like you say I just got a new obsession and I'm going to be honest, Aram was on of the biggest reasons for me enjoying it so much, so I'm not 100% sure if I want to continue, but it may just like you say take some time to digest that he won't be back because I for sure have not accepted that. He played it so freaking well, that line between seeing that he is a mob guy who does bad things but also has a sweet nature to him. Because usually in this series either they do too much on one, and the sweetness doesn't feel genuine. But I think bringing up his background and then Thory/Nadia working together is a good way to continue it without him. I mean I do agree with you that I liked in S2 that it wasn't like "Oh so Thory and Arman are together now" but we got to see them grew a stronger bond. But, that scene where they are alone, they are both not in a relationship anymore and he says he doesn't want to leave her alone. Like man, that deserved a kiss haha. That seems like a very healthy take, like I do like most of the plots but somethings gets a bit too much for me, and also as a health care professional, man some of those bug the hell out of me like they do when there is any medicine involved on screen. Like there is noooo way you could use a ventilator in a chapel, you need to connect it to oxygen flow. But in those cases, I just make up my own stories in my head and pretend that is what happened haha and I'm happy.

Haha oh man the amount of ranting I have done about the medical stuff in this show... Thony's resus of Kamdar in his club in 2x10 is the pinnacle for me, like omg how many things can be portrayed incorrectly in just one single scene. But because I love this show so much I generally just do my best to turn my medical brain off and just roll with whatever happens whenever I watch it, mostly for my own sanity haha

I can definitely relate to what you said about the scene in 2x08 with the two of them alone at her house... I think I even read somewhere that the writers considered having Armony hook up in that scene, but then obviously ultimately decided against it. Tbh given that he then has to go back to Nadia only hours later, I'm actually kinda glad they didn't do anything more than hug! Still, I've got a fic or two drafted about an alternative version of that scene, and hopefully I'll eventually get around to posting them one day lol.

I also agree 100% that the show did an amazing job with creating Arman's character, and keeping that realistic balance of hard exterior and soft heart. I have a genuine love for all the main characters in this show, but Arman really captured me, and he quickly became one of my favourite characters of all time. And of course Adan did an incredible job portraying him, and his chemistry with Elodie was just off the charts. The show will absolutely never be the same without Arman/Adan, and that's something I'm still coming to terms with.

And I don't think it's silly that you were excited about sharing something in common with Adan; I think that having innocent little connections like that to the people behind the media we love is absolutely part of the fun, though the flip side to that is that if something bad happens with them, it can feel more personal. I encountered Adan on a plane once in 2022, and now what was once an awesome and delightful memory just makes me sad. And of course the fact that he was so young and had such little kids has been a really challenging aspect of it for all of us, because no matter our specific family circumstances, a loss like that hits a little too close to home.

Anyway, regardless of whether you do watch s3, if you're ever missing Arman you can always come over to Ao3 and find him there. At least in fic he can live on ❤

[idealisticrealism]

(Warning, spoilers) Okay so I feel like I need to rant to someone about The Cleaning Lady because I'm sick and have just binged the whole series in I think 24 hrs( So l spoilers included here ). First of all, after S3 E1 decided to then google somethings and then find out Adan passed away and I'm just gobsmacked, he was waaaaay too young and had young kids and a wife? :( But I also have some thoughts about the series. S1 - loveeeeed! Like there was somethings that was a bit too much but the chemistry between Thony/Adan and Thony/Fi was great and for me that really made the show. I'm going to be honest and say I found S2 a bit too all over the place.But I do feel like Adan was the shining star in this season. I think they could have had a bit less of the Luca plot line and I wasn't a super big fan of Thony developed in this season. I just sort of wished as well, that Thony and Adan at some stage after their kisses or at least in S2 would just talk about their feelings for each other. I was so sure the S2 was going to end with Nadia turning Adan to Kamdar to show that she was still "evil" while Adan wanted to turn good because he meet Thony. Because honestly, I just felt so confused to his feelings about Nadia, and they didn't grow the Thony/Adan bond either since they didn't even kiss even though both were at one point both available. Like when he came to her house, I 100% thought they would finally hook up. Sorry for my rant, just needed to write some thoughts off. Not saying they are right just my opinions.

Haha hi anon. I am always happy to receive messages about this show, rants or otherwise, so welcome :)

First off, I really feel for you with how you found out about Adan-- being right in the middle of a brand new obsession and then suddenly being hit with the knowledge that we'd lost such a vital part of it? That must have been really tough. Most of us had a couple of months to adjust to the news before the show came back, and honestly that was hard enough.

As for your feelings about S1 and S2, they're pretty normal! I think most people loved S1 and the amazing Armony chemistry, and found the "My son is dying!" situation a tiny bit repetitive. Lots of people would also agree with you about S2 and the physical distance that formed between Thony and Arman. I think we were all desperately hoping for a kiss scene or two (myself included), though I'm one of the few that actually felt that not getting an S2 Armony kiss made a lot of sense, and that their bond was actually still beautifully developed and built upon in S2 even without them getting more physical. In general, I feel that the way the characters were written in S2 was actually very well done, particularly Thony, who made realistically irrational decisions in high stress situations, and then had to deal with the consequences. If you scroll back on my blog you'll see a bunch of posts with many many words about my feelings on the subject lol, or you can check out the TCL tag which certainly has posts with less positive perspectives- but like you said, I'm not trying to say that either take is right or wrong! We all have our opinions and that's okay. Mine enable me to get the most enjoyment possible out of something that I already love, so I'm sticking with them.

Anyway I hope that you will continue to watch and enjoy the show, but if not, at least there'll always be Thony and Arman slowdancing by the firelight to look back on....

[idealisticrealism]

I must create and share it, not for the note counts but for the love of it. Note counting is the joy-killer. Note counting is the little death of creativity that brings total burnout. I will create without care. I will share it online and let the notifications pass by without a sound. And when the hellsite hides my creation, I will let the disappointment pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn my eye to the inner truth: that my love for what I created will remain.

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x02 thoughts

Still adjusting to this weird feeling of watching something that I really enjoy and that genuinely means a lot to me, yet also feels irreversibly altered from the thing I initially fell in love with...

But anyway. Many thoughts and spoilers ahead.

The main things:

This ep starts immediately after last ep (the case worker lady is in the same clothes, Luca gets cleaned up then goes to his appointment with her)

Thony telling Fi “I feel like I’m losing everyone” right as the opening credits roll, with Adan’s name missing… god this season is going to be such a fun game of counting how many times I cry per episode. Speaking of which, honourable mention to Thony immediately grabbing a beer (despite it being the middle of the day) and clearly trying not to cry as she tells Fi she's haunted by the look on Arman's face and that she shouldn’t have left him

“If we didn’t meet, my son wouldn’t be alive today (...) he only made it because of Arman” Ugh and that's really the heart of it, isn't it? Arman may be gone, but Thony and Luca’s lives are the legacy he left behind, and they'll carry him with them always

Thony daring Angel to kill her and face the consequences from Sin Cara… man, she really has learned a few things. But damn, who would have thought that her life would ever get to the point where she had to singlehandedly dismember like 5 corpses under threat of death, and then almost get caught red handed by the cops and have to bust out and run for it. Yikes lol

Honestly, poor Thony seems like she’s barely holding on by a thread now; this season is definitely showing us how much being without Fi and Arman (particularly Arman, given that Fi has been gone a little while) affects her, and tbh Elodie really did a great job of selling the utterly unstable, panicked-to-the-point-of-throwing-up, shaky look that she wears for half the episode lol

Gotta say, watching Thony and Jorge interact is a really interesting juxtaposition from her and Arman… Arman was genuinely taken with her right from the start, and was the one who was instigating most of their early interactions. Jorge wants nothing to do with her, and Thony is the one trying to form a connection (not for personal reasons obviously, but to gain him as an ally and therefore potentially benefit from his protection). And unlike Thony and Arman's natural chemistry and the softness that came from him helping Luca so early on, these two are so stilted and awkward, and they clash on everything– on the kind of man Arman was, the killing of the rival cartel guys, the jobs Sin Cara wants her to do, her showing up at his daughter’s school, etc. Ngl, while I absolutely do not want it to happen, I could see the shippability of a dynamic like this– the initial opposition between them, only to find that they are more alike than they think, etc? It's a classic. Also, her wearing his hoodie?? In two separate interactions, including one in private, and she didn't give it back?? Bitch that was just mean of the writers to do that to me

I have always cared about Nadia and wanted the best for her, and honestly this season has me feeling even more strongly about her. She really is ride or die for Arman, just like Thony is, and I love that she came to Thony this ep fully expecting them to take on the cartel as a team, and then felt genuinely betrayed and let down when Thony seemingly abandoned the search for Arman out of fear of the cartel. Little does Nadia know that Thony is both actively searching for Arman and trying to save all their lives rn. Sigh, so many problems in this show could be avoided if people were just honest with each otherrrrr (though of course the whole reason Thony didn't tell her the truth was to avoid endangering her). But anyway, nobody better be hating on Nadia for turning to Russo here– tbh it was a pretty logical move for her situation, and given that things are obviously going to work out okay for Thony in the end (being the main character and all) I'm actually kinda happy for this betrayal to happen, as it will actually put them on more even footing in their relationship and allow them to have a truce moving forward

Clearly the tail that Ramona has on Thony is better at their job than Kamdar’s was lol… though I guess part of the point of Kamdar’s guy was to be seen, to intimidate her and remind her of his power through the others he controls, whereas (at least where Thony is concerned) Ramona does all her intimidating and power-reminding herself. Gotta respect that level of badassery lol, and in some ways it highlights just how important Thony is in Ramona's eyes. She can see that Thony clearly means a lot to Arman, and so she sees protecting her as the key to reconciling with him. Sighhh. Well, let’s just hope Thony has proved her worth to them by the time they learn Arman is dead... (I mean obviously of course she will, bc again, main character lol)

Other stuff:

As an Aussie I need to know the backstory behind Luca’s stuffed toy koala lol

Fi really didn’t handle the father/son intro well at all lol. At least they fixed the continuity issue with her supposed ‘one night stand’. Chris did get over his anger impressively fast for a 15 year old though lol… one chat/cooking session with dad and everything was all better haha

Jorge’s instant code-switching with the teacher where he got all friendly and pleasant and put on a more US-American accent?? Nice. Great commentary on the way immigrants have to deliberately alter things about themselves to be more 'palatable' to white Americans, thereby making their own lives safer

I feel like the costume department deliberately chose aviator-style (cool, rebellious, unreadable) sunglasses for Jorge as another point of difference from Arman, who always wore the sleeker, more sophisticated Ray Bans

Violetta is freaking ADORABLE

Okay as someone who has listened to so much Ruby Ibarra since early 2022, the Ruby cameo was pretty cool actually… they should have had Chris/Sean dance though!

It was nice to see Fi’s parents (specifically her dad) being more supportive of her finally

What’s the bet that the money from Paolo ends up saving both their asses at some point

The ep title ‘For my son’ was cool in that it was both a reference to Thony’s signature line about doing everything for her son (particularly considering the custody issues, and the intensely terrible stuff she had to do this ep) and also to the Paolo & Chris storyline, given that their entire arc happened within this ep and ended with the 'for my son' note. Nicely done, writers.

[idealisticrealism]

Forget unrequited love, you know what's really tragic? requited love but they're doomed by the narrative. It doesn't matter that they love each other, it doesn't matter how hard they love, they were doomed from the start.

[idealisticrealism]

sea butterflies, Limacina helicina (Gastropoda: Limacinidae)

source

[idealisticrealism]

“Why did you follow this person ? uwu”

I’ve been here for fourteen years, do you think I remember? I don’t know who any of these people are anymore. I don’t know why they’re on my dash. I allow them to stay because they haven’t pissed me off enough to unfollow them yet. “Why did you follow this person?” I’m not sure I ever did. They’re just part of my ecosystem now.