idna-blackbird-blog

[idna-blackbird-blog]

Not going anywhere

It’s been a long, long time since my last post, I know. And as we say in Spanish, ha llovido mucho desde entonces.

My university days are over (apparently) and I should be happy. I am, kinda. I can’t stop thinking I’ll miss everything too much though. Or maybe it’s just this horrible feeling of not going anywhere, being stucked in the same old place. It’s the first time in my life that I don’t have, like, a plan. I know I’ll realise eventually what I really want to do with my life, but just now everything seems kind of scary, messy and lost.

Whatever. Summer’s been a lil bit boring tbh. Some of my friends have gone on vacation so I don’t have a lot of people to hang out and do summer stuff (which means drinking beer and playing Pokemon Go... Don’t judge!). My bf (yeah, I know, it still sounds weird to me) is also going on a trip with his friends so I’m starting to looking forward to September, when everyone will be back.

As every year, I didn’t do all the projects I had in mind for my summer days (I wanted to restart a story I was working with before my last year of university, improve my photography skills with my new camera...). It’s not a big deal bc, as I said, I do this every summer. So I hope I take everything more seriously the next months. I really need to do new stuff or I’ll go nuts.

Hope everyone is having a great summer! I’ll be back soon (promise!). <3

[idna-blackbird-blog]

December is my favourite month of the year. I never know if it is because of Christmas, my birthday or just the idea of changing into a completely new year.

However, this is a November sky. I took the picture few weeks ago, but it needed to be here anyway.

Blackbirds, you should listen to this girl. Acoustic music is my thing and I completely fell in love with Lily Fisher. Such a talented girl! I can’t stop listening to her. I’m sure she’s going to do big things very soon.

[idna-blackbird-blog]

“Move On” is now on Youtube!

Thanks so much for watching x

[idna-blackbird-blog]

I'm a phoenix in the water, A fish that's learned to fly, And I've always been a daughter, But feathers are meant for the sky. [x]

[idna-blackbird-blog]

Anything at all

It’s been a while since my last post, blackbirds. And a lot happened. And anything at all.

Someone returned to my life, like a ghost, bringing back all the trouble I left behind months ago. I didn’t realise until now. Maybe I should’ve done something, anything really, when I had the chance. Now everything’s just so complicated. Hello, headache, my old friend. I didn’t miss you, you know...

Anyway. I’d love to tell him how wrong he is. I’m not someone you should fall for, and I mean it. Everyone is a little afraid when it’s about this, and you know what this means, but I’m serious. Beyond serious. I’ve spent the last year of my life completely broken, not expecting someone to come and rescue me. Because I don’t want that. To be honest, I don’t want anything at all. This year I’ve been learning how to deal with my scars by myself. I’m still broken, yeah, but I’m fine with it. And little by little, I feel I’m better. Today I can say I’m happy with my life and my decisions. No matter how screwed up I was a year ago. Lesson learned. It’s just I don’t think it’s time for anything new, anything at all. And I just hope he understands.

But there’s been more than that lately. Last Friday 1D released their new album and I’m SO happy! It’s truly amazing! I know they’ve been working really hard for this and now that we have it in our hands... MITAM is such a good work! So so so proud of them. Fav songs? Truth is I love the entire album, but maybe I’d choose Perfect, If I Could Fly, Olivia and Wolves. <3

Lunch is ready, mum’s calling! Have a nice day you all. xx

[idna-blackbird-blog]

Something big

Outside it’s raining. Sundays are the worst days of the week for me, but if the rain decides to stay for a while, just like today, they become pretty tolerable.

And rain makes me think more than usual. I guess it doesn’t help the fact that recently I’ve been kind of melancholic. No reasons why. At least I can’t think of any. Suddenly I found myself thinking about the past, people who are no longer in my life, things that maybe happened too fast.

Blackbirds, I’m going to confess something that’s been on my mind these days. Because I’ve realized I never had a relationship that made me feel secure, or even emotionally balanced, any day. All of them were like hurricanes constantly shaking me till making me feel sick. Every time I’ve been in a relationship I always knew it wasn’t meant to last. And I was ok with it, I still wanted to be part of it, I still took the risk. But they were too fragile, and they made me so. I don’t like that. Now I’m still trying to be stronger than that, but, as someone said in a beautiful TV series, ‘We’re all works in progress’.

I’m tired of the fragility that always seems to absorb me. I’d like to experience something more solid. Sometimes I wonder how it’d be to meet someone who makes you think ‘well, this can be something’, like their feelings and yours were genuinely true. Like you’re worthy. A story that lasted more than a heartbeat.

Probably if I read this post in a few days, I’d be so angry with myself. I’m the kind of person that refuses to believe they need a relationship to be happy. But that’s not what I’m trying to say here. I just wish that, for once, something big happened to me. To meet someone who I can think about in five, ten, fifty years maybe, and think ‘yes, that was good’.

‘And we were amazing.’ [x]

[idna-blackbird-blog]

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Ok, blackbirds. Let’s do this.

I’m not saying ‘I’m not good at introducing myself’, ‘I’m not sure what I should begin with’ or any other typical thing people say when they start something new. I believe you’ll just get along.

So it’s late here now. Not finishing any shitty university essay, I swear. Not this time. Sometimes I just need to stay up, clear things up in my mind... or just make everything worse. It depends on the day. Tonight’s one of the last.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while. And by this I mean this Tumblr page/blog thing. I used to have one in another website, but all the posts were written in my mother tongue, which clearly isn’t English, I’m sure you noticed that already. So I thought maybe it’d be a good thing for me trying the blog thing again, this time in English. I apologise in advance for all my terrible mistakes (I’m doing my best, really!).

As I was saying, it’s late here, and everything’s been a little bit too much. Isn’t it always? Nothing happened and, at the same time, everything did. I can’t get rid of this overwhelming feeling that everything’s about to change. I haven’t found out if that’s a good or a bad thing though. I guess I’ll only know later.

You see, changes scare me. As they do to almost everyone, I want to think so. It’s just that some nights like this one I wish they didn’t because, once again, everything’s a little bit too much.

Life is change, they say.