ieattenisballs

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Setting spray in my hair. Fight me.

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I swear there is nothing that can accurately recreate the energy of a dentist.

Like can you capture the vibes of children running up and down a fake tree while actively engaged in a scream off with the receptionists while drills and spraying is heard in the background?

oh and Shrek is on too.

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White shirt

Now red

Stole Santa's toes

Sleeping

Don't want your kidney stones

Creeping

Around like no one knows

My soul flamingo

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Fuck maturity I'mma start throwing shoes.

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Had a close call this morning.

I woke up and *almost* gave a fuck

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(To demons) "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU YOU USE THE PITCHFORK U FUCKING UNDERSIZED WINGED BABOON"

(To the damned souls soaking in the hot tub/literally straight up lava but they're spirits so whatever) "HEY HEY HEY. THIS *gestures wildly* IS FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE. GUYS. PLEASE. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO LEAVE THE TUB JUST- ACT LIKE YOU'RE BEING TORTURED. SCREAM OR SOME SHIT"

Honorable mentions:

- DAMN IT GERALD STOP SMILING AND LOOK MISERABLE. WHAT? NO- I KNOW I TOLD YOU TO EMBRACE YOUR INNER GOOD AND LET THAT SHINE BUT NOW ISN'T THE TIME FOR THIS

-STEVE. PUT TO FLOWERS DOWN. THOSE DON'T EVEN GROW HERE WTF WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM

-FIRE. WE NEED MORE FIRE. BURN MORE PEOPLE KAJSMDDJJSSJJ *screaming and sobbing simultaneously*

-GERALD.

Satan’s usually pretty chill in the way he runs Hell. Today he’s scrambling to make it look as miserable as possible because God is soon to visit

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FLORIDA MAN STRIKES AGAIN.

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I would say I love mushrooms but my sporeling brerthern would surely stab me for promoting the stinkifists agenda and broadcasting government secrets.

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Hallway crushes are just another breed of attraction. Like hello I don't know you and you don't know me but I find you immensely attractive and would like you to pin me to the wall immediately thankyewverymuch

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ON TODAY'S EPISODE OF BAD CLASSROOM ORGANIZATION:

Fucking rows

Like who thought this shit was a good idea

LIKE THERE IS

1. NO SPACE FOR MOVEMENT

2. NO PLACE FOR YOUR BAGS ("oH pUt ThEm UnDeR tHe DeSk" BITCH U THINK I HAVEN'T TRIED THAT?)

3. SHARING A DESK IN SUCH SMALL AREAS GIVES EVEN LESS ROOM

thank you for coming to my TED talk.

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My life has become the biggest this is fine Facebook meme

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OK SO WHAT IF U MAKE STRAIGHT A'S JENNIFER CAN U MAKE MY WILL TO LIVE COME BACK??? HUH HUH HUH? NO? THEN IDGAF STFU.

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Y'all I keep getting ads for that new pheromone perfume on my Pinterest 😭

For research purposes, has anyone tried them?

...

I wanna know

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guys im hungry.

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*anxiously does the macarena*

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I feel like there's two types of people.

The kind that ignores/pretends they don't care abt their computer loading to trick it into loading faster.

Personally I feel like most people have done this at some point

...

And then there's the kind that fucking flirts with their computer.

Like "cmon baby u got this I believe in you ur doing good" Like what in the kinky desperation that shit scares me honestly

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Don't u hate it when u wanna be a slut but SoCiEtY