iliyanhatesu

[iliyanhatesu]

"You don't need to answer every message."

I respond every message because of kindness. She said a thing i said before and i responded with "Seriously, It would be like that" and then she said "u literally said that to me stupid.". Like, if I'm not supposed to answer like that, how i should? If I'm not allowed to repeat something i said before, why she does repeat mine? I asked her, "then how am I supposed to reply this message?" She kept saying i don't know. At the very and she said "U don't need to reply every messages" can u believe that? I told her if i didn't reply in that situation, i would have to leave her in "seen" and the next day, she would make fuss on it. Crazy. What does she even want from me?

Oh and for several days, she has been telling me I'm looking too serious at things. She has no idea that it's because she has been looking everything as something to make fun of. Like making fun of someone for days just because they misspelled a word

[iliyanhatesu]

"Is it funny?"

We were just joking around with a friend like we always do. That person always makes a joke about me which is actually an insult but we all know it's a joke so we don't mind. Today, I made the same joke to her. She said "is it funny?", one of my friends said "so much" but the other girl contunied: "Not when ur doing the joke to me, it's funny when u make it to Iliyan tho." Rude. Rude. Rude. To her "is it funny?" Message i replied "yes." And for the other one i replied with "okokok, why u said that?" because the disrespect I feel is immeasurable. But then i decided to delete that because i didn't want to make unreasonable arguments.

[iliyanhatesu]

"You're thinking too hard about it."

This year, i'll be a 12th grade student, last year of high school. And when I finish all, i will attend to university exam. I'm kinda anxious about it. Because all my life depends on it. I have been thinking about it and today, I was feeling down and feeling hopeless about it. I talked about it with this friend i mentioned before, the one who i introduced to my non-related little brother. She kept saying i was exaggerating and thinking too hard about it. She know the importance of this to me but she keeps saying these just because she thinks everyone is her. Unlike her, i have a dream job, an university plan and a future plan. I don't see her as inferior to me or anything but she offends me a lot. She literally said "if u think it's gonna make it better keep obsessing about it" as an insult to me. I wasn't obsessing, i was feeling unsure and hopeless for a moment and i wanted to share my feelings to someone. When they share it to me, everything is okay, but when i do the same why it always has to be "ur thinking too hard, just keep up with 'nevermind'". It doesn't work. Is it that hard to say "It's going to be alright."? Am i even asking for too much? Like, them doing the least as a friend is okay for me. I don't get them. I'm not even someone who's hard to make happy. I laugh a lot, i can get happy to smallest actions. Maybe it's like this just because i was too comfortable with them, too comfortable that they start disrespecting me. My self-respect system is collapsing. I don't want to lose her but I also want to leave and I know it's best to part our ways even tho i couldn't do it. I'm so much confused with myself.

[iliyanhatesu]

Getting ignored in the group chat even tho you're the one who introduced them to each other.

It feels overwhelming to be there. I know I shouldn't be friends with them if i feel overwhelmed but i do love all of them individually. I don't know what to do. I can't stand them enjoying each other and acting as if I'm not there. I'm a social person, i do talk to them like how I normally do but when it's the gc, i become invisible to them. Like them not even bothering to answer is driving me crazy. It's making me feel so much rage to the point that i don't want to talk to them ever again. It's making me upset too, i tried to talk about this, they seemed like they understood what i felt and even apologized. But they forgot to not repeat it, they are doing it again. If u don't want to talk to me, just say it to my face. One of them is a friend of two years of mine. He used to call me randomly and send me ridiculous messages and reels which were so much fun. But, since the time i introduced him to someone else, he keeps texting with them. I see him as a little brother and he also knows about this. It's sad to see someone you are close to being distant to you just because they met someone funny other than you. Yes, of course they can be good friends or even lovers. But acting as if i don't exist in the same friend environment is hurtful. I don't know how to deal with this emotion, i bet they will act like none of this happened if I talk about this to them. Oh and, another hurtful thing is them sharing screenshots of each others chats on their stories. Since they started talking, he stopped talking with me, stopped calling me, even stopped asking how i am doing. You may call this jealousy, but it's not. What i feel is longing. I long my friendships before i introduced them to each other. This longing is so much deep that my mood is being dependent on it. I wanna distance myself but them getting closer with each other started to scare me. People profile me as someone who doesn't fear to lose someone since i act like that to decieve myself, but I'm scared to lose. I'm scared.