ilyprs

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 11.(other parts are out on my profile!!)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: escape room | fromis_9

Serim stood frozen in place, taking a deep breath before gently brushing aside the strands of hair that had fallen into her face. The boys watched her carefully, saying nothing. The girl took a few steps forward and stopped in front of her friends. Her heart was pounding loudly, and she had no idea how to even begin. How could she possibly justify what she had done? In the end, she had only done it to protect her friends—but how believable would that be to them? She couldn't just say she had grabbed Seong-je by the hand, dragged him into his apartment just to clean him up and almost kiss him... Serim felt completely insane and looked down at the ground in shame. Her backpack still lay there, and she suddenly remembered she was still wearing his clothes, which made her angry again. It was such an easy situation to misunderstand. Only God knew what her friends were thinking in that moment.

„Yah, Serimi..." Baku said softly, breaking the silence, taking a few steps toward her. The others stayed back, until Gotak cautiously moved closer and came to stand beside Baku in front of the girl. At the sound of Baku's voice, the girl looked up and had to muster all her strength to meet his gaze. The situation was unbearably uncomfortable for her—she wished the ground would swallow her whole—but her friends had other plans.

Baku gently placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her silently into a hug. Shocked, the girl stood frozen while Baku embraced her protectively. Serim wanted to return the hug, but she couldn't. Her arms refused to move, so she remained stiff, unmoving.

„I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried about you, you fucking idiot," he scolded her softly while still holding her. When Serim heard those words, her heart sank and she felt the tears rising again. With a quiet sob, the girl found her strength and silently—but firmly—returned the hug of her best friend. She let herself fall into his arms and cried against his chest. Baku didn't let go, resting his chin on her head while gently stroking her hair in comfort. Gotak, who had been standing silently until then, muttered a curse under his breath before stepping forward and softly running a hand over the girl's back.

„We're just happy that you're okay. Everything else doesn't matter right now," Gotak tried to comfort the girl as he continued gently stroking her back. Seeing his best friend so broken and defeated was a hard sight for him, and the only thing he wanted in that moment was for everything to be okay again. He just wanted some peace in his damn life—wanted to laugh about silly things with his friends again without one problem after another waiting around the corner.

The three friends stood there like that, unmoving, for what felt like hours—but was really only a few minutes. Sieun and Jun-tae watched the trio in silence, letting them have their moment.

Baku was the first to pull back slightly from the embrace and look at the now-crying girl. Nothing made sense in Serim's head; all she could do was cry. She couldn't understand how her friends were still able to comfort her, still so understanding despite everything. She didn't feel worthy of them, and the realization was impossible to ignore as she looked at them.

„Don't ever do something that stupid again, or we really won't let you out of our sight. Got it?" Baku said now, looking at her seriously. He knew she had done it all to protect him and the others, but he was still angry with her. In his mind, there had been dozens of other ways the problem could've been solved, and the fact that she had essentially sacrificed herself made him feel uneasy. He didn't trust Seong-je at all and had already imagined the worst. If she had stayed upstairs any longer, they probably would've stormed the apartment to get her out. Thankfully, they had used the app on the phone to track her location and had rushed over together right after he had arrived. The injuries were secondary; the most important thing for him had been to get his best friend out of the situation she had put herself in because of him. He, too, was tormented by guilt.

Serim quickly wiped away her tears—she'd cried enough for one day—and forced a relieved smile onto her face.

„I really didn't want to leave you alone, but I was scared that if I—" she began to explain, but Gotak interrupted her.

„You don't need to justify yourself. We know exactly what was going on in that dumb head of yours," he said and flicked her forehead, making the girl rub it with a pained expression. She groaned in annoyance before punching him lightly in the chest, which only made Gotak laugh. Baku slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her away toward the others before she could hit Gotak again.

„But you guys have to listen, I—" she tried again. Her friends probably didn't understand her, and she had an overwhelming need to explain herself. She didn't want any of them to get the wrong impression of her. She just wanted them to understand her perspective.

This time, it was Hu-min who interrupted her and stopped her from finishing her sentence.

„Ah, all that fighting made me hungry. We should finally go get something to eat." The girl looked at his face and felt grateful for the amazing friends she had in her life. She nodded and followed him. She took a few steps forward and saw Sieun and Jun-tae for the first time since the fight. Both of them looked just as affected, and she felt guilty again. None of them had deserved to be dragged into all this and get hurt. But it was already too late—the damage had been done, and she couldn't change it.

„Hi, Serim! I hope you're okay and not hurt..." Jun-tae said shyly, and even Sieun gave her a cautious look, though he remained silent. Serim's heart swelled at the bespectacled boy's words, and she had to hold herself back from jumping on him. His sweet and innocent nature always melted her heart whenever he opened his mouth. In a slightly better mood, she walked over to him and hooked her arm through his.

„I'm doing great. But enough about me—let's finally go eat. Dinner's on me!" she exclaimed excitedly and pulled the shy boy, still linked to her, along with her. At first, he was surprised, but then he let out a small giggle as she dragged him along, also looking forward to the meal. Baku and Gotak brightened up at the mention of free food and dragged a reluctant Sieun along with them.

The five friends chatted about all sorts of things as Serim walked in the middle of them. To her right was Jun-tae, whose arm she was still holding, and to her left was a quiet Sieun, who couldn't suppress a small smile. Gotak and Baku walked on the outer sides, and the girl suddenly had a good feeling. Maybe everything would turn out okay, as long as she had her old and new friends by her side. She felt safer than ever, and the memories of the afternoon faded as the group walked through the dark streets, louder than any one person, laughing into the fresh night air.

Sometimes, life could be beautiful.

—

The five friends were sitting in the restaurant, eating happily and chatting loudly. It had gotten late, and by now, the place was empty—but that didn't bother the teenagers, who could now talk as freely and loudly as they liked. Baku was feeding the girl, and Jun-Tae kept choking on his drink because Gotak would hit him every time he laughed—which, coincidentally, happened only when Jun-Tae was drinking. Serim savored the time with her friends and laughed along joyfully. Even Sieun, who was usually quiet and emotionless, had opened up a bit and cracked a few smiles.

Each of them had needed this moment more than they realized, though none of them said it aloud. Serim's friends were healing wounds they hadn't caused, and for a brief moment, everything felt okay. In the small, now-empty restaurant, there was nothing but the group of friends and their loud laughter breaking the silence.

But like all things in life, these moments were temporary. The girl was suddenly yanked back to reality when her phone rang loudly—just as Baku was about to tell his fifth exaggerated story that definitely hadn't happened that way. Her heart skipped a beat, and everyone froze in place.

„Who's calling you this late?" Jun-Tae asked cautiously, looking at her with wide, concerned eyes.

Serim said nothing, trying to distract her friends as best as she could. She had a strong suspicion about who it might be, but she didn't want to face it—and ruin the moment—so she just waved it off.

„Ah, it's probably just a friend who wants to ask me something. But this is way more important!" she said quickly, trying to dismiss it, and shoved a filled roll into Jun-Tae's mouth with her chopsticks.

The boy's eyes widened as he suddenly coughed in surprise at the gesture. Hyun-Tak clapped him hard on the back to help him.

„Yah, Serim! You almost fucking killed him! You know he has a small mouth!" he scolded her and handed the helpless boy a glass of water, which he gratefully took and drank in a few big gulps. Tears welled in his eyes, and he looked absolutely wrecked. Serim felt awful.

She apologized a thousand times, but he smiled at her and reassured her it was okay—though she didn't take it lightly. Her phone had gone silent again, and she let out a breath of relief before apologizing once more.

„Lee Serim, who was that?"

Baku's voice was serious, and the girl froze. She had just been wiping Jun-Tae's mouth when she stopped mid-motion. Baku's tone was no longer amused like it had been a few minutes ago—it was cold and stern, and it scared her. Baku was never this serious.

She turned to him slowly and met his gaze. His expression was serious, and a chill ran down her spine. By now, the others had fallen silent too, watching the standoff between the two friends without saying a word. Serim's heart stopped.

„I told you... probably just a friend of mine," she said quietly and calmly. Even though her heart had just dropped into her stomach, she didn't let it show. She forced herself to appear as relaxed as possible.

„You're lying. Your cheeks are turning red."

Fuck! She hadn't thought about that. Serim had the unfortunate habit of turning red and hoarse whenever she got caught in a lie. Her friends knew this all too well, which is why she almost never got away with lying. The few times she had succeeded were only because it was too dark to see her face—or the boys simply weren't paying attention. But if you really looked, it was obvious.

Instinctively, she reached for her cheek and felt how warm it was. She was trapped, and there was nothing she could do.

„And let's be honest—you don't have any other friends besides us," Gotak chimed in, earning a smack on the back of the head from Sieun. The boy cursed under his breath and rubbed the sore spot as he slumped back in his seat.

„Fucking asshole," he muttered, though Sieun heard it and shot him a stern look, making him apologize right away.

„Baku, I swear, I don't know. I didn't even look at my phone," the girl admitted, ashamed, as she looked back at him.

Just like a scene out of a bad movie, her phone started ringing again at that exact moment, and she was on the verge of throwing it against the wall.

Before she could react, Baku, now visibly annoyed, snatched the phone from her and answered the call. Serim's heart froze as she instinctively lunged for the phone—but Baku was faster. She had no choice but to stare at him in disbelief.

Everyone else at the table held their breath as Baku spoke into the phone.

„Who are you, and what the fuck do you want from her?" His voice was full of anger, and his gaze stayed locked on the girl, who was now holding her breath too.

The voice on the other end wasn't clear—the phone volume was too low—and a few agonizing seconds passed in total silence. Serim took deep breaths to try and calm herself, but it didn't help.

Thousands of scenarios raced through her head, and she suddenly felt sick. She prayed it wasn't Seong-Je—if it was, this could really end in a bloodbath this time.

„I'm coming. And if you're not there... I'll fucking kill you with my own hands," Baku said at last, breaking the painful silence.

Everyone stared at him. Gotak looked at the girl in confusion, but she knew exactly who was on the other end of that line. Her prayers hadn't been answered. She and her friends were in serious trouble.

Baku hung up and threw the phone onto the table before suddenly standing up and running out the door.

„Yah, Baku! Come back here right now!" the girl shouted after him, trying to grab his arm—but she was too slow. He had already disappeared through the door.

„Fucking hell," Gotak swore in frustration, then ran after him. The girl stared after him, completely stunned. Seriously, what had she gotten herself into? What was Baku planning?

Whatever it was, it didn't sound good. She was terrified her worst fears might come true tonight. Sieun gave the girl one last, silent look before he, too, ran outside—leaving behind a quiet Jun-Tae and a panicked Serim in the empty restaurant.

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3eutyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @shonerd @mordessaa @inhoswifee @wagawana @floofbloop @evashp @heeknow @feralmaneater

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 10. (other parts are out on my profile!!)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: seoul city | jennie

„Does it still hurt?” the girl asked quietly as she dabbed at the last spot. Seong-Je, whose gaze still lingered on her cautiously, didn’t respond. He just stared at her in awe. He was afraid that if he didn’t cherish the moment enough, she might disappear again—like back then. And a second time… he couldn’t survive that. He was trying hard to stay in control.

He wanted to touch her — so badly. Gently, just like he used to. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair while she looked at him with those beautiful eyes and smiled.

The boy’s heart stopped with every single touch she made, and he took a deep breath to keep himself together.

But he did none of it. He just sat there and watched as she cleaned his wounds.

But the girl wasn’t aware of any of this. She slowly let her arm drop and looked at him questioningly. To her, it felt like he was deliberately ignoring her, and it annoyed her. Impatiently, she returned his gaze.

The living room was dimly lit by Seong-Je’s floor lamp. The quiet between the two teenagers created an unexpectedly gentle atmosphere, and Serim’s thoughts began to drift. Back then, they had spent countless hours in his apartment — usually curled up on the couch, watching shows together.

Seong-je had never really paid attention to the series. He always ended up falling asleep on her chest.

But she hadn’t minded. All that mattered was that they were together, undisturbed.

The memory allowed her, just for a moment, to forget the heaviness of the situation. And she only realized how far she’d sunk into those thoughts when she suddenly felt herself smiling.

Quickly, she pulled herself together.

He sat in a chair while she stood in front of him. Seong-je swallowed hard before suddenly speaking, as if in a trance.

„You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that?”

It might’ve come across as rehearsed, but it wasn’t meant to be. Every time Seong-Je looked at Lee Serim, his heart stopped. To him, she was the most beautiful girl that had ever existed. She always had been.

Ever since she stepped into his life, no other woman had even come close to capturing his attention. Not even after the breakup. He hadn’t been able to distract himself. He stayed alone. Her face haunted him, day and night, robbing him of sleep.

„Stop that, please. You’re only making this harder…” Her voice grew quieter with each word, and Serim started to struggle to breathe. So many unspoken things hung between them, threatening to suffocate her. The heaviness in the room was unbearable, and she was close to leaving it all behind—with him.

She had enough problems waiting once she left this apartment. Rekindled feelings for Seong-Je were the last thing she wanted to deal with—especially not after everything that happened with her friends.

„It’s the truth,” he added as his fingers slowly trailed up her arm, brushing gently over her skin.

The girl froze, goosebumps rising all over her body. It felt good—and forbidden. Serim knew this wasn’t right, but in that moment, she didn’t care.

In this small, dimly lit apartment, there was no right or wrong. There was only Lee Serim and Geum Seong-Je, who had had enough and just wanted his first love back.

But it wasn’t that easy. Nothing in life was easy. That, he had to learn too.

The girl took a step back to escape his touch. She had to get out of the situation — or she’d never be able to escape his touch. Seong-je had this terrifying control over her body, and it was driving her insane.

No matter what he did, he had her wrapped around his finger — whether she liked it or not. And after that kiss, she could no longer deny it.

The boy rolled his eyes, annoyed, before letting his arm drop. He was disappointed but didn’t show it, he just got up and walked toward the balcony.

When he opened the door, a fresh breeze flowed in—something Serim was grateful for, or she might’ve truly suffocated from the tension.

He stepped outside and pulled a cigarette from his pocket, placing it between his lips and lighting it carefully.

The girl’s eyes still lingered on him. She bit her lip, unsure what to do next, before cautiously following him outside.

Seong-Je leaned back against the railing, watching her intently as she stepped onto the balcony—still wearing his clothes. She stopped just in front of him. He took a deep drag from the cigarette, then looked her up and down.

Suddenly, she felt small. Uncertain. He had this way of stirring up all these conflicting emotions inside her — every single time. And all she wanted in that moment was to step closer and fall into his arms.

But that wasn’t possible.

So instead, she just looked at him… and slowly moved a little closer.

Wordlessly, she reached out, took the cigarette from his mouth, and took a drag herself. The boy just smiled, watching her as she inhaled—his eyes fixed on her lips, which he so desperately wanted to kiss again but couldn’t.

The cold started to creep into Serim’s skin, and she had to force herself not to shiver.

Serim was the one who finally broke the now oddly comfortable silence.

„Why did you do it? Why couldn’t you just leave my friends alone?” she asked, genuinely curious, softly into the still night. The thought made her chest heavy again, and a wave of guilt crashed over her. While she had been here cleaning his wounds, her friends had probably still been in pain — because of the boy she had just helped.

No matter how hard she tried to justify it, she couldn’t. What Serim had done was wrong, and she knew it.

But in that moment, the idea had just popped into her head — and how else could she have gotten him out of that situation?

She knew her friends would be angry with her — and honestly, they had every right to be.

Seong-Je looked at her for a few seconds before taking the cigarette back and pulling from it again.

She waited, tense, for his answer.

„I just felt like it.” That was all he said.

Serim could feel the anger boiling up again. She had held it in for so long, but now it was spilling over.

The girl took a deep breath before speaking again.

„You can’t just beat people up for fun. So, what was it really about?” she asked, her voice now tinged with impatience.

Seong-Je hurt her every time he shut her out like this—and he knew it.

She had told him that many times before, but he had never changed. It drove her crazy.

„Sure I can. You fucking saw it today.” he spoke unbothered before flicking the cigarette off the balcony with practiced ease.

Serim was at her limit. She ran a frustrated hand through her hair. Meanwhile, Seong-Je looked completely calm—relaxed even—and simply grinned at her. He knew exactly what he was doing.

„You know exactly what I mean. Stop playing dumb!” Her frustration grew by the second as he stepped closer to her.

Serim tried not to react, but her eyes betrayed her. They flickered downward more than once before she forced them back to his face. Seong-Je, knowing full well the effect he had on her, smirked idiotically and stopped just inches in front of her.

„Hmm, maybe I do… or maybe not. Maybe you need to remind me—with those pretty lips of yours i want to taste so badly.”

As he leaned in closer, she cursed herself inside. Her heart stopped for the thousandth time that night. He was too close, and she couldn’t focus on anything but his stupidly beautiful face, which only made her more nervous.

„You beat up my friends for no reason, remember?” she asked, trying to sound brave—but she was only fooling herself.

Nothing about her radiated confidence. If anything, she looked scared.

She cursed him for still having that effect on her. Seong-Je was intimidating—and he knew it. He knew exactly how to use it to his advantage.

Seong-Je’s gaze fell to her lips and without realizing, he licked his own. Serim tried to hold eye contact but grew more nervous by the second, eventually looking away.

„Hey, my eyes are here—not over there,” he said playfully, lifting her chin with his finger to bring her gaze back to his. This time, she looked him directly in the eyes—she had no other choice. Old feelings flooded into her mind and she could do nothing to stop them.

„Don’t change the subject. You think I’m just going to ignore that you attacked my friends? You could’ve seriously hurt them!” She tried to push him with her finger against his chest, trying to express her anger. He had hurt her friends—and no matter what, she could never forgive that.

„I had my reasons. That’s all you need to know.” He rolled his eyes and let go of her chin. The girl instantly missed the touch of his on her face.

Serim knew he didn’t want to talk about it. That had always been his way.

If a topic made him uncomfortable, he’d act like it never happened. It used to drive her insane, but she had always held it in. Not anymore. This time, it was about her friends—and she wasn’t going to let it go that easily.

„Are you fucking kidding me?! You could’ve seriously injured them—and you did, Seong-Je! You can’t just do whatever the hell you want!” Her voice rose now, full of fury. Her emotions were in overdrive.

„That was exactly what I wanted.”

A wicked grin spread across his face, and Serim shivered.

Why had she been so naive to believe he might’ve changed?

Seong-Je had become a monster—and no matter how much she didn’t want to admit it, the boy she once loved was gone. Only a shell of how he used to be remained—with a worse personality. If she ever wanted peace, she had to accept that and leave him behind for good.

„You disgust me,” she spat, pushing him hard in the chest. Her heart suddenly felt unbearably heavy again, and the memory hit her — she had helped him instead of her friends.

The thought alone almost brought her to tears. She should have never helped him. She should’ve attacked him too.

She should’ve run away with her friends. Maybe then she wouldn’t feel as broken now as she did in this very moment.

He stumbled back a few steps but didn’t move otherwise. The grin vanished from his face. He just looked at her, emotion in his eyes—but Serim didn’t bother figuring out what it was.

She was done. Serim quickly made her way inside the apartment, knocking over a vase which was standing on the ground, but she didn’t care. All she cared about was getting the hell out of there. She reached for her dirty clothes on the floor, stuffed them into her backpack, and tried to leave—only for him to block the door.

Of course it couldn’t be that easy.

„Move,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

„No.”

He grabbed her backpack before she could, holding it out of reach.

Serim groaned. This was a trick he always used—he knew she could never reach it. Seong-Je was pushing her buttons, and he knew it. In a weird way he enjoyed it.

„Seong-Je, please. Let me go before one of us really gets hurt,” she pleaded, exhausted.

She tried again to push past him—failed again. Frustrated, she kicked his leg and screamed. She was done—physically and emotionally. Tears blurred her vision, and she couldn’t hold them back anymore.

She collapsed to the floor, loud sobs breaking the silence. Seong-Je stared at her for a long time, not knowing what to do with the crying girl, then slowly knelt beside her.

Serim looked up at him, eyes red and swollen.

„Just fucking leave me alone already. I can’t do this anymore, you’re only hurting me” she sobbed, her voice trembling.

He almost reached for her, but something inside of him decided against it so he stopped himself halfway and just watched her.

„I’ll never let you go that easily—you know that.” His voice was soft, but Serim shook as she cried. He felt guilty, yes—but he wouldn’t apologize.

In his mind, his actions made sense. They were justified. He couldn’t understand her reaction. He couldn’t comfort her either—she avoided any touch.

So he just let her cry. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind, and nevertheless the guilt was eating him alive — but he didn’t show it. He would never leave that girl alone. To him, she was the only piece of his old life he had left. Before everything turned dark and gray. Before he lost himself. Serim had been the light in his life, and now he was doing everything he could to bring that light back.

But it wasn’t that easy — not for Seong-je. He struggled with feelings, didn’t know how to deal with people. When Serim had still been in his life, she had taught him how. But the moment she left, all his efforts vanished with her. No one had ever been worth trying for again.

After a few seconds, she wiped her tears with her sleeve and grabbed her bag from the floor. When Seong-Je reached for her again, she was faster. She couldn’t allow him to touch her again — not under any circumstances. She knew it would only drag her back into a toxic cycle she wouldn’t be able to escape from. All she really wanted was to be with him again, to relive what they once had. But she knew better now.

Her morals kept her grounded — protected her. Serim had to finally let go of him and everything they used to be. That’s why, in that moment, she came to a decision: She had to leave that apartment immediately.

The girl ran to the door, eyes swollen, heart heavy. She didn’t look back—afraid he might be right behind her.

Serim had to leave that apartment if she wanted to survive the night. And so she did—slamming the door shut behind her and rushing down the stairs. Millions of possibilities for how the night could end haunted her mind — but she forced them out immediately. If Serim could just make it out of that apartment, she’d be safe.

At least for a while.

She nearly slipped a few times but caught herself. Behind her, she heard him calling out—but she didn’t turn around. Backpack in hand, she burst out of the building and paused to catch her breath. She leaned against the outer door of the apartment building, trying to steady her breathing.

She had made it out.

She was safe.

The girl could hardly believe it and placed her right hand over her heart — just to make sure it was really beating, that she was truly alive.

Suddenly, two figures came into view. She turned her head nervously—only to see familiar faces.

Her friends.

She dropped her backpack, stunned.

They had been waiting at the entrance and now approached her slowly, clearly waiting for her.

„Told you she’d come down,” said Hyun-Tak, still bearing bruises, patting Jun-Tae on the shoulder.

Jun-Tae looked at Baku, whose expression was unreadable.

Serim looked away, ashamed.

Maybe it was time to face her fears—sooner than she had planned.

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3eutyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @shonerd @mordessaa @inhoswifee @wagawana @floofbloop @evashp @heeknow @feralmaneater 🩷

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 9. (other parts are out on my profile!!❤️)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: animal farm | bibi

„What are you doing here?"

The words echoed in Serim's head as she tried to process the situation and make sense of what had just happened. The sight of her injured friends slumped against the fence completely threw her off, leaving her unable to focus on anything else. Her thoughts were a mess, and the sight of an obviously furious Seong-je terrified her. She knew exactly what he was capable of—and that only made it worse.

„Serim, get out. Please. This has nothing to do with you."

Gotak's tired voice pulled her out of her thoughts, and before she could just stand there looking stupid any longer, her legs moved on their own. Still in some kind of trance, she instinctively ran toward her friends, quickly dropping to her knees in front of them and tossing her backpack aside. She gently cupped Gotak's injured face in her hands.

Unbeknownst to her, Seong-je was watching the interaction with sharp, piercing eyes, barely restraining himself from walking over and ripping the girl away from the boy. He watched them with growing irritation.

Lee Serim, unaware of everything behind her, studied her best friend's scratched face more closely before quickly glancing over at Jun-tae, who was sitting injured on the ground next to him. Panic took over as she tried to wipe the blood from their faces with her sleeves. The boys hissed in pain but didn't stop her. She was just about to reach into her bag for a tissue when she was suddenly yanked backward. Gotak instinctively tried to grab her, but he was too slow.

Surprised, the girl stumbled a few steps back, flailing her arms wildly to break free from the grip. Once she managed to free herself and turned around, she saw one of Seong-je's minions reaching for her again. But this time she dodged skillfully and, in one fluid motion, punched him in the face. The boy screamed in pain—she had aimed directly for his nose, which now bled profusely. Her body was surging with adrenaline, and she immediately took up a fighting stance, ready for the next move.

„You bitch!" the boy hissed, clutching his bleeding nose, and started toward her again—but before he could reach her, he was yanked violently by the collar and thrown backward.

The girl's eyes widened in shock as Seong-je now stood in front of her. His expression was unreadable. He was angry and concerned at the same time, though the rage clearly took control. He glanced at her before looking down at her now-bloodied fist. Serim hadn't even noticed she had smeared blood from the boy's nose across her hand.

Seong-je turned on his heel and slowly began walking toward the boy. His steps were deliberate—like a predator approaching its prey—and everyone held their breath.

„What did you just call her?" Seong-je asked the boy, crouching in front of him and grabbing a handful of his hair to yank him closer. The boy cried out in pain. Serim had to shut her eyes for a moment—the sight was horrifying. A crouched Seong-je looming over a bloodied face. Guilt quickly crept into her chest, but she tried to justify her actions with thoughts of her injured friends. That thought grounded her again, and she turned back to them, leaving the drama behind her.

„Huh? I didn't fucking hear you. What did you just call her, you son of a bitch?"

Seong-je's voice was full of venom, sending a chill down Lee Serim's spine. But she did her best to mask her fear as she frantically rummaged through her bag, trying to find those damn tissues. She quickly found them and, with trembling fingers, pulled out two. She did the same with the disinfectant she always carried with her. She'd been in situations like this before—too often—and ever since, she never left home without it. It was nothing new for her friends to get into fights, and for her to be the one who cleaned them up afterward.

Just as she was about to dab at Gotak's facial wounds with the damp tissue, a loud noise startled her.

A scream rang out from the boy who had pulled her, and Serim didn't even need to turn around to know what was happening behind her. She tried to refocus on tending to the injured, but the screams haunted her thoughts, and her heart pounded so hard she feared it might burst.

„That fucking psycho—he's going to kill him," Gotak said in disbelief, looking behind her. But Serim quickly grabbed his chin and gently dabbed at his injuries. Sieun, who had now joined them, knelt beside the others, and Serim handed him a tissue as well so he could clean his wounds.

Gotak hissed with every touch to his face, and Serim had to keep pulling his chin back to clean him thoroughly. Once she was done, she moved on to Jun-tae, who looked at her with glassy eyes. The sight of him made Serim's heart ache, and she silently cursed Seong-je all over again.

„Hey, this is going to sting a little, but I promise I'll be as gentle as I can, okay?" she said softly to the frightened boy. He gave a small nod, and she took that as his consent. She repeated the process with him. He winced now and then, but Serim tried her best to soothe him.

„Everything's going to be okay. I promise."

She didn't believe her own words—especially not with the ongoing chaos in the background—but right now, that didn't matter. Her friends were her first priority.

„Thank you, Serimi," Jun-tae said in a broken voice. The girl smiled softly at him, then suddenly stood up and headed toward Seong-je. Gotak shouted after her in anger, trying to stop her, but he still couldn't move properly due to his injuries.

She had completely underestimated the situation. The boy now lay on the ground, completely covered in blood, while Seong-je's hands were stained red. The sight made Serim's heart stop for a second before she pulled herself together and yanked Seong-je away with all her strength. He resisted at first, but when he turned and saw her face for the first time today, he froze. His eyes were dark, and Serim could see the murderous intent in them.

Another chill ran down her spine, but she held on to his arm tightly, pulling him further away from the boy.

„I think that's more than enough, you're going to fucking kill him." she said carefully, glancing again at his bloodied fists. It wasn't a new sight for her, but it was something she could never get used to. She took a deep breath before meeting his eyes again—and this time, all she saw was fury.

„Didn't I tell you to fucking leave?" he said in a dangerously low voice, grabbing her throat harshly. Serim's heart froze again. He'd done this before, so she knew he'd never actually hurt her, but it still scared her. She hated that tone. She knew she was walking a fine line. In moments like these, Seong-je was unpredictable—exactly what made him so dangerous.

„SERIM! Get the hell away from her, you bastard!" Gotak's voice rang in her ears as he tried to get up, but failed due to his injuries. She didn't turn around.

„You think I'll just walk away while you beat the shit out of my friends, you lunatic?" she spat, now furious herself. The faces of her injured friends flashed through her mind, and she had to restrain herself from pushing him off the roof. She harshly grabbed the hand that was on her throat, clutching his wrist tightly and pressing hard against it. He would never hurt her.

Seong-je looked at her curiously before running his thumb along her cheek with a smirk, staining her cheeks with blood. Seong-je was a messed up man and would be lying if he said that the sight of her, covered in blood, and his hand around her throat didn't turn him on.

„You're so damn loyal..." he said with that same smirk as his thumb moved closer to the corner of her mouth. Serim didn't break eye contact, and just as his thumb got too close, she shoved him away. He stumbled back a few steps, and Serim could only stand there, breathing heavily. Her heart was going wild, and the fear of what consequences her action might bring made her tremble.

Before she could think further, someone pulled her back again. In a panic, she turned around to see Gotak's face as he guided her next to Jun-tae and stood protectively in front of her. With his injuries, it wasn't easy—he stood at an angle, which still let her see Seong-je, who wiped his bloody hand through his hair and looked back at her, another grin forming.

„Are you okay, Serim? Did he hurt you?" asked a panicked Jun-tae beside her. She turned to him in a daze, wanting to answer—but no words came. Sieun now silently stood next to Gotak, emotionless, forming a human wall in front of them. Serim tried to move, but her legs were frozen in place.

„Get the fuck away from her, before you actually end up dead." Seong-je said again, and Serim prayed he wouldn't attack her friends again. With Sieun and Gotak blocking her, she could no longer see what Seong-je was doing.

„Touch her again, and I'll break every one of your fingers, one by one." Hyun-tak growled, and Jun-tae beside her sharply sucked in a breath. His body was shaking, and Serim instinctively grabbed his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. He looked down at their hands and returned the grip, strong. A faint smile crossed Serim's lips.

„Oh, is that a fucking challenge? Didn't you learn your lesson earlier? Do I have to beat your ass again until you finally realize what a useless nobody you are?" Seong-je's amused voice drew closer, which terrified Serim. The last thing she wanted was for her already injured friends to fight again.

With determination, she looked at Jun-tae one last time before gently letting go of his hand and trying to push past the two boys. She didn't get far—Gotak and Sieun reflexively grabbed her by the wrists and held her back. Shocked, she tugged at her arms, but neither let go. Not even Sieun, who only stared at her blankly.

„Damn it, Serim, we're not letting you go back to that psycho!" Gotak now yelled at her when she wouldn't stop trying. Serim flinched. He had never yelled at her before. She knew she deserved it—she was being stubborn. But what he didn't understand was that she was doing this for his safety. Seong-je would never stop, and she knew that. The only way out of this without more harm was for her to surrender herself and get Seong-je out of there.

„Easy, motherfucker. Watch how you talk to her," Seong-je said, now standing in front of them, glaring at Gotak. He quickly reached for Serim, and all she could do was stand there, being pulled from all sides. It was starting to hurt when she suddenly screamed, freezing everyone in their tracks.

„Ow, fuck, that hurts!" she cried out, and instantly, everyone let go. It felt like a weight lifted off her arms, but her wrists were already sore. Seong-je glared at the boys before he raised his arm—only to stop when Serim stepped in front of him. If she wanted this to end, she had to act fast. Without a word, she shoved Gotak and Sieun away, grabbed Seong-je by the wrist, and dragged him with her. Gotak groaned in pain, and Sieun reached out again—but Serim pulled her hand away quickly.

„Don't even try," she said quietly, glaring at him as she rushed toward the exit.

„YAH, LEE SERIM! COME BACK HERE NOW!" Gotak yelled in agony, clutching his side, trying to follow her. But she was faster—unharmed. Her heart ached as she heard Jun-tae and Gotak's desperate cries behind her, but she had to do this. For their safety. Maybe they'd never forgive her—but at least she could sleep at night knowing her friends were safe.

Seong-je turned and shouted back at them, „Don't think that this is over!" before Serim yanked him harder, forcing him to follow. Together, they left the rooftop, and Serim looked back one last time. She caught a glimpse of her friends' battered faces trying to chase her before the door slammed shut behind her. She quickly locked it, ensuring no one could follow.

She knew Baku would probably show up any minute—just like she had—and let them out. But she'd be long gone by then. Seong-je's minions were already dealt with, so she knew the rooftop was the safest place for her friends now.

Her heart clenched. She knew she had done the right thing—but part of her still felt like she'd betrayed her closest friends. With a heavy heart and Seong-je grinning behind her, she ran down the same stairs she had sprinted up just minutes before.

„Ah, what a great weather," Seong-je said mockingly, still following her. Serim just rolled her eyes, forcing herself not to shove him down the stairs. She had to move quickly—she couldn't afford to run into Baku on the way out.

„You know I'd never complain about being led by you, but where exactly are we going?" Seong-je broke the silence as the two of them left the building.

Immediately, Serim let go of his hand and took a few steps away to put some distance between them. She inhaled deeply several times and ran her hands nervously through her hair. She knew she looked like a mess—still smeared with blood on her hands and cheek—and all she could think about was how desperately she wanted to be clean.

Lee Serim hated feeling dirty. She couldn't stand being stained in any way, and the thought alone made her paranoid. Her hands began to tremble, and she tried to focus on her breathing, but nothing seemed to help in that moment.

The girl was on the verge of a panic attack when suddenly, Seong-je's face appeared in her line of vision.

„Hey, I know you're feeling filthy right now. We're going to my place, and you're going to clean up in peace, got it?" he asked, his voice now softer. He placed his hands gently on her shoulders to steady her.

The girl, overwhelmed by adrenaline and guilt, from everything that had happened, could only stare at him and nod. Even if she had wanted to speak, no words would have come out. She was in a trance, frozen, unable to move. It was as if her body refused to respond.

Seong-je ran his hand over her head once more and pressed a soft kiss to her crown before effortlessly lifting her into his arms bridal style and carrying her to his apartment. Under normal circumstances, Serim would have never allowed something like this. But these weren't normal circumstances. In that moment, they weren't Geum Seong-je and Lee Serim, the ex-couple with a failed relationship Serim had ended to protect herself. Right then, they were just two teenagers in blood-stained clothes wandering the dark streets of Seoul, not speaking about their feelings.

Serim enjoyed the breeze and gently rested her head against his chest while he carried her as if she weighed nothing at all.

⸻

„Fuck."

„I told you it would hurt—don't be such a baby," Serim said, irritated, pulling the disinfectant-soaked cloth away from his face. Her eyes met his as he looked at her with an amused grin, clearly more focused on her than the sting.

Some time had passed. She had showered and changed clothes. Of course, she didn't have any clothes left at his place—she had picked them all up long ago—but Seong-je had offered his own clothes without hesitation.

That's why she now stood in front of him wearing an oversized T-shirt and massive sweatpants that kept sliding down, which she had to tie tightly at the waist.

When he saw her, his gaze lingered for several seconds, and a flicker of nostalgia appeared in his eyes. She knew he was getting flashbacks of the past—she had felt the same.

When she had looked in the mirror, old memories had flooded her mind too, which was why it had taken her longer to come out of the bathroom.

„I know, but that doesn't mean you have to go so rough on me, baby."

Serim rolled her eyes, which made him laugh. Seong-je was sitting shirtless on a chair in front of her. At first, Serim had complained about why he had to be shirtless—but the moment he pulled the T-shirt over his head, she instantly understood.

Dozens of scars stretched across his torso in varying shades, and Serim froze. She had never wanted to see him like this. But it was his own doing, and there was nothing she could do to change that.

„Stop calling me that. I hate it."

„No, you don't."

She didn't reply—she knew he would instantly tell if she was lying, so she chose silence instead. Serim reached for his glasses, intending to take them off, but before she could, he suddenly grabbed her wrist. Surprised, she looked at him questioningly.

Seong-je gently stroked her wrist, turning it over several times to examine the marks that had formed earlier.

„Those bastards i'm going to kill them," he muttered, and Serim knew exactly who he meant—Sieun and Gotak. The thought of her friends made her heart grow heavy again. She knew that what she was doing was wrong.

After all, Seong-je was the reason her friends had gotten hurt—and yet here she was, tending to the wounds of the very person who had caused it all.

She knew it wasn't right.

She knew she should be angry at Seong-je.

But no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't bring herself to feel that anger. A broken part of her was simply too tired—too exhausted to deal with her emotions or confront the chaos inside her.

She had promised herself that once all of this was over, she would deal with Seong-je. But right now, as wrong as it sounded, all she wanted was to enjoy this fleeting moment between two people who used to love each other—fully aware that things would never be like they once were.

Small moments like this always pulled her back into the past, and Serim had always struggled to break free from that. If it came down to it, she would get back together with Seong-je just to give her friends peace from him and the entire Union.

There were very few things she wouldn't do for her friends—and even if they never forgave her for it, even if they thought badly of her—it wouldn't matter.

As long as they were safe.

She took another deep breath before continuing to disinfect his face with her other hand. Seong-je just looked up at her, observing her silently. Serim was aware of his gaze, but she tried her best to ignore both it and the way it made her body react.

Otherwise, she wouldn't survive the night.

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3eutyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @shonerd @mordessaa @inhoswifee @wagawana @floofbloop @evashp

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P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 8. (other parts are out on my profile !!

ׂׂ. ૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: 28 reasons | seulgi

It had grown dark, and Park Hu-min, Go Hyun-tak, and Lee Serim were all sitting in her dimly lit living room. Each of them had an empty instant ramen cup in front of them, long since eaten. Gotak, sitting on the couch, stared ahead with an unreadable expression on his face. Baku, on the other hand, sat on the opposite couch, directly across from Serim, who was sitting on the floor, and looked at her with disappointment in his eyes.

As much as the girl wanted to, she couldn't escape the situation or the lecture her friends had just given her. To be honest, she really had deserved it — but it still hurt to hear those disappointed words come out of their mouths. Her friends had always been honest with her, something she was usually thankful for — but in this moment, it was the last thing she needed. Lee Serim knew she needed to hear what they were saying, but that didn't mean she wanted to.

The boys had been shocked when Serim confessed everything. They'd asked her over and over, in disbelief, why she never asked for their help — but the girl couldn't answer. In some strange way, she had craved Seong-je's attention. In some twisted way, she had even enjoyed being chased by him, even though it sounded wrong no matter how she tried to word it or express it. Her thoughts were a mess and so was she.

„And what exactly were you hoping to get out of all this?" Baku asked seriously, staring at her. It had been a long time since she'd seen him this upset, and it scared her. The gravity of the situation could no longer be ignored, and the tension in the room was almost unbearable. The girl took a deep breath, brushed her hair behind her ear, and replied in a calm voice:

„Want the honest answer? I have no fucking idea. I don't know what I was thinking. I was stupid and naïve to let myself get pulled back in, even indirectly — and I know that. But I can't tell you why I did it." It was the truth. She really didn't know why she did the things she did.

Serim's voice grew quieter with each word, and Gotak sighed in frustration before placing a protective hand on her shoulder. The girl looked up at him with glassy eyes, and when she saw the encouragement in his gaze, and the small smile he offered her, she felt herself calm down a little. The situation made her feel uneasy — like she was being interrogated by the police. She knew her friends, especially Baku, didn't mean any harm. They just genuinely wanted to understand what had gone through her head in that moment. But she didn't know herself. If she had known, maybe she never would have ended up in such a messed-up situation.

Gotak had stayed quiet for most of the conversation, listening from the background — something that wasn't unusual. But whenever things got too heated between Hu-min and Serim, he always stepped in. Things had calmed down a little now. Baku exhaled again, clearly frustrated, running a hand over his face and muttering a quiet, „Fuck."

Serim's heart sank. She felt like she had betrayed her closest friends in some way — and it was eating her up inside.

„It's getting late. We should head out," Baku finally said, mostly to himself, then stood up. Gotak followed suit, and Serim looked up at the two in surprise before standing as well and walking them to the door to say goodbye. With a heavy heart and a thousand guilt-ridden thoughts swirling inside her, she watched her closest friends put on their jackets and open the front door.

At that moment, Serim regretted everything she had done. It would never, ever be worth it to give up something so good and pure — her friendship with these boys — for something as toxic and unhealthy as her relationship with Seong-je. She had been foolish, and now she had to live with the consequences.

Her eyes welled up again, expecting her friends to leave without another word — expecting silence from them in the days to come. But Baku quickly pushed those thoughts aside.

„Just so you know," he said quietly, „we're not mad at you. We're just disappointed. It's not your fault that fucker is stalking you and pressuring you. Whether you like it or not, you two share an intimate past — and that's not something you can forget overnight. Just... from now on, try to let your head guide you. Not your heart. We'll see you tomorrow at school."

He spoke softly, and just as the two were about to leave, a tearful Serim stopped them. She ran after them and hugged the taller boy from behind, wrapping her arms around his middle and resting her head against his back. She sobbed quietly, and Gotak gently joined the hug, stroking her head in comfort.

Lee Serim knew she would never be able to thank her friends enough.

—

„I get what you're saying. Fine. Let's ignore each other."

Serim, who was standing outside the basketball clubroom, raised her eyebrows in confusion and put her AirPod back into its case. The group always met here, but it sounded like there were others inside too, which made her pause and listen. She could make out Baku's voice, which meant Gotak was probably in there as well. But who were they talking to? She couldn't tell.

With a shrug, she was just about to enter the room when suddenly the door swung open from the inside and Sieun came out. Serim looked at him, and he also paused briefly when he saw her before dropping his gaze back to the ground and brushing past her.

As he passed, he bumped into her, causing the girl's backpack to slip off her shoulder.

„Hey!" she yelled after the new student. Seriously, what had she done to deserve his attitude? Serim didn't know what they were talking about in there, but she certainly wasn't a part the problem that was going on. She had nothing against his quiet, reserved personality—but this was too much. She had done nothing but be nice to him, and this was how he repaid her? People like that always drove Serim crazy.

„Sorry." That was all he mumbled before turning around again and heading back toward the school building. What the hell was his problem? Serim cursed under her breath as she watched him walk away, confused. Now annoyed, she slung her backpack back over her shoulder and stepped into the clubroom.

Inside were her friends—and Jun-tae, who honestly kind of counted as one of them now too. The three looked at her curiously. They probably expected Sieun to come back.

„What was that about?" the girl asked the group that stared at her, looking a bit lost. She plopped down on the couch next to Baku and stretched her legs out, propping them on the table.

„W-We don't really know..." Jun-tae mumbled, avoiding her gaze. Serim had to smile a little at the sight of him and gave him a gentle nod. Gotak, standing beside him, placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and smiled too. Jun-tae and his gentle nature were just too sweet.

Before Gotak could say anything more, Jun-tae quickly excused himself and rushed out of the room—probably to go talk to Sieun. The three of them just watched after him but didn't say anything.

⸻

The school day had finally come to an end, and the four teenagers were on their way home. Gotak, Jun-tae, and Serim walked together, chatting about nonsense, while Hu-min walked in front of them, deep in thought. It was unusual for him to be so quiet, but Serim didn't want to pry. If Park Hu-min had a problem, he would speak up when the time was right. He had always been like that, and Serim didn't want to push—especially not after what had happened at the museum.

Maybe she was the reason he seemed so distant? Maybe he still hadn't come to terms with what she had done?

While she ran through all the possible explanations in her mind, she kept watching him—until he suddenly turned around. The usual sparkle in his eyes was gone, and he looked tense. The three teens behind him stopped in their tracks.

„I'll go ahead. See you tomorrow."

Okay, something was definitely wrong. He would never just leave his friends like that without a word—especially not after what had happened with Seong-je.

Serim opened her mouth to say something, but Gotak beat her to it.

„Damn, man. Tell me you're not meeting Baek-jin."

Wait, what? What did Baek-jin have to do with this?

Confused, Serim looked from Gotak to Baku then to Jun-tae and back again. She had spent the whole day lost in her own thoughts and clearly missed a lot. What was Baku up to? Was he in trouble?

Serim had been so caught up in her own problems that she hadn't really paid attention to her friends'. The realization made her feel a bit ashamed, and she went quiet. Maybe she really didn't deserve them.

„Nothing like that, man. Take care. See you later."

That was all he said, but it didn't sound convincing at all. Where was he really going? And was Baku involved in something shady?

Serim's thoughts spiraled again, and when Gotak called after him, Baku just replied that he had a date. That didn't help either. He was lying—if he really had a date, Serim would've been the first to know. Something was seriously off, and Serim could feel it in her gut.

Gotak just sighed in frustration. He clearly didn't buy it either, but he kept walking, followed by Jun-tae and Serim.

She had to do something—and fast. The thought that her friends were in danger scared her shitless. She had a terrible feeling Seong-je was somehow involved, and she needed to do everything in her power to stop whatever dangerous plan was about to unfold.

Determined and in a rush, she said goodbye to her friends at the next intersection, using the excuse that she had to help her dad at the gym. Then, with sweaty palms and quick steps, she made her way to the internet café—where her biggest problem was probably waiting for her.

—

Arriving at the internet café, she moved quickly and skillfully through the crowd of students gathered there, her eyes frantically searching for a familiar face. She walked down every row, examining each face closely. By the time she reached the third row and still hadn't found him, she was growing impatient. The feeling that something was seriously wrong had only gotten stronger.

Serim had to act fast—him not being at the café couldn't mean anything good. Her palms were getting sweatier, her eyes darting around more wildly with every minute that passed. After ten minutes and still no sign of him, panic was starting to settle in.

Annoyed, she ran a hand through her hair and was just about to leave the café when a hand suddenly grabbed her arm. Startled, she spun around and found herself face to face with a student. She stared at the stranger in confusion—until her eyes dropped to his school uniform.

Fuck.

He was one of Seong-je's many minions.

He just looked at her silently and whispered something to another boy who had now joined him. Quickly, she pulled her arm back and gave them one last glance before hurrying out of the café. She had to find her friends as fast as possible before something happened. By now, she was almost certain they were in trouble, and Serim felt like she was losing her mind.

She quickly reached into her jacket pocket for her phone and opened the location app to try and find Gotak. After the incident with Seong-je, the group had started sharing locations with each other—Gotak's idea. At the time, she'd been against it, but now she could've kissed him for suggesting it. That idea might just save them.

Without thinking twice, the girl started running, hoping she wasn't already too late. She didn't even notice the looks she got from people she nearly knocked over as she pushed through the streets. Right now, her friends were her one and only priority.

⸻

The app had led her to a rooftop, and before she even stepped onto it, a thousand thoughts were racing through her mind. She had no idea what was waiting for her up there. Maybe she was just being paranoid. Maybe Gotak was just hanging out with the others?

Maybe all those strange vibes she'd been feeling had just been in her head. Maybe everything was fine?

But before she could think any further, she flung the door open—and what she saw made her heart stop. Her mouth went dry, and for a moment, she could've sworn she forgot how to breathe.

Gotak and Jun-tae were slumped against a fence, badly injured, and Serim inhaled sharply as her eyes continued to scan the scene. A few of Seong-je's minions were standing around them, and Sieun was facing Seong-je, a pen clenched tightly in his hand.

There had clearly been a fight—and the winner was obvious.

„What the fuck?!"

It was the only thing she could get out before every single person turned to look at her.

What the hell had she just walked into?

How had it come to this?

Seeing her friends on the ground, hurt and helpless, shattered her heart—and in the same breath, made her furious.

„What are you doing here?"

The deep voice of Seong-je cut through her thoughts, and her heart stopped again.

His tone wasn't teasing or playful like it usually was.

It was cold. Full of rage.

And that scared the hell out of her.

a/n: sorry for this filler chapter i promise the next one is going to be better !!🩷

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3eutyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @shonerd @mordessaa @inhoswifee @wagawana @feralmaneater

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new chapter should be out by tmr sorry for letting you guys wait so long 💐

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P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 7. (other parts are out on my profile !!💐)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: crazy over you | blackpink

„There are all kinds of teams out there,” Baku’s loud voice tore the girl from her thoughts. She blinked a few times in surprise before refocusing on the conversation with her friends, slowly remembering where she was. The three of them were sitting in their classroom, chatting loudly as always. Baku had finally returned to school — something that made the girl genuinely happy — but truth be told, she wasn’t really present.

Her thoughts spun endlessly around Seong-je and what had happened between them. It had been a terrible mistake, one she couldn’t get past. Serim had been so foolish — why had she done it? Another sleepless night had passed, her mind racing, leaving her utterly exhausted. Still, she knew she couldn’t afford to skip school — it would’ve drawn too much attention. So, she fought her body every five minutes just to stay awake, forcing herself to concentrate on the conversation unfolding around her.

„A true master doesn’t care who he plays,” Baku finished with flair. Gotak, who was sitting in front of him, turned to Serim with an incredulous look. Even she couldn’t help but smile — he was talking nonsense again, but it was entertaining. The school day, though painful, provided a welcome distraction — something to pull her attention away from the man who had haunted her thoughts for a week straight.

The boys continued their lively debate, but at some point, Serim simply tuned out. They were fun, sure — but sometimes, their energy was just overwhelming, especially for an introvert like her. Lost in her thoughts, she idly drew little hearts in the notebook she hadn’t touched in hours. Serim was smart, but even she could benefit from paying a bit more attention in class, especially now that everything felt like it was getting harder. She sighed, frustrated, just as someone else snapped her out of her daydreams.

She turned around, confused, and saw Jun-tae standing with the new student in front of their group. Jun-tae lingered a little behind, gaze lowered, clearly nervous. The sight made Serim smile. She found him incredibly endearing.

„Hi, Jun-tae!” she greeted him warmly with a wave. He looked up, startled, but visibly relaxed when their eyes met. He gave her a quiet reply. God, he was just too sweet.

„We’re wanted in the teacher’s office,” the new student said, not paying attention to the girl, his voice rough and cold — which surprised Serim. Given his looks, she’d expected something softer. But she liked his voice; it had a calm sharpness that made her perk up. As his words sank in, she blinked. „Wait, me too?” she asked, confused, pointing to herself. Her friends just shrugged, just as clueless. Her gaze flicked back to Jun-tae, who nodded quickly, eyes full of pity.

A quiet „Yeah,” left his lips seconds later. Serim groaned internally. Of course. She didn’t regret helping her friends at all, but she’d arrived too late to actually do anything — which meant now she got in trouble for nothing. Just what she needed: a lecture from the principal when her life was already falling apart. She sighed audibly and followed the others as they trudged off toward the teacher’s office.

⸻

„This is such bullshit!” the girl shouted angrily across the schoolyard, kicking a rock hard as they walked toward the basketball court. The group had been assigned to volunteer at some random museum, and Serim was already groaning at the thought of wasting her day on pointless chores. What pissed her off the most was that she had absolutely nothing to do with the incident.

„I-I think it won’t be so bad,” Jun-tae offered in his usual soft tone, surprising Serim. He rarely spoke to her — she assumed he was scared of her, which made her laugh inside. Lee Serim wasn’t exactly terrifying. Maybe she’d left a bad impression after hitting Gotak in the tunnel, but he had totally deserved that. She made a silent decision to treat Jun-tae more kindly. She wasn’t against new friends, and he was genuinely sweet — something she couldn’t quite say about the new guy.

Yeon Sieun — she’d finally learned his name — was also quiet, but unlike Jun-tae, he didn’t really care to be polite. He was brutally honest, never sugarcoating anything. Surprisingly, Serim admired that about him. Sometimes, you just had to speak the truth, even when it wasn’t convenient. But still- he was kind off weird an off putting so Serim didn’t try that much to make a conversation with him.

„I think a little community service won’t kill us,” Hyun-tak added cheerfully, draping an arm around Jun-tae. Jun-tae flinched slightly but offered a nervous smile. Gotak mirrored the gesture. Serim tried to be as positive as them but failed miserably. There was nothing positive about wasting a free day on a school assignment.

⸻

The next day, the teenagers were seated by a window, eating eagerly, exhausted from the mind-numbing work they’d done at the museum. Serim munched on a sandwich she’d packed the day before, listening quietly to the others’ conversation. Gotak and Baku still wore their silly costumes, which looked hilariously out of place. Suddenly, Baku held out his chopsticks, offering her a bite of his ramen. Serim accepted gratefully, her eyes rolling back in pleasure at the taste. Mouth full, she nodded enthusiastically and gave him a thumbs up.

„Good bite!” Baku laughed, wiping the sauce from the corner of her lips with a napkin.

„Are you two a thing or anything?” Sieun asked suddenly, and Gotak, two seats away, burst out laughing. Serim choked on her bite, coughing uncontrollably while Baku patted her back to help. Even he grinned at the ridiculous question.

Gotak was nearly in tears from laughing, clutching his stomach as he looked at Sieun in disbelief. Sieun just continued to stare at them confused, he was being dead serious, which only made Gotak laugh harder. Serim took the glass of water Jun-tae handed her and quickly drank, trying to clear her throat. That couldn’t have been a serious question… right?

„No, but I can see how someone might think that. The three of us are close — like siblings. So it could never be more than that,” Baku answered between chuckles. Serim shot him a grateful look, eyes still watery from the coughing fit. Gotak had finally calmed down but still wiped away tears from laughing so hard. The very idea was just absurd to them.

Sieun just nodded and kept eating as Baku shifted the conversation back to himself, proudly telling them how a girl had given him her number — only for it to turn out to be a joke, which made the group erupt in laughter all over again.

After a while, Serim excused herself and headed to the restroom to freshen up. She was sure her lip liner had smudged, thanks to Baku. In the mirror, she noticed she looked a little more put together than the last few days — she’d managed to wake up earlier and was now thankful for it. The museum visitors probably would’ve been horrified otherwise. Humming, she reapplied her makeup and washed her hands before leaving — not without adjusting her hair one last time.

Still humming and in slightly better spirits, she walked back out — until she saw a familiar figure emerge from the bathroom as well.

Fuck. No. This couldn’t be happening.

What the hell is he doing here? She barely had time to think before he noticed her, strolling up with that signature grin.

„I didn’t know you liked museums. If I had, I would’ve taken you to one sooner,” he said, eyes scanning her with amused interest. Serim forced herself not to let her thoughts drift to last time. Instead, she focused on something mundane — like his glasses. She didn’t want a conversation. She knew exactly where it would lead — just like it had before. Her stomach twisted. She couldn’t give him that kind of power over her again, no matter how much he intimidated her, no matter how much she still wanted him.

„There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” she shrugged. A lie, of course. If anyone knew her inside and out, it was Park Hu-min, Go Hyun-tak, and Geum Seong-je. She crossed her arms and tried to meet his gaze with confidence. Keyword Tried.

Seong-je saw right through her act. He held back a laugh and quickly brushed his fingers over his lips.

„Sure. Whatever you say,” he said playfully, challenging her. Serim rolled her eyes, heart pounding. She stared at him, saying nothing. What was she supposed to say? She couldn’t tell right from wrong anymore — every glance he gave her twisted her thoughts inside out.

„How about a date then? Just us. Tomorrow afternoon, you know to start things over and maybe pick up where we left off last time?” he asked, stepping closer. Serim stayed rooted,as her thoughts ran back to last time, her arms still folded across her chest. A faint blush appeared on her cheeks. He adjusted his glasses with a swift motion, watching her closely. She didn’t know what to say — but she wouldn’t let him see her nerves.

„How about a no?” she retorted, a wicked grin spreading across her face. Internally, she applauded herself. Petty? Maybe. But kind of hilarious. Even Seong-je laughed, deep and rough — a sound that gave her goosebumps.

God, how she’d missed that laugh.

She had to fight the urge to smile. All she wanted was to go back to the way things had been. But she hadn’t made peace with the fact that they never could.

„You’re cute when you pretend like I don’t have this effect on you,” he murmured, lifting her chin with one finger. Serim froze, staring into his eyes, terrified by how weak she felt. Damn him. Damn Geum Seong-je and the hold he had on her.

„You think I don’t notice how you look at me? How your eyes search for mine, how your body stiffens the second I’m near?” He leaned in. There was barely any space left between them.

His gaze dropped to her lips, and hers flicked to his — still curled in that damn grin. How badly she wanted to feel them again. What was wrong with her?

„This is what I do to you. And I think it’s time you gave in, just like your body already has.” His voice was a whisper now — low, close, dangerous.

Serim wanted to respond, but no sound came out. She was like a mouse caught in a trap. She should’ve known he’d pull her into this again. She cursed herself. Cursed him.

„Serim?” Baku’s voice came from behind — and Serim froze all over again.

No. No. No, no, no. Anything but this.

Seong-je looked surprised, too. He glanced over Serim’s shoulder and rolled his eyes when he saw Baku. He didn’t move away, but slowly withdrew his hand from her chin, muttering a quiet “Motherfucker,” just loud enough for her to hear.

She didn’t want to turn around. But she had to. Slowly, she turned, face burning with shame. Baku looked between them, confused, then stepped forward. Serim’s heart pounded — terrified of what he might say. She’d messed up, and her friends were going to call her out for it — exactly what she didn’t need right now.

Before Baku could speak, she spun around, jabbing a finger into Seong-je’s chest. “If you don’t leave me alone soon, you’re going to have a real fucking problem,” she said in a low, threatening voice, just loud enough for all three of them to hear.

Then she turned sharply and walked away, leaving them both standing there. She didn’t need more problems — especially not the kind that looked like Seong-je. And she definitely didn’t need the lecture Baku was probably about to give.

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3eutyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @shonerd @mordessaa @inhoswifee @wagawana @feralmaneater

[ilyprs]

just letting you guys know i’ll try my best to upload a new chapter today and if i can’t i promise tomorrow !! 🩷 ty guys so much for the support on my story 🌷

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 6. (other parts are out on my profile!!🍒)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: pretty when you cry | lana del rey

The girl walked as fast as her feet could carry her and didn’t even glance back a second time as she left the internet café. Everything she had experienced inside had simply been too much for one evening. She needed to get home as quickly as possible and crawl into bed to process it all. She couldn’t handle the sudden turn her life had taken and felt as though she had lost all control and slipped right into his hands. No matter what she did, he appeared around every corner, reminding her of the past. The girl had to accept that things would never be the same. Not since he had taken interest in her again. Well that was wrong, his interest never left but now he was letting it known.

She tried to focus on her steps as best she could, but it proved more difficult than expected with the tears blurring her vision. Damn it, she didn’t want to cry over him anymore. She had promised herself—but now, she couldn’t stop the tears freely rolling down her cheeks. With a heavy heart, she kept putting one foot in front of the other, trying to escape the situation. She had to get out of there and just go home.

But fate—or rather, Seong-Je—had other plans. The boy followed her at a relaxed pace, silently humming and simply waiting for the moment she would stop to catch her breath. He noticed her now trembling hands, clenched into fists again and again, and the quiet sobs that—he had to admit—broke his heart a little, but in a strange way also comforted him and made him happy. She was still thinking about him. He still had the same effect on her as he did two years ago. He couldn’t help but smile as he followed her.

Suddenly, the girl stopped and began to cry—this time out loud. Her chest was rising far too quickly, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Clumsily, she clutched her chest with one hand and tried to cover her mouth with the other to muffle her sobs, while tears flooded her face. Normally Serim would be embarrassed in situation like this, but she couldn’t do anything in that moment but to let it out all at once. Her body physically hurt.

Seong-Je watched for a few seconds. He debated on what to do before walking over to her, turning her around wordlessly, and pulling her back into his chest. Seeing her sob like that made him feel a little bit bad but a sick, twisted part of his couldn’t help himself as he enjoyed watching her cry like that because of him. It was no secret to him that her crying, especially because of him, turned Seong-Je on in a way.

With a gentle touch, he pressed her head against his chest while his other hand moved into her hair and started stroking it softly. Serim didn’t even need to look up at him to see who he was. She had known deep down that she could have never just exited that café without him following her, or atleast sending someone after her. This time, the girl allowed it and grabbed his jacket in a panic, pulling him closer. She cried fearfully into his chest, and he accepted it, whispering softly in her ear:

„Pshh, I’m here. Everything’s going to be alright,” he said as he continued to gently stroke her head. But his words only made her sob harder into his chest.

She would never be alright anytime soon, when he was near her. His T-shirt began to soak through, because of her tears, but he couldn’t have cared less. Still in his arms, the girl slowly began to calm down, taking deep breaths to try and regain some control. She wiped the tears from her face with one hand and looked up at him. Her other hand was still around his waist. He looked down into her swollen, red eyes before gently cupping her face in his hands.

„You always hurt me Seong-Je.“ she spoke in between sobs as she looked up at him.

„I know.“ was all he said as he still held her face in his hands.

The girl could do nothing but let herself fall into his touch, still letting out soft sobs and breathing irregularly. His gaze was full of warmth—just like it used to be—and she couldn’t help but start crying again. Her thoughts drifted to old memories, back when he had held her the same way… back when everything was still okay.

Still silent, he wiped every single tear from her face and admired her before breaking the heavy moment:

„You don’t even know how beautiful you look right now,” he whispered. Seong- Je wasn’t even lying. For him she was the most beautiful girl in the world, especially when she was looking at him like that. No other woman could ever compare to her.

Serim could’ve sworn her heart stopped for a second. She almost forgot how to breathe. The girl wanted to speak, but she couldn’t. Her tongue twisted with every word she tried to form, and she felt like she might collapse any second.

“I hate you,” was the only thing she managed to say before suddenly realizing where she was—and who she was with. And suddenly her body began trembling, filled with anger. He was the reason she was feeling this.

“I hate you!” she repeated louder this time, starting to hit his chest in a panic. She didn’t know what she was doing, but all the anger and sadness that had built up over the past few days came pouring out as she continued hitting him with full force, trying to push him away.

Seong-Je stood there, taking every blow silently, the same grin now again on his face. She looked like a madwoman, with tears once again streaming down her cheeks as she kept hitting him and began screaming in frustration. But Seong-Je remained calm, letting her do whatever she needed to to calm down. It was just confirmation for him that she still cared for him in a way.

„No, you don’t, baby,” he whispered, which only made her hit him harder. She sobbed loudly and continued until, exhausted, her arms dropped and she wordlessly slumped back into his soft chest. She was so fucking tired.

The boy, who had been waiting for this moment, quickly wrapped his arms around her again and held her tightly. He was frighteningly calm throughout the whole ordeal, but Serim didn’t care at that point. She was broken and exhausted—she just wanted to sleep.

„Do you feel better now?” he asked, placing a soft kiss on on the top of her head. He used to do that all the time back when they were still together. It seemed like he wasn’t planning on letting that habit go, which only hurt Serim more. The girl weakly nodded—she didn’t have the energy to respond.

He chuckled briefly, and the vibrations in his chest immediately soothed her. Then after some time, he slowly placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back a little as he watched her face. She let him do it and looked up at him , confused, with her head lowered. Before she could react, he leaned in, and before she could even protest, his lips were already on hers.

The girl immediately stiffened and it felt like her whole body was on fire, with the way he was kissing her. The kiss was hungry, and Serim could feel years of pent-up frustration pouring out of him. She stood frozen, caught off guard, and the moment his tongue slid over her bottom lip, she realized what was happening. Irritated and scared , she quickly pushed him away and before she even knew what she was doing, she slapped him hard across the face. It was as if her hand had moved on her own.

She couldn’t believe what had just happened.

Seong-Je’s face turned slightly to the side, but he just laughed, touching his cheek and licking his lips as he looked at her again. The girl was still in shock, but what shocked her even more was the way butterflies were now going wild in her stomach. Why was she feeling like this? This never should have happened.

Serim shut off her moral compass, knowing she would regret this, and cursed herself out in her head before harshly grabbing his jacket and pulling him closer, pressing her lips to his hungrily. Her mind was a complete mess—she didn’t know what was happening. It felt forbidden… but so right. That alone confused her.

She focused on his soft lips, which were now grinning against hers, before he grabbed her cheek roughly to deepen the kiss. Seong-Je was behaving like a wild animal that hadn’t eaten in days and was finally getting fed again. His right hand pressed her face even harder against his, and his left hand slowly moved to her waist, pulling her even closer—if that was even possible.

Serim moaned softly into the kiss as he suddenly bit her bottom lip hard, just like he used to, and he used the moment to slip his tongue inside. Seong-Je was ravenous and addicted to her—it felt like he was finally getting what he had craved for so long. And he was not ready to let this feeling go. He could’ve had died in this moment but it wouldn’t have mattered because Geum Seong-Je would have died as a happy and satisfied man. Serim, too, tried desperately to deepen the kiss, burying her hands in his hair and pulling him closer. Flashbacks of them together appeared in her mind. Oh how much she had missed the way his lips felt on hers. The way he slipped his tongue inside, as if he knew every corner of it, as if he owned every part of it. His hands moved all over her back which drove her crazy and she could feel herself getting lost in the moment. She would regret this deeply—but the thought disappeared the moment his grip on her waist tightened and he softly pinched her side.

Breathless, the girl pulled away and looked at him in shock. But the boy just grinned and wiped his lips with the back of his hand. He was satisfied in every possible way but that didn’t mean he had gotten enough of it. It was quiet the opposite, he was addicted to the feeling again.

„Fuck Serim,“ he panted out smiling, breathless from the make out session they had just shared. „I didn’t know you were this desperate. If I had known, I would’ve done this way sooner.”

Fuck.

What had she done? What was she thinking???

The worst part wasn’t that she had given Seong-Je exactly what he had wanted for so long—no, the worst part was that now she wanted more. She felt like she needed all of him. One kiss wouldn’t be enough. Two neither. She wanted him completely. And that feeling scared her.

Apparently, the boy felt the same because his hand wandered back to her waist. But this time, she was quicker and shoved it away immediately. She couldn’t give in again. A second time would destroy her. He would consume her completely, and she would never crawl out of that hole again.

Still with a pounding heart and rapid breathing, she just stared at him wordlessly as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a cigarette. He silently placed it between his lips and offered her one. This time, the girl didn’t refuse. She needed it—desperately—to cope with this mess. It was so strange, but in that moment she didn’t even care. They never used to make sense.

How could he be so calm, she wondered, while Serim was internally falling apart?

But Seong-Je lit his cigarette as calmly as ever, then held the flame out for her. Serim leaned in with her own cigarette between her lips, letting him light it for her. While lighting her cigarette he stared at her deeply, his eyes full of lust. She knew he wanted more. With her eyes closed, she took a deep drag and slowly exhaled. She needed to get out of here before she did something else she’d regret.

„What just happened was a huge mistake, and it won’t happen again. Do you understand?” she said firmly, glaring at him, hoping he wouldn’t try something this stupid again. She knew for a fact that if he did try it again, she could never control herself that time. She would just give in to him and let him consume her fully. Serim felt dumb, she was only fooling herself whilst talking.

But Seong-Je didn’t take her seriously. She hadn’t expected him to, after all she was the one who pulled him back again. He just laughed and stepped closer. With every step, the girl grew quieter, locking eyes with him. Those damn beautiful eyes. He did the same as he looked into her swollen, puffy ones, and he’d be lying if he said they didn’t turn him on immensely.

Seong-Je tried to hold back, but when it came to Serim, he seemed to lose all control.

„Sure, keep telling yourself that. But we both know you still want me, Sera,” he said, amused, taking another drag and blowing the smoke right into her face. „You were desperate for it.“ he spat the words at her and reality hit her. She had been desperate for it. Serim would always be desperate for him. It didn’t matter how much she tried to hide it.

The girl suddenly felt small in front of him—so vulnerable. He knew exactly what she was thinking, and in that moment, she couldn’t form a single clear thought as she turned around and tried to leave both ,him and what just happened, behind her. She had to get away from him as fast as possible.

Serim was in deep trouble—and she wasn’t getting out of it anytime soon.

—

As she walked home her friends appeared in her mind. The thought of her friends finding out made her panic, and she had to fight the urge to cry again. Damn it, what had she done? How could she be so stupid and fall for him again? She knew they would be disappointed in her and would never accept him and her taking him back. Not even if he tried his hardest to make it up to them. Baku and Gotak hated his guts and would never in a million years forgive him. She was in deep trouble and she couldn’t help herself. Seong-Je was practically screaming trouble but she still wanted him. Even if she tried her hardest to deny it, there was no denying it anymore. Lee Serim wanted -no- needed Geum Seong-Je back in her life.

Worst of all—he would never leave her alone now. Not after that, which would just make it harder for her to push him away.

And that’s what scared her the most.

a/n: im sorry this chapter is so messy and i’m so unsatisfied with it ☹️ but ANYWAYS SEONG-JE AND SERIM KISS AHHHH!! i hope the kiss wasn’t too shabby it was my first time ever writing a scene like that😭🙏

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3eutyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @feralmaneater @mordessaa @inhoswifee @wagawana 🩷

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 6. (other parts are out on my profile!!🍒)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: pretty when you cry | lana del rey

The girl walked as fast as her feet could carry her and didn’t even glance back a second time as she left the internet café. Everything she had experienced inside had simply been too much for one evening. She needed to get home as quickly as possible and crawl into bed to process it all. She couldn’t handle the sudden turn her life had taken and felt as though she had lost all control and slipped right into his hands. No matter what she did, he appeared around every corner, reminding her of the past. The girl had to accept that things would never be the same. Not since he had taken interest in her again. Well that was wrong, his interest never left but now he was letting it known.

She tried to focus on her steps as best she could, but it proved more difficult than expected with the tears blurring her vision. Damn it, she didn’t want to cry over him anymore. She had promised herself—but now, she couldn’t stop the tears freely rolling down her cheeks. With a heavy heart, she kept putting one foot in front of the other, trying to escape the situation. She had to get out of there and just go home.

But fate—or rather, Seong-Je—had other plans. The boy followed her at a relaxed pace, silently humming and simply waiting for the moment she would stop to catch her breath. He noticed her now trembling hands, clenched into fists again and again, and the quiet sobs that—he had to admit—broke his heart a little, but in a strange way also comforted him and made him happy. She was still thinking about him. He still had the same effect on her as he did two years ago. He couldn’t help but smile as he followed her.

Suddenly, the girl stopped and began to cry—this time out loud. Her chest was rising far too quickly, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Clumsily, she clutched her chest with one hand and tried to cover her mouth with the other to muffle her sobs, while tears flooded her face. Normally Serim would be embarrassed in situation like this, but she couldn’t do anything in that moment but to let it out all at once. Her body physically hurt.

Seong-Je watched for a few seconds. He debated on what to do before walking over to her, turning her around wordlessly, and pulling her back into his chest. Seeing her sob like that made him feel a little bit bad but a sick, twisted part of his couldn’t help himself as he enjoyed watching her cry like that because of him. It was no secret to him that her crying, especially because of him, turned Seong-Je on in a way.

With a gentle touch, he pressed her head against his chest while his other hand moved into her hair and started stroking it softly. Serim didn’t even need to look up at him to see who he was. She had known deep down that she could have never just exited that café without him following her, or atleast sending someone after her. This time, the girl allowed it and grabbed his jacket in a panic, pulling him closer. She cried fearfully into his chest, and he accepted it, whispering softly in her ear:

„Pshh, I’m here. Everything’s going to be alright,” he said as he continued to gently stroke her head. But his words only made her sob harder into his chest.

She would never be alright anytime soon, when he was near her. His T-shirt began to soak through, because of her tears, but he couldn’t have cared less. Still in his arms, the girl slowly began to calm down, taking deep breaths to try and regain some control. She wiped the tears from her face with one hand and looked up at him. Her other hand was still around his waist. He looked down into her swollen, red eyes before gently cupping her face in his hands.

„You always hurt me Seong-Je.“ she spoke in between sobs as she looked up at him.

„I know.“ was all he said as he still held her face in his hands.

The girl could do nothing but let herself fall into his touch, still letting out soft sobs and breathing irregularly. His gaze was full of warmth—just like it used to be—and she couldn’t help but start crying again. Her thoughts drifted to old memories, back when he had held her the same way… back when everything was still okay.

Still silent, he wiped every single tear from her face and admired her before breaking the heavy moment:

„You don’t even know how beautiful you look right now,” he whispered. Seong- Je wasn’t even lying. For him she was the most beautiful girl in the world, especially when she was looking at him like that. No other woman could ever compare to her.

Serim could’ve sworn her heart stopped for a second. She almost forgot how to breathe. The girl wanted to speak, but she couldn’t. Her tongue twisted with every word she tried to form, and she felt like she might collapse any second.

“I hate you,” was the only thing she managed to say before suddenly realizing where she was—and who she was with. And suddenly her body began trembling, filled with anger. He was the reason she was feeling this.

“I hate you!” she repeated louder this time, starting to hit his chest in a panic. She didn’t know what she was doing, but all the anger and sadness that had built up over the past few days came pouring out as she continued hitting him with full force, trying to push him away.

Seong-Je stood there, taking every blow silently, the same grin now again on his face. She looked like a madwoman, with tears once again streaming down her cheeks as she kept hitting him and began screaming in frustration. But Seong-Je remained calm, letting her do whatever she needed to to calm down. It was just confirmation for him that she still cared for him in a way.

„No, you don’t, baby,” he whispered, which only made her hit him harder. She sobbed loudly and continued until, exhausted, her arms dropped and she wordlessly slumped back into his soft chest. She was so fucking tired.

The boy, who had been waiting for this moment, quickly wrapped his arms around her again and held her tightly. He was frighteningly calm throughout the whole ordeal, but Serim didn’t care at that point. She was broken and exhausted—she just wanted to sleep.

„Do you feel better now?” he asked, placing a soft kiss on on the top of her head. He used to do that all the time back when they were still together. It seemed like he wasn’t planning on letting that habit go, which only hurt Serim more. The girl weakly nodded—she didn’t have the energy to respond.

He chuckled briefly, and the vibrations in his chest immediately soothed her. Then after some time, he slowly placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back a little as he watched her face. She let him do it and looked up at him , confused, with her head lowered. Before she could react, he leaned in, and before she could even protest, his lips were already on hers.

The girl immediately stiffened and it felt like her whole body was on fire, with the way he was kissing her. The kiss was hungry, and Serim could feel years of pent-up frustration pouring out of him. She stood frozen, caught off guard, and the moment his tongue slid over her bottom lip, she realized what was happening. Irritated and scared , she quickly pushed him away and before she even knew what she was doing, she slapped him hard across the face. It was as if her hand had moved on her own.

She couldn’t believe what had just happened.

Seong-Je’s face turned slightly to the side, but he just laughed, touching his cheek and licking his lips as he looked at her again. The girl was still in shock, but what shocked her even more was the way butterflies were now going wild in her stomach. Why was she feeling like this? This never should have happened.

Serim shut off her moral compass, knowing she would regret this, and cursed herself out in her head before harshly grabbing his jacket and pulling him closer, pressing her lips to his hungrily. Her mind was a complete mess—she didn’t know what was happening. It felt forbidden… but so right. That alone confused her.

She focused on his soft lips, which were now grinning against hers, before he grabbed her cheek roughly to deepen the kiss. Seong-Je was behaving like a wild animal that hadn’t eaten in days and was finally getting fed again. His right hand pressed her face even harder against his, and his left hand slowly moved to her waist, pulling her even closer—if that was even possible.

Serim moaned softly into the kiss as he suddenly bit her bottom lip hard, just like he used to, and he used the moment to slip his tongue inside. Seong-Je was ravenous and addicted to her—it felt like he was finally getting what he had craved for so long. And he was not ready to let this feeling go. He could’ve had died in this moment but it wouldn’t have mattered because Geum Seong-Je would have died as a happy and satisfied man. Serim, too, tried desperately to deepen the kiss, burying her hands in his hair and pulling him closer. Flashbacks of them together appeared in her mind. Oh how much she had missed the way his lips felt on hers. The way he slipped his tongue inside, as if he knew every corner of it, as if he owned every part of it. His hands moved all over her back which drove her crazy and she could feel herself getting lost in the moment. She would regret this deeply—but the thought disappeared the moment his grip on her waist tightened and he softly pinched her side.

Breathless, the girl pulled away and looked at him in shock. But the boy just grinned and wiped his lips with the back of his hand. He was satisfied in every possible way but that didn’t mean he had gotten enough of it. It was quiet the opposite, he was addicted to the feeling again.

„Fuck Serim,“ he panted out smiling, breathless from the make out session they had just shared. „I didn’t know you were this desperate. If I had known, I would’ve done this way sooner.”

Fuck.

What had she done? What was she thinking???

The worst part wasn’t that she had given Seong-Je exactly what he had wanted for so long—no, the worst part was that now she wanted more. She felt like she needed all of him. One kiss wouldn’t be enough. Two neither. She wanted him completely. And that feeling scared her.

Apparently, the boy felt the same because his hand wandered back to her waist. But this time, she was quicker and shoved it away immediately. She couldn’t give in again. A second time would destroy her. He would consume her completely, and she would never crawl out of that hole again.

Still with a pounding heart and rapid breathing, she just stared at him wordlessly as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a cigarette. He silently placed it between his lips and offered her one. This time, the girl didn’t refuse. She needed it—desperately—to cope with this mess. It was so strange, but in that moment she didn’t even care. They never used to make sense.

How could he be so calm, she wondered, while Serim was internally falling apart?

But Seong-Je lit his cigarette as calmly as ever, then held the flame out for her. Serim leaned in with her own cigarette between her lips, letting him light it for her. While lighting her cigarette he stared at her deeply, his eyes full of lust. She knew he wanted more. With her eyes closed, she took a deep drag and slowly exhaled. She needed to get out of here before she did something else she’d regret.

„What just happened was a huge mistake, and it won’t happen again. Do you understand?” she said firmly, glaring at him, hoping he wouldn’t try something this stupid again. She knew for a fact that if he did try it again, she could never control herself that time. She would just give in to him and let him consume her fully. Serim felt dumb, she was only fooling herself whilst talking.

But Seong-Je didn’t take her seriously. She hadn’t expected him to, after all she was the one who pulled him back again. He just laughed and stepped closer. With every step, the girl grew quieter, locking eyes with him. Those damn beautiful eyes. He did the same as he looked into her swollen, puffy ones, and he’d be lying if he said they didn’t turn him on immensely.

Seong-Je tried to hold back, but when it came to Serim, he seemed to lose all control.

„Sure, keep telling yourself that. But we both know you still want me, Sera,” he said, amused, taking another drag and blowing the smoke right into her face. „You were desperate for it.“ he spat the words at her and reality hit her. She had been desperate for it. Serim would always be desperate for him. It didn’t matter how much she tried to hide it.

The girl suddenly felt small in front of him—so vulnerable. He knew exactly what she was thinking, and in that moment, she couldn’t form a single clear thought as she turned around and tried to leave both ,him and what just happened, behind her. She had to get away from him as fast as possible.

Serim was in deep trouble—and she wasn’t getting out of it anytime soon.

—

As she walked home her friends appeared in her mind. The thought of her friends finding out made her panic, and she had to fight the urge to cry again. Damn it, what had she done? How could she be so stupid and fall for him again? She knew they would be disappointed in her and would never accept him and her taking him back. Not even if he tried his hardest to make it up to them. Baku and Gotak hated his guts and would never in a million years forgive him. She was in deep trouble and she couldn’t help herself. Seong-Je was practically screaming trouble but she still wanted him. Even if she tried her hardest to deny it, there was no denying it anymore. Lee Serim wanted -no- needed Geum Seong-Je back in her life.

Worst of all—he would never leave her alone now. Not after that, which would just make it harder for her to push him away.

And that’s what scared her the most.

a/n: im sorry this chapter is so messy and i’m so unsatisfied with it ☹️ but ANYWAYS SEONG-JE AND SERIM KISS AHHHH!! i hope the kiss wasn’t too shabby it was my first time ever writing a scene like that😭🙏

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3eutyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @feralmaneater @mordessaa @inhoswifee @wagawana 🩷

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 5. (other parts are out on my profile !!🐰)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: wildside | red velvet

The next few days flew by, and Serim could barely keep up. When she showed up at school the next day, everything felt strange. Her classmates—and even her best friend Gotak—were acting so differently that Serim asked him several times what was going on. But he just brushed her off and said it was something family-related. Hyun-Tak, who was usually so talkative, suddenly went quiet, and Serim knew something—or rather someone—was behind it.

But she couldn’t be mad at him. She had done the exact same thing to him the past few days. So with a sigh, she let it go.

The new student was just as strange. Serim had seen him a few times in the school hallways, and all her classmates talked about him during lessons. Every time his name was mentioned, Serim perked up her ears and tried to listen in as discreetly as possible. But she didn’t get much out of it—the students said things like he tried to stab people with pens. She couldn’t help but laugh at the thought. Seriously, what high schooler went around stabbing people with pens?

It wasn’t until she saw the completely wrecked basketball club room that she realized something was definitely going on. After seeing the destruction, Serim dropped everything and ran to a very specific place. She knew something was happening and just hoped she could get there in time before Gotak got into trouble. The boy was a walking stress magnet, and that worried her.

She ran like crazy toward the tunnel, where she assumed he was because most of the school fights happened there, her school bag bouncing painfully against her back with every step—but she didn’t care. A few older people gave her weird looks as she passed, and some even complained, but none of it mattered. If Gotak was in trouble, she would drop everything to help him. That’s just how she was and she knew he would do the same for her.

⸻

When she arrived at the tunnel, she froze, rooted to the spot, unable to believe her eyes. She took quick breaths to gain her normal breathing pace back. All of that running had worn her down.

Gotak was on the ground, surrounded by a group of students. Jun-Tae stood nearby, looking worried, and Baku—who, for some reason, now had red hair—was standing a little further away. Serim felt like she was in a bad movie. She pinched herself, just to be sure she wasn’t dreaming.

Something had clearly gone down, though Serim could only guess it had been a fight. But the how and why were still a mystery to her. Hyoman—God, how she hated that slimy guy—was lying on the ground like a corpse, collapsed on his right side. Baku was talking to the new student:

„And who are you? I’ve never seen you before.”

The new student just looked at him silently, and Baku kept talking without waiting for an answer. He was never the patient type.

„You’ve got a lot of guts,” he said, laughing.

Jun-Tae was the first to notice Serim. His eyes widened in shock. Baku turned around too, when he saw her he flashed her a proud grin like this was the most normal situation in the world.

„Yah, Lee Serim! Good to see you!” he shouted cheerfully through the tunnel as if nothing had happened.

Gotak looked up at the sound of her name, muttered a curse under his breath, and leaned against the wall. His face was scraped up—clear signs of a fight. A thousand questions raced through Serim’s mind, but they could wait. She rushed over to Gotak and shoved the students surrounding him out of the way.

„Get lost, you assholes,” she hissed at them angrily before kneeling down beside her friend.

He looked at her with guilty eyes, already knowing what was coming. Serim raised her hand and slapped him—not too hard, but enough to make her point.

„So this is what you were hiding from me, you idiot? What the hell is wrong with you?” she yelled, completely losing it and tearing into him in front of everyone.

Jun-Tae inhaled sharply, nervous and afraid it could be his turn soon. Gotak didn’t respond—he just listened to her lecture until Baku came from behind, lifted Serim up, and pulled her away from him. She tried to resist, but Baku wouldn’t let go.

„Hey, we all know he’s not the brightest, but the guy’s half-dead. Maybe yell at him later and let him breathe a bit, huh? How about that, Serimi?” he said, trying to calm her down as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

Serim shot Gotak a furious look—but deep down, she knew Baku was right. Hyun-Tak really did look like hell. Guilt settled in her chest. With a roll of her eyes, she brushed Baku off and extended a hand to him. He grinned and grabbed it, letting her pull him to his feet.

Jun-Tae, who had been watching the whole scene with wide eyes, was quiet as a mouse. When Serim noticed his nervousness she gave him a gentle smile, and it seemed to calm him down instantly. Was he afraid of her? The thought made Serim giggle in her head, he was just too cute.

Even the new student—whose name Serim still didn’t know—watched the interaction between the three of them with quiet interest. When she looked at him she first noticed his eyes. The girl could swear she had never seen eyes as sad as his. Now that Gotak was back on his feet, Serim and Baku each took a side and let him lean on their shoulders for support. But Gotak had other plans. He limped over to the new student to apologize for something Serim had missed, then returned to his friends and leaned on them again. The girl wondered what that was about but she quickly brushed it off. He would tell them soon enough.

He used the moment to slap Baku lightly on the back of the head. „That’s for calling me ‘not the brightest’ earlier,” Hyun-Tak explained.

Serim nearly screamed when he leaned all his weight on her because Baku had let him go.Baku was about to insult him but the girl quickly interrupted him.

„Instead of standing around like an idiot, you could help me, Baku! He weighs a fucking ton,” she panted, struggling to keep him upright.Baku cursed Gotak under his breath and finally helped, and the three friends left the tunnel with Gotak limping between them.

„By the way, why the hell do you have red hair, Baku? It looks like shit.”

„Just be glad you missed his entrance. I’ll be having nightmares for weeks.”

„Yah! You guys are such assholes.”

—

By now, it had already gotten dark, and Serim said goodbye to her friends with a laughing group hug. The three teenagers had decided to grab something to eat after everything that had happened in the tunnel, and Hyun-tak had explained the whole situation. He said he was sure that Hyoman had manipulated the entire thing, provoking the two students to fight each other, only to jump in and attack both at the right moment, just like she had guessed in her head. He felt incredibly stupid about it, but his friends reassured him.

„Are you sure we shouldn’t walk you home?” Baku asked seriously, but she declined for the tenth time. She wanted to put in her headphones and walk in peace, without anyone talking her ears off. She was grateful for her friends, of course, but she still cherished the time she could spend alone. Convincing Gotak and Baku to let her walk by herself had been a battle. They were incredibly protective of her and never liked the idea of her walking home alone at night—but somehow, she’d managed to talk her way out of it.

Happy and with her favorite songs blasting in her ears, the girl walked home, enjoying the beautiful scenery around her. She wouldn’t admit it out loud, but another reason she wanted to walk alone was the possibility of running into Seong-je again. She hadn’t been able to get him out of her head ever since he’d forcefully started inserting himself back into her life, and she hoped—prayed even—that he wouldn’t show up tonight. That’s why she walked more cautiously than usual. She didn’t want her friends to see him—it would only end badly, which is why she tried to avoid those situations altogether.

But he didn’t show up. Instead, she noticed something else—someone had been following her. A boy, probably no older than her, had been tailing her for quite a while now. Serim sighed in annoyance. She had gotten used to being followed ever since her breakup with Seong-je. It was almost a daily occurrence now—always someone different, always the same feeling. She had tried confronting a few of them before, but the next day, someone new would show up, and the whole thing would start all over again. She had long since given up on stopping it.

But then—she had a brilliant idea.

„Whoever you are, stop following me!” she shouted behind her into the seemingly empty street. But she knew someone was out there, hiding. When no one came out after a few minutes, she turned around deliberately and walked into a narrow side alley, waiting for the person to appear.

Bingo.

A student appeared, and in a split second, Serim stopped, grabbed the boy by the collar, and slammed him against the wall. She did feel a bit sorry for him, but right now, he was just a means to an end. The boy tried to wriggle free, but Serim didn’t let go. Then she spoke sharply:

„Who are you, and why are you following me?”

Serim already knew the answer to the second question. She just needed confirmation—proof that she wasn’t losing her mind. But when the boy didn’t answer, Serim was forced to push him harder against the wall, making it harder for him to breathe. She truly didn’t want to hurt him, but she knew this kid probably wasn’t that innocent either—especially if he was from the Union.

Breathless, the boy started pounding weakly on her arm, already turning red in the face, before finally managing to whisper a faint, lifeless: „Seong-je…”

Serim let go of him instantly, shocked. Sure, she had suspected it, but now she had confirmation. It really was him behind all of this. And with that realization, the anger surged inside her again. How dare he keep inserting himself into her life like this without her consent? All she wanted was to be left alone, and he couldn’t even give her that. Determined, she looked down at the boy one last time before yanking him up and dragging him along. She had had enough of everything going on around her. The boy tried to escape her grip, but Serim threatened to tell Seong-je that he had hurt her—which made him instantly afraid and obedient. His craziness could be useful for instances like this she thought. Of course, she’d never actually do that—it was just an empty threat to make things easier.

—

The girl stopped in front of the internet café, certain—100% sure—that he was inside. She pushed past a group of teenagers, the boy still following behind her, and entered, cursing under her breath. The place was packed with Union members, and she knew someone had probably already informed Seong-je of her arrival. They were like a filthy gang, and suddenly Serim didn’t feel so confident anymore.

She knew she was surrounded by dangerous people. Sure, she could defend herself to a certain extent—but what could she realistically do against twenty teenagers? Her MMA skills only went so far. The girl tried her best to push out the bad thoughts which started to fill her mind. She hadn’t come all this way to just leave again.

She glanced around the strange place. Seong-je used to come here before too, but back then it hadn’t been tainted by all these Union people.

As she entered the main room, her eyes scanned quickly, looking for one specific person. And then she saw him, sitting there facing a monitor and playing a game, not having a care in the world. Her heart tightened—but she knew she had to face this. Furious, she yanked the boy still trailing behind her and deliberately threw him at Seong-je’s feet. The boy slipped and rolled, landing right in front of him, which made Seong-je finally look up from his screen.

His eyes first fell silently on the boy, then on the girl standing there with clenched fists, still in her school uniform, backpack on her shoulders, glaring at him with rage. It took only seconds before a grin crept onto his face—and Serim felt like she was going to explode.

That fucking look.

But she had to stay strong. Now more than ever. She had to prove to him that he couldn’t intimidate her—so he would finally leave her alone „You look so fucking cute standing there all angry.“ he broke the silence in the room.

The reflection of the flashing lights around the room danced in Seong-je’s glasses as he stood up, chuckling, and casually nudged the boy to the side with his foot. Serim flinched. She suddenly felt bad for dragging the boy all the way here. He was definitely going to get punished somehow—she could feel it—and the thought weighed heavily on her chest. She didn’t want any of this.

Without a word, Seong-je walked slowly toward her and came to a stop right in front of her. Then, out of nowhere, he raised his hand, aiming for her face—but Serim was faster. She smacked his hand away in one swift motion, like she did that one time back in the convenience store, the sound of the impact echoing through the room. For some weird reason he seemed to love the idea of pushing her hair behind her ear and it only irritated her every time he tried to.

Gasps rang out. Serim hadn’t even noticed how many people were standing there and just watching, most of them being union members, her focus locked solely on the monster in front of her. Some students looked on in awe; others covered their mouths in shock. Only then did it hit her how much power Seong-je held over these people. They feared him. They obeyed him with a single command. That realization scared her.

He hadn’t always been like this.

Seong-je simply looked at his hand, amused. He was about to speak—but Serim cut him off.

„If I ever catch someone following me again because you sent them, I won’t let the next person off so easily.” Her voice was low and dangerous as she stared directly into his eyes. She tried her best to sound as intimidating as possible but she was only fooling herself.

The worst part was that he was a head taller than her, so she had to look up to meet his gaze which made her feel so small and obedient. As if he was looking down at her. But that didn’t matter. She stood her ground, even as he stepped closer, now way too close for her liking, and started laughing.

„You really think I care about those idiots?” he asked, his voice dripping with amusement as he pointed at the boy who was laying there, twitching front the pain. „Do whatever you want with them. I don’t give a fuck. But you’re not walking around alone anytime soon, and you know that. Oh—and by the way, I love it when you threaten me. Better if we do that kind of thing in private, though. Turns me on so fucking much.”

His filthy grin didn’t leave his face as he inched closer to her face, and Serim was on the verge of losing it. His dirty mouth was not something she could deal with at the moment. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying not to burn this whole damn internet café with the people watching to the ground.

„You fucking bastard, leave me alone already!” Her words were venomous as she spoke. She had finally snapped. Then, she shoved him back angrily to create some kind of distance between the two—but Seong-je had other plans. He suddenly grabbed her wrist and yanked her toward him.

He pressed her head against his chest, and for a moment, the girl froze. She couldn’t believe where she was or what was happening.

For a few seconds, she stood still, her arms fell limp at her sides, exhausted from all the drama haunting her. Old memories rushed into her mind, and she inhaled his familiar scent. He still smelled the same. That same cologne. Masculine. Good. Familiar.

She could’ve stayed in his arms forever for all she knew.

But when Serim realized what was happening, her entire body tensed, and she shoved him away with all her strength. He stumbled back two steps and looked her dead in the eyes. Even his gaze seemed to reflect the past they shared—and Serim swore she was about to lose her mind. The people around them were still watching, transfixed.

Serim tried again, this time with a firm voice.

„Seong-je, I’m telling you this one last time—and all these people here are witnesses.” She pointed at the crowd watching before continuing.

„If you don’t leave me alone soon, may God help you—because no one else will be able to save you from my hands.” Serim threatened him as she spat the words. The girl wasn’t even lying, with the way she was feeling at the moment, she really could’ve killed him right there.

She took a step forward to make sure her words hit him hard. She was furious—ready to tear this stupid café apart in her rage. Seong-je looked at her seriously for a moment, then sighed and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He offered her one. She stared at him, confused. Was this seriously happening? What the fuck was even all of this even about? It was like she was stuck in a bad movie.

„Come on take one. I know you want to. Just like I know you still want me back but won’t admit it,” he said with a smile, winking at her and pulling the cigarette back before she could respond, lighting his own.

He took a slow, deep drag, then stepped closer to her again—this time managing to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. Grinning, he exhaled the smoke right into her face, making her squint in surprise. Then he leaned down and whispered in her ear:

„What I said last time wasn’t a joke. You will be mine again—whether you like it or not.”

His voice was low and rough—and Serim knew he wasn’t kidding. He never was. When Seong-je wanted something, he got it. That hadn’t changed. Serim glared at him with venom in her eyes, then snatched the cigarette from his hand, threw it to the ground, and crushed it under her foot. He just stood there looking at her with what seemed to be amusement in his eyes.

„Like hell I will,” she spat before turning on her heel and pushing her way through the crowd, desperate to leave the internet café as fast as possible. She couldn’t breathe properly in that stuffed place anymore.

His scent still lingered in her nose, and she could still feel the spots on her body where his hands had touched her. With fresh goosebumps crawling across her skin, she made her way home. This was way too much to deal within a day.

What she didn’t know was that she’d left behind a smiling Seong-je, who watched her leave for minutes, mind full of a new plan to get her back… before placing a new cigarette between his lips and making his way towards the door to follow the girl.

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3autyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @feralmaneater @mordessaa @inhoswifee @wagawana 🩷

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 4. (the other parts are out on my profile!🩷)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: psycho | red velvet

The following night, Serim got just as little sleep as before and couldn’t bring herself to get up in the morning. She had thrown her alarm clock against the wall, and it had immediately stopped ringing. She’d deal with the broken clock later—right now, she was too worn out. Her thoughts were a tangled mess, and she was exhausted by everything and everyone. The situation from the day before had only made things worse. His words still echoed in her head, and suddenly, the gravity of it all hit her.

Lee Serim would never be able to escape Seong-je. She’d never again be able to live in peace without fearing he was watching her—or could show up from any corner at any time. The realization had thrown her into a panic, and she hadn’t gotten a single minute of sleep that night. She smoked two cigarettes in a row and spent the entire night shivering alone on her balcony, trying to enjoy the view of the central park in front of her apartment—but she couldn’t distract herself. No matter how hard she tried, memories of their meeting and his heartbreakingly beautiful face swirled through her head. The promise she had made to herself—that she’d never cry over him again—was already broken, and she’d had one panic attack after another. She couldn’t even remember when she’d dragged herself to bed and finally passed out. Her mind was pure chaos.

⸻

The ringing of her front door yanked her out of sleep. She tried to pull the blanket tighter around herself and ignore the annoying sound, but whoever was outside had different plans. One ring after another, and Serim realized this person wasn’t going away. Begrudgingly, she got out of bed and shuffled to the door. For a second, a thought flickered in her mind—it might be him. But she shook it off immediately. He would never show up at her front door. He never had, and he wouldn’t now. Right?

Still, she couldn’t be sure, so she stepped forward with trembling feet, whispering to herself quietly. When the doorbell kept echoing in her ears, her patience completely vanished and she cursed under her breath as she flung open the door.

„Which motherfucker is—”

She stopped, startled mid-sentence, as she saw the two teenagers standing outside.

„Wow, she really does look as bad as you said,” Baku said in surprise and looked the girl up and down, making Serim shoot him a confused look before glancing at Gotak beside him, who held a takeout bag from her favorite restaurant. That’s when she noticed the drinks in Baku’s hand.

Serim really did look terrible. She was still wearing her oversized T-shirt with her favorite anime character, Sasuke, and a pair of Gumball cartoon pajama pants. Her hair was sticking out in all directions, and her eye bags were better left unmentioned. When she saw the food, her mouth watered, and she was suddenly aware of how little she’d eaten the past few days since Seong-je had reappeared in her life. Her hunger hit her all at once.

„Told you,” Gotak said, squinting at her through the sunlight her tired eyes weren’t used to.

Before she could say anything, the boys pushed past her into the apartment. Baku gave her a soft nudge on the cheek, and they began unpacking everything in the kitchen. The boys were over all the time, so they felt right at home and knew where everything was. They quickly set the table while Serim just stood there, dumbfounded. What had she done to deserve such good friends? Whatever it was in a past life, she was grateful for it now.

„You gonna stand there all day or finally start eating? Some food might do you good—maybe you’ll look alive again,” Gotak called from the kitchen with his mouth full, while Baku was already stuffing his face. Silently, Serim stepped forward and joined them.

⸻

The boys—well, mostly Gotak—talked through lunch about everything that had happened at school, especially with the new student and Jun-tae. Serim had to remind them multiple times not to talk with their mouths full, since it grossed her out, but the boys just carried on, so she resorted to kicking them under the table.

She could barely believe what she was hearing. Jun-tae tried to fight? She tried to imagine the tiny boy trying to defend himself before the new student stepped in, but no image would come to mind. Hyun-tak briefly mentioned how strange the new student really was, and that maybe the rumors about him weren’t so far from the truth after all.

With wide eyes and full attention, she listened. For a brief moment, the world felt light and weightless, as the three teenagers sat around the kitchen table, laughing with their mouths full. Serim knew this freedom wouldn’t last long, so she tried to savor it while it was still there.

The boys didn’t ask why she hadn’t been at school—and for that, she was immensely grateful. She couldn’t talk about it, not yet. Every time she tried to form words, her tongue tied itself in knots, and it felt like an unbearable weight pressed down on her shoulders, making her sigh in frustration. She knew she’d have to face the conflict eventually—but not today. Today, she just wanted to enjoy the company of the two idiots who had dropped everything to be with her. She bit into her corndog and rolled her eyes in bliss at the flavor explosion in her mouth.

„Good bite,” Baku commented, watching her as he held out a napkin under her chin where she had smeared some sauce. She accepted it with a grateful smile—the first real one in days.

⸻

The teenagers spent the entire day and evening at Serim’s place, watching their favorite shows, the ones they had already seen a thousand times. They threw snacks at each other—Serim almost choked on popcorn—and teased Gotak until her dad came home.

„It’s this late already?” Serim asked, looking at the wall clock. She couldn’t believe how fast four hours had passed. That was what she loved about her friends—time with them felt like minutes, and she could spend every free moment with them without ever getting annoyed.

The day had been exactly what she needed, and for a second, she got emotional, overwhelmed with gratitude for the two idiots—but she pushed it down before anyone could notice. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been able to come up with an excuse and would have had to explain what had happened. She was never an overall emotional person so they definitely would have noticed that something was wrong with her.

Baku and Gotak got up to clean the dishes, with Serim helping to speed things up.

„Boys, why don’t you stay a bit longer?” her dad offered, patting their shoulders in a fatherly way. But they apologized and said their parents were already waiting at home. He understood, of course, and everyone headed to the front door. He said goodbye one last time and jokingly threatened to beat up Baku if he skipped training again. Baku promised he wouldn’t miss another session—but everyone in the room knew he was full of it and laughed.

Serim walked them to the door and thanked them over and over again.

„Cut it out already. You’re the annoying one in the group. It was way too quiet without you—I was starting to wonder why I didn’t have a headache today,” Gotak joked as he put on his shoes, earning himself a kick in the butt from the girl. He had to hold onto the railing to avoid falling and cursed her loudly.

„I heard that!” her dad called from the living room, and Gotak yelled a loud apology, which made everyone laugh again. Everyone knew he was just joking—he liked the boys as if they were his own sons. Serim couldn’t imagine life without them anymore.

Before they left, they made her promise she’d come back to school—even though Baku probably wouldn’t go himself due to his suspension—and they all shared a group hug before Serim closed the door behind them. Smiling for real now, she headed to her room. Maybe things weren’t so terrible after all.

Just as she was about to enter her room, her dad stopped her.

„Serim, honey, is everything alright?” he asked from the couch, looking concerned. Serim panicked. Shit. Had he noticed something? Had she forgotten to hide her cigarettes or not aired out the apartment properly? Did her clothes smell? Or was it the broken alarm clock still lying in her room that she hadn’t thrown away yet? A thousand thoughts rushed through her head, but all she managed to say was:

„Yeah, why wouldn’t it be, Dad?” she replied quietly, hoping he wouldn’t say what she was already thinking.

Avoiding his gaze, she tried not to show anything. Her dad had never been strict—always kind and patient. She knew she could talk to him about anything, but there were still some things she wasn’t ready to confess. Like her bad habit of smoking. Before she could overthink it, he interrupted her.

„Okay, just checking. Good night. I love you,” he smiled and continued watching his show.

And just like that, all her thoughts vanished. Her shoulders relaxed—she hadn’t even noticed how tense she’d been.

„Love you too, Dad. Good night,” she replied before slipping into her room, trying to shut out the dark thoughts for just one night. But it proved harder than expected.

—

After three hours of lying awake, she sighed and got out of bed again. For the third night in a row, she reached into her nightstand. Serim knew smoking when stressed wasn’t healthy, nor a solution—but right now, she didn’t care. She blindly grabbed a jacket from her closet, but when she caught a glimpse in the mirror and saw what she was wearing, she froze.

It was a purple training jacket that had once belonged to Seong-je—Serim had snatched it from him. She remembered that night vividly, when he’d walked her home and, like in every cheesy romance movie, offered her his jacket. Only Serim had stupidly refused, and Seong-je had practically forced her to take it.

At the memory, a smile crept across her face. The jacket no longer smelled like him—but in the beginning, she could’ve bathed in the scent. With the jacket on and cigarettes in hand, she opened the balcony door and sat down, gazing out at the central park.

She lit a cigarette and took a deep drag, letting her eyes wander—until they landed on something strange. There was someone in the park,sitting on a bench which was facing her apartment, staring right at her. A chill ran down her spine. Narrowing her eyes, she tried to make out the figure. She didn’t live that high up, so it wasn’t too hard. As the silhouette became clearer, her heart suddenly stopped.

On the bench sat a smirking Seong-je, cigarette in hand, watching her closely.

Instinctively, she pulled the jacket tighter. He looked directly at her jacket—and grinned wider. He put the cigarette in his mouth and pulled out his phone.

A moment later, her phone rang. Serim already knew what was coming. She took another drag and unlocked her phone. She was sick of his games—but part of her was scared that if she ignored him, he might actually come upstairs. So she opened the message.

"Nice jacket you’ve got there.”

She could almost hear his smug voice as she read the text. She stared at her keyboard, unsure what to reply. She typed a few things, deleted them again—and in the end, sent something simple:

"Couldn’t bring myself to throw it away.”

She took another drag and felt his eyes still on her. Minutes passed—no reply. Confused, she set the phone down and stepped closer to the balcony railing to get a better look—but first, she quickly put out the cigarette and threw it down to hide the evidence of her nighttime habits.

Seong-je was staring at his phone, reading the message over and over. He placed it aside for a moment, lit another cigarette, then finally began typing. Her ringtone ripped through the silence again.

"Since when do you smoke? Not that I’m complaining — you look fucking hot doing it — but back then, you were pretty strongly against it.”

She could hear his teasing tone trough the text massage as she read it.

That was all he wrote.

"Since you became a monster.“ she typed but immediately deleted. The girl couldn’t bring herself to send it to him.

Lee Serim suddenly felt stupid for sending a message that basically admitted she still cared. And that was all he had to say? She felt played—though she knew Seong-je had always struggled with emotions.

He’d always seemed cold, but she’d been the only one to see through the mask. It had taken him a long time to trust her—but once he did, he was incredibly fragile. He had cried in her arms and talked about his problems. She’d been grateful then. Now, they were just painful memories of better times—before everything changed.

Before she could spiral further, her phone buzzed again.

„I’ll never leave you alone until you’re fucking mine again. Get that in your damn head.“

Seong-je had always been possessive—that wasn’t new. But times had changed. She wasn’t his anymore and never would be. A shiver ran through her. She looked at him one last time and gave him the middle finger before quickly stepping back inside and locking the balcony door.

She was done with his games.

a/n : guys i promise you will get more of serim x seong-je next chapter i just fully wanted to built out the story and i can’t help myself, i love me some good slow burn sorry! 🙈💌

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3eutyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @shonerd @mordessaa @inhoswifee🩷

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 3. (part 1&2 are out on my profile💌)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: monster | irene & seulgi

Lee Serim was literally counting the seconds until the school day was finally over, and she had to pull herself together just to survive it patiently. The mere thought of what was awaiting her later made her hands instantly start to sweat, and a wave of nausea hit her.

„Yah, what are we doing later today?" Gotak's voice snapped her out of her thoughts as the two of them stood in the cafeteria line to get their lunch. The girl hadn't been listening, her mind elsewhere—or more precisely, on someone else—when she looked at him, startled, a confused expression on her face. Gotak quickly realized his best friend hadn't been paying attention and clicked his tongue in annoyance.

„Man, what's wrong with you lately, Serim?" he asked, concerned. When she just kept staring at him and didn't answer, he rolled his eyes in frustration, slowly growing impatient. The problem wasn't that Serim didn't trust him. On the contrary, she would've trusted Gotak with her life—he had proven his loyalty to her plenty of times. That wasn't the issue. The issue was that she simply couldn't tell him because she knew what kind of consequences it would bring. Only after changing schools had she truly realized how dangerous this "Union" business really was. The boys had explained their activities to her and told her just how immoral everything about it was. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Seong-je had to be one of the founders of that horrible system. Baku was always in a bad mood whenever the topic of the Union came up, which was why they all avoided talking about it whenever they could. Sure, the friend group had been confronted a few times by Union members, but each time the teens had fought back and were usually left alone afterward—no one dared touch them again. Atleast not until a new guy was naive enough to try again and learned his lesson the hard way.

It wasn't until a year into their friendship that the boys found out what had happened between Serim and Seong-je. When she finally told them everything, they were shocked. The boys simply couldn't imagine a time when Seong-je wasn't driven by hatred and greed but could actually be loving. Especially Baku, who had known him the longest, didn't believe a word at first. But eventually, he realized she had nothing to gain from lying, and her honesty became clear. From the moment she confessed, the boys never let her walk anywhere alone at night again—especially not in areas where gang members usually hung out. Their protective instincts were no joke. Just hearing Seong-je's name made them instantly tense up. They were also one of the main reasons there was never another meeting between Serim and Seong-je. Even if she had wanted to meet him, the boys would've ruined that plan and stopped her from going through with such a reckless idea.

Trying her best to steer Gotak away from the topic, Serim brought up the new student who had transferred that day. She told him the guy seemed strange and incredibly cold. She had also overheard whispers from other students saying he had put someone into a coma—but Serim didn't believe that. If it were true, she figured she'd find out soon enough anyway.

Gotak knew she was trying to change the subject, but he also knew that forcing her to talk wouldn't work. If Serim had been ready to open up, she would've done it on her own. So he just looked at her gently and listened patiently. He wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders and ruffled her hair, which earned him a hard slap against his head. He didn't bring the subject up again.

She had no idea how she'd made it through the day, but somehow, she was still alive—though she'd honestly have preferred not to be. If she weren't alive, she wouldn't have to deal with all her problems, most of which revolved around him. The entire school day, she had been wondering what to do, because there was no way she wanted to go to that meeting. She knew nothing good would come of it—Seong-je attracted trouble like a magnet. No matter where he went or what he did, he always ended up in a fight or some kind of dirty business. Serim never wanted to be part of any of it. Still unsure, she pulled her school bag closer and sighed loudly. The weather was sunny and not cold at all—just how Lee Serim liked it. Unfortunately, she didn't get to enjoy it for long.

—

She had finished her long training session and quickly taken a shower before blow-drying her hair and slipping into fresh clothes. She tucked her hair behind her ears and threw on a cardigan before slinging her training bag over her shoulder and leaving the locker room. The training had drained the last of her energy, and all she wanted now was to crawl into her cozy bed and never get up again. The fact that she had barely slept the night before made that idea even more appealing.

When it came to training, her father never showed her mercy. He always emphasized how unsafe the area was and kept pushing her beyond her limits. Gotak and Baku hadn't come to training that day, both caught up in private matters, and Serim had missed them. It never took long for her to start missing her friends. Seeing them every day felt so natural that it always felt off when they weren't around. With a heavy heart, she left the gym and sent a quick message to the group chat the trio shared:

"Just finished training. I'll text you when I'm home."

Baku replied immediately, telling her to be careful and to call him right away if anything happened. Serim smiled at his protective instincts and glanced quickly at the clock on her phone.

8:14 PM.

Her heart skipped a beat, and she considered calling Baku after all, uncertain of what might be waiting for her once she took just a few more steps. Seong-je hadn't sent her another message, but Serim was smart enough to know he'd never leave it at that. She knew that no matter where she went, he could show up at any moment. With ears sharp and alert, she left the street where the gym was and headed home.

She checked every corner three times and expected someone to appear at any moment, avoiding all eye contact with strangers. She had to be as paranoid as possible—otherwise, she wouldn't make it home tonight. Serim acted like someone on high alert, and a few people were already giving her odd looks, but she didn't care. Her safety came first, and as long as Seong-je was still alive, she would never be safe on the streets at night. Not from strangers—but from him.

Serim was about five minutes from her apartment when she suddenly saw a shadow between her legs. She whipped around instantly. Her heart was racing, and her body went into survival mode as she gripped her bag tightly and prepared to fight off whoever was following her. But when she turned, no one was there—just a small black cat with white spots circling around her legs and meowing loudly.

Still breathing heavily, Serim took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

False alarm.

She immediately dropped to her knees and began petting the super cute cat. Cats were her absolute favorite animals, and she could never resist them. Unfortunately, her father had a cat allergy, so she could never have one of her own, which made her sad every time she thought about it. If it were up to her, she'd rescue and adopt every stray cat she saw—but that was just wishful thinking. Reality looked a lot different. Smiling happily, she sat there, now rubbing the cat's belly as it rolled onto its back, clearly enjoying the attention. She quickly pulled out her phone and took a photo before starting to talk to it in a baby voice.

She completely lost track of time and didn't even notice someone quietly stepping up behind her—until this time, she really did see a shadow behind her. Her heart stopped. Damn it. She hadn't been careful enough. Her heart stopped for a second and she cursed herself out for being this reckless. Serim didn't even need to turn around to know who it was. She could feel it. His presence was unmistakable.

„You didn't come."

That was all he said. His voice was rough, and she could hear the cigarette which was sitting in his mouth.

She fought with everything in her not to turn around and look at his ridiculously handsome face. She had never been able to resist him.

Without a word, she gave the cat one last stroke, took a deep breath, stood up quickly, and started walking—without even giving him a glance. She heard him hiss quietly behind her, then the sound of a cigarette hitting the pavement, followed by a hand grabbing her wrist, pulling her back. Serim tried to yank her arm away, but he was faster and stronger. He always was. Seong-je turned her toward him, forcing her to face him.

Seong-je looked deep into her eyes and said nothing at first. Oh how much she had missed that beautiful face of his. His grip didn't loosen even though Serim tried hard to break free. He weirdly seemed to cherish this encounter between the old lovers.

„Let me go, what the fuck!" she snapped angrily, pulling harder at her wrist.

This time, he let go—and because she hadn't expected it, she couldn't catch her balance in time and fell flat on her butt.

Those were the first words they had exchanged in two years, face-to-face, and they ended with her on the ground.

In her dreams, the first words would have been more romantic—but reality, as always, was far more brutal. She looked up at him and saw that stupid smirk on his face, which only made her angrier. She harshly balled her fist and it took everything in her to not just hit the damn ground she was now sitting on.

„You could've just told me you missed me. You didn't have to get on your knees for it, baby," he said teasingly, slowly kneeling in front of her. That smirk never left his face, and Serim saw red. She couldn't describe how much she hated him and that dirty mouth in that moment. Still - his words left her speechless for a moment and a small blush appeared on her cheeks despite her hard efforts. Serim was very easy to get flustered when it came to him and he knew it. He immediately picked up her blushing cheeks and only grinned harder at the girl sitting in front of him.

Without a word, she raised her right hand—and the next moment, Seong-je's face turned to the side. A bright red handprint formed on his cheek from the slap she had just landed. Serim knew that what she'd done was dangerously stupid, but in that moment, she didn't care. She just felt so exposed near him knowing that he could always read her like a book. Seong-je had always known exactly which buttons to push to make her lose control.

But he just pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, fixed his glasses which slipped due to the impact of her slap and looked at her with amusement. That bastard enjoyed pushing her to the edge, took pleasure in making her feel crazy. Even though it had to hurt, he didn't show any sign of pain. Even worse, he laughed about it.

„Baby, you know how much that turns me on right? Are you trying to seduce me right now?"

He laughed even louder, and his glasses reflected the stunned expression on her face. She desperately wanted to scream at him and hit him at the same time, she was just so fed up with everything. But none of that happened, instead he slowly stood up, then yanked her up by the arm. Once she was on her feet, she instantly pulled away from him. Her mind was spinning, and she felt so helpless in that moment that she almost started to cry—but she held herself together. She had promised herself she'd never cry because of him again, and she had no intention of breaking that promise now.

Seong-je looked at her for a long time before placing his hand on her cheek and leaning closer.

„You don't know how much I missed that helpless look on your face. Nothing I've done since then has made me feel the way just one look from you does."

He spoke softly, gazing deeply into her eyes. She was frozen in place, unable to move. His eyes had something hypnotic about them, and she couldn't resist them. She stared at him for several seconds—until that smirk reappeared. That was when reality snapped her back.

Without warning, she stomped on his foot with all her strength and spun around to run. She knew that no matter how fast she ran, he'd catch up. But she didn't care. If she wanted to survive, she had to get as far away from him as possible.

„You'll never escape me, Sera—remember that!" he called after her, laughing loudly enough for her to hear.

The old nickname he used for her made her skin crawl and left her feeling sick. She briefly considered turning around and shouting an insult at him—but knew it would only excite him more, so she held back. She was already turning the next corner when she saw him still standing there, taking a slow drag from a cigarette she hadn’t noticed he even pulled out with a wide grin—

—and she ran for her life.

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3autyist3rror @jaymiwrld @shonerd @mordessaa @inhoswifee

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 2. ( u can find the first part on my profile i just couldn’t figure out how to link it !!😭)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: i'm unhappy | aespa

Serim lay awake in her bed for a long time, replaying the entire day in her mind. She couldn't understand how a day that had started off so beautifully could end in such a disaster. The boys hadn't let the topic go, and she literally had to drag them away by their ears to stop them from going back and beating up the other guys. They only winced in pain and swore to her, that if there was something she was hiding from them, they would find out. She had only briefly explained what had happened and had left out important details—like seeing Geum Seong-je again—because if she'd mentioned that, they definitely would have gone back, and it would've ended in bloodshed. Afterward, the boys had walked her all the way to her front door and waited until she was safely inside before making their own way home. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, her friends could tell that something was wrong, and they wouldn't let it go easily.

The thought of Seong-je made her heart ache again. Every day, she had done her best to suppress her feelings for him—and it had worked relatively well, until she saw him again today. The last time she had seen him was quite a while ago, since she had spent months avoiding the places he might be. All the feelings she had fought so hard to bury suddenly came flooding back, and she couldn't believe it. It was all just too much for her to handle at the moment. Determined, she got up and rummaged through her nightstand until she found what she was looking for. Quietly, she grabbed a pack of cigarettes and her favourite lighter that Seong-je had gifted her and stepped out onto the balcony. The chilly air welcomed her and she brought her jacked closer to her body. She never smoked when they used to be together but he had always insisted on her having something that resembled him and gave her a dark red lighter with his initials on. She could never bring herself to throw it away. It was one of the few things she had left of him before he became the way he was now.

Serim rarely smoked—and only when she was completely overwhelmed. It was a habit she'd picked up after leaving him. The smell was oddly familiar and brought her back to those times when she sat on this very balcony, facing him, just watching him. He looked so beautiful in the sunset—his glasses always slipping slightly down his nose, smoking in the chair directly across from hers. The smoke which was lingering on him and the way he breathed it out only had made him hotter than he already was. Sometimes he caught her staring and asked why she was looking at him like that. She always said it was nothing, but they both knew it was much more than that. He then would always get close to her and give her that fucking smirk he always had sitting on his stupidly handsome face, before he leaned in and kissed her. Other times he would just admire her and tell her how beautiful she looked in the sunlight. There were even many instances in which they whispered quiet confessions at each other under the moonlight.

„The moon is beautiful isn't it?"

As the memories rushed back, her heart clenched again, and she lit her cigarette. It was windy, and she had to shield the flame with her hand to get it lit. With a heavy heart, she took a deep drag that didn't even taste good and tried to push the old memories from her mind. But it only brought more pain and sorrow. No matter how much she wished it, nothing would ever be the same again.

She spent exactly 34 minutes on the balcony. When she stepped back into her room, the warm air wrapped around her, making her feel a little better. Quietly, she tucked the pack and lighter back into her nightstand and checked her messages one last time. She didn't want to, but her fingers moved automatically to the archived chats and opened his contact. Two hours ago, he had sent her a picture with a message. She hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should just ignore it—but her curiosity was too strong. She opened the photo, and her phone almost slipped from her hands.

It showed a bloody hand bent at a strange angle. The fingers were twisted unnaturally, and the hand was covered in scratches, blood, and bruises. Serim didn't need to think twice—she knew exactly who it was. Her breath hitched and she was close to throwing up. It was the guy who had tried to hit her. She had heard his painful screams when she was running away. Serim couldn't believe what she was seeing with her own eyes but she should have known better. She knew that the boy never could have just walked away as if nothing had happened.

As she exited the photo, she saw another message:

"That's what happens to anyone who even thinks about hurting you."

Serim's heart skipped a beat. Seong-je's jealousy wasn't anything new to her, but she had a feeling it had only gotten worse since they went their separate ways. For the past two years, no guy had dared to talk to her—Seong-je had threatened everyone around her with death if they even got close. It was one of the reasons she had to change schools. Seong-je started getting into physical altercations almost daily—just looking at her was enough to piss him off, which led to a lot of problems and fights.

Her fingers trembled as she typed a short message to him. She had sworn never to contact him again, but if innocent people were getting hurt, she couldn't just sit quietly and do nothing. Sometimes, she cursed herself for her compassion and empathy.

"Leave me alone."

Without thinking twice, she hit send. She was about to throw her phone against the wall to escape this madness when it buzzed again, pulling her out of her thoughts. With shaking hands, she looked at the screen. He had replied immediately, as if he'd been waiting the whole time.

"Never."

Serim really was about to throw her phone, but she knew it wouldn't change anything. Instead, she just let it fall onto her pillow and layed down. He would never give up, and she would never have peace. Every time she blocked him, he messaged her from a new number. Even when she changed her number, he would find her new one within days. Lee Serim was never truly free from this boy, no matter where or how far she went. It was impossible to escape him. She knew someone was always watching her—she had caught people following her before, but when she confronted them, the next day it would be someone new and the cycle would just repeat itself. To call him obsessed would be the understatement of the year. He seemed to live and breath only for her. And she was slowly reaching her breaking point. She didn't respond anymore, set her phone aside, and tried to sleep. But her thoughts kept returning to him. Before she drifted off, she blocked his new number too.

⸻

The next morning, she had to force herself out of bed. The night had been long and sleepless, and she was beyond exhausted—but skipping school wasn't an option. She quickly got ready and grabbed a small breakfast. She gave her dad a quick kiss and promised to come to training later, then stepped outside. Just as she opened the door, Gotak was standing there, about to knock. Startled, he flinched, and Serim had to smile. It had become a routine for the two of them to walk to school together every day. Usually, Baku was with them too, but that idiot was currently serving his suspension.

„Morning. You look like shit," Gotak commented, eyeing her with concern. „Did you sleep at all?" he asked as he instinctively took her backpack so she could throw her jacket over her school uniform. Serim bit down on her now-reddened lips—the same way she had all night—and looked at him.

„Thanks, just what I wanted to hear first thing in the morning," she replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes before giving him a small hit on the back of his head. She was very grateful for her friends and their honesty but sometimes it was just to much to bare. The worst part was, he wasn't even lying—she really did look awful. Dark circles had formed under her eyes, and she looked like a walking corpse in the mirror that morning. She didn't even have the energy to cover them up, so she accepted her zombie appearance for the day.

Gotak kept watching her with worry as they made their way to school. She had taken her backpack back when he, once again, asked if everything was alright. She knew that no matter what she said, he wouldn't be convinced—but she simply didn't have the energy to explain again and waved him off. Gotak just eyed her suspiciously but left it at that after a while. Serim was in no mood to talk.

⸻

When they arrived at school, she sat at her desk and wanted to start studying right away, when suddenly a small boy with cute glasses rushed into the classroom and frantically started digging through his oversized bag. He moved quickly between the desks, placing some sort of snack on almost every one. Sometimes he picked the wrong one, muttered a quiet curse, and switched it out for the right one. Confused, Serim watched the boy as he suddenly approached her and silently placed a strawberry milk on her desk. Perplexed, she spoke:

„Excuse me, I think you've got the wrong desk."

The boy's eyes widened in panic, and he apologized repeatedly before rushing out again. She stared after him, bewildered. Serim had seen the boy multiple times by now but everytime he seemed to be in a hurry and just rushed off so she never got to talk to him properly.

What was that about?

Lee Serim just shrugged in confusion and tried to drown out the noise of her classmates by putting in her AirPods and focusing on the math book in front of her. Serim was an excellent student who always had top grades. Solving problems came naturally to her. She didn't need to study much, which made her friends jealous—but they made good use of her intelligence and forced her to study with them before exams which sometimes ended with a screaming match that everyone was involved in.

The class dragged on endlessly, and Serim felt like she could fall asleep any second, thanks to the previous night. All she wanted was to crawl back into her room and never come out again. None of her friends were in her class, which made it even harder to stay awake—but she pushed through. She remembered her promise to her Dad to visit the gym after she was done with school and sighed again. All she wanted to do was go home and just sleep for the rest of her damned life.

Just before the class ended, her phone buzzed and suddenly she got a bad feeling. An unknown number lit up on her screen. Her heart immediately sank—she didn't even need to check to know who it was from. Her palms started sweating, and she struggled to breathe. Cursing quietly under her breath, she opened the message.

"8 PM. At our favorite place."

„our“. That was funny. There was nothing left of them or atleast what used to be them.

Just as she read it, another message popped up.

"If you don't come, I'll find you."

Serim could swear her heart stopped. Her mind raced and she found herself imagining multiple ways this could go, and none of them ended good. She was in serious trouble.

„You dumb motherfucker i swear to god!" she whispered quietly as she dropped her head into her hands and closed her eyes while trying her best to not breakdown in the middle of math class.

She was so fucking tired.

—

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3autyist3rror 🩷

[ilyprs]

P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 1. (part 2 is out on my profile !!🩷)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: moon |[G-IDLE]

"So, how was my performance?"

"Terrible! I feel like my ears are about to burst! Please never sing again."

"Yah! You asshole," Baku shouted before suddenly chasing Gotak around the small karaoke room where the three teenagers were hanging out. The girl sitting on the couch just sighed in annoyance, took another sip of her drink that sat on the glass table surrounded by snacks, and grabbed a handful of popcorn while watching the drama unfold between the two boys. She wasn't worried—it had become a daily routine and was nothing new to her.

"Serim, back me up, just this once!" Baku yelled again while trying to catch the fleeing Gotak who was laughing at him.He struggled because the small room was cluttered with all kinds of stuff, and Gotak was moving quickly and skillfully through the mess.

"Nope. I'm staying out of your nonsense," she said, continuing to shovel popcorn into her mouth with enjoyment and a grin on her face now.

"That's so unfair of you! I always protect you!" Baku said, clearly offended, looking at the girl. He wasn't entirely wrong, but she just shrugged lazily and kept watching the two idiots go at it.

While Baku was looking at Serim, Gotak used the distraction to escape his grip. Once he had created some distance, he looked at the time on his phone.

"Shit, it's already 5:56 PM. We've got 4 minutes to get out of here," he warned his best friends and started making his way to the messy table to throw away the empty snack packages from the karaoke table. Baku also looked away from the girl and began cleaning up. In a rush, the friend group tidied up the room before quickly heading outside.

⸻

"When can you finally come back to school, Hu-Min?" Gotak broke the silence as the three walked toward the next convenience store. The weather was still relatively chilly at night, so Lee Serim hid her face in her fluffy scarf to stay warm. She looked at the mentioned boy with interest—it had been a while since he'd last shown up at school. There was a serious reason why the eldest had been suspended, but the group never liked talking about it, so it remained unspoken between them. Everyone respected each other's boundaries. They all walked at the same pace, enjoying the cold air and the quiet of nature.

"Ah, you'll find out soon enough, trust me!" Baku said with a laugh, leaving the other two confused. Serim rolled her eyes in annoyance at his secrecy.

"Stop being so mysterious and just tell us when you're coming back, you jerk!" she snapped and gave the taller boy a gentle kick in the butt. He suddenly dropped dramatically to one knee and started yelling in mock panic. Lee Serim's eyes widened and she quickly knelt in front of him to look him in the eyes. Gotak could only laugh loudly.

"OMG, cut that crap out before someone actually believes you and comes over here!" she scolded him angrily while Hyeon-Tak watched the scene with amusement. The three had been best friends for years, and Baku's dramatic antics were nothing new. Their friendship had started shortly after Lee Serim had transferred to their school, and from day one it had felt deeper than any bond she'd ever had before with any of her old friends- which weren't many.

Baku burst into laughter when he saw the girl kneeling in front of him. She only rolled her eyes again and gave him a final smack on the head before standing up and offering him her hand. Grinning, he took it, and the three continued their way to the store.

"Did you hear? I heard there's going to be a new student at our school," Serim said, glancing at the two boys beside her. It had become a habit for Serim to always walk between the two—just in case anything happened, they could protect her. She had argued with them often, saying she was more than capable of defending herself. Her father hadn't been a famous MMA fighter for nothing—he had taught her plenty. She trained four times a week at his gym, which the boys now also attended thanks to her. Still, the boys refused to back down and were firmly convinced that she was safest walking between them. Eventually, she gave up arguing and just automatically got in between them.Even if she didn't the boys always switched places so she could be between them.

"Really? I'm curious. What kind of idiot transfers to this psycho school voluntarily?" Gotak asked, laughing.

He wasn't wrong. The school was total trash, and no one in their right mind would go there willingly. Serim hadn't transferred by choice either—it had been due to an incident at her old school. Even though she'd found her best friends there, she still hated the place with a passion. It was full of idiots who did nothing but pick on weaker students to boost their fragile egos.There were many instances where she would get in trouble for sticking up for the weaker students, even getting into multiple physical fights.

"Lee Serim transferred voluntarily," Baku commented with a grin before getting smacked on the back of the head again. He quickly apologized when he saw her angry glare, and they continued walking.

⸻

"Do you guys want anything else?" Serim asked the boys before grabbing the drinks and paying. With a bag of drinks in one hand and a lollipop in the other, she stepped out of the store. When she reached the boys, she held out the bag, and each took their respective drink. Serim popped the lollipop in her mouth, grabbed her sugar-free Red Bull, and handed Baku the bag so he could throw it away. Re-energized, the three continued their walk home—until the girl suddenly turned around in panic.

"Fuck! I forgot my wallet at the store!" she cried and quickly shoved her drink into Gotak's hands.The boys looked at each other and sighed- it wasn't anything new to them, Serim constantly forgot stuff and they always had to remind her.She ran in the opposite direction, lowering her scarf so she could see better.

"Yah, Lee Serim! Should we come with you?" Baku called after her, but she waved him off and kept running. It wasn't far to the store, so she wasn't too worried. When she arrived, she saw a group of teenage boys standing in front of it, and her stomach turned. Of course it couldn't be that easy. No way she could just walk in and grab her wallet without trouble. Internally, she cursed her luck and prayed none of the Union guys recognized her. Keeping her head down, she walked past the group and into the store.

Once inside, she took a deep breath—no one had said anything. But in the next instant, her breath caught again.

No, no, this can't be happening. Not today...

Standing at the register was the reason for her breathlessness. When the bell above the door chimed, he turned slowly to face her, locking eyes. Wordless, Lee Serim stood frozen as a thousand thoughts ran through her mind—but not a single one escaped her lips. All she wanted was to turn around and leave, to walk away and never look back. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she feared it might leap out. His face also changed instantly as he recognized her familiar eyes, and his well-known smirk spread across his lips. His gaze through his glasses was intense and intimidating, but Serim knew better. He was desperately searching for a reaction from her. Any emotion—he'd take whatever she gave. Seconds passed, feeling like hours, before he broke the silence.

"Well, look who it is," he said playfully, his smirk growing wider. Serim was still frozen in place but forced herself to take one step forward. The faster she moved, the sooner she could escape the situation. Without giving him another glance, she approached the register and looked at the cashier, completely ignoring the boy who had stepped closer.

"Excuse me, I think I left my wallet here. Have you seen it by any chance?" she asked, trying to hide the tremble in her voice to deny the boy any satisfaction. The cashier looked at her curiously, but she just gave him an impatient smile. He turned around and began looking.

Meanwhile, Geum Seong-Je reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Serim instantly slapped his hand away and turned to face him closely for the first time in ages.

Seong-Je only grinned stupidly and said, "When are you finally going to give in and talk to me again?" As he tried to reach for her again, the girl grabbed his wrist—this time, not letting go. She stared into his eyes furiously, unable to avoid his intense gaze. There was a time she had loved looking into those eyes—so full of love, comfort, and safety—but that was long gone. Too much had happened between them to forget so easily. His glasses slid slightly down his nose, and she had to restrain herself from pushing them back up like she used to. His expression softened for a moment—they were thinking the same thing. But she quickly dropped his wrist when the cashier returned. Clearing her throat, she looked at him and saw her pink wallet in his hand. She thanked him quickly and ran out of the store as fast as she could. Too many thoughts overwhelmed her—she needed to get out, to leave Seong-Je and all their memories behind.

Lost in thought, she didn't notice bumping into someone until she heard swearing at her feet.

"Ah! You stupid bitch! Are you blind or what?!" a teenage boy yelled angrily, getting up. Serim could feel his rage as his friends began circling around her.

"Watch how you talk to me, you bastard," she replied coldly, trying to push past him—but to no avail. She was getting impatient because the last thing she needed was to spend even more time near that guy who was still inside the store, probably watching her.

The boy shoved her back roughly and called out to his friends:

"Did you hear that? I think this chick needs a good slap to learn some respect." His friends clapped and cheered, supporting their idiot friend. Lee Serim looked at them with nothing but annoyance. Guys like them didn't scare her. She knew most of them were all talk and would run at the first real hit. Silently, she counted them—seven boys, some shorter than her, most looking pretty inexperienced. She could probably take them down, but she wasn't in the mood. She didn't want to dirty her clothes in this weather, and her friends were likely already looking for her. Thinking of them made her curse again—they'd definitely be worried and probably already on their way. She didn't want her friends to run into these jerks—it would only end in another bloody fight.

Still deep in thought, she caught the boy's movement from the corner of her eye as he lunged. She dodged easily, causing him to lose balance, then kicked him in the back, knocking him down. Just as he tried to get up and strike again, a familiar voice interrupted him. Serim's entire body had a physical reaction to his voice and she tried to ignore it.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, asshole?" The voice was unmistakable, and a few of the boys gasped. They knew they had screwed up and would pay for it. Lee Serim looked up toward the kiosk and met his eyes again. This time, they weren't playful—they were furious. Before things could escalate, Serim heard a voice from farther away.

"Yah, Serim! Where are you?" Baku's voice rang out, and she swore under her breath. Fuck! If Baku and Gotak ran into Seong-Je and the Union guys, it would be a disaster. She quickly gathered herself and ran out of the circle, heading for her friends. The boys quickly avoided her and let her get through without even looking at her.

"Don't tell me those were Union assholes," Baku said in a dangerously quiet tone when she reached them. They looked furious, and Serim knew she had to act fast before the evening turned into a bloodbath.

"Yes, but nothing happened—really," she said quickly and panicked, grabbing both their hands and pulling them behind her. They tried to protest, but she didn't stop. Just as they turned the corner, she dared a final glance back—meeting the intense eyes of her first love, who was staring at her with full attention. In front of him, the boy who had attacked her was now kneeling, and she saw Seong-Je holding his hand. The last thing she heard as they turned the corner was the painful scream of the poor boy.

[ilyprs]

[ilyprs]

i was so scared for him

[ilyprs]

Preparing the baby for her first nice winter❄️❄️