imnotaligned

[imnotaligned]

https://imnotaligned.tumblr.com/post/621904761202130944/being-a-girl-child-and-being-second-one-of-my https://www.instagram.com/p/CB3soKsp1XE/?igshid=1s3ox5vldpbfy

[imnotaligned]

Being a girl child and being second one of my parents. My elder sister had always been a typical girl who loves to do make up, wear sari and do various kind of hairstyle almost every day. And she used to do this while she was 5 yr old, she used to see my mom and copy the same. Although my mom had barely gone to parlour, the only makeup she wear was foundation, lipstick and kajal but my sister was fond of it.

When your elder sister was so good at it and nailed it everytime you kind of feel jealous enough to not follow her, plus my curly hairs bring the sweat out of my mom to comb them. I had started turning my back to make up and looking good and girly. My mom was happy as her expenses towards all this had lowered down. When I reached my high school I used to be a fun factor in class of not being presentable not wearing make up, short hairs not even applying kajal and I wasn’t convinced to do that. Rather I had chosen to be a funny one.

When I was in college I started absorbing whats around me and I realized that the girls who put make up to look good actually look someone else, who they are not and also if she does make up well, there is no surety of her being good enough, kind, humble and humane. For me a person being kind and humane to me was more important than the one who is looking pretty. When I got placed in a company I realized that the girls wearing make up make me nervous to talk to them for what reason I don’t know but I feel more relaxed with someone who wear no or minimal make up as I can see their real face and expressions and feel more comfortable talking to them.

I had become 30 plus now and cause LGBT is hot topic now people started questioning me that u don’t seem to be very girly, “ daal me khuch kala h kya?”. I really din’t get the importance of looking good, hiding marks on my face with makeup. But then I tried that also but my hair are just not supportive and putting any element on my face make me feel sticky and heavy whole day as if I carry weight on my face.

One day I had given up on all this makeup shit. What day it was I don’t know but yes it closed the doors for questions related to my sexuality as per my appearance. I had choosen to be comfortable and not to be someone whom people can say “achi lag rai h”, Cause I don’t want to look good I want to look who I m and I think a layer of makeup hide me which I really don’t want. “Jo hai Yahi hai” It is my choice of not looking good and show the marks on my face cause they are gonna be with me not the one who is seeing them.