I pretty much just use this to rant and blow off steam. sometimes i reblog funny stuff. anyway, I'm always open to advice and friendly conversation, receiving or giving. 20 year old girl who basically uses this as her diary of sorts, so feel free to message me or send an ask!
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I met someone, and hes amazing. Hes become such a big part of my life in such a short time its unreal. My friends are tired of me talking about him. They ignore me when I say something about him, but that honestly just pushes me closer to him. Hes sweet and kind. Hes funny and smart and thoughtful. And I didnt think I could like him anymore than I did until I saw him sleeping.
Hes so quiet, he snores, but he looks so adorable I want to kiss him, but I dont want to do anything to wake him up. He twitches in his sleep. He'll move around and act like he might wake up, but then he feels my hand in his, squeezes it a few times and then settles down and my heart melts. His lips move, like he may talk in his sleep. His eyes would crack open, he would see me and smile slightly before closing his eyes again.
This boy has me wrapped around his finger. And I dont mind one bit.
I think I'm in love with him.
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So one of my friends is having a rough time, hes got severe depression and suicidal thoughts so when hes having a bad time, i try to make him brownies and play xbox with him and send him funny memes so he knows that i care about him and even tho hes hurting im still very glad hes here.
Well hes having an especially rough time because of some butterfly-effect like waves from a break up with a very toxic girl from four years ago, and today was my birthday so i offered to bring him ice cream cake, cupcakes oreos or anything he wanted. He didnt want anything except to play xbox with me, cool i can do that no problem. You can watch me run around and get killed and listen to me scream and cry and whine and laugh about it if itll make you feel better.
See, the thing is, ive known the guy since we were kids, i was the bratty little sister of one of his friends and so i followed them around being a hoodlum most of my elementary years. While most kids at that age were playing soccor i was learning how to watch for moving curtains, listening for conversations and car. I was learning how to pick locks, where most people hide their valuables in cars and which streets felt safe enough to leave their car doors unlocked. I was learning how to calm down watch dogs and how to spray paint and how to run through yards and alley ways to get away from the cops.
I was a bratty eleven year old, who cried over anything and they were 13,14, and 15 years old and they never once bullied me, or pushed me out or anything youd think most teenagers would do. They took me along and as long as i kept up i could keep hanging out with them. I was given scooters and bikes and skateboards to ride so i could keep up when we had to run. I was hauled over shoulders and given piggy back rides at a single sign of trouble. I was walked home and given the job of sorting whatever haul we had that night if they were going farther than our usual neighborhood. There was an unspoken agreement that if shit was going to hell, i was to get out, i wasnt to get in trouble, they would all take blame to make sure i didnt have too.
I was the younger sister to all of them, so now that hes older, hes bitter and broken and acidic and mean to everyone, hes so down right nasty i cant even make my friends understand that thats not him, thats all an act. Ive seen the side of him where hed sit and watch horror movies with me, he gave me a scooter and bikes to ride to keep up with him running. He gave me first pick of sunglasses, lighters and CDs we stole from peoples cars, i know he would take a bullet for me. We bonded in a way only kids from bad neighborhoods could bond, through crime and grunge and brusies and spray paint. So it makes me sad when hes hurting or feeling bad and i know mental health is a brutal battle and i know hes not gonna just be ok at the snap of fingers, but if there was anything i could do to help him not be so unhappy id do it.
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When you have serious abandonment issues, its such a weird fucking feeling when someone comes into your life promising to stay or actually proving that they like you enough to stick around for awhile.
Especially when youve had the issues since a child, whether a parent left/passed or a dog ran away, and it continued on your whole life, bfs coming and going, never getting closure, just making the issue so engrained in your brain you dont even know you have it until your an adult and can actually comprehend your feelings enough to recognize that what your feeling, while normal to you, isnt normal for a realtivly emotionally healthy person.
I become an absolute nervous wreck when anyone tries to get close to me. Im always just waiting for them to change their mind, see all the flaws i see in myself, and realize im not what they want and to just leave and stay gone. Never telling me what i did wrong, never communicating to me again, leaving me to stalk their social media to see them happily moved on while im still just me, dealing with my problems on my own.
So i push people away before they can do that to me. Theres never a chance to hurt me if they dont get close enough to do it, right? Cause the moment someone shows interest in me and starts to try to get close my stomach twists into knots. My heart races, and my palms sweat and my mind and my heart tell me to run in the opposite direction, as fast as i can, as far away as i can. Its so exhausting wanting something so bad, but your mind, your heart, your very existance is screaming at you not to, youre not good enough for it, theyll just leave you eventually anyway. Save yourself some pain and dont waste your time when you know its never gonna work.
Its terrifying knowing whats happening and having no way to make it better before it all goes to hell.
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Silicon Valley’s ‘Startup Castle’ is looking for roommates, and the requirements are completely bonkers
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coherent people are the worst..like stop making sense for one fucking second. say some nonsense every once in a while. literally so boring if i can understand every word you say like shut up or say some dumb shit i swear to god
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Chaol: I’m dating someone. I didn’t know how to tell you, because I wasn’t sure-
Dorian: Just rip off the band-aid, Chaol.
Chaol: Yrene’s my wife. I just said dating to make it sound less harsh
Dorian: Put that band-aid back on.
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Rowaelin and Aedion
Rowan and Aelin : *arguing*
Aedion : can i get a waffle
Rowan : WHY DID YOU DO THAT WITHOUT TELLING ME?! SHE FREAKING LOCKED YOU IN AN IRON COFFIN DAMMIT YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD ME
Aelin : I KNEW YOU WOULDN’T LET ME, THAT’S WHY I DID IT I AM YOUR QUEEN YOU SHOULDN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
Aedion : can i please get a waffle
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Dorian: *proposes a marriage alliance to Maeve*
Chaol: *on the other end of the continent, freezes suddenly*
Aelin: What's wrong?
Chaol: My Dorian-Sense is saying... he's done something reckless...
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aelin: you got married?
aelin: without me?
chaol: yeah—i mean wait what
aelin: me, you and dorian were supposed to get married! did you forget?
dorian: yeah what the fuck dude
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I almost feel bad for the Chaorene baby. Can you imagine how hard it’s going to be for that kid to talk their way out of ANYTHING???
Chaorene Kid: But daaad, I can’t do my chores right now. My feet hurt :(
Chaol: Oh? Your feet hurt? Your mother healed an army and disintegrated an evil GOD while pregnant with you. You think her feet hurt? Yes. Did she do it anyways?
Yrene: I did.
Chaol: She did.
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Rowan: Bitch
Lorcan: Blocked
Rowan: Wait, quickly, unblock me, I’ve got something really important to say
Lorcan: Unblocked
Rowan: biTCH
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what if we called “flat” soda “flaccid” soda instead
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John Mulaney needs to make another Netflix special cause I already memorized all of his work
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Rowan: Why is your back all scratched up?
Aelin: [Flashbacks to when she chased a badger after Rowan told her not to]
Aelin: I'm having an affair.
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Chaol: so Yrene is the women i’ve been seeing
Yrene: …why are you all staring at me like i’m a zoo animal
Dorian: well Chaol is like the dad of the group so emotionally it’s like we just got told you’re our new mom
Yrene: but you know it’s nothing like that right
Aelin: absolutely. do you make macaroni
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Chaol: This bitch is ruining my life.
Dorian: Who??
Chaol: Me…
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