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It Started With a Kiss (4/?)

Thanks so much to everyone for continuing to follow this story, and for all the kind words! I know you guys don’t like what’s going on with the Josh storyline. But trust me...I promise you…I will never write a fic where Beckett ends up with Josh…so just show a little patience, and I promise he will go away.

This chapter deals with the episodes “Setup” and “Countdown.” I’m going ahead and combining them, because when I view the episodes, I basically view them as one story, even though it is a 2-parter. The original airdate for “Setup” was Feb 21, so it takes place only about a week after the last chapter in the timeline.

I still don’t own Castle…

xxxxx

It had been a week since Valentine’s Day…since she’d given in to her desires and kissed him. She had known better; she normally had much better control of herself than that. She didn’t know what she had been thinking; or more accurately, she hadn’t allowed herself to think it through or second guess her actions at all…that was the problem. She couldn’t believe she had done something so…so…juvenile. Thank goodness his daughter had come home when she did, or Kate didn’t know how far she might have gone that night.

In the days since the kiss, neither of them had brought it up. In fact, it had been pretty light on murders, so Castle had barely been at the precinct; he was never one for paperwork. That suited her just fine now; when he was there, she was always careful to make sure she wasn’t alone with him in any kind of setting that wasn’t entirely professional. When they were working, her comments were strictly professional.

She could tell he wanted to bring it up to talk, but she never gave him the chance, and thankfully, he followed her lead. She preferred to keep her work life and her personal life separate; it was easier for her to compartmentalize that way. And it had worked up until now. But Castle…her feelings for Castle, and his feelings for her…blurred the line between her personal and professional worlds because he touched both aspects of her life, and it was no longer simply a physical attraction between them. Then there was Josh…Castle had witnessed her fighting with Josh in the precinct…somewhere she wouldn’t have normally had the argument with him, but the doctor had showed up and insisted on talking to her anyway.

And then there was this case…this case, which currently had her trapped in a hazmat tent with Castle, who was freaking out a little bit about a nuclear bomb after her radiation detector had maxed out. This was not the way her life was supposed to go. She found herself wondering, and not for the first time that week, how the hell she had ended up in such a mess.

“Castle, we don’t know that it’s a bomb,” she tried to reassure him. But of course, she knew that he could very well be right. Her detector had maxed out…that was never a good sign. But at

least one of them needed to try to remain calm, and as a cop, clearly that was going to have to be her.

“Well, we will in that nanosecond before it goes off and we’re vaporized,” he countered. “I’m sorry…it’s just the writer in me going to the worst-case scenario,” he apologized as he came over and sat across from her.

She sighed, looking at the gloves she was holding in her hands as she sat and waited. “Can we just talk about something else?”

“Yeah,” Castle nodded. “How’s Josh?” he asked almost cautiously. Normally he wouldn’t dare bring up the detective’s boyfriend, but after witnessing the argument between her and the doctor at the precinct of all places, he couldn’t help but wonder just how strong their relationship was. Maybe they were on the outs, which might bode well for him.

Josh. When she had suggested they talk about something else, that wasn’t what she’d had in mind. She hadn’t expected him to ask about her relationship with the doctor. “Fine,” she answered simply. “He’s on his way to Haiti to do another Doctors Without Borders mission.”

Castle did his best to remain calm and casual with that information, especially since it seemed like something Kate was not happy about. “How long?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.” She was quiet for a few minutes, toying with the gloves in her hands. “It’s funny, Castle. You know, at first I loved that he was so busy. It just…it gave me an opportunity to keep one foot out the door just in case,” she sighed.

“But with one foot out the door, it’s hard to know where you stand,” he pointed out.

“And even if I did, I mean, what does it mean? He’s out there. He’s saving people. How do you even compete with that?” she asked, clearly frustrated.

“You can’t,” he shook his head. “No one can.”

“That’s one of the things that attracted me to him the most, you know?” she looked up at him. “That…passion. That…drive. Why is it that the thing that attracts you to a person always ends up being that thing that just drives you crazy?” she asked, not really expecting an answer. She took a deep breath and looked back at her gloves. “I just wish that it…I wish that I had someone who would be there for me, and I could be there for him, and we could just dive into it together.”

Castle remained silent for a moment, at war with himself over whether to speak up or just try to reassure her. “You do,” he finally stated quietly. “You have someone who will be there for you…always.”

His words had her eyes flying to his immediately. This is not the time, Castle. She tried to will him to stop talking, but that had never worked the entire time she’d known him.

“You have a choice. It’s actually kind of simple. I know you care about him…he’s a doctor, he saves lives, on paper you guys are perfect…and I’m sure he’s really great. He certainly doesn’t make it easy to hate him," he began quietly. "And I know I’m just a writer; I don’t save lives, or even really make the world a better place. But we don’t live our lives on paper. And Kate…I love you. In a really, frustratingly big, follow you into danger, be willing to die with you, take a bullet for you, unfortunate way that sometimes makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me.”

Kate’s eyes widened, and she stared at him. What the hell was he doing? What the hell was she supposed to say to that?

Thankfully she was saved from having to formulate some kind of response when a hazmat worker unzipped the tent and came inside to talk to them. “You’re free to go.”

Castle looked from Beckett’s face to the worker with a look that hopefully conveyed his frustration at what the man was interrupting. “We…we are?” Because he could have used another few minutes in here with her away from the case and everything else.

“What about the radiation?” Beckett asked after finding her voice.

“We found residual traces of Cobalt 60 in the storage unit, but not enough to cause any health problems,” the worker explained, looking between the two of them before leaving.

Beckett stood with a smile. They were okay, and that meant she could get back to the case. It meant she could focus on something other than her love life, the unwilling love triangle she’d found herself in, and Castle’s speech. Pick him? Choose him? Love him? She couldn't deal with this now…not in the middle of a case. She needed to think…preferably over a few bottles of wine with Lanie as her sounding board.

Castle stood as well, gritting his teeth in frustration at the interruption. They had been so close to having to talk about their relationship. “Kate…” he tried, gently touching her elbow.

Montgomery walked into the tent, interrupting again before she could (had to?) say anything. “Detective Beckett, Castle, we’re all real glad you’re okay.”

“Thank you, Sir. So are we. I’m confused, though. Is this just a false alarm?” she asked, giving her captain her full attention.

“Not exactly,” he shook his head. “If you’re feeling up to it, we could really use you back at the precinct. I can fill you in on the way.”

Castle wanted to scream at the second interruption, but his curiosity was now piqued. “Those traces of Cobalt 60…where did they come from?” he asked.

“We think there was a second crate at the storage unit which contained large quantities of Cobalt 60. We found wire and crimp on connectors, which leads us to believe the crate was outfitted with explosives,” Montgomery explained.

“A bomb?” Beckett asked.

Montgomery’s face was deadly serious. “A dirty bomb.”

She swallowed hard at that news. “Where is it now?”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out.” Montgomery exited the tent.

Beckett made a move to follow, but Castle touched her elbow. “Kate…”

She shook her head. “Not now, Castle. We have to find the bomb,” she told him simply, following her captain out of the tent and leaving Castle no choice but to follow her silently and wait until the case was over.

xxxxx

Castle slowly opened his eyes, groggy and clueless as to where he was. After a few moments, he was able to take in his surroundings and realized he was in a medical facility. Slowly, the events started coming back to him. The bomb. The freezer. Kate! “Where is she?” he began struggling to get up.

“Sir, you need to calm down,” a paramedic struggled with him, trying to push him back on the stretcher.

“Where is she?” he struggled some more, realizing he wasn’t in a medical facility at all, but was in the back of an ambulance.

“She’s going to be fine,” he heard a familiar male voice. When the man stepped up into the ambulance, it was confirmed that Josh was indeed the owner of the voice, much to Castle’s chagrin. “You’re both going to be fine. We got you just in time,” he assured him.

This was almost a nightmare scenario…Beckett’s boyfriend having to save his life. Great. One more thing to not be able to hate him about. The only silver lining in this was that she was fine;

her boyfriend made sure she was fine. “Josh,” he stated. It wasn’t really a greeting…just a comment…an acknowledgment of sorts.

Josh studied him for a moment. “So you’re recovering from a moderate case of hypothermia. You’re going to be a little bit sluggish for awhile. But, with some warmth and fluids, you should be alright.” He was a complete professional, his personal feelings for the writer not withstanding.

“I thought you were in Haiti,” Castle commented.

The doctor shrugged. “Didn’t go. It wasn’t worth losing her over a couple of months in Haiti,” he stated simply. “I stayed for her,” he added in a tone that sounded a lot like he was claiming her and warning Castle to back off.

Castle had to swallow hard at the man’s words. He obviously cared very deeply about Kate as well. He felt like the way Josh spoke to him, telling him he had stayed for her in the tone he used, was almost like he knew Castle had feelings for her. Then again, what sane man wouldn’t develop feelings for her after spending any time around her?

“This is going to hurt,” Josh warned him, taking his IV out and putting a bandage over the mark. “Let’s get you up,” he added, pulling on Castle’s arm and using his hand at his back to guide him to a sitting position. “Alright, just move slowly,” he warned him, hopping down out of the ambulance.

After talking with Ryan and Espo to find out if they got the bomb and how they found them, he spotted Beckett leaning against a car, wrapped in a blanket. He climbed down from the ambulance with his own blanket and approached her, leaning next to her against the car. “So…your boy is back in town…” he started, trying to get a read on her after everything they’d been through in the past couple of days…everything he’d said to her, everything she’d almost said in that freezer.

“Mm-hmm. He came back,” she nodded, avoiding looking at him.

“What does that mean to you?” Castle had to ask her.

“Come on. Agent Fallon wants to debrief,” she answered, completely avoiding his question. This was not the time or place to have that discussion. They were still in the middle of a case. She wasn’t going to delve into her personal life until they had found the bomb; she couldn’t. She hadn’t even had time to process everything…including nearly dying. He was going to have to give her some time to just…think.

They passed along the information they had to Fallon, and when Beckett asked if they could rejoin the task force, Fallon had told her it was up to her doctor. So Castle had watched like a

sad puppy as she sauntered over to her boyfriend to get him to medically clear them. He had to look away as he saw her lean into Josh, her fingers curling at the opening of his jacket.

“You know, it’s funny. When I first met you two, I thought you two were together,” Fallon commented.

Castle turned away completely from the sight of Kate and Josh together, trying to school his expression. “No,” he said, but he couldn’t keep the sad tone out of his voice. “Just friends…partners,” he answered.

“Get cleaned up. We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

Castle nodded and looked up just in time to see Josh and Beckett share a soft kiss before turning his eyes back to the ground and walking away. He needed to find a ride to his apartment; he needed to get away from there.

xxxxx

“Fallon, do you know how to diffuse a bomb?” Beckett asked into her phone, trying her best to remain calm despite the fact that she and Castle were staring at the time that was quickly ticking down to a minute.

“Where are you?” Fallon asked.

“We’re at 55th and 11th,” she answered.

“I’d have to see it. Can you send a picture?” he answered back when he realized he was too far away to make it in time.

“Yeah. Yeah, hold on,” she took a couple pictures with her phone and sent them to the man on the other side of the conversation. “They’re uploading now.”

“45 seconds,” Castle informed them.

“You got it?” she asked, beginning to pray for a miracle at this point.

“It’s opening,” Fallon answered.

“Fallon?”

“Yeah…hang on!” he replied, trying to see something, anything, in the pictures she sent him.

Castle continued the countdown. “30 seconds.”

“Fallon?!” she asked, using every bit of police training she had to keep the panic out of her voice.

“I can’t see anything. I’m sorry…I’m sorry,” the agent apologized.

Beckett put her phone down and took a deep breath. This was it. They were going to die…together. The regrets of things she would miss, things she hadn’t said to people she cared about, the future she wouldn’t have now…and memories…so many memories…the laughter, laughing with the boys at the precinct, playing poker with the boys at Castle’s loft, joining the group for drinks at The Old Haunt...all came crashing around her; then there was his face, his smile, the way he looked at her…and it hit her like lightning. “Castle…” she started softly, so many things she wanted to say to him in the mere seconds they had left, but she didn’t have the words.

Castle took her hand and swallowed hard, giving her one last look. If they were going to die, she was going to be the last thing he saw. He grabbed all the wires connected to the bomb and yanked them, turning his back in anticipation of blowing them both up. When nothing happened, he turned and saw the time on zero.

“Castle!” Beckett immediately hugged him tightly in relief. Somehow, his dumb luck had saved them…again.

He returned her hug as they laughed a little to let out some of the tension they were both still feeling. “Yes!” he said, relief and adrenaline coursing through his veins.

Back at the precinct, they had gathered in a conference room with celebratory beers, Beckett describing the events as they had unfolded. After Fallon had shown up and pulled Castle and Beckett away to say his official goodbye, Castle studied her for a moment. He was still feeling pretty high on life…and lucky. “Hell of a day, huh?” he asked her.

She nodded with a smile. “Hell of a day.”

“You know, I was thinking…” he started. He heard the ding of the elevator and spotted the all too familiar sight of the tall, dark, and handsome doctor approaching over her shoulder.

Josh came up behind Beckett before Castle could finish what he was saying. “Oh, hey,” she greeted him, giving into the hug he pulled her into. Even in the hug, her eyes met with Castle’s, silently offering an apology.

“You ready?” Josh asked with a smile.

She pulled back from the hug and gave Castle a small smile. “See you tomorrow?”

Castle swallowed hard but forced a smile for her. “Goodnight,” he told her.

Josh put his arm around her as they walked toward the elevator. When they got inside and turned, her eyes met Castle's again and she gave him an almost sad look.

He held her gaze as the elevator doors closed, realizing that he had gambled, overplayed his hand, and lost. She picked Josh. She chose Josh. She loved Josh.

xxxxx

The ride to Kate’s apartment was silent, but Josh didn’t think anything of it. He knew how Kate could be, and considering the day she’d had, he figured she just needed some silence to process everything, so he didn’t push. They entered her apartment in the same silence. She pulled off her jacket and headed to her bedroom to store her badge and gun before returning to the kitchen.

Josh had poured her a glass of wine and set it on the counter for her. She took a seat on the stool behind it quietly, watching him as he leaned back against her counter with his beer. When he gave her a smile, she looked down at her wine glass. “I think you should go to Haiti.”

Josh just stared at her, his smile fading. “What?” he asked.

“I think you should take the Doctors Without Borders mission and go to Haiti,” she repeated, looking up to meet his eyes.

“But you said you needed someone who would be here for you, that if I left that we were basically over...” he shook his head, studying her, trying to figure out what had changed. Seeing the sad look in her eyes, he knew. “Oh…” he realized; she was breaking up with him. He placed his beer bottle on the counter, clenching his jaw.

“Josh…I’m sorry…this just isn’t…”

“This is about him, isn’t it?”

“Josh…” she started.

“Are you sleeping with him, Kate?” he interrupted as his anger flared up.

“What? No!” she slid off her stool, her own anger flaring at the accusation. They’d had this fight before…so often that she knew he was referring to Castle without even having to say the name.

“Then what? You’ve just been lying to me this whole time? I knew…I knew there was something

more between the two of you, but this entire time you’ve insisted that you’re just friends.”

“I haven’t lied to you!” she shot back angrily. “This isn’t about Castle…”

“The hell it’s not! I turned down the Haiti offer to stay here…because you wanted me to be here. I chose you over my career, Kate…and after a couple of days of running around with Writer Boy, you’ve suddenly changed your mind?” he vented.

“Josh…that’s not how it happened…”

“Then how did it happen, Kate? How did we go from you being happy I stayed a day ago to telling me I need to leave? Tell me…how did it happen?”

She was silent then, pinching the bridge of her nose. She didn’t know how to answer that because she didn’t even know how it happened…or when. “I don’t know, okay?” she finally admitted.

He sighed, running his hands over his face. “Are you in love with him?” he finally asked her after a few minutes, his initial wave of anger having subsided for the moment. When she didn’t answer to deny it, it was as good as a yes. “Did you ever love me? Did you even try?”

“Don’t do this, Josh…” she shook her head. “I like you…I care about you…deeply.” But it wasn’t enough…not anymore. Not when she knew she wasn’t being fair to him.

“But you don’t love me,” he stated.

“I’m sorry…” she apologized, a few stray tears sliding down her cheeks.

He inhaled deeply and nodded, slowly releasing his breath. “Yeah…” he murmured.

“You’re a great guy, Josh. For what it’s worth, I did want this to work out,” she told him honestly.

“Me too.” He moved closer to her and dropped a soft kiss to the top of her head. “Goodbye, Kate,” he sighed. “I hope Writer Boy knows how lucky he is,” he murmured. And then he let himself out of her apartment.

She walked over to the door now that he was gone and locked it before leaning her back against it and closing her eyes. A couple more tears slipped out of her eyes, running down her cheeks as she slowly slid down the door to sit on the floor. What a hell of a day.

xxxxx

Where are my Grey’s fans at? I know you guys recognized where I got the concept for

Castle’s little speech. I’ve been watching early Grey’s Anatomy and when I saw that scene, I wanted to do my own version of it…but Beckett is NOT the “pick me, choose me, love me” type. However, much to my good fortune, Castle is…at least in this case I think.

And I told you Josh wouldn’t be around forever!

I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I look forward to your thoughts for those of you who choose to comment!

#castle #caskett #kate beckett #richard castle #castle fanfiction

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