incorrect-egos-quotes - Tumblr blog

[incorrect-egos-quotes]

Chase, on JJ's gameshow: I know what's going on here. Okay? I do.

JJ, signing: Do you?

Chase: And if you want me to wander backstage to spill the beans-

JJ: I mean there's really no need for you to do that because the other two are in the loop

Chase: I am the only one out of the loop, it would SEEM, and if we check my point total here-

Chase: I don't NEED to walk to the front, because I know what it is- it's a BIG OL GOOSE EGG, GANG

Chase: IT'S A FAT ZERO

Chase: Hello! A little LATE addition to the numerical symbol chart brought to us from our friends in Arabia, a little bit of trivia that I happen to know about the history of numbers. That kind of little tidbit would serve me WELL in most trivia games, unless it had been RIGGED FROM THE BEGINNING!

Jackie: Whoa, dude

Chase: Oh, I’ve only just BEGUN to pull the thread on this sweater, FRIENDS. You would THINK in a game where there are only TWO possible correct choices, that one would STUMBLE INTO the right answer every so often, WOULDN'T you?

Chase: In fact, the probability of NEVER guessing right in the full game is a STATISTICAL WONDER, and yet, HERE WE ARE.

Chase: Introduced at the top of the game as a champion, what do you think that means? Icarus, flying too close to the sun. But it seems Daedalus, our little mastercrafter over here, had some wax wings of his own, didn’t he? Wanted to see his son fall. Fall from the sky. Oh, how CLOSE TO THE SUN he flew!

Chase: Well I'm NOT HAVING IT. I solved your labyrinth, puzzle master! The minotaur's escaped and you’re gonna get the horns, buddy!

Anti, giggling: Did we think we were in on it but actually Chase was the only one in on it and that was rehearsed?

JJ, on the verge of tears laughing: That was an incredible monologue. Chase, what is the rule of the game?

Chase: I. CANNOT. WIN.

JJ: That is correct, Chase!

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Patton: What did Mark Twain name his son?

Virgil: I don't know

Patton: Choo-Choo Twain

Virgil, laughing: Oh that's actually funny

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DA: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

DA: Over the past four days, you have seen state's prosecutor attempt to effectively bamboozle you with a series of hearsay arguments and loose speculative evidence placing my client NEAR the scene of the crime during the time of the murder.

DA: You are tasked to consider the evidence and whether it proves beyond a reasonable doubt whether my client is guilty.

DA: Is my client a perfect man? No

Wilford: I killed him, yeah

DA: SHUT THE FUCK UP

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Chase: Wait- what am I? If I was born in '98, what actually am I? Am I gemini? Or millennial??

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Remus: I'm high as balls I can't remember his name

Remus: This is awkward as hell. You know. Him.

Remus, pulling up a picture of Roman: This.

Janus: ...YOUR BROTHER???

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Wilford: She plying on my marks until I get killed by LA gangs

Bing: This ain't it. Keep it up tho

Wilford: What if I killed you with a rock.

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Henrik: Do you glitch because you are a demon, like they say?

Anti, taking off his jacket: Oh good you speak English. The next two minutes are going to be really important for you.

Henrik, worriedly: What are you doing-

Anti: You have some really important decisions to make, and the first decision you should really consider is conceding prior to this fight because I'm not going to hold back

Henrik: This is... very concerning

Anti: You have- probably about 90 seconds to concede and- you really gotta think it through because I can't guarantee your safety

Henrik: You're psyching me out-

Anti: I'm not psyching you out

Anti: I'm doing the KINDEST thing I have ever done right now- about 60 seconds left- you really should concede-

Anti: If you're not going to concede, what do you want me to tell your family?

Marvin, cackling: HE'S SO DARK

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Remus, staring at Logan: We should breed and ask our offspring what they think

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Bing: Sorry, I have the humor of a 10 year old boy do you and joe still forgive me

Google: Who's Joe?

Bing: Joe Mama. I suppose Mike would also be upset by this

Wilford: Who's Mike

Bing: Mike Ock. Please send my apologies for Wendy

Google: But who's Wendy

Bing: Wendeez nuts are draggin' across your face. Hugh is finding this really funny

Wilford: Who's Hugh

Bing: My hugh jazz. I'm out of jokes so send my dearest regards to ligma

Google: Who's ligma

Bing: Steve Jobs

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Marvin: I'm warlocked and loaded

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Logan, tossing another can: The top 95% of a monster is ambrosia but the last 5% is a fucking biohazard

Remus: That's why you just take the tip

Remus: Oh you meant the drink

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Celine: People underestimate me because I'm so glamorous. What they don't understand is I'm a strong woman

Celine: And that strength comes from my values, my courage and my dogged pursuit of vengence

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Chase: If my kids can't bring peanut butter to school, yours can't bring the fucking plague

Chase: Vaccinate your spawn or I'm bringing the Jif

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Remy: Pimp gave you the holiday off, huh?

Virgil: yeah he replaced me with your mom

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Google: I fear that someone will kidnap my colleague, Bing, who lives at 822 58th St, Apt 2 on the 4th floor, keeps door unlocked can't miss it

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Henrik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid or something like that?

Marvin: Oh, no it's just they're terribly comfortable

Marvin: I think everyone will be wearing them in the future

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Logan: I want to kiss you

Roman: Okay anything else you want to do?

Logan: Pass chemistry