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Yutaka: Uh-oh!

Konata: What?

Yutaka: I see an angry girlfriend heading our way.

Konata: Yours or mine?

Yutaka: Does it matter?

Konata: If it's mine, there's a chance we'll live. If it's yours, we're dead.

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Kagami: Let me see what you have.

Kanata: A knife!

Kagami: NO!

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Konata: Dear Santa.

Konata: I think I've been good this year.

Konata: Most of this year.

Konata: Once in a while.

Konata:

Konata: Never mind, I'll buy my own presents.

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Minami: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.

Yutaka: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to her knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

Minami: That one. I want that one.

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Patty: Hi, who's this? Misao changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Konata: What's mine?

Patty: Dwarf.

Konata: GOD DAMN IT, I GET IT! I'M SHORT! IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY!

Patty: Oh, hey Konata.

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*at a slumber party*

Konata: Tarzan's first wet dream probably wasn't about a human.

Kagami, Tsukasa, and Miyuki, just trying to sleep: STOP!

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Patty, explaining why she wanted to go to school in Japan: I'm hot, I’m tall, I'm gay, and I'm on my theater kid arc!

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Tsukasa: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know.

Miyuki: The mouth of a sea jelly is also its anus.

Tsukasa: STOP.

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Konata: Wow, babe, you had crush on me? That's kinda embarrassing.

Kagami: We've been dating for almost three years!

Konata: Still, though.

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Misao: I wouldn't worry about birds carrying the chibi away. She's so small that they probably wouldn't notice her.

Konata: Is this really the time to be making short jokes?!

Misao: Konata, it's never not the time, because like you, life is short.

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Mikuru: Why does everyone assume we're an item?

Haruhi: *groping Mikuru's chest and gently biting her ear for the third time today* Beats me.

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Konata: Kagami, you love me, right?

Kagami: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

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Tsukasa: Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy. But if I invite you to my cabin in the woods, you’re going to die.

Konata: My favorite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call.

Miyuki: It’s called connotation.

Yui: Try this one on for size, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned” vs “Sorry, daddy, I’ve been naughty."

Kagami: Great news! Language is now banned!

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Sojiro: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Nanako: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Sojiro: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Nanako: Is it working?

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Tsukasa: I am convinced Onee-chan and Kona-chan share a brain cell.

Miyuki: And it's not in use very often, it seems.

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Kagami: Sweetie, have you seen my hair bows? I can't find them anywhere.

Konata: I haven't seen them.

*Kanata walks in with her hair tied back by Kagami's ribbons*

Kanata, doing her best impression of Kagami's voice: Kanata, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!

*Kanata leaves*

Konata: *falling out of her chair laughing*

Kagami: Ok, the voice was a little funny, but that's still one darn sarcastic kid we're raising.

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*Sojiro is filming Yutaka and Yui digging into their Christmas stockings*

Sojiro: Wait, where's Konata?

*later in Konata's room*

Sojiro: No, I will not greenscreen you in later!

Konata, grumbling as she reluctantly logs out of her computer: George Lucas's kids have it so good.