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Percy: I can't believe it - Tyson is dead. I tried so hard to protect him. I rode on subways with him when he was scared, watched his back in school, sacrificed my social life to defend him from bullies and he died for me.

Annabeth: Percy... look I'm sorry he's dead. But at least he died heroically saving our lives, and we know that he's trust worthy. You can never trust a cyclops - here's my sob story about how I figured that out-

Percy: Are you fucking kidding me? You're making this about you?! I'm mourning my baby brother - and now you're telling me a sob story to get me to feel bad for you?! You should've told me this when you first met Tyson, instead of bullying him, a homeless kid half your age!

Annabeth: But I want-

Percy: MY BABY BROTHER IS DEAD! SHUT UP!

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Percy: I wonder who I should go to prom with? I was thinking-

Annabeth, punching Percy: Me, seaweed brain!

Percy: Ouch! And I can't - the principal explicitly said that we're only allowed to bring people that go to the school.

Annabeth: Then you're not going! I won't tolerate you hanging out with another girl-

Percy: I was going to say 'I was thinking about going with one of my male friends from the swim team' who also doesn't have a date but okay, it's nice to know that you don't trust me around other girls. You do know my high school classes are about 50% girls, right?

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Percy: Wise girl, can you please stop hitting me whenever I make jokes? I don't have the curse of achilles anymore and you're wearing armor. It actually hurts.

Annabeth: Seaweed brain, I'll stop hitting you when you stop making shitty jokes. That one was so bad that you deserved to be hit. Isn't that right, Grover?

Grover, backing away: Leave me out of it, I want no part in your messy dating-divorce.

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Percy: Can you please stop calling me seaweed brain? It makes me feel bad and I really don't like it. I'm open to other nicknames - especially ones that don't involve jabs at my head or intelligence.

Annabeth: Pfft no, it fits you too well to give up. Get used to it, I will never stop calling you seaweed brain.

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Percy: Hey wise girl, can you stop encouraging all your friends to think the worst of me? Piper thinks I need to be controlled, Reyna thinks that I can't find my way out of a paper bag and now your architecture classmates don't think I'm good enough for you!

Annabeth: I don't encourage my friends to think the worse of you, seaweed brain. I tell them how it is.

Percy:

Percy: Wait you think I'm not good enough for you? I literally fell into Tartarus for you! I went through hell for you! I went on a whole quest and risked permanent banishment from camp half blood - my only safe place - for you! I even did a mission for a god after I retired to get a classy date for you! What more do you want?

Annabeth: The bare minimum, seaweed brain. You only did those things once, and you missed our 4th-11th month anniversaries. You have a lot to make up for!

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Annabeth: Percy... you know I only insult you because I care, right?

Percy: So love equals mockery and violence for you?

Annabeth: Duh. Can't let you forget who's the boss in this relationship! Plus you keep messing up; its up to me to let you know that.

Percy: Maybe you could use your words? Without insults? I'd appreciate that.

Annabeth: Where's the fun in that seaweed brain?

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Annabeth: You're impulsive.

Percy: Uh, what? I'm quick on my feet and I don't share my plans with anyone since it resulted in Bianca's death. There's a difference. Besides, who are you to accuse me of being impulsive? You're worst than me! At least my plans usually end in success without people getting hurt!

Annabeth: What, and my plans don't?

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Annabeth, hitting Percy: Can you think before you speak? For fuck's sake.

Percy: I don't know, can you speak before you hit me? Take a class on communication, it's about time you learned how!

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Percy: Why do you always threaten me when I'm right about something?

Annabeth: Because it happens so rarely, I get confused.

Percy: Wise girl, you've hit or punched me on almost every quest or mission we've been on together.

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Percy: Grover never makes fun of me. Nico sometimes makes fun of me, but he does it in a way that's funny for both of us. Rachel never makes fun of me - actually she does the opposite and just being around her eases my stress and anxiety.

Annabeth: Maybe you should go date one of them!

Percy: Is that what you got from that? I'm asking you - my girlfriend - to stop making fun of me!

Annabeth: Too bad, seaweed brain. When we got together I told you that I'd never make anything easy for you and I intend on carrying through with that.

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Annabeth: Promise me, Percy. Don't use poison ever again. Somethings aren't meant to be controlled.

Percy: What did you want me to do? Akhlys was torturing me to death, Annabeth. She had me pinned in place and I was suffocating with the fumes. Would you rather I didn't defend myself and died!

Annabeth: Yes! I'd rather you die a hero than live to be a villain and turn out like Luke!

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Annabeth: Why do you always look so confused? You've been in the greek world for years now. I expect even you'd catch up by now.

Percy: It's not that, I have adapted. It's because half the time I don't know if you're helping me, making fun of me or about to hit or threaten me.

Annabeth: Why not all three?

Percy:

Annabeth: Keep up, seaweed brain!

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Percy: Can we have one conversation without you insulting me - which includes calling me seaweed brain - or insulting someone I care about?

Annabeth: Yeah sure, as soon as you stop saying stupid things and stop caring about stupid people!

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Percy: You know, I find it funny that you're always insulting me based off my intelligence when your mother - the goddess of wisdom and battle strategy herself - called me strategic in front of all the gods, demigods and Olympus's armies.

Annabeth, punching Percy: Shut UP seaweed brain! You think you're so special because you came up with the plan to defeat Typhon? Huh? One plan- that's a joke.

Annabeth: It should've been me she was complimenting! I did everything to get her attention and praise! And then she turns around and praises you?

Percy: Actually Athena said I was strategic not because of the plan with Typhon but because I gave up godhood to request that the gods claim their children, claim the children of the minor gods and treat the minor gods and neutral titans better.

Percy: I don't actually think I'm all that special - I just did what was right? But I guess the gods thought I was special because they did try to keep me for eternity-

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Percy: I'm not actually dumb, you know.

Annabeth: I never said you were.

Percy: No, but you've literally called me every synonym for dumb! And I know that seaweed brain means stupid to you!

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Annabeth: You're lucky I like you.

Percy: You like me? From the way you're acting and talking about me, I was seriously starting to doubt that.

Annabeth: Well duh, I enjoy keeping you on your toes!

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Percy: Would it kill you to compliment me once in a while?

Annabeth: *thinks about how hard it was to admit Percy had the occasional smart thought in her interview with George and Martha and how she had to call him dumb three times to make up for it*

Annabeth: You know, it might. You've survived this long without it, so I don't see what's the problem.