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Not my normal type of art, but I've got vacation and my friend told me to go draw the brainrot/ mental chewtoy

Have some Jimmy’s I guess

-all poses come from posemaniacs

Close-ups under the cut

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Its just bad luck

Its just Bad Luck

You hope, you pray

They point and laugh

Canary, they call, Cursed, they say

They are the miners who paved the way

Shoved in a cage, wings clipped away

Won’t you sing little bird

Your purpose is to die, to warn, to suffocate

The curse is them, not you

Setting up traps to fall into

It is chance, coincidence

It is a pattern, it is truth

Funny once, twice

Losing laughs at thrice

How much time until you die

They’re playing god, mocking your mortality

As if they are not the ones with blood on their hands

Spread your wings little bird

Bend the bars, break the cage, learn to fly

They will shoot you down

Hear them laugh, and laugh, and laugh

The end is inevitable

It was always going to be like this

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Somewhere in the back of your mind lies a memory

You remember a before

How you fought with those you called friends

You remember how you held a sword back then

Different to now, it feels foreign, wrong

You remember, cold, calculated analysis

The need to destroy, Kill, WIN, filling your lungs, choking

Always someone the last standing

You remember how it ruins

You play games now, similar but different

With friends, some new, some different

You see the bloodlust take them

How their bickering arguments sharpen into steel

You know the rage, red and hot, is still there

Simmering under the surface

You don’t set it free, you know the cost

Winning is worthless when it is unwanted

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Do you want this?

The sweet taste of victory?

The way it sours, rots away your teeth, the taste forever lingering?

Do you wish to hear the victory bells chiming

Echoing away in your skull, never silent, never quiet

It will come with the smell of other’s defeat, blood, tears, dust, death and decay

It shall never leave you, may never leave you

Your trophy, your curse, your truth to bear

You must remember

Never feel the blissful touch of ignorance again

Do you want this?

Do you yearn to understand?

The loneliness of winning

All that you lose when you’re the last one standing

Turn your teeth to fangs

Find claws at your fingertips

Are you a monster yet, my dearest champion?

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If god ever wrote a script for earth then this is the decade she left to the bathroom and now its just their ferret and autocorrect writing

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When you yell, it is funny, just a joke

When I raise my voice, it must be in anger

Get spoken over, others are more interesting

When they act, it is a theatre show

But I must not pretend with silly voices

Why can’t I be serious?

You taught me to snap and snarl and bite

No one listens otherwise

You take out my claws and fangs

How dare I nip and growl and tear

I am nothing, I am no one

Just your annoying little sister

And that isn’t even right

I’m not your sister, not a daughter, not a girl, not a woman

But there are no words in my language, beyond kid, beyond child, beyond person

I hold no agency, never gonna grow, never gonna be

Absolutely nothing.

Why are there no words for me?

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Love didnt you know that I am vicious

Ive got claws, a nasty snarl

My teeth sharpened to a point

And ive always blamed the world

But its only ever been me

I wasnt born like this, wasn’t corrupted

I just broke myself

So now I’m pointing fingers

I will never take the blame

Would rather test my aim

Spitting poison, rage and vitriol

Wherever I can reach

I will scream and lie and claim

you were the one to break me

Didn’t they tell you darling

I wasn’t always a monster

But every tale needs a villain

And god I love the role

I was born to play it

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Over two decades ago

Amongst freshly fallen snow

Over a month too early

You called me fire, you called me life, you called me wonderful

A few days ago

Amongst the roses

When i was meant to be

I named myself friend, named myself life, named myself hope

You were there, and you were proud and you loved me

Your child wasn’t dead, this is just a new chapter

And im not quite there yet

Its still a process

But im closer to being me

So much closer to being me

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I was a good student when younger

A bright little thing, and so, so small

A lovely little living doll. Your fury protected me, when the others did not understand. The difference between skin and plastic.

I grew under your wings, not much, but mentally. Devoured books the way you did when my height, my age, my strength. And that’s not true is it? I was only ever your perfect copycat at the lowest of my life. But I was your bright little thing, and you were proud.

Where did I get it twisted? The pride and joy you held, over me. It was not because of brightness, but because I was yours, I was me. Still I tied my worth to numbers, compared it to others, and hated myself more each day. I grew into your fury, but not into your height. Guarded myself with armor, teeth and claws, a snarling, cutting tongue. Wished to hide in shadows, for the others were too bright. I was too selfish to let myself wilt. Shunning the stage and longing for the applause.

I cradle your fury and call it mine, nurture the want for things to be right. I’ve grown shoulders like yours used to be, to carry the weight of the world. I cannot see you in the mirror, but know that you are there. And now, when no longer necessary, surrounded by other suns, I’ve started shining again.

I am a good student

And regardless of it all, I am your bright little thing, I am worthy of your love, always was. It is not earned, but was given freely

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It is a funny thing

How I cannot bear to be vulnerable in a language that should have been my own.

Every utterance, in fear, in anger, rage and pain, muttered dreaming nothings in the dark meant for no ears, every whisper of pride, all shouts of joy.

All in languages I learned when halfway grown

Nothing, never in the language I acquired first, heard first, spoke first, rounding out syllables and spelling words.

I cannot say it, so it becomes I love you, Ich liebe dich, Te amo, Je t’aime. It becomes How are you, Wie gehst, ça va, Cómo estás. Never Ik hou van jou. Never Hoe gaat het. The words would mean something different, spoken in that foreign native tongue.

Have I lost something that should always have been mine? Have I gained something more? Am I not at home here anymore? Have I ever been? I, with my eager joy to be something, anything different, anyone else. My accent is from nowhere, anywhere, everywhere, except my own country. I worked so hard to banish it, that foreign native lilt. No one had to know, no one was to know. And now I am losing, not just tone and color, but the language with it.

Ik weet niet hoe ik vulnerable moet zijn in het nederlands. Ik ben de woorden kwijt.

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Please believe me when I lie

Please believe me when I say

I love, I love, I love you

I’ve never tasted the words when they were true

Let me drag around this mangled corpse of sincerity

And pretend with me it’s still alive

Theres blood staining my teeth

I’ll never wash my hands clean

No one told me how to love

Will you teach me how to grieve?

I’d believe you if you’d lie

I’d believe you if you’d say

I loved, I loved, I loved you

I never got the hear the words if they were true

I’d kill honesty to hear you lie

To claim you will stay by my side

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Bringing this back now. I aint american and while it wasnt written about US politics, it is meant against shitty elections results.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Live out of spite until you can live out of love and one day we Can and we Will make the world a better place.

I will live to see my future self

And then I will triumphantly yell

That I made it to a better time

I build myself a better life

We are the youth you cannot kill

We are the future you can’t keep still

We are riot, revolution

We grant no absolution

Pride is a riot, and pride is a protest

Pride is the truth you will not face

And the world that we will change

We’ll be dancing on your graves

Pride is in our veins

Yeah, Pride is in our veins

We’ll be dancing on your graves

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Words like knives, teeth like razors

Predator fangs, dripping venom, dripping blood

File them down, child

No one will love you

Obediant little whelp

Keep your mouth closed

Why so dismal, why so quiet

Speak up, or they’ll push you around

Bear your teeth, smile

What must I be, to be loved?

A doll, a robot, perfectly still

Only to speak at your command?

Must I be loved at all

Is this another rule no one cared to tell

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There is a rot in me

Somewhere deep it festers

Poisoning every breath I take

I do not know why it is there

Do not remember the wound that caused it

Perhaps it always was

Nothing caused it, the rot is me

There is a rot in you

People say, and they recoil

There is a rot in you, get rid of it

Who am I to disobey

There is no rot in you, the clipboard said

Bitter poison coats my tongue

Stains my teeth like venom

There is no rot in me

The clipboard said

There cannot be rot in me

The rot does not care where it can be

There is a rot in me

Every day it grows

I do not remember a before

I cannot cut it out

There is a rot in me

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Sometimes I wonder

What horrors did you see so long ago

That they plague you still

Eleven years I’ve given you

I fear it will never be enough to forget

The time you were alone

I used to love the ending of a year

When humanity lit up the sky

But every year you hide

Frightened, far from the light

Every sound enough to startle

I’ve started to dread December

You have changed me

In ways I can never explain

Neither to you or myself

I’m sorry I will never you you the peace of mind you deserve

But I will try to keep it quiet

Sleep little thing, a sneeze will not harm you

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Happy pride month everyone!

For all my fellow aros, aces, aroaces, and other aspecs; wether you experience love or not, you are so so valid and cared about. You are human and you matter.

And remember, its always morally to correct to steal ankles and kneecaps from aphobes and arophobes

They would tell me -you will find someone someday- -you will find your special one- -some day, some day you will love-

And they did not realize the meaning.

It is not reassurance. It is a threat. I have already found that special person. I am finding them again and again, anew every day. I am my own special person. I am the only one I cannot live without.

It is not someday. It was yesterday, it is today, it will be tomorrow. Do not threathen me with your concept of how love must work. I have redefined it to fit me and me alone.

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I wish that I could tell you

All the ways I would’ve loved you

But I’ve never been good

at talking, at loving, at being around

So I’m standing

Next to an empty grave

Thinking

of all my mistakes

Wishing

that I could tell you

How wonderful you were