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Eloise: Don’t look at me like that. Cressida: Like what? Eloise: Like I’m your everything. Cressida: I don’t know how else to look at you.

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Cressida: Why is your back covered with scratches? Eloise: *flashbacks to her chasing a raccoon after Agatha told her to leave it alone* Eloise: I’m having an affair.

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Eloise: You have no idea what I'm capable of!!! Cressida: Don't take it personally, but in that outfit I feel like I'm being threatened by a cupcake.

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Eloise: There’s something I need to get off my chest. Cressida: Is it your shirt? Please say yes.

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Cressida: I’ve only said ‘I love you’ to two people in my entire life: Eloise and this one person in a store that I mistook for Eloise.

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Cressida: I wish you would just admit when you make a mistake. Eloise: [stirring her coffee] Maybe I like it with salt.

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Eloise: [carves E + C’ into a tree] Cressida: What a nerd. Cressida: [adds ‘4ever’]

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Eloise: What?! How did you know I was going to propose? Cressida: Benedict hasn’t been able to look at me without crying and making “aww” noises for weeks.

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Cressida: Did you stab him? Eloise: Should I? I can go back...

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Benedict: Where’s the wicked bitch? Eloise: Cressida went to go fight everyone who has hurt me. Benedict: Oh no, who first? Eloise: Herself. She’s been yelling at the mirror for the last hour. Eloise: It's kinda refreshing.

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Cressida: Come on babe, I wasn’t that drunk. Eloise: You were literally flirting with me. Cressida: So what? You’re my wife. Eloise: You asked me if I was single, then tried to fight anyone you thought I was with when I said I wasn’t. Penelope, limping a little: It’s true.

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Eloise, watching Cressida be mean: Ugh. I can’t believe I’m gonna sleep with her. Benedict: … You don’t have too. Eloise: No, I’m gonna.

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Cressida: You piss me off so much. Theo: I literally just said "hello" Cressida: And yet I am here, boiling with rage.

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Anthony: I am this close to losing it! Benedict: Weird, it almost looks like your fingers are touching.

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Cressida: I’ve only had Eloise back for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

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Cressida, muttering to herself every time Eloise does something annoying: I love her I love her I love her-

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Daphne: You enjoy silently judging everyone, don’t you? Eloise, clinking her glass with Cressida: When have we ever done something silently? Benedict, downing a drink: Cheers to that! We share a wall.