incorrecthetalia - Tumblr blog

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Germany: Switzerland is here because we need an objective set of eyes on this matter.

Prussia: I can be objective!

Germany: Then, tell me, how do I look today?

Prussia: Normal?

Germany: No. Switzerland?

Switzerland: Bloated.

Germany: Thank you.

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Poland: If I don't think about it, there's always a chance it didn't happen.

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Tokyo, 1853

Japan: W-what do you want?

America: Peace

Japan: oh thank god, cause we thought-

America: *pulls out gun* and quiet

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China: You told him you love him?!

Japan: It's okay, everyone says it. I say I love ice cream and my internet provider, and I like him more than them. In most respects.

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England consoling his crying toddler: Listen, Canada, you don't seem to understand. Nothing you want is ever going to happen.

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FACE Family: We're an English dirtbag, a human turtleneck, a narcissistic monster, and literally the dumbest person I have ever met.

America: And who am I? Describe me now!

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Therapist [in the 1770s]: So, what brings you to therapy?

America: I came because my father has an obsession with controlling my life.

England: I came because my son has a delusion that I have an obsession.

Canada: I came because they brought me and I don't know how to get home.

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Hong Kong: I just feel like my soul is being chipped away, bit by bit.

China: Welcome to the world of work, kid.

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America: Justice is done. Not actual justice, but what I wanted to happen, which is basically the same thing.

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Luxembourg: So, what have you been up to?

Netherlands: Long weekend of looking into the mirror.

Luxembourg: Oh right, a bit of soul searching, was it?

Netherlands: Cocaine, Lux. Cocaine.

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China: What was it like living with England?

Hong Kong: It's been like... eating a vast portion of chips. Very comfortable, but there's this lurking sense that you're killing yourself.

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Spain: I do sort of like it when he’s rude to me. Hopefully that’s more of a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing.

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Russia: But we have something special! You can't throw all that away just because I spy on you!

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Prussia: Oh god, Hungary is just so lovely and she doesn't even realize it. Probably no one's ever told her. I should tell her! No, don't tell her. If she realizes, I'm finished.

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Lithuania: Dancing? Yeah, I love dancing. It makes me look like a coma patient being stood up and zapped with a cattle prod.

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Prussia: Hey Germany, why did the man fall in the well?

Germany: Uh, I don't know, why?

Prussia: Because he couldn't see that well!

Germany: *cocks gun*

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Belgium: You shouldn’t have agreed to help him in the first place.

Netherlands: Oh thanks, that’s really helpful. That’s really good advice. That’s exactly what I’ll do in the past, when it happens again, last week.