#source: the it crowd

[the-black-bulls]

Grey: I never know what to say to people at funerals.

Gordon: Neither do I, I'm terrible.

Gauche: Just say "I'm sorry for your loss" and then move on.

Grey: Oh, okay.

[at someone's funeral]

Grey & Gordon: I'm sorry for your loss. Move on.

[incorrectloveanddeepspace]

LaDS lads - incorrect quotes 4

mc: what did you have for breakfast this morning?

zayne: smarties cereal.

mc: oh my god, i didn't even know smarties made a cereal!

zayne: they don't, it's just smarties in a bowl with milk.

-

charlie the baker, outside mc's apartment door with flowers: i won't take up too much time, why can't i go in?

xavier, standing in mc's doorway: BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD

charlie: .... what?!

xavier: yeah, she's dead, she-she died. she died last night.

charlie: she DIED?!

xavier: yeah... completely.

charlie: my god... i just can't believe it!

xavier, sweating nervously: well i'd hardly make up something like that, would i?

-

mc: my wifi is named 'this, xavier, is the internet'

-

zayne: i can't imagine what mc sees in you.

caleb: it is done. leave it be.

zayne: well, good. i always knew she had some sense.

caleb: do not make light of this. leaving was the hardest thing i've ever done.

rafayel: oh will you two get over yourselves? you're like two dogs 'round a bitch in heat.

caleb: we were talking about mc, not you.

rafayel: i did her too!

-

mc, after xavier tried cooking for her: i'm just going to put this here... with the rest of the fire

-

sylus: i shit you not, kitten, it was this big!

mc: there's no way. impossible! i've had hundreds of those in my hands, and they're never that size.

sylus: now, would i lie about something so critical?

rafayel: what is wrong with you two? can't you ever have a conversation that isn't dirty?

caleb: i can't stand it anymore—what are you two talking about?

zayne: i'm afraid to ask, but... what are you two going on about?

xavier: ... what are you two talking about?

sylus: we're discussing knives, of course. well, daggers, technically. i never remember the difference.

sylus: why? what did you think we were talking about?

[emmikay]

Agamemnon: I never know what to say to people at funerals.

Menelaus: Neither do I, I'm terrible.

Odysseus: Just say "I'm sorry for your loss" then move on.

Agamemnon: Oh, okay.

(at Patroclus’ funeral)

Agamemnon: I'm sorry for your loss. Move on.

[verycorrect-tbbquotes]

Crosshair: I don’t like people.

Omega: Oh, well that’s not fair, Crosshair. Have you met all of them?

Crosshair: I’ve met enough of them. People. What a bunch of bastards.

[incorrectteyvatism]

Xiao: I don't like people.

Traveler: That's not fair, Xiao. Have you met all of them?

Xiao: I've met enough of them. People...what a bunch of bastards.

[uncorrectintamed]

Wei Wuxian: I'm here to drink wine and kick-ass and I just finished my wine.

[incorrectafcrichmond]

Barbara: Hooray, he's kicked the ball. The ball's over there now.

Keeley: That guy has it now. That's an interesting development. Maybe he'll kick the ball?

Barbara: He has indeed. And apparently and apparently that deserves a round of applause

Keeley: How long do football matches last?

Barbara: A billion hours, apparently.

[emoprincey]

Roman, trying to flirt: I like your glasses.

Logan: They're not for sale.

[lizzardwitch]

Heckyl: Kendall, do you have a moment? Kendall: No, I'm very busy, I don't want to go for a ride in a helicopter. Heckyl: Well, that wasn't what I was going to ask, actually. Kendall: What do you want then? Heckyl: Uhhh....something...work-related? Kendall: What department is this? Heckyl: Sorry? Kendall: Well, if it's work-related, then obviously you'll know what department this is. What department is this? *Heckyl glances at Chase & Riley* Heckyl: Some sort of...homosexual department?

[incorrectuksies]

elmer, looking at race: why are you giving me the secret signal to shut up?

[the-black-bulls]

Vanessa: You seem kind of out of it today, Zora. What did you eat for breakfast?

Zora: Don't be silly, what I ate this morning has nothing to do with my current state.

Vanessa: Nero, what did Zora eat for breakfast?

Nero: M&M cereal.

Vanessa: Oh god, you see! That's what I mean, I didn't even know M&Ms made a cereal!

Zora: They don't, it's just M&Ms in a bowl with milk. Creative, innovative, and saves time and money.

[blunderbusstanut]

Ashley tries cheering up a depressed Andrew.

Ashley, handing him a wrapped CD: Here. It's Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times. Try track four, Coffin Fodder. It sounds horrible, but it's actually quite beautiful.

[incorrect-whos-lila]

William:  I'm hanging on by a thread. I think I'll just get through it as long as nothing else bad happens. William: ... There's the phone now.

[verycorrect-tbbquotes]

Wrecker: [singing] we don’t need no education

Tech: Yes you do. You’ve just used a double negative!

[ladymiraclewings]

Tiki: Taki, what did you have for breakfast this morning?

Taki: Smartie cereal.

Tiki: Oh my God. I didn't even know Smarties made a cereal.

Taki: They don't. It's just Smarties in a bowl with milk.

[roseofithaca]

Mary: Alison, you and Mike shouldn't go to the theatre tonight.

Alison: Oh yeah, why's that?

Mary, turning to the window: An ill wind is blowing! Last night I did hear a crow calling from the trees! Caw! Caw! Well you knows what a crow sounds like.

Mary: When spying on your husband, I saw he did step on some lego. Ooh, it went right in his heel. Then when Julian did turn on the TV, the reception be not great. Not terrible, just not great.

Mary: Hear me well! No good shall come from your trip to the theatre tonight! No good at all! And if you ask me-

Mary: *turns to see Alison has gone*

Mary: Oh that's just bloody rude.