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Miwa: *frantically eating chocolate espresso beans in the bathroom* Momo: *knocks on the door* Miwa: *panics and drops the beans* Ah! Don't come in! Momo: Did you have an accident? Miwa: Yes, don't come in, I was just, um, constipated— Momo, already opening the door and seeing the beans all over the floor: Oh... Miwa: Momo: Momo: You should stay more hydrated.

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Megumi: Do you want me to be like you, or totally honest? Yuuji: Are you saying I'm a liar? Megumi: I'm saying you're an optimist. Megumi: It's basically the same thing.

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Yuuji: Cake! Make a wish! Megumi: Just leave me here to die. Nobara: If you tell us, Fushiguro, then it won’t come true.

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Nanami: Being an adult is terrible. Haibara: Tell me about it. In my next life, I'm coming back as a baby.

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Utahime: Hey Shoko, do you want to help? Shoko: Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.

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Megumi: Why are you throwing so much shade at everyone? Nobara: Because I can't throw rocks without getting in trouble.

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Gojo: I know he's having a miserable time. We have best friend telepathy. It's like my brain is receiving phone calls from him. Nanami: Well, you have a bad connection. Hang up. Gojo: Nuh-uh. I can sense these things. Remember when Suguru broke his leg and I sensed it? Shoko: That's because you fell on him and broke it.

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Panda: Get over here, Maki. Being part of the group means being a part of group hugs.

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Megumi: Are you sure you made the right choice picking me? Gojo: I don’t make mistakes, Megumi. I do crosswords with sharpies and never learned the shortcut for undo. Megumi: It’s Command + Z. Gojo: Don’t need it. Won’t use it.

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Nobara: Yuuji had a lot of ups and downs. May he rest in peace. Maki: He died? Nobara: Not yet. Megumi: He stole her coffee.

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Utahime: I don’t have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.

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Gojo: I’m too young to die and too old to eat off the kids’ menu. What a stupid age I am!

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Yuuji: So, what’s the plan? We go in there and just pow, pow, pow! And pick up the hostages? Megumi: What was that noise? Yuuji: Gunfire. Megumi: No, Yuuji. I think you mean pew pew pew. Yuuji: That sounds like fireworks. Nobara: Technically, they're like pa-choo, pa-choo, pa-choo. Gojo: Okay, enough with the bad sound effects. Gojo: Besides, it’s more like blam, blam, blam. Yuuji: What? Megumi: No way. Nobara: Wrong.

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Gojo: What's your favorite drink? Yuuji: Chocolate milk! Nanami: Hennessy.

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Gojo: Subtlety is key. Geto: You were dressed like a cowboy.

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Utahime: Gojo, you think every round fruit is an apple. Gojo: No, I don't! Shoko: *holds up cherries* What are these? Gojo: Tiny apples. Nanami: *points to pumpkin* And what is that? Gojo: Halloween apples.

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Gojo, to everyone else's disagreement: It's up to me to be the adult here.