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Maya: Is this about Carina? Andy: No. Maya: Then I've lost interest.

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Theo: What do you think Warren will do for a distraction? Travis: He'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do. [building explodes and several car alarms go off] Travis:... or he could do that.

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Andy: Bishop, keep an eye on Gibson today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Maya: Sure. I'd love to see Gibson get punched. Andy: Try again. Maya, sighing: I will stop Gibson from getting punched.

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Theo: So I'm the only one around here who can clean up, huh? You can't even lift a finger? Vic: Do I get to pick the finger?

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Maya: Bitches be like "I'm baby" but have childhood trauma and neglect, like what the fuck do you know about being baby, you were forced to grow up from an early age. Maya: Anyways, I'm bitches.

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Andy: Vic, if anybody asks for me, I've gone outside to scream into the night. Vic: Okay. Have one for me, too.

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Travis: *sighs heavily* Theo: Trav, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out Candyland wasn't an actual country.

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Jack: We could sing a carol. Andy: Terrific, I would love that. Jack: A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z... No L, no L.

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Andy: What did you get Robert for his birthday? Travis: I got him a kitten. Andy: Really? Me too! Jack: I also got him a cat. Vic: Looks like we all had the same idea. Andy: Maya, please tell me you didn't get Robert a cat as well! Maya: Maya: I got him a kitten. Robert, in his apartment surrounded by cats and kittens: This is the best birthday ever!

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Carina: Everybody look at the tree. Aw, I love our new tree. Maya: It's the day after Thanksgiving, Carina. I'm not looking at it 'til... tomorrow. Carina: Seems like just yesterday it was Thanksgiving. Maya: Oh my god.

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Andy: I thought you were at your father's funeral? Maya: What I said was, "My father's funeral is this weekend." Maya: I didn't say I would be there.

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Theo: Petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday. Travis: Wednesay. Theo: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible.

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Andy: I can't believe you designated me as spam. Maya: Oh, the endless group emails, their insufferable cheery 'go get em' attitude. Andy: It's morale, isn't it? Leadership is all about maintaining high levels of morale. Maya: I don't need my morale maintaining, especially not with pictures of three-toed sloths who vaguely resemble staff members. Andy: You don't like my sloth memes?

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Travis: I wasn't up all night. Vic: I was woken up to you clapping along to the Friends theme song every 20 minutes.

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Vic: I'm the smartest, wisest person in this group. Ben: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine? Vic: I paid for my Mars bar, I'm getting my Mars bar.

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Andy: I told you, I'm fine. Why the hell do you keep asking? Jack: You had 10 cups of coffee in seven minutes.

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Beckett: Why should I help you? Vic: Because we're friends! Beckett: When's my birthday? Vic: Unfair. When's my birthday? Beckett: I don't know because we're not friends.