incorrectthepittquotes

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Abbot: *to Mohan* I vomited somewhere in this room. I don't remember where though. Wait. You might want to check that drawer. Abbot: *staring at his reflection in a mirror* Stop. Pooping. Mohan: *crouching over Abbot* You have to get up off the floor now. Abbot: *face down* The floor is my friend. Mohan: Nothing like a complete physical breakdown to make a guy seem less intimidating. I love the flu!

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Mohan: Solidarity sister. McKay: YA YA! Mohan: You've been waiting all summer to say that haven't you? McKay: Ya ya.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Shen: Heh, you know what I just realized? 'Oy' is the funniest word in the entire world. Ellis: Hmm. Shen: I mean think about it, you never hear the word 'oy' and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word. Abbot: Oh dear god. Shen: 'Poodle' is another funny word. Abbot: Please drink your Dunkin, Shen. Shen: In fact, if you put 'oy' and 'poodle' together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchprase, you know? Like, 'Oy with the poodles already.' Ellis: Hehe. Shen: So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase: Ellis: Oy with the pooodles already. Abbot: *lays head down on keyboard* Shen: I'm telling you, it's knocking 'Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?' right out of first place.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Mel: Why me? Santos: Because people like you. You're quiet. You say 'Excuse me.' You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Abbot: I don't think we should move in. Mohan: *sadly* Oh, okay... Abbot: I think we should get married. Mohan: But--uh, what... Abbot: Soon. Mohan: Are you pregnant?

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Earl: Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait... I worry what you heard was, 'Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.' What I said was, 'Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.' Do you understand?

[incorrectthepittquotes]

*Collins agrees to go on a date again with Robby* Robby: Would you... wear that red thing to dinner? Collins: I will wear that red thing when you deserve to see me in that red thing.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

McKay: You know my code, hoes before bros. Mohan: Right. McKay: Uteruses before duderuses. Mohan: Sure. McKay: Ovaries before brovaries.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

*In the bar by the hospital, practicing for Samira's first date since undergrad* Santos: Samira's in worse shape than I thought. Samira: *by herself at the table, begins laughing excessively* Santos: Is she practice laughing?? Samira: Oh, Jack...

[incorrectthepittquotes]

*At the mall on 'Treat Yo Self' Day* Shen: Man, did you buy anything for yourself today? Robby: Yeah, I got this pack of socks. Shen: Plain white socks?! That's not a treat! Ellis! Get me away from him! Ellis: Look. Maybe this is our version of Treat Yo Self Day and he needs to do his version. Shen: What are you talking about? Ellis: Robby, if you could blow big money on one thing--not sock money--what would it be? *Cut to Robby stepping out in a legit Batman costume* Shen: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! This is a whole new level of nerd. Robby: You're right. This is ridiculous. What am I doing? Shen: No, no, no, no. I mean that in a good way, Robby. Listen to me, you're part of the Treat Yo Self Team now, okay? If that costume somehow makes you happy, you're gonna buy it. And you're gonna wear it out of the store, okay? You're gonna treat yo self. Robby: Yeah, you know what? I"m gonna do that. I'm gonna--I'm gonna treat myself. Thanks you guys. *Crying* Thank you. I really needed this. *Sobbing* I"m gonna treat myself. Ellis: Uh oh. Batman's crying.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Shen: Once a year, Parker and I spend a day treating ourselves. What do we treat ourselves to? Ellis: Clothes. Shen: Treat yo self! Ellis: Fragrances. Shen: Treat yo self! Ellis: Massages. Shen: Treat yo self! Ellis: Fine. Leather. Goods. Shen: Treat yo self! Ellis: It's the best day of the year. Shen & Ellis: *singing* The best day of the year!

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Princess: I have several men in rotation. One's waiting for me out in the car. Don't worry, I rolled down the window.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Whittaker: I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I am going to do.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Santos: When life gives you lemons, you sell some of your grandma's jewelry and ya go clubbin'.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Santos: *While Whittaker is jamming to Chaka Khan* I really only listen to like, German death reggae. And Halloween sound effect records from the 1950s. And Bette Midler, obviously.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Mel: Every February 13th, my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home, and we just come and kick it, breakfast-style. Ladies celebrating ladies. It's like Lilith Fair, minus the angst. Plus frittatas.

[incorrectthepittquotes]

Samira: Oooooh babe. You had a CRUSH on meeee? That's embarrassing! Jack: We're married. Samira: *laughing* Still!