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Maybe I should binge the Jurassic Park series

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DOCTOR ELLIE SATTLER MY BELOVED!!

JURASSIC PARK (1993) Dir. Steven Spielberg Laura Dern as Dr. Ellie Sattler

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Fellas is it gay if your boyfriend taps a heart beat against your back and your heart replies from its place in your chest? Asking for a friend

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Let me set the scene for yall

You’re at the register at your college customer service job, right next to you is a giant sign taller than you that says “graduation cap and gown pick up here”. You’ve been there for hours with little to no customers.

Then! It happens!! Someone is walking up to your register! Finally something to do!

They walk up, look intensely at the sign directly next to you saying that this is where you pick up graduation regalia, then look at you and ask “where do I pick up my bachelors graduation stuff?”

You pause slightly, you are sure they read the sign, but alas, maybe they’re having a rough day.

“You can pick that up here!” You say, still excited to have someone to talk to even though they seem tremendously confused. “Did you want to get the entire bachelors package? That would include the cap, gown, and tassel for $91”

They seem confused and say “no uh… I just need the tassel… gown and uh… cap. What’s in the bachelors package?”

You pause again, swearing you just said this. You rephrase. “That is going to include the tassel, gown and cap.”

They light up. “Okay perfect I’ll do that.”

You smile, check them out and you’re alone again for another at least 30 minutes.

The same thing happens every 30 minutes for your 4 hour shift.

That’s life.

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Last night while laying drunk in my bed I had this beautiful thought which was “from now on instead of telling girls to shoot their shot I’m gonna say ‘shoot your load’” and then I tweeted it and passed tf out only to wake up this morning to see that my friends liked it. I apologize but also I don’t

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UPDATE GANG ITS FUCKING FIRE

Little brother made a jayvik edit iktr

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Little brother made a jayvik edit iktr

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bestie is listening to boyfriend by btr and dancing while washing the dishes… get it I guess

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Working customer service makes me feel the way I imagine Jayce Talis felt when he smashed salo with his hammer

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Every time someone draws a woman without a bush an angel loses its wings

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I feel twitchy, like it’s in my legs and hands, I wanna go and do something but it’s 12 in the morning and I have work in the morning. Maybe I’ll walk around the neighborhood or smthn

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Little Caesar’s is good when you don’t have an ugly bitch in ur ear saying it’s nasty

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Currently watching bestie try to figure out what nothing looks like. He’s tweaking

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Little Caesar’s is good when you don’t have an ugly bitch in ur ear saying it’s nasty

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New drag name just dropped

Anal og whore (analog horror)

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Was convincing my roommates to come with me to see a baseball game and one of my roommates said “idk, I only know when they hit the ball” and I said “baseball players all have fat asses” and he responded with “ooooh really!? 👀 why didn’t you say so?” I know how to entice a gay man when I need to

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I like posting here because it’s like talking to a vast sea of nothingness