infused-with-madness

[infused-with-madness]

So, I'm a panromantic asexual, right? And that's a lot of syllables. I could use the short forms instead.

So, I'm a pan ace, right? And that's a lot easier to say, but it's not as cool as it could be. There's a word that already exists, though, that sounds kinda similar, and it works because of the aces and cake thing.

So, I propose this: I'm a pancake.

[infused-with-madness]

Him: What do they say about me?

Me: That you're a demon.

Him: And what does your heart say about me?

Me: That you're a SEXY demon.

[infused-with-madness]

Some days I look in the mirror and think "oh my god i'm so ugly no one will ever love me" and other days I look in the mirror and think "oh my god i'm so gorgeous no one will ever be worthy of my love".

There is no in between.

[infused-with-madness]

Things that Sound Weird Out of Context #1

I fish slapped a zombie.

[infused-with-madness]

I don't like short guys, I don't like tall guys, I don't like guys my height. But I like guys. Do you see my problem?

[infused-with-madness]

my father playing a tank warfare game: they're coming round the corner! fire at will

my 7yo brother playing with him: who's will

[infused-with-madness]

The Don’ts of Dating #3

Don’t follow them home in a black van after your date.

Black vans are so cliché. Make it a white car, and they won’t suspect a thing.

[infused-with-madness]

Working at McDonalds Gothic

- You can hear beeping. You can always hear beeping. Someone pushes a button. It stops. It starts again.

- Someone you don't recognise offers you a cup of water. You take it. Ten minutes later a different person offers you a cup of water. You never see either of them again.

- The ice cream machine is broken again. They say someone will fix it soon. It's been three years. They keep telling you it will get fixed soon.

- You assemble a burger. The bun is empty. No one ordered it.

- A customer is yelling at you in a foreign language. You don't know why. You don't want to know why. They do not stop yelling until the store closes. The store doesn't close.

- The McCafe crew think they're better than you. All of you. They are right. No one tells them that they're right. No one talks to them at all.

- There is something in the walk-in freezer. It whispers to you every time you go near it. It whispers commands. You follow them. The customers are oblivious.

- Your shift ends in ten minutes. Three hours pass. You check your watch. Your shift ends in nine minutes.

[infused-with-madness]

me when my friend hasn't texted me for a month: hey mate been a while how are you

me when my boyfriend hasn't texted me for 12 hours: omg are you okay??? are you busy??? is your phone flat??? are you cheating on me??? are you dead??? omg you are you are dead no this is so sad i miss you so much and i love you why did you have to die???

[infused-with-madness]

I'm seriously worried about these "gay bass dabs" that are coming for me...

[infused-with-madness]

dictionary poem xlvi by keaton st. james

[infused-with-madness]

The Don'ts of Dating #2

Don't show them your collection of photos that you secretly took of them before you two even properly met. If you do, they'll complain about how you didn't Photoshop the photos to make them look even sexier.

[infused-with-madness]

After all these months, all these moments, all these memories... You left me.

On read.

[infused-with-madness]

The Don'ts of Dating #1

Don't ask them what they want to name the kid when you're on your first date.

Trust me, they come up with some pretty weird stuff. Wait until the second date at least before you ask for baby names.

[infused-with-madness]

"I miss you and you're only on the other side of the room."

- I never have the courage to go sit next to you.

Would you even want me to?

[infused-with-madness]

Studies show that women are more attracted to men with longer limbs. By kneeling, men emphasise their glorious knees and therefore draw female eyes to the length of their heavenly legs. Even if their legs aren't that long, you can't always tell just from seeing them on their knees, so your brain thinks that they have really luscious long legs.

Science side of Tumblr please explain…

Why

The fuck

Is it

So hot

To see a man

On his knees

[infused-with-madness]

You can try. You can try to wash off the sins of your past, to be truly clean, but the stench of your deceit and betrayal and poor decision-making skills and that one stain that will not disappear no matter what product you use will always stain the air. But please, I beseech you, do try. Maybe you'll succeed in running from your demons when everyone else has been consumed by theirs.

I just wanna be clean. I just wanna wrap myself in cellophane and lay, dormant in a newly built airport yet unopened to the public.