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Hi I'm back. I still like math but even more now to avoid thinking about my high school civics class. Also integral silly. Yippee

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I have to go to school in an hour and imma be honest I'm not really that hyped (My school has a huge bullying problem)

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Okay I'm not gonna reblog the actual post because I don't wanna give this clown blog publicity but I do wanna laugh at it. These are not AI-based tools lmao. Probably some of them are, but a lot of them are not. Unless you think every algorithm is AI. Or you think every platform where you can do enough coding to build a simple AI is itself AI. Or you're just slapping AI buzzwords on stuff so you can make a stupid list post. This shit is so annoying the maple calculator is not fucking AI lol

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AND HE DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE REALLY LIKE WHAT "Oh I've turned into a giant bug oh well time to go to work" DOES THIS HAVE A DEEPER MEANING??? PROBABLY BUT IT SOMETIMES FEELS LIKE A SITCOM

I had to be hit with the realization that in metamorphosis he just wakes up as a bug like no animorph thing, no he literally wakes up as a giant bug and I feel like that's the funniest shit to me and I don't know why

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I had to be hit with the realization that in metamorphosis he just wakes up as a bug like no animorph thing, no he literally wakes up as a giant bug and I feel like that's the funniest shit to me and I don't know why

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u know someone’s about to get dragged through the mud when an academic uses the phrase ‘it’s tempting to assume’

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Borrowed a manual on research essays from one of my teachers, hoping to finish it... Eventually.

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He doesn't even know how to use GOOGLE DOCS

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He doesn't even know how to use GOOGLE DOCS

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Exhausted from school. Hoping to get some rest today so I don't combust from burn out

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math people scare me. math people will be like "math works in mysterious ways TO YOU. i get it though." and they do and it's fucking terrifying.

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I've got a terrible cold rn. Not sure if I'll be able to go to school tomorrow and I'm terrified about missing work but also a bit relieved as school has always been extremely stressful.

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Pharmacology my beloved...

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Thinking about points on a line today. Sorry, we turned your boyfriend into a point on a line now. Yeah, he's A in reference to B on a graph. Sorry.

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I’ve always struggled with social anxiety and self-confidence in different areas. It waxes and wanes in amplitude, but it’s always there. This affects my ability to do research as I struggle to do things like use the phone, send emails asking people to do things in a timely fashion, and finish work due to perfectionism.  It was really bad a couple of years ago, during my PhD. We had official annual meetings with a member of staff to check on progress back then, which were a good idea but terrified the students. I always had mine with a member of faculty a lot of people are scared of. I’m not sure why, maybe because their courses were very difficult and they was a strict marker? I’d heard they’d mellowed over the years so maybe, like a fear of the dark, students’ wariness passed down the generations.  Whatever the reason, I’d never been scared of them, and always saw them as a fair mind when it came to assessing my progress. I wouldn���t believe myself or my friends mostly, but I’d trust them to tell the truth. On my last meeting they knew I wasn’t very well. I always cried in these meetings through stress/lifting of stress, so true to form the box of tissues were ready and they offered me a fruit tea. I had the summer fruits. It was really sweet and calming, and I didn’t need the tissues that year. We spoke at length about why I was struggling within myself when my work seemed perfectly fine, even really good in places. And we got talking about anxiety when not at work. Turns out both of us have similar social anxiety problems! We both struggle to go in a shop with no or few other customers, because we hate being watched by staff. It’s really specific but I bet it’s common haha. We both hate using the phone, even ordering take away is difficult! Maybe this is why I wasn’t scared of them?  At any rate, it was great to know I wasn’t alone, here was a full professor with the same problems I have, still doing science! But, I asked, how do you do it? How did you get this high up the ladder and not quit, or not take it out on yourself? How are you not anxious all the time? Oh, I am anxious, they said. I was really bad for years. Wouldn’t use the phone at all. But then I was made Head of Department.  That’s terrifying! What did you do? Well I was still anxious, about using the phone for example. But I realised, the Head of Department uses the phone to call people to get things sorted quickly. And at the moment, I’m Head of Department. That’s the hat I’m wearing. The Head of Department picks up the phone and the Head of Department speaks to people to Get Things Done. That’s a role I’m performing, that’s all, and people expect me to be the Head of Department. And it helped, and now I can use the phone because I’m used to it.  Hearing them say that was a bit of an epiphany. They weren’t saying “just suck it up”, it’s a complete reframing of the interaction. 

YOU might not like using the telephone to ask so-and-so to do something, but Scientist-In-Charge-Of-Making-This-Thing-Work DOES call Collaborators to remind them, and then Collaborators can respond that they forgot, or they have it scheduled in for next week, because it’s their role to do something. 

YOU might be scared of going into that shop, but a Potential Customer does go into shops and look around. Potential Customer might be asked by Sales Rep whether they need help, and Potential Customer can say just browsing. Sales Rep may watch Potential Customer browse, but that’s okay, because they’re waiting to perform their role. And when Potential Customer leaves the shop, they aren’t that role anymore, back to self. Interaction done. 

YOU might not want to email that person to ask them for a reference, BUT a Final Year Student DOES send the email, because part of their role is to get a reference at the end. And the person receiving the email also has a role, and that is Someone Who Sometimes Gets Reference Requests, that they can response Yes or No to. Then Final Year Student can get their reference about Final Year Student or can move on to someone else. Interaction over. Slate clean. Sometimes we get so caught up we forget that many of the things we do are divorced from our own self, and we worry about judgements from other people. But in a lot of our interactions, especially at work or school, we have a set of roles and rules. When it’s getting really hard for me to do things like email, phone, or go somewhere, it helps me to think of that Professor’s first day as Head of Department, them sitting there with that weight of responsibility and internally screaming as they pick up the phone the first time, because that’s what Head of Departments do. If they can do it and normalise it, I know I can too. One day! :) 

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Fun fact: by just using imaginary numbers, some Evil Math, and 101 rotating vectors You Can Create a shitty approximation of a fish.