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[inkedcinders]

The Alley

           Sol’s back was up against a brick wall, her hands braced flat against the rough surface in an attempt to stabilise herself. Balancing on one leg was hard enough, but with what Damon was doing while on his knees, well…

           One leg was pulled over his shoulder, leaving her exposed to the whims of his lips and tongue, hand with a tight grip on her thigh so she couldn’t move, while the other hand had the fabric of her underwear pulled to the side for access.

           As his tongue laved over the sensitive skin again, she shivered, biting down on her lip in an effort to stifle any untoward noises she might make. She already wasn’t a terribly vocal person — something that Damon often tried very hard to make otherwise — but the fear that someone might be nearby enough to hear added an extra layer of don’t make any noise.

           His tongue slid between the folds, flicking across the sensitive nub at the apex, then again, and again, adjusting his hand slightly so his thumb could peel back flesh to expose her further, and she could feel him grinning, so very satisfied with himself for getting her into this position.

           He really shouldn’t have been; she was quite aware that, when it came to him, she was incredibly easy.

           Tongue, lips, teeth; all combined to very slowly stir the heat in her belly, to get her wet and wanting and he was so good at it, at pulling the responses he wanted, and sometimes she wanted to hit him for it.

           A twitching, fluttering sensation, heat and wet, and she brought a hand to her mouth, biting down on flesh in a desperate bid to keep quiet. A soft whimper still managed to escape, and Damon chuckled in response. “Having a hard time there?” he asked, pressing a kiss on her thigh, away from where she really wanted it.

           “W-what if someone hears?” She hissed, glancing down the alley.

           “Just keep quiet then.”

           “What if someone comes here?”

           “Only one person gonna be coming, sweetheart,” he grinned wickedly, and she shot him an unimpressed look, although it didn’t last long once he returned his attentions to between her legs.

           He shifted positions slightly, freeing up his other hand so his fingers slip inside, wiggling until he found just the right spot to drive her mad. It was embarrassing, how easily and quickly they moved inside her, a testament to her arousal, despite the odds, and no matter how often she told herself that this was all perfectly natural, she couldn’t help feeling a twinge of shame every time.

           And then Damon wrapped his lips around the most sensitive part of her and sucked, and at that point she almost fell over, one hand gripping his shoulder and the other tangling in his hair. As a result, he almost overbalanced, although he caught himself quick enough.

           “I’d forgotten that can happen,” he grumbled. “Was wondering why I hadn’t done it in a while… hold on…”

           Before Sol could ask him what he meant by that, she found herself being lifted entirely off the ground, Damon getting her other leg up over his shoulder in a quick movement, somehow managing the dexterity to make sure she was propped up against the wall instead of falling completely backwards and cracking her head.

           That would probably have killed the mood, a little.

           Damon lost little time resuming where he left off, and it wasn’t long before any worries about someone walking into the alley left her mind completely, replaced with heat and pleasure. Her fingers curled into his hair, almost subconsciously, pulling him closer as her hips bucked.

           Her other hand was back over her mouth, teeth biting into the soft flesh to block the whimpering moans coming from her throat. She was close, so close, heels digging into his back as her body thrummed and tensed, spiralling higher and higher until…

           It was different, every time. This time, it was like shattering into pieces, sharp and intense, coming down quickly as she gasped against her hand, the faint taste of blood in her mouth. She’d bitten her hand far too hard.

           Her muscles refused to cooperate, and she was entirely useless while Damon struggled to extricate himself from her legs without dropping her. Which she wouldn’t have put past him, so it was nice of him not to.

           He helped her upright, and she leaned heavily against his chest, still breathing hard as he quickly righted her underwear and skirt back to their proper positions.

           He rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth, smirking. “There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

           “Fuck you,” she muttered, pouting as she felt him laugh.

           “Later, on the ship,” he grinned, wrapping his arm around her waist and nudging her forward. “Don’t want to ruin those pretty stockings in a dirty alleyway… there are much more fun methods.”

           “Asshole.”

           “Can’t argue with you there.”

[inkedcinders]

Coming Out

Coming Out

           It was a fairly normal day, slightly overcast but hot, not that it mattered when you spent all of your time indoors as answer was want to do. How else was he supposed to keep his pasty complexion? Plus, he’d finally gotten air conditioning, courtesy of a friendly donation of the woman sitting next to him.

           Not that he had a choice in the matter, so it was more of a hostile donation.

           Sitting next to him on the couch was his assuredly not-a-girlfriend, sigma, known to the rest of the world as Natalie Abela, daughter to the CEO of AbelaTech. She was insanely wealthy by extension of her father, and so incredibly smart she finished high school two years early and went straight into university. Despite this, she was still so under stimulated intellectually that she’d taken on part-time hacking gigs.

           She hadn’t been terribly well-known at the time, keeping herself to small jobs that she could do from home or a library, trying to keep a low, anonymous profile. It wasn’t like she needed the money, after all, or the fame. It was just a way to pass the time. It most likely would have continued that way if he hadn’t tried to access AbelaTech’s servers through a backdoor route that turned out to be her personal files, and she’d counter-hacked him in response.

           His roommate Buster still bore the mental scars of what she’d uploaded to answers’ ‘ware.

           Answer wasn’t entirely certain how they’d gone from antagonists to occasionally working together, but it was how she started doing the bigger jobs, going on-site and sometimes even shooting things.

           And she was still getting perfect A’s in school.

           From there they’d become friends, with her foisting a cat on him that he’d named Tubby-tubb-tubbs to her annoyance, but conceded was better than “Cat”. The orange fuzzball was a useless mouser but loved to cuddle, and she paid for her upkeep, and he was still a little afraid of sigma through proxy of her father, so he’d just let it slide.

           He was even less certain how they’d become lovers. It just sort of... happened. And then they’d said it was a bad idea, and should never do it again. And then it happened again not long after. A few more rounds of this and they’d given up and just accepted it was happening.

           She was quite insistent that they were not going out, which hurt a little bit for reasons he didn’t want to think about.

           21 now, she’d completed her bachelors and moved on to a masters degree, still being annoyingly vague about what she was majoring in, despite a noncommittal hand wave and “just computer stuff”. She kept him weirdly distant from her life.

           It kind of made him feel like a secret mistress or something.

           She was working on schoolwork, he was doing the boring part of shadow running: sorting through his messages and paperwork. Sometimes sigma did it for him for fun because she was insane, but today it was his burden to bear.

           Sorting through a few messages on a job call, he made a derisive noise at the contents of one, emphatic enough to get the tiny hacker to look up at him.

           “What is it?” She asked.

           “Ah, just some dumb fuck who’s pitching a fit because there’s a known technomancer in a job call,” he muttered, rolling his eyes.

           Her head tilted slightly, assessing. “You’re okay with technomancers?”

           He gave her a look. “Why wouldn’t I be? They’re just people, right? You have to be stupid to get your panties in a twist over a dude who can hack with his brain. Or people with magic. Or the metahuman variants. Lotta stupid people.”

           “There are a few,” she remarked dryly. “I thought a lot of hackers didn’t like them because they were gonna put them out of a job, or whatever.”

           He gave a short laugh. “There aren’t that many technomancers, and not all of them want to be hackers, either,” he said. “And just because they’re technomancers doesn’t mean they’re gonna be good at it. Not many technomancers are better than me.”

           “I’m better than you,” she said mildly, turning back to her work.

           “Well, yeah, you’re better than me, but...” he trailed off as his brain caught up with what she said. He shot her a look, but she was studiously working on her school assignment, not looking at him, and it was difficult to determine what she was thinking. Did she just..?

           That wasn’t necessarily an admission to being a technomancer. It was a pretty ambiguous statement. She might just have been throwing shade by saying the girl six years his junior was better at him than hacking and so didn’t believe his claim that most technomancers weren’t at his level.

           Then again, sigma was a master at being coy. She was naturally rather shy, despite all appearances, and she lived under such scrutiny that she had gotten very good at ambiguous statements that could be taken multiple ways and spun in the way that caused the least amount of fuss. She could be testing the waters, see how he recreated to the idea.

           Because despite everything, technomancers were still under threat, even if things were better than at emergence.

           Answer decided it was best not to say anything. It was a touchy subject for a lot of people, especially technomancers, and if she wasn’t feeling safe enough to just out and say it, he didn’t want to press the issue. If the situation blew up, he’d deal with it then.

           Maybe not the best policy, but these weren’t the decisions he was really made for.

           Sigma did some hand gestures to deal with whatever she was doing in AR, then said, “To the question you’re dying to ask, the answer is yes, I am.”

           Well, that was refreshingly direct. Looking closer, he noticed that her tan skin had gone pale, body tense, hands slightly trembling. Not as unaffected as she was pretending to be.

           “You should really keep quiet about that,” he said finally. “Technomancers just... disappear sometimes, and I don’t think even your father’s money and influence will help with that.”

           She shot him an annoyed look. “Answer, I have been a technomancer for the last five years, I know a thing or two about “keeping quiet”!”

           “Five years?” He repeated, incredulous, and then suddenly so many strange things that had happened over the years clicked into place.

           Then he couldn’t help grinning. “Wait, if you’re saying this now, it means you trust me, don’t you?” He couldn’t help but feel a little bit excited by it; she was actually allowing him a little closer.

           She didn’t quite look at him, mumbling, “Maybe a little... I have been letting you have sex with me for the last three years...”

           He made a derisive noise. “Sex has nothing to do with trust.”

           “That explains so much about you.”

[inkedcinders]

OC Questionnaire

I got tagged with this on my Holos blog, and filled out a few characters there, but I decided to do one for my favourite Sole Survivor, Tesla :D

GENERAL

Name: Tesla (née Novak) Winters Alias(es): General, Director, Knight (formerly), Whisper (formerly) Gender: Female Age: Late 20s Place of birth: Waltham, Massachusetts (moved to Boston at age 10) Spoken languages:  English, some Serbian Sexual orientation:  Straight Occupation:  Lawyer (formerly), Director of the Institute

APPEARANCE

Eye colour: Hazel Hair colour: Brown Height: 5’6” Scars: Light scars on right side of mouth, right eyebrow (due to a malfunctioning science project).

FAVOURITE

Colour: Black Hair colour: Black Eye colour: Blue Entertainment:  Science Fiction B-Movies Pastime: S C I E N C E Food: Steak Drink:  Bourbon Books: Pulp Novels

 HAVE THEY

Passed university: Yes (law degree) Had sex: Yes Had sex in public: Yes (in the park) Gotten pregnant: Yes (one son) Kissed a man: Yes Kissed a woman: No Gotten tattoos:  No Gotten piercings: Used to have pierced ears. Had a broken heart: Yes Been in love: Yes Stayed up for more than 24 hours: Yes (studying late into the night, getting distracted with science projects, travelling across the wasteland).

 ARE THEY

A virgin: No A cuddler: Yes A kisser: Yes A smoker: No (even after she takes up chems). Scared easily: No Jealous easily: No Trustworthy: Depends on who you ask. Dominant: No Submissive: No Single: Widowed.

 RANDOM QUESTIONS

Wanted to kill someone: Yes. Actually killed someone: Yes. Ridden a beast: No. Have/had a job: Yes. Have any fears: Being alone, losing her family, failure, her nightmares.

 FAMILY

Sibling(s): No Parents: Marina and Vitomir Novak (deceased). Children: Shaun (deceased). Pets: Dogmeat

[inkedcinders]

Missing (Chapter 2)

Also Available on AO3

X6 paced within the Director’s quarters, his boots making a soft click, click as he turned. He could be utterly silent when the situation called for it, but he found the sound soothing, something to match his heart rate to.

He was finding it difficult.

Night had come and gone, and Tesla had yet to return. On the surface, it would be approaching midday. In the Institute, time was a little murkier. X6 had been quietly getting in contact with the Institute’s various surface-side resources, but no one could tell him where Tesla had gone. Everyone had orders to keep a look out for her, and to send word as soon as they could if she were spotted.

You are worrying too much, he silently chastised himself, one hand clenching the other behind his back as he made another turn. She has spent far longer than this away from the Institute, even without you being there. There is little to worry about.

And yet, he still worried.

Empathy was not his strong suit. He understood that, and even preferred it; emotions were messy and seemed to only serve to get in the way of things. Even so, he understood that Tesla was not well. If she felt that she couldn’t handle her grief...

His mouth thinned into a grim expression, stopping in the middle of the room. Suicide, while not as common as on the surface, wasn’t unheard of in the Institute. He’d seen a few attempts, both successful and unsuccessful. The thought of Tesla doing something similar was unspeakably unpleasant.

He decided not to examine that thought any closer.

X6 mentally ran down the areas Tesla would most likely go. Sanctuary was his first thought; it was her home, the most peaceful of the settlements she’d established with the assistance of the Minutemen, and far away from the lingering remnants of the Brotherhood of Steel and the Railroad. This was the most likely option.

His second thought was Nuka World, but he dismissed that almost instantly. From what he’d gathered, Tesla and the raider who’d dragged her into that whole mess hadn’t parted on the best of terms. She was surprisingly tight-lipped about the subject.

He knew she wasn’t in Diamond City, the Institute’s agents would have sent that news along if she was.

Tesla was also close with that ghoul, the mayor of Goodneighbor. Hancock, was it? He rubbed his thumb against his hand, thinking. With Tesla’s current abuse of drugs, the ghoul mayor would certainly be a tempting choice, and Goodneighbor in general would make it too easy for her to procure more drugs, even without the mayor.

A short sigh passed his lips, and he closed his eyes briefly, centering himself. He had a lot of preparation to do to get ready for his excursion to the surface, if Tesla did not return by the time night fell.

And he was certain that she wasn’t going to.

- - -

Tesla stirred, her mind foggy with sleep and the remaining dregs of her drug cocktail. Her limbs felt like they were weighted down with concrete blocks, and she spent a few minutes just lying there, focusing on her breathing.

She should have been getting up immediately to take charge of the situation, but she felt curiously safe, wherever she was. At the very least, she could afford a few minutes to let herself fully wake up.

There was something familiar about the smell of the place. The smell of old, treated wood and furniture mixed with the newer smell of dirty bodies, a faint strain of chems filtering through it. The smell of chems made her mind itch, addiction clawing forward, demanding to be fed, along with the desire to obliterate all those painful memories.

I’m in Goodneighbor. How..? She slowly sat up, her head screaming pounding pain as she did so. She was laid down on a couch in Hancock’s “living room”, as he sardonically had called it. Some of the furniture had changed, but it was still familiar. She slid her legs off the side onto the floor, leaning forward with her head in her hands as she groaned. She wasn’t sure if it was the comedown, or withdrawal.

Vague memories began to filter through the haze, of being dragged through Goodneighbor’s gates. She may or may not have been fighting Hancock the whole time. I’ll need to apologise to him...

She blinked a few times, rubbed her eyes. There was a bottle of water and some med-x on the table by the couch, likely from Hancock. She gratefully drank the water, suddenly aware of savage dehydration, then eyed the med-x warily.

She knew the drug use was bad. She took too much, made dangerous combinations. It would end up killing her one day.

Would that really be so bad?

The water had eased her headache somewhat, but it still throbbed painfully as she leaned forward to pick up the chems, her hands shaking slightly as she did so. My head hurts, med-x dulls the pain, that’s what it’s for, it’s not the same...

She stared at the syringe, wishing that it dulled mental pain, too.

As she contemplated the drug in her hands, one of the double doors leading to the room opened, and Hancock stepped into the room.

“I see yer awake, Sunshine,” he drawled, kicking the door closed behind him.

“Hancock,” she said hoarsely, absently putting down the syringe.

“At least y’remember my name,” he said, hands in his pockets as he sauntered over. “You were pretty fuckin’ high there, Tes.”

“Guess I was,” she said. Why do I feel so awkward?

“I never took y’fer a chem kinda gal. Never touched the stuff when we ran together,” he said, watching her.

“I thought I’d pick up a new hobby,” she said flatly. “You made it seem to appealing.” Why are you being so antagonistic, Tes?

He let out a bark of laughter. “A guy like me makes everythin’ look appealin’, Sunshine,” he grinned, but it didn’t meet his eyes. “You were a fuckin’ mess, though. Didn’t anyone teach ya not to mix yer poisons?”

Tesla stood, a little unsteady, uncomfortable to be sitting down while he was standing up. Too easy to get the drop on me... but Hancock was a friend, right? “I wasn’t really thinking about it. I’ll keep that in mind.” Trying to do a lot less thinking right now, thanks. “How... how long have I been..?”

“Passed out in a drug-laden stupor?” He finished for her. “I found ya around... 2 in the mornin’, I guess? You passed out once I’d dropped you on the couch. It’s midday now.”

I lost half a day? Fuck. “I... thanks, Hancock.”

“What’re you doin’ out here, Tes?” He sounded almost accusatory.

Good question. “Just... needed to get away for a while,” she said, not quite willing to go into specifics. Not yet.

“I’m gonna need a little bit more than that, Tes,” he said. “I got people here t’protect, and I can’t have the Institute come crashing in here cuz you pissed them off.”

She bristled, at that. “I didn’t do anything to the Institute.” I did everything for them, and what has that gotten me? “You don’t have anything to worry about, on that front. I just need a... a vacation.”

“Why not go to Sanctuary then? Nice an’ peaceful up there, far away from everythin’ that could bother ya.”

Her skin crawled at the thought. Even before fully throwing her lot behind the Institute, she hadn’t stayed in Sanctuary. She couldn’t bear it, seeing the house she’d bought with Nate in ruins, so close to his eternal tomb...

“What does it matter, Hancock?” She sighed, looking away from him as she moved past, towards the doors. “This place is as good as any —”

If she’d continued watching him, she would have seen his change in expression. As it was, she was caught completely off guard when he cut her off.

Hancock had her against the wall, switchblade lazily swinging in one hand while the other found balance on the wall beside her, trapping her. She was two inches taller than he was, but he was a force of personality, and she was so very tired and broken, he might as well have been 10 feet tall.

Tesla kept her expression calm, neutral; she’d gotten very good at it under the constant surveillance of the Institute, specifically X6. She kept her eyes on Hancock, but she was very aware of the switchblade in her peripheral vision.

She remembered Finn.

“So you fuck off, slum with those Institute guys for months without so much as a hello, then suddenly show up literally out of nowhere,” he said easily, almost cheerfully, in utter contrast to the words he was speaking and the expression on his face. “And yer asking me for... what? Take you up for a bit? Hide you? Why would I do that?”

Tesla took a slow, steadying breath, not breaking eye contact for a second. Not making that mistake again. “We were friends, once. Hoping we still were. We’ve been through a lot, you and I; that means nothing to you, then?” And, you know, you’ve already helped me out a bit here.

Hancock chuckled. “That was before you threw your lot in with a bunch of crazies who have little respect to the idea of free will and who want everyone up top to die.” The switchblade spun around his fingers, and Tesla couldn’t help but to briefly twitch her eyes towards it. “That isn’t the sort of thing t’get a guy all charitable, Tes.”

“And what would, Hancock?” She asked.

“Hmm, what would?” His stance changed subtly, but enough, closing in the distance between their bodies, pushing her further against the wall as she attempted, and failed, to maintain a comfortable distance. “You could always spend a few nights with me.”

Oh for fuck’s sake. He’s fucking playing with me. “That’s hardly a fair trade, Hancock.”

She felt the cold metal edge of the switchblade against her cheek, and she kept herself absolutely still. “I could always stop making it a request.”

She stared at him flatly, impervious and cold. “John,” she said sharply, and he actually flinched. “We both know you’re not that kind of man, so stop fucking with me already.”

The ghoul laughed, stepping back and hiding the switchblade back up his sleeve with a flourish. “Hey, I hardly ever get to play the bad guy, can you blame me?” He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking down at his boots as one scuffed at the floor. “I wasn’t bein’ entirely dishonest, though. You’ve been gone an awful long time, Tes, without a word. Like you said, we were friends, once, so why the silence?”

She finally looked away from him, staring at the thin light filtering through a window to weakly illuminate the room. “Shaun... my son... he...” It still hurt. It hurt so badly, and no one seemed to care about what she’d lost. “He died. Cancer. There wasn’t... wasn’t anything they could do.”

Hancock looked up. Her voice was shaking, so very uncharacteristic of her. Her eyes were dry, but there was a strange deadness to them that he was all too familiar with. How many people had he seen with that same expression?

How many times had he seen that expression staring back at him from the mirror?

“They don’t get it, John,” she said softly, barely above a whisper. ���They lost their Director, but I lost my son, that I spent so long searching for, who was ripped away from me after my husband was murdered. They had a lifetime with him, I had... I had barely any time at all.”

“Tes...”

“It hurts, you know?” She continued, still staring at the window. “Worse than any bullet or stinger. It doesn’t stop, doesn’t heal. It’s just... there, constantly.” She laughed, a dull, wooden sound. “I tried coping, you know. In the worst way. A few drinks before sleeping, just so I could sleep. But I’d wake up remembering, so I’d drink some more.”

“Tes.”

“Next thing you knew, I was drinking all the time.” She said it so matter-of-fact, one could almost think she was talking about someone else. “Those scientists, they knew something was up. But I hid it pretty well, so they never figured it out. They probably would have, eventually, if it weren’t... if it weren’t for X6. He helped hide it and cover for me when it was... bad.”

“Jesus Christ, Tes.”

“Eventually he got sick of it. Can’t really blame him, I guess. He threatened me, to turn me out to the scientists and expose everything, if I didn’t stop. So I stopped drinking, sure, but I just picked up... worse habits. It’s not hard to leave the institute when you’re the Director, you know? Pop out every once and a while with the guise of hunting down a runaway or recovering captured synths. It’s so easy, I could do it without X6. He was suspicious of how often I would go out without him, so I started buying a lot at once when I didn’t bring him along and hiding it.

Hancock was staring, shocked at the story he was hearing. This was Tesla, sole survivor of Vault 111, who’d taken on the Commonwealth and won, right? She’d appeared so strong and focused, it was hard to believe there was this much pain underneath it all.

“Eventually I couldn’t stand being there anymore,” she said dully. “I gathered up some supplies, took a few hits for the road, and chose a random destination to get teleported to. My luck I ended up so close to Goodneighbor, I guess. Or maybe I didn’t, and I just wandered here out of... I don’t know... instinct. I took a lot of drugs before hitting that teleporter, it’s kind of hazy.”

His decision to take a walk outside of Goodneighbor was certainly turning out to be rather serendipitous. “Shit, Tes, why didn’t you come to any of us? We don’t got any of that fancy Institute tech, but...”

“I recall very few of you being happy with my decision to throw in with the Institute,” she said dryly. “Piper and Nick in particular had some very... vocal opinions. I didn’t think... I had a place here anymore.”

Well, fuck, now I feel super shitty for my earlier behaviour. You gotta stop with the snap judgements, Hancock my boy. “Listen, Tes... you’ve always got a place here in Goodneighbor. I can’t speak to the others, but I ain’t gonna kick you out in your time of need.”

“No, you’re just going to pin me against a wall and threaten me,” she said pertly.

“Uh, yeah, that was uncalled for,” he admitted sheepishly. “I was just... angry, I guess. Kinda felt you were only dropping in cuz you needed something, after abandoning us for so long.”

“Well, considering, you’re not totally wrong...” Tesla sighed.

“I think after hearing about your particular circumstances I’m willing to forgive it. Seriously, you can stay as long as you want.” He paused. “Do you want your stay here secret..?”

“Not sure how secret it can be, considering a dozen or so people saw you half-drag me here earlier...”

“You were high as a kite and being very uncooperative, what else was I supposed to do?” Hancock grumbled. “I won’t say anything though, and I’ll make it known that you’re “not here”, if you want.”

“Thank-you, John,” Tesla said wearily. “It’s only delaying the inevitable. The Institute is going to come drag me back eventually. It’s not even that I don’t want to go back there, I just... can’t be there. Not yet. It hurts too much.” She glanced down at her arms. Even though she couldn’t see them, she was very aware of each track mark, and she suddenly felt ashamed of herself for it. What am I doing with myself? “And I should... probably get myself clean anyways.”

[inkedcinders]

Dock Talk (The Arcana)

Julian walked ahead of me in the sand, a tall, black silhouette against the rocky shore. There was a tension to him that’d been building all day. It felt like it was about to crash over both of us.

Shiny black boots stopped at a rotting wood pier. All around us was silence, broken only by the sea. Eventually, Julian took a deep breath, lips parting to speak as he stared out into the endless, fathomless sea.

“Feel that breeze,” he said, a wistful expression on his face. “A nice night for sailing, don’t you think?” He shook his head, eyes dropping to stare down past the dock. “Sol... listen. We, uh... we really need to talk. We’ve, uh, needed to talk all day. I guess I was enjoying myself too much to take the plunge.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked him, frowning.

“Lots of things,” he replied. “Too many to count. Give me a number, and I’ll tell you it’s too low. I’ve done the calculations. Thought of every possibility. Run through the scenario in my head over and over. There’s only one way I can see this whole thing playing out. And it’s not a happy ending, trust me.”

He sighed. “Isn’t it best to cut things off at the pass? To spare you the trouble of a tragic ending?”

He still wouldn’t look at me. If anything, it looked like he wanted to run away. I thought back to this morning, and waking up with Julian gone. The empty ache in my chest. “You... weren’t going to get breakfast this morning, were you?” Even to my own ears, my voice sounded pitifully small.

He at least had the grace to look embarrassed. “Erhm. Ahem. I, ah- no, I wasn’t.” He cleared his throat. “I may have panicked. A bit. I would never have just left you, though. Even if I wanted to.” He paused. “I don’t. Want to leave, that is. But I just don’t see how else this can go.”

Julian dropped down to sit at the edge of the pier, feet dangling over the water. The heels of his boots skimmed the surface. I sat next to him, our shoulders bumping together. He leaned towards my touch, like he craved it. After a quiet moment, he lifted his hand and pointed to an island, black against the night sky on the water’s horizon.

“See that island? It’s called the Lazaret. It’s where the city sent their infected, during the height of the plague,” he explained. “A perfect monument to my failures. Always visible from the shore, always reminding the city how much it suffered. Every death, every body burnt in those pits, is another mark against me. And there are so many marks...” He trailed off. “I don’t want to drag this out, Sol. This... whatever it was, whatever it could have been. It has to end. Before it’s too late for you. I’m only going to end up hurting you somehow. I know it.”

“I’m not afraid of pain.” The words tumbled out from my lips before I even thought about them, but I meant them.

“You shouldn’t be so cavalier with your own safety, Sol.”

“I could say the same to you,” I said, brows drawing close together. “What you’re doing isn’t healthy.”

“I’m only trying to protect you-”

“I don’t need protection,” I interrupted, my protestation a bit louder than I had intended.

“It’s all I can offer you. I’m not a good man, Sol. The things I’ve done...” He looked at his hands, gathering his thoughts. “I did something unforgivable. I must have. Where else does this pit in my stomach come from? I won’t have out come down this path with me. You deserve better than that.”

None of the reasons he’s given me so far had anything to do with our relationship. “I’m dangerous”. “I’ll hurt you.” “I don’t know what I’ve done.” “You deserve better.” None of them told me how he felt about me. I knew it hadn’t been that long, but...

“Do you want me?” I asked him, and the words feel achingly familiar. Have I asked this question before?

Julian started, nearly falling forward into the sea, and caught himself at the last second. “I- what?” He sputtered, completely caught off guard. “Did you... I must have misheard you, Sol.”

“I asked if you wanted me,” I said, blunt. If he was going to dance around the issue, I was going to be the figurative sledgehammer to the knee.

“Oh... So, erm, I didn’t mishear you then,” he said nervously, his pale face a brilliant shade of crimson. “That’s a strange question to ask when I’m breaking up with you, isn’t it? Not that it’s really a breakup. WE never- we never had anything to start with. Just... a night or two stolen from time.”

Julian swallowed hard, body full of tension. It looked like he’d spring from me at any second.

“Do I want you...do I want you? That’s a tough question to answer. I want you to be safe. I want you to stay out of this whole mess. I want... it doesn’t matter what I want.”

I gave a huff of annoyance, one eye narrowing into the beginning of a glare. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“Tenacious, aren’t you?” He said with a nervous chuckle. “It’s one of the things I like about you. No matter what happens, you keep moving forward. You’re like this great bright light, drawing me towards you. I just can’t help myself.”

You’re making yourself out to be like a moth, I thought, but kept it to myself.

“If I was a stronger man... if I wasn’t so weak... but I just can’t stay away from you,” he said, sounding so helpless against his own feelings. He bit his bottom lip, looking defeated. He barely looked at me when he admitted, softly, “I want you. I know it’s only been a short time... but I feel like I’ve known you for years.”

Oddly, I felt the same. Like we’d known each other once, in that gaping chasm of my missing memories. If it weren’t for the fact that he didn’t know me at all, I would have thought that we’d had a past connection, but he didn’t. Maybe I’d known someone like him, before? Someone I’d asked the same question, and that is why it felt so familiar?

“Is it because you put me at ease?” He continued. “That’s hard to do, you know. I want to be around you. I, erm, can’t stop thinking about you. Even when you’re not there. That’s the problem. I’m torn in two, Sol. My brain tells me to leave, but my heart keeps pulling me back.”

He gave me a wry smile, craning his head up to the luminous moon, and sighed. “If I think about it... I can see the path our story would take. So why..?”

He slumped down a little more, trying to hide himself in the hunch of his shoulders, the space between us. “If I walk away from you now, will I stay away? If I drop my guard, will I find myself walking right back to you? That’s what makes me selfish. Because whatever we could have, whatever possibilities... they’ll only lead to ruin. That’s the kind of man I am. There’s no future for us that doesn’t end in pain for you.”

My heart ached, at how little esteem he held for himself. To feel as though you didn’t deserve a future; couldn’t possibly have a future...

“What future do you want?” I asked him softly.

“I’ve told you, it doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Can’t you see anything else?” I asked, desperation lacing my words. “Or is it all just... tragedy?”

“Tragedy’s what I’m best at, Sol. I’m the star of my own one-man play,” he said, giving a grin that failed to hide the pain of his words. “... it’s what will happen. In this world, we don’t get what we want. Why waste time imagining something you can’t ever have? I don’t dare hope. IT just makes it hurt more when you don’t get it.”

“Try. For me.”

A bark of laughter, but no mirth. Julian stared out at the dark horizon, lips curled back. “What do you want to hear from me, Sol? That I want... that I want a future? That I want to live? That... that I want something with you?”

Julian goes to his feet, shaking his head. He begins pacing, boots making the old pier creak. I followed him, unsure whether I should reach out. What sort of comfort I could offer him.

“Oh, I can see it when I close my eye,” he said, softly so that the waves almost drowned out the words, like he was afraid vocalising his desires would have the world come crashing down on him in retribution. “Warm laughter, light hearts; never a dull night. Days spent with friends, Pasha never having reason to cry again... things we’ll never have.” He gave a shrug. “So it goes. But you’ll survive Sol. You were fine before I got here. You’ll be fine after I’ve left.”

Was I? I’d always felt a yawning emptiness within me, that I hadn’t even truly realised was there, until today, when he filled it up. The thought of him leaving me empty again...

Julian swallowed hard, shaking his head like he can cast off whatever dark thoughts plague him. “... I’ll walk you home.”

And that was that.

He slid his hands in his pockets as he led me off the beach and back into town, not looking at me at all. I numbly followed behind him, downcast. Every so often, he opened his mouth to say something, then made a face and closed it again.

Eventually, we reached the shop, and Julian turned to me with a note of finality in his voice. “Well... here we are. At your shop. End of the line.”

I nodded, not able to say a word, even in the face of his mournful expression. The hurt in my chest was such that if I attempted to say anything, I feared that I would cry.

“When I came to Vesuvia, I was seeking answers. Finding you... that was a rare treat,” he said, mustering up a shaky smile. He reached out, hand hovering over my shoulder, unsure whether he was allowed to touch me anymore.

Then he shook his head, and leaned forward to press a kiss on each cheek, lips lingering just a second longer. “Thank you, my dear,” he said softly. “The time we spent together, however brief... it mattered to me. I won’t forget it.”

With a whirl of his cape, he’s gone; footsteps echoing down the side street, then fading away, too.

I pushed the door to the shop open, barely feeling anything. The shop smelled like cinnamon when I walk inside, a thin trail of steam wafting down from the upstairs. Every lantern is already lit, casting the shop in warm flickering light.

Asra poked his fluffy head down the stairwell, grinning brightly when he saw me standing there. “Back from your jaunt at the palace?” He asked. “Welcome home, Sol.”

He paused, looking at me closer. “I recognise that look. What happened?”

I thought about brushing it off; to not make a big deal out of it... but the ache in my chest felt swollen to bursting, and with trembling lips I got out: “Julian left me.” I bit my lip, feeling the tears hovering on my lashes, threatening to spill.

“He did?” He said, startled. “You two were..?” He trailed off, realising that now was not the time for questions. “Want to come upstairs and talk about it? I made that tea you like. You look like you could use it.”

I nodded, words failing me as I thought about Julian. Does he have someone to talk to? Will Mazelinka help him? Can Portia do anything for him? He shouldn’t have to face this darkness alone.

I followed Asra up the stairs, settling down at our rickety kitchen table, and let out a deep sigh. Faust slithered onto the table and curled around the hot mug as Asra set it down, looking pleased.

“So, what happened..?” Asra asked gently. He dropped down to sit across from me, patiently waiting for me to speak.

The story spilled out of me like a dam bursting, until I’d told Asra every single detail about the day’s events.

Well, not every detail. Asra certainly didn’t need to know about what happened when I’d... encouraged Julian to try on the mask.

When I finished, he leaned back in his chair, thumb running absentmindedly over the rim of his mug. His expression was dark; uncharacteristic for him. “That sounds like Ilya. He took an entire day to end it?” He shook his head slightly. “Were you two... even really together?”

The question hurt, but... “I don’t really know,” I said.

“Ilya...” The tone of Asra’s voice would have, at any other time, sent chills up my spine. At that moment, however, I was too shrouded in my own misery to really notice. He looked positively furious. “The only thing he loves more than drama is his own suffering, and he’s determined to chase both.”

“That’s not true,” I blurt out, unable to help myself from defending him.

“Isn’t it?” He said. “It’s easy to forget when you’re around him. He fills the room with excitement. Makes you feel special. And then he finds some way to sabotage it.” I couldn’t be sure, but it felt as if Asra was speaking from experience. He’d mentioned once, that Julian had been... something more. And then “something else”, that he had to get away from.

“I’ve never met someone so dedicated to their own unhappiness as Ilya,” Asra muttered, taking a sip of his tea.

“Doesn’t he deserve to be happy?” I asked in a small voice.

“Don’t you?” He countered, his expression shifting to concern. Asra shook his head and leaned back in his chair, letting out a long sigh, and took another sip of tea. “Ah, you know I can’t tell you what to do. You’re your own person, and you can make your own bad decisions.”

I gave him a sour look. I didn’t need passive-aggressive judgement.

“Just... please be careful with him,” he continued, eyes half-pleading, and I sighed. I knew he only wanted the best for me, but...

“Oh! That reminds me,” he said, sitting up straight. “Do you still have the deck I left you?”

Startled by the change in topic, I nodded, pulling the cards out from my pocket. They seemed excited to be near Asra again; like they missed him. He passed his hand over them, and when he moved again, they’d vanished from the table.

Tension ebbs from his shoulders, some shadow easing from his eyes. He looked... relieved.

He looked back at me. “You... you’re alright, right?” He asked, concern coming back into his eyes. “Nothing strange happened with the deck..?” He shook his head, hair falling into his eyes as he cleared his thoughts. “You’re home. I’ll make us some dinner.”

He slid languidly to his feet and started to clink around in the kitchen, humming idly to himself.

I stared down at the mug cupped between my hands, left alone with my swirling thoughts. Whatever happened today, whatever will happen tomorrow, however this whole story plays out... somehow, I know I’m not done with Julian yet.

[inkedcinders]

I like to write things out of order sometimes so even though I'm not near this part yet actually in the fic Meeting a Good Neighbour have Hancock being very mad at Ina:

            “Finally, back to Goodneighbor,” Ina sighed, rolling her head over her shoulders to work out the stiffness in her neck. “I can finish paying back Hancock on that loan of his and move on from this place forever.”

            “You sure it’s wise to come back here, after we broke into his strong room and killed his bodyguard?” MacCready asked nervously. “Hancock is a pretty cool guy but he’s not the kind of man you want to cross. He didn’t get where he is by playing nice.”

            “How could he possibly know it was us? We killed all the witnesses, and it’s not like Bobbi or Mel are gonna talk,” said Ina.

            “Something tipped off Fahrenheit, and Hancock’s not stupid.”

            “Look, whatever happens, I’ll make sure you’re not blamed for it, alright?” said Ina. “It was all me; you’re just with me for the caps. I’ll even say you tried to talk me out of it, if you want.”

            “You don’t need to lie for me,” MacCready grumbled as Ina pushed the door to Goodneighbor open. “Just... be careful.”

            Unfortunately for Ina, MacCready’s misgivings about returning to Goodneighbor proved to be accurate, as the first thing that she saw when she walked through the door was Hancock leaning against the stone fence, waiting.

            “Now here I thought I sent you to scout out Pickman Gallery,” he began, watching the skyline as she approached. He looked down with an unpleasant look as he said, “Exactly what part of that sounded like rob my strong room t’ you?”

            Once again, Ina was thankful of the face-obscuring properties of the gas mask. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said flatly, crossing her arms.

            “Don’t play stupid with me,” snapped Hancock. “It’s unattractive.”

            Ina was taken aback. In her previous interactions with the man, it had looked like nothing could get under his skin and disturb his calm veneer. I... may have miscalculated here.

            “No one steals from me,” Hancock continued, his voice pitched low, threatening, almost a growl, and Ina felt chills up her arms. “But I gotta admit, you an’ Bobbi pulled one hell of a job. Almost makes me wish I had done it myself.” He pushed himself off the stone pillar and stepped towards her. “Now, if it was just the money, I’d rough you up, break a few bones, and then we’d be square once you paid me back,” he said, stopping just before her.

            He wasn’t a tall man. MacCready, for all that he was obviously malnourished as a child, was much taller than Hancock, having a head on him easy. But Ina wasn’t tall either — in fact, she was quite short, even for a woman — so Hancock was able to use the height he had on her as an intimidation tactic.

            It was working.

            “But you killed Fahrenheit,” he said, face inches from hers as he leaned forward. “That means blood for blood.” Ina clenched her teeth, fighting every nerve screaming to run away and hole up in Sanctuary behind the walls and turrets she’d assembled. “Fortunately for you, I’m short on muscle, and Bobbi was the brains.”

            He turned, abruptly giving her space, catching her off guard — again. “You track her down, put a knife in her an’ get back my, let’s say... 1000 caps,” he said, lazily sauntering back to the stone post. “And we’ll pretend this was all a misunderstandin’.”

            “Are you nuts?” she burst out, seeing MacCready — who’d sidled off to the side and slightly behind where Hancock was — cringe slightly in response. “There’s no way all that was worth a thousand caps!” I haven’t even finished paying back what I owed to start!

            “No, it wasn’t,” Hancock readily agreed. “But you blowin’ a hole in my strong room and killing my bodyguard...” Ina was beginning to suspect that Fahrenheit had been a lot more than just a bodyguard, for him to care so much. “You can bet that smooth face of yours that made up the rest.”

            Ina grimaced behind the mask. She couldn’t afford that 1000 caps, and she had no intention on killing Bobbi. I know where Diamond City is now, and it’s closer and easier to get to than Goodneighbor... maybe I should cut my losses here. “I don’t have time to run your errands for you,” she said, starting to back away, but Hancock had other ideas.

            Faster than she’d expected him to move, he was in her space again, grabbing her by the collar of her uniform and lifting her so she was forced to keep balance on the tips of her toes. “Oh, take all the time you want,” he snarled. “But you got a debt hanging over you now, ya feel me? I’ll be waiting for you to pay up.” He let her go, and she stumbled back, off balance. “Bobbi’s smart, but not half as smart as she thinks she is. She’d been havin’ all her new tidings of wealth shipped to a building in South Boston. That’s where you’ll be heading. Now go.”

            With his order in place, he spun on his heel and stalked back to the old state house.

            MacCready waited until Hancock had disappeared into the door before approaching her again. “I can’t tell if you’re crazy or stupid,” he said, shaking his head. “You know how many people Hancock’s got on the take? If you don’t do what he says — and soon — he might just decide to take out a bounty on you. Lot of people would love to earn his favour by taking on a job like that.”

            Ina bit her lip, hugging her arms to stop her hands from trembling. I don’t think I’ve ever miscalculated so badly in my life, she thought, struggling to breathe through the rising panic. It had been a long time since she’d been threatened in such a manner. Not since she’d tried to get her agent to back off...

            At any rate, she wasn’t going to remain in Goodneighbor. There’d been witnesses to her and Hancock’s exchange, and she was getting a very hostile feeling. Bobbi was right... people are either in love with this guy, or afraid of him. “Let’s get moving, MacCready,” she said hoarsely, turning to the door. “Gotta give Hancock what he wants, right?”

[inkedcinders]

Missing

Also available on AO3! 

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Dr. Ayo demanded.

“It is exactly as I said, sir,” X6-88 calmly intoned, standing firmly in the doorway of the Director’s quarters. “The Director is not here, nor is she in the institute. She has left behind no message as to where she went or how long she’s going to be. You will have to wait for her return.”

“Really, that woman needs to learn she has a responsibility to this place!” Dr. Ayo continued to rage. “It seems like every other day she’s indisposed or unavailable, with no reason given, and now suddenly she’s not even here? What was the former director thinking? Disgusting use of nepotism...!”

“If there is nothing else you need, sir, I am going to resume watching over the quarters until new orders are given to me,” X6 said crisply, before closing the door. He almost wished the doors were hinged, so he could slam it in Dr. Ayo’s face.

Of course, on a logical level, X6 agreed with him. The Director— Tesla, as she always insisted she be called— had shown a remarkable amount of ability when she’d been welcomed into the Institute, and had accomplished more in a few months than many had in years. After Father’s death, however, she’d rapidly deteriorated into a mess, drinking late into the night and starting up again whenever she woke up, and it was only through X6’s interference that nobody knew about the alcoholism. After a particularly lengthy argument two months ago, he’d thought he’d gotten her on the right track...

His mouth set firmly, he walked back to the cabinets and looked into the drawer he’d left open. His eyes had not deceived him— underneath a shirt Tesla never wore were the used syringes and containers of a variety of drugs. It appeared that she’d exchanged her alcoholism for a drug habit, and he was almost certain it was during the time she’d spent in “Nuka World”, a place of anarchy run by raiders loosely working together. He’d been sent away shortly after her forced recruitment as “Overboss”, and she’d been gone for over a month. Raiders were known for their liberal drug use, and with her current mental state...

I will give her one more day to return, he decided, shutting the cabinet drawer with a loud crack. If she is not back by tomorrow night, I’m going after her.

And I will find her.

-  - -

Tesla didn’t know where she was. The sky was dark, the stars covered by clouds, and she wouldn’t have been able to see more than a few feet in front of her in the best of times.

As she was currently higher than a kite, this was not the best of times.

She stumbled over ruined brick and steel, unable to concentrate on where she was putting her feet, not even sure where she was going. She’d tried to read her Pip-boy a few times, but the screen was a blur and manipulating the buttons and dials required more coordination than she could manage.

Chills crawled up her back; it felt like she was being watched by thousands of eyes, peering from the darkness. As she stumbled along, passing neon signs warped and twisted, into silently screaming mouths and judging eyes, and it started to become difficult to breathe.

Her foot caught, and she fell forward, landing hard on her hands and knees, skinning the palms of her hands, and knees. Gasping for air, her whole body trembling, she couldn’t move, couldn’t think; it felt like the entire world was closing in around her, enveloping her in a cold, silent tomb.

Alarms were blaring, a computerised female voice intoning meaningless words amidst the water dripping from the ceiling onto the unbearably cold floor, surrounded by the corpses of everyone she knew...

She choked on a sob, forcing herself to move forward, crawling, as if she believed if she just moved far enough she could leave the memories behind.

But no matter what she did, how hard she tried, how far she ran, they were always there to welcome her in a soul-crushing embrace.

She vomited, shoulders heaving as her stomach emptied itself of bile and what little remained of the chems she’d ingested. Tears and mucous dripped from her eyes and nose as she continued heaving, nothing left to be rid of in her stomach, but her body desperate to rid itself of the drugs running rampant through it.

Eventually the heaving stopped, but she didn’t feel any more clearheaded than before. Groaning, she tried to push herself up, failing a few times before she was able to sit up completely, staring at her dark surroundings, looking for a sign.

Tesla heard words, sounding simultaneously close and so very far away, garbled and folding over themselves as her brain struggled to process through the chemical cocktail soaring through it. She looked around, swaying as she did so, trying to find the source, when suddenly hands touched her shoulders, a firm grip, the garbled words continuing.

Instinctively she lashed out, twisting to shove the creature away, and failing miserably. Staccato sounds as the hands gripped her more firmly, shaking her slightly, and she tried to focus on what was accosting her even as she struggled against its grip.

Black eyes, ruined skin. A hat, knocked askew; was that from her? A ghoul. I’m being attacked by a ghoul. I don’t want to be eaten... but since when do ghouls wear hats?

She pitched forward, her head slamming into the ghoul’s, although she wasn’t sure if she’d meant to do that or if it had been an accident. Regardless of intent, it did not endear her to the ghoul grabbing her, and as sparks flashed in her eyes from the impact of head butting him, the world spun and the air knocked out of her lungs as she was slammed on her back onto the hard pavement, dazing her.

Oh. I know! Hancock! Hancock is a ghoul who wears a hat! She felt pleased that she’d sussed this out, although kind of annoyed that he’d body slammed her. Why would he do that? Oh. I head butted him. Right.

She still couldn’t figure out what he was saying. “Speak... speak sense,” she mumbled. “And stop hurting me.”

 Hancock wasn’t sure what the hell was going on with the woman struggling under him, but he knew he had to get her someplace safe; downtown Boston wasn’t exactly a great place to be having a bad trip. Hell, it wasn’t a great place to have a good trip.

“Fuck, how high are you?” He complained, doing his level best to pick her up despite her squirming. “Come on, Tes, let’s go. Up and attem. And I swear to God if you head butt me again I’m going to do a whole lot worse, you hear?”

He wasn’t entirely sure if she’d understood what he just said, but she did stop fighting him. She didn’t help him, either, and he was thankful that they were only a few blocks away from Goodneighbor. This isn’t exactly how I’d planned my night to go when I’d decided to take an evening stroll... how’d she even get in this state, anyways?

Tesla was in no condition to answer his questions any time soon, and he pondered on his next course of action as he slowly drag-carried her to Goodneighbor. I can’t take her to Amari, not after what she did... Fred’s only advice is “more chems”, which is the last thing she needs...

He sighed. Guess he was gonna have to haul her to his room in the State House and take care of her himself, something he’d never thought he’d have to do. She had always been so in control of herself, always on top of things, several steps ahead of everyone else. Did she get captured and drugged up? I couldn’t see her escaping in this state, but it’s possible. Or they let her go. Or perhaps she did this to herself...

But what possible reason could she have to do that?

[inkedcinders]

Meeting a Good Neighbour

(Also available on AO3)

Ina could barely see. Part of the reason was that the sun had set two hours ago, and the ruins of Boston only had the occasional open flame to light it up, the remnants of people trying to stave off the darkness and the monsters lurking in it. The other reason was the burning fever, reaching its peak after several days left untreated.

            She’d meant to head for “Diamond City”, the only large settlement she knew of, thanks to both the travelling trader Carla and the Abernathy’s nearby. It was, presumably, large enough to have a doctor that could help her.

            At some point, either with unfamiliarity with the changed landscape of the city, or the distraction of her fever, or perhaps a combination of both, she made a wrong turn and was now hopelessly lost.

             Matters had gotten worse when she’d run into a pack of raiders. She’d defeated them, but only just, wounded further and with almost no ammo left over. The stimpack had left her dehydrated, as she’d stupidly forgotten to bring extra water with her, and she’d run out while lost in the city’s maze.

            Leaning against a wall, she pulled her radiation mask off with a shaky hand to gulp in some cool air, a bid to relieve her dizziness. There’s no one around to see you, it’s fine...

            Her eyes darted around, straining to focus, to see anything in the darkness. Where am I? Her hands were trembling; she couldn’t make them stop. Anxiety pulled at the foggy corners of her brain and she quickly pulled the mask back down. No one can see. No one can see. I’ll be safe that way.

            She heard a scuffling sound, and she whirled to face it, gun pointed ahead at the source of the noise. Almost immediately she felt nauseous, the world spinning from the sudden movement. Her legs gave out moments later and she helplessly fell against the wall, sliding down to the ground despite her attempts to stay upright.

            A growl came from the darkness, and as the source of the noise stalked closer, she was able to make out the shape of one of the mutated dogs in the weak light of the quarter moon.

            Oh no. Oh god. I’m going to die here. Shaun, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I was never able to save you... A small, shaky sob bubbled through as she vainly attempted to push herself along, but her feet slid uselessly across the debris-strewn road. Her arms felt like they were made of lead as she struggled to lift the gun.

            She squeezed the trigger, and the shot went wild, the crack of gunfire absurdly loud in the dead city’s silence. The mutant dog started, jumping back slightly, then snarled, drawing closer, and she pulled the trigger again. Once again the bullet missed, the sound of it ricocheting off a surface almost lost in the echoing crack. She pulled the trigger a third time, and was met with the click of an empty barrel.

            I’m sorry Nate, she thought, as the dog readied itself to make its killing leap. I’m sorry. I failed.

            A bright light flashed suddenly, blinding, leaving the dog in a stark silhouette and the shadows at the edge of her vision even darker. A bright light? I guess they were right. I hope I see you again Nate...

            She started to slide sideways, unable to keep herself upright anymore. Her last coherent thought was I would have thought the light would have shown up after I’d been mauled to death.

            And then there was just... noise. Lots and lots of noise, while the bright light started moving around erratically. Nothing was in focus anymore, even sounds were fuzzy, so she couldn’t make out anything that was happening... but it sounded a lot like shouting and gunfire.

            Suddenly, there was silence, and the light swivelled back to focus on her. A scuffling sound as the light grew closer, and a man that she didn’t recognise approached her and knelt beside her. “Hey boss,” he shouted over his shoulder, “I think she’s still alive.”

            “What d’you mean you think?” replied a gravelly voice somewhere in the darkness.

            “Well she ain’t saying shit an’ with the mask she’s got on it’s kinda hard to tell, Hancock!”

            She couldn’t even raise her head to look at the other man, seeing only the edge of tattered, red cloth as “Hancock” stepped closer.

            “Well she seems t’ be breathing,” he said, voice fading in and out as she started to lose her tenuous grasp on consciousness. “Let’s get her to Fred, maybe he’s got something to patch her up, and then��”

            The rest of what he said was lost as she slipped into unconsciousness.

[inkedcinders]

Sweet Dreaming

Sleeping with Samuels was a lot more comfortable than one would think sleeping with a synthetic would be, but Amanda Ripley could think of no other way to spend her nights, not anymore.

He was very quiet and not prone to fidgety movements during the night, and best of all: he did not snore. Although he said she did, which was obviously nonsense, so she ignored him. But better than all that was his form at her back, his arms gently surrounding her and holding her close to him, warmth radiating and very much welcome when the heating failed again.

She wasn’t entirely certain if he actually slept, per se, as she never remembered to ask him, but he never seemed to mind joining her when she finally went to sleep, often at his insistence, saying something about healthy bodies requiring x amount of hours of sleep, blah, blah. It was cute, how much he worried about her health, like she hadn’t survived so much worse.

Amanda shuddered slightly as the unwelcome memories of Sevastopol station crept into her mind like burglars in the night. Scared assholes trying to kill her, murderous robots trying to kill her, a freakish alien creature trying to kill her, explosions and death and—

Samuels’ arms tightened around her slightly, a reassuring pressure— I’m here, you’re safe, nothing can hurt you— as he murmured soft reassurances into her ear, stroking her hair.

There were nights she would stay awake, terrified that if she fell asleep, come morning he would no longer be there, a delusion thought up by her broken mind as a shield against the horrors that had been wrought against her. But he never disappeared; she would always awake to see his gentle face and the scent of him crowding into her nose, pleasant and male and yet subtly something else, all combining to be the synthetic she…

Lulled to sleep by warmth and soft words, the little thought drifted away as Amanda descended into the dark of dreams as Samuels watched over her.

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First Kiss

            Samuels re-read the same sentence over and over again, unable to concentrate on the words of Company documents, not with the perfect distraction sitting less than a foot away from him. He really needed to get his work done, and he tried to read the words again, but his traitorous eyes instead slid up and to the side to watch the young woman work.

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Alien: Isolation (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Amanda Ripley/Christopher Samuels Characters: Amanda Ripley, Christopher Samuels Additional Tags: Angst, Canon Divergence, malfunctioning synthetic, relationship hasn’t even gotten off the ground, and then this shit happens, why am i terrible Summary:

After Sevastopol, Amanda was expecting to go her remaining days avoiding Weyland-Yutani and accompanied by Samuels… but sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan.

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Man I want to write a fic with my SoSu Tesla (Tess).

It would be so angsty though. Cuz her whole bit is just crippling depression over losing everything she once had. So she goes the Institute route because, well, it’s her son for fuck’s sake.

But she’s also the caring sort and the choices she would’ve had to make would’ve broken her.

>She would’ve had to kill Deacon, and oh boy does that give me ideas for at least a one-shot.

>Destroying the Brotherhood after Blind Betrayal makes Paladin Danse refuse to talk to you as well as refusing to even face you.

>Piper and Nick Valentine both give you shit about going the institute route (although after the one conversation they seem to be pretty alright but STILL)

>Even Preston Garvey is more… resigned to the idea of the Institute being around than any sort of acceptance or approval.

>Never mind all the non-companion NPCs she’d have to kill (Glory, Tinker Tom, Desdemona, Doctor Carrington, Scribe Haylen, Doctor Li (if you go that route, which is the only way to get Blind Betrayal), ALL OF THE CHILDREN THAT WERE ON THE PRYDWEN).

So poor Tess would be feeling even more isolated than ever, coupled with the death of the son she’d only just found, and feeling horribly guilty over all the people she was directly responsible for the deaths of would PROBABLY lead to her being nigh-suicidal if she wasn’t already.

Thankfully X6-88 is there to drag her away from the tops of tall buildings, take away meds she’d try to overdose on, push the gun away from her head, and the sharp objects from her wrists.

Not that she’ll thank him for it.

Also totally non-canon X6-88/SoSu pairing because I am trash and also X6 is awesome it’s a shame it takes so long in the main quest to actually obtain him as a companion.

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Fallout 4 Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: John Hancock/Female Sole Survivor, Female Sole Survivor/Others (mentioned) Characters: Female Sole Survivor, John Hancock Additional Tags: Polyamory, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light Angst Summary:

Hancock thinks about his relationship with the wildfire masquerading as a human being.

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So like… Tesla is the only one of my SoSu’s that have a backstory from pre-asplosion lol.

Mostly it’s just the cute romance between her and Nate but essentially goes like this:

>Nate is 24, a young cop, and has to give Tesla, 17-years-old, a talking to on why it’s not okay to build a device that electrocutes your classmates, even if it ended up not working properly anyways. >A few years later, Tesla is 21 and in university, Nate is 28 and has moved up in the ranks as a cop, they meet up again in a bar where Tesla is celebrating being finally allowed to drink alcohol.. legally. They start hitting it off, become friends. >Tesla makes the decision to go into law instead of science, as one might imagine, because she finds it a lot more interesting than she’d thought it would be when she was looking up any laws that would stop her from building a doomsday device. >One day there’s a bar fight, Tesla gets a bit beat-up, Nate helps her out, and finally asks her out. >Courtship! Marriage! BABIES! At some point during all that Nate enlists into the army. >And then Fallout 4 happens and everything is sad :(

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Dumbass, Sappy-as-Shit Fic Idea

One day, SoSu Katherine is asked by Nick Valentine for a little help on a weird case: someone wants him to find a rose, of all things. Fake is acceptable, all things considered, but it has to be red, because romanticism, dammit.

So Katherine, being the helpful sort, scrounges around downtown looking for something, and after some time manages to find it. She presents it to Nick, who thanks her, and she goes on her merry way.

And then Nick gives the pretty red rose to Ellie for Valentine’s.

“A Valentine from your Valentine.”

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Chapters: 1/1Fandom: Fallout 4Rating: MatureWarnings: No Archive Warnings ApplyRelationships: Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor, John Hancock/Female Sole Survivor, Female Sole Survivor/Others (mention)Characters: Female Sole Survivor, Paladin Danse, John Hancock (Fallout)Additional Tags: Angst, So much angst, BUCKETS OF ANGST, fallout 4 ending spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, a little bitSummary:

You can’t play all sides forever, and eventually a choice needs to be made. Valerie made hers, but can she survive the cost?

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Enjoy a little piece of nonsense in a WIP fic I’m working on. Post-Institute ending Tesla fucks off from her duties as Director and pays our friendly neighborhood ghoul a visit.

It’s kind of a mess and starts in the middle of the action cuz I wanted to get this down before I forgot the idea. Basically though Tesla is a complete mess and X6 is somewhere having several heart attacks trying to find her.

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