inspired-by-song

[inspired-by-song]

"Afraid"

Being alone for years, with those she cared for leaving her and moving on, she found it hard when meeting new people. She didn’t like to open up, didn’t like to get too close to anyone, or let anyone get too close to her. Over the years she even found herself not letting herself feel and work through her emotions and feelings. A cloud of darkness surround her mind and soul.

One day, she met a boy, and he talked to her, and though the darkness kept her closed off, though the darkness had built walls around her spirit, and despite that he wanted to be near her, so she gave him a chance.

Though they talked often, they spent time together, the girls past, her history of people leaving, made her think how people must be happier without her, and son maybe now, especially with the dark cloud around her soul, this boy would also not be as happy as he was before her.

One evening, as they sat watching the stars, he told her everything he knew about them, and the constellations. The bright moon up above glowed down on them. Bright and clear. The glow, the girl realized, reflected in the boys’ face, and the gentle gaze he had looking upon her. And as the clouds rolled in overhead, as her own fears returned to her mind, she felt the glow of his gaze disappear.

Still, the girl was afraid of losing the boy, afraid of the boy losing the happiness he had before her, afraid that he would lose his hope and wonder in the world like she had lost hers.

He used to marvel at the skies above and all the sights of nature around him, before he met her, she remembered his joy at this, but now he kept his wonder down, looking not up but down, and the girl couldn’t help but think that was because of her.

She wanted to let him go, did not want to hold him back from returning to the happiness he had before, but she also could not let him go, afraid to have him leave and not return, afraid to lose him, afraid to be alone again.

Inspired by the song "Afraid" by Day6

For anyone interested in the song that doesn't alread know it:

[inspired-by-song]

“I Like You”

              These days I find myself frustrated as I think about my feelings, as I find my thoughts drifting to you. I find I come up with plans to make my day go well, but these plans never seem to go the way I want and these days never seem to go the way I wish they would. I think it’s time for me to confess that some of these plans include you.

              Maybe, once I share this, maybe once I share my thoughts, everything between us will change. Maybe, once I share these thoughts, it will be hard for us to keep what we have now, and maybe you will leave, and I’ll be alone. But if I don’t share now, I wonder if I ever will.

              So the truth is I like you, and I don’t know if you feel the same. I like you and I have for quite some time. And I’m scared, I am scared of liking you, and I am scared of how much I like you. I have tried to hold my feelings back, I have tried to just view you as a friend, but as I get to know you more, I can’t help but falling more.

              You are my first thought each morning, and my last thought each night, and you are the million thoughts passing through my mind each day.

              It is without pressure or expectation that I want to confess. I like you. I like who I am when you are around. I like the peach you bring to my heart and mind. I like the comfort of your hugs. I like that we can be in each other’s company in silence, not talking just present, and I like that it is not awkward when we are.

              Just one last note, I like you. I like your touch, and I like your hugs. But like I said I’m scared, and I have to confess, that even though I like your hugs, that feeling of being scared, that fear, means that sometimes right now, some of those hugs feel painful, not because they actually hurt, but because they hurt my heart.

              I like you, but still, after all this, if you tell me you are sorry, but that you don’t feel the same, at least I can say that I tried and at least I can say now I know.

Inspired by the song “I Like You” by Day6

For anyone interested in the song that doesn’t already know it:

https://youtu.be/daoMYJv8i0c?si=TarUze-UY72JvD4t

[inspired-by-song]

“I Don’t Know You”

*This is short but so is the song really, I am also still getting back into writing after a long hiatus and period of writer’s block that I am technically still in. *

                You walked into the room and something in the air changed. I had no idea who you were but I could tell right away I wanted to know more.

              You came over and said hi to me, we introduced ourselves, but then continued on our day. Still, I was drawn to you, and as you would talk to others in my presence I would listen and learn. Then we started to talk, and while I still couldn’t say I knew you, I was starting to.

              Now, I find myself searching for your smile, I find myself searching for you, trying to sense your presence and leaning into it.

              I see you and I wonder if you also want to know about me, I wonder if you want to be with me, like I want to be with you. All I can do is wonder and continue to want to know you better.

 Inspired by “I Don’t Know You” by The Rose

If you are interested in the source song you can listen at the link below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfg8Tk38mZc

[inspired-by-song]

“Starting Over”

    *I had started this one quite some time ago, not long after the last song I had posted, and it has been quite some time since I have done creative writing in general so it is a bit rough but I wanted to share anyway. *       

           I stayed at the office working late on the latest project I had been assigned. It was close to ten at night and other than one or two of my colleagues everyone else at the office had gone home hours ago. I was working on a project for a campground. It made me think briefly about the last time I had taken a vacation. It was just a passing thought though. I had too much work to even consider taking a vacation. It seemed I always had a project I was working on. On top of that was the pressure to make sure each project went well, which was exactly why I was still in the office at 10pm on a Friday night. With my hard work I was able to turn in the project only a few days later.

              “We’re going away for the weekend,” my best friend told me later that day. We were leaving the office together, and for once it was still light as I left.

              Friday afternoon I threw my bag into the trunk of my friends’ car and jumped in the back seat with some of my other friends. We were headed to the very campground who I had been working on the project for. It was out in the country, a bit of a drive, but it was located along a quiet road and the camp had informed my friends they hadn’t received many bookings so it should be quiet, and we wouldn’t be disturbing anyone.

              We set up our tents, the campsite we were at had electricity, so we set up a radio to play. After making dinner, with the sky getting dark, my best friend pulled out a karaoke machine from her car. We sang into the night, and I was able to just let go and enjoy. Rather than worry about work I was able to relax, be free, and reset.

 Inspired by “Starting Over” by CNBlue

You can watch the music video at the link below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k079kBwoKN8

[inspired-by-song]

“She’s in the Rain”

Trigger Warning: mention of self-harm, suggestion of depression and eating disorders.

 As this morning dawned, the fog thick outside my window, I sat in my room with no desire to do anything. I didn’t talk to my friends, I wanted nothing to do with my family, and all my hobbies and favorite past times brought no joy to me. I had no dreams that brought me any pleasure even at the thought, no desire to follow through with any of the goals I had previously set.

               It was a school day, and though my class did not start until evening, I knew I had to start getting ready. I stood up from the chair by my window and slowly headed to the bathroom where I did the bare minimum to get clean. I brushed my teeth, splashed water on my face, and put on some deodorant. I dragged myself back to my room and opened the doors to my closet, looking for something to wear.

               Once upon a time I had liked the clothes in my closet. It had been easy to pick something to wear. I had felt comfortable with everything and my clothes had made me happy. Now I struggled to find anything that was acceptable to me and my mind. There was not just my lack of desire to keep trying clothes on, but the fact I did not feel comfortable in anything I owned. It took me quite some time, probably a good thirty minutes to an hour, before I finally settled on a pair of baggy jeans that had once fit snugly, before I lost most of my appetite, and a baggy t-shirt that a family member had bought for me, not knowing my size.

               There was still an hour before I had to leave for class, and I knew I should eat something, I hadn’t had anything since dinner the previous night, but I wasn’t hungry. Instead I sat back down in the chair by my window and resumed staring.

               When I got back from class later that evening I flopped down onto my bed, still dressed, and reflected. The class had gone well enough, my friends all talked to me and laughed around me, my other classmates were all polite, but something still felt missing, and the pain of the unnamed emptiness ached like my chest was about to break open. I reached for the pen on my nightstand, pulled the cap, with its’ sharp edged, off, and started to scrape those edges along the skin of my arms repeatedly, going over the same spots over and over again. As the cap broke the top layer of my skin, the physical pain it as creating numbed the emotional pain of my heart and numbed the thoughts in my mind.

               I didn’t eat dinner that night, or the next day.

               My days, weeks, continued like this for a while. Time before classes spent staring, barely completing my homework, dragging myself to class, eating maybe the bare minimum, if not less, just enough to keep me going. I continued to turn to creating physical pain to deal with the emotional pain of my mind. Not daring to go beyond using the pen lid for fears of my family and friends discovering and stopping me, how would I deal with my mind if they stopped me from dealing how I was.

               One day when I was walking over the bridge that lead to my class I noticed a path that I hadn’t seen before. It went off into the woods, perhaps now that the water levels had gone down in the swamp area the bridge crossed it had revealed this path that led into the woods. I looked around me and noticed I was alone. The path called to me, so I followed it, walking through the woods, coming into an open clearing.

               It felt peaceful here, I realized my current dream had been to be somewhere like here. Somewhere alone. I let my backpack fall from my shoulder onto the grown. I spread my arms out and I screamed.

               The rain, a typical afternoon downpour, started falling around me, embracing me in my loneliness. I welcomed the flood of summer rain, the drops that disguised my tears and let me cry.

               Too many days I had waited for the world to end. The rain continued to crash down around me, and I couldn’t see beyond my fingertips. The rain, cold on my bare skin, the sharp drops biting my skin like knives, and from my own eyes, my tears rolled warm down my cheeks.

               “Hey,” a familiar male voice said behind me, he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. My friend. I felt myself lose all ability to hold myself up though my pain and tears, but my friend supported me, stopped me falling to the now muddy ground. He didn’t say anything more, I didn’t need him to. I just cried, felt my pain, felt it lessen by having him here, felt him metaphorically take my pain away.

               I knew it didn’t mean everything was going to suddenly change, the pain was not going to suddenly be gone, but it meant something, and I was grateful that I was not holding on to my life on my own at that moment in time.

 Inspired by “She’s in the Rain” by The Rose

For those of you interested in the song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjbftHj6XYU

[inspired-by-song]

“Palette”

              The sun streamed into my bedroom window, waking me up for my first day at my new job. I was nervous. My last job had been easy, no thought required, and not much work, but also not really satisfying. I was ready for a new challenge. I looked at myself in the mirror before I left, work clothes, neat hairstyle, smart, and I said to myself “you’ve got this.”

               Time passed and I adjusted to my job, the new tasks that seemed like challenges at first now becoming second nature. I definitely found myself preferring this job. I also found myself finding a new path for myself.

               I was also finding myself. Some of my favorite things were changing. I was less into superhero shows and long running series, more into single season kdramas. I found myself tired with my long hair, so I cut it short and really liked the new cut.

               It wasn’t long until I was turning twenty-five. As I received birthday greetings from my friends on social media I couldn’t help but compare myself to them. All my friends were having adult lives with focused paths, and I was here, a supposed adult, struggling to figure out what I was supposed to be doing with my life.

               I got into my car to drive to work and as usual listened to music on my way. I was almost at work when the song came on, the song that took me back to the confidence I gave myself that first day of work when I told myself that I’ve “got this.”

               Despite the bittersweet reflectiveness of the lyrics, there was also hope in them and I found myself becoming more accepting of my circumstances. I realized I was finding my path again and that the most important part came with finding myself.

Inspired by the song "Palette" by IU.

For anyone interested in the song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9IxdwEFk1c

[inspired-by-song]

“All Alone”

It was the end of the day, the sun had set and I had finally made it home from work. 

I unlocked the front door to my apartment and walked in, flipping on the hall light, and various other lights throughout the apartment.

I threw my keys on the side table in my living room and headed out onto the balcony. The weather was cool this evening, the air fresh. It was the perfect weather to head outside to decompress from the stress of the day. 

It was a full moon tonight. As I looked up at the sky and the stars I could hear the evening sounds of families from apartments all around me: crying, screaming, laughter and general chatter. Sounds coming from above, below, and to either side of me through the open doors of my neighbors balconies. 

When I first moved into this apartment on my own I used to pretend the moon, with it’s friendly face, was talking to me. It would ask me how my day was and I would reply honestly. “I’m not lonely” I would add, just in case, just in case the moon thought I was talking to it because I was. 

It’s been a while since I’ve talked to the moon, since I’ve felt like it talked to me. 

Despite seeing colleagues at work each day, I can’t help but feel lonely these days. My coworkers all talk about going home to their families, their partners, I go home to an empty apartment. 

I can’t help but long for someone to come home to, or even to greet when they come home. I can’t help but want someone to embrace me in a tight hug after a long day, to tell me I worked hard today, someone to talk to about the stresses of the day. 

As I stand on the balcony, still in my work clothes, I wonder about the other people out there thinking the same thing as me. I can’t help but believe the person I’m looking for is somewhere out there, looking at the same sky as me. 

The breeze picks up, the temperature dropping, and I turn to walk back into my empty, lonely apartment. 

Insipired by the song “All Alone” by Day6. 

For anyone interested in the song: 

https://youtu.be/Fd-elEnkInw

[inspired-by-song]

“Sorry”

How many days had passed since I had last seen your face? How many nights since I walked away from you? You who just wanted some of my time, some of my love.

I couldn’t remember when I had last slept properly. My days were a mix of fitful naps and absentmindedly staring into space. I kept hoping for you to call, kept replaying that last night when I walked away from you and didn’t turn back, even when you called my name. I simply walked on, leaving to do something for myself. I have no recollection of what it was, simply that it was not necessary, simply that is was selfish.

It was dark outside when I decided to go for a walk. The lights of the city in the distance were bright, but as the light blended into the night sky, rather than the bright lights that you would notice close to the city, the light seemed pale, diluted.

The night air was cool around me, and as I walked my thoughts were only on you. Memories of you were running through my mind as I walked aimlessly, not sure where I was headed. I realized, as the haze in my mind cleared in the gentle breeze, that I had never really stopped loving you. I had never truly let you go in my heart. But, what could I do?

“I’m sorry,” I whispered into the night, apologizing to you for how I treated you. Without a word of goodbye, without a look, without a touch, without anything, I had simply left, leaving you standing alone at the bus stop that night. My heart ached at the thought of the expression on your face as I left. The sadness and betrayal you must have felt.

Somehow, as I had walked, I had ended up at that bus stop, the one where I left you behind (physically, but definitely not emotionally), and there you were, or at least so it seemed. Your eyes met mine, recognition registering, then turning into pain. You turned your head and looked away. You fidgeted with your hands. Hand I once knew so well, hands of which I had known every callous, line and blemish.

The bus came and you got on, not another look back at me, the same way I had left you all those days, weeks, ago. Still, in my minds’ eye there you still were at the bus stop, happy. The scene changed and I saw myself there too, walking up to you, holding your hands, holding you close in a tight embrace. My heart constricted in response to the imagined scene, a scene that had once been. I sank to the bench, no longer able to support myself.

“I’m sorry,” I cried into the night.

“I’m sorry” I said, “don’t leave.”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated over and over into the darkness, breaking down into tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry….”

Inspired by the song “Sorry” by The Rose

For anyone interested in the song:

https://youtu.be/uXcpLWB2eBA

[inspired-by-song]

For Me

I had woken up again, the shrill sound of my alarm jolting me awake from an already restless sleep. I dragged myself from bed and into the bathroom to get ready for school.

I did the usual things, took a shower, brushed my teeth, and then headed back into my bedroom to pull on a random pair of jeans and a t-shirt I grabbed from my closet. I then headed off to campus, having about half an hour to kill before my first class. I grabbed a coffee from the campus coffee shop and then headed out onto the quad.

As I approached I noticed there was a display of some sort set up on campus today. Large, thin, vertical objects that I could not yet identify from my distance were set up along the edges of the lawn facing the pathways.

Still having some time left to kill I wandered towards them to check out what it was. Upon reaching the pathways I realized the objects were mirrors. I glanced into the closest mirror and could barely recognize the face staring back at me.

The expression on the face of the figure in the for could only be described as weariness. I let out a big sigh, the action copied by my reflection in the mirror, and I tried to think of when I became like this.

I recalled the photos of myself as a child, smiling and clearly happy, full of energy.

It must have been around the time I started high school that things had started to change. The pressures and social demands that I just couldn’t keep up with. I had started to criticize myself. When I started (somehow made it to) college, there were often times I would almost not get up for class, times where I did not want to do anything.

I looked back at my reflection. I may no longer recognize the person looking back at me, but it was time to get reacquainted with the person I had been with longer than any other. I could see the tears forming in the corners of my eyes. I was still here, I had made it this far, I was a sophomore in college. It was time to start again.

I noticed a cup of glass markers next to the mirror. I took one out. As I reached up to write a message at the top of the mirror I though this is for me. I finished writing and looked up at the message I had written above my reflection. It read “I will love me".

Inspired by the song "For Me" by Day6.

For anyone interested in the song:

https://youtu.be/UTmMpCBsF8Y