intravenous-paranoia

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Should i take my meds? Yes

Will i take my meds? Fuck no

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friends

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yoou guys wont be laughing when i suddenly collapse unconscious and have to be taken to the hospital. then youll all see <- normal thought process to have while doing anything i dont want to

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I WISH IT HAD ALL BEEN DIFFERENT!!!!!

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I don't know if you do asks, and if you don't I'm sorry for bothering you with this but if you do, could you do a web weaving on heartbreak over someone you never dated?

Again I'm sorry if I'm asking and you don't even take asks

{Shelby Eileen/ Doc Luben, Love Letters or Suicide Notes/ via Tumblr User: @storyexcerpts (x)/ via Tumblr User: @excerptsofstories (x)/ Unknown/ Cynthia Go, Photographs/ Charlotte Valtris, Before You knew/ Unknown/ Unknown/ Shannon L. Alder/ Caitlyn Siehl/ Courtney Peppernell, Pillow Thoughts}

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i think im just not worth getting close to

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if you don't understand why people with schizophrenia spectrum disorders & bipolar sometimes don't want to take meds or stop taking meds and you're not one us:

please understand that our medications are destroying our bodies. please understand our medications are not safe, they come with very serious side effects. please understand our medications alter our personalities, our emotions, the very core of who we are.

being on these medications is a difficult decision. yes our disorders can be very serious and life altering, they are not easy to live with. some of us decide that these side effects are worth it, that living with fewer symptoms is worth it, but not everyone has the same priorities. not everyone has the same view of their condition either.

it's easy to look at us and say "well if I had your disorder I would choose medication any day" but it's so much harder when you are actually the one being poisoned by a drug that might save your life in the short term but also could kill you in the process. it's so much harder when you are the one who feels like a zombie, who has had every spark of joy scooped out of them in favor of controlling psychosis, mania, etc. it's easy to judge when you don't have to live the life you're deciding we must.

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the neverending rage that people will never understand how lucky they are that you're trying this hard to be normal for them

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fucked up how no one wants me irl when I don't smile, don't make eye contact, don't talk to people unless necessary, come across as defensive and controlling,

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Once again me being me is hurting the only few people i care about, years of trying to fix myself and yet i always end up at the same spot, i am always doomed to walk in circles and repeat everything until i finally break everything i was making