ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

I'm tired of hearing about animal abuse cases and it seems they seem to be more frequent. Fuck these cowards harming dogs and cats and other animals for their pleasure I hope they get caught every single one of them or the animal escapes their home and becomes free of their suffering in the hands of evil humans. I fucking hate it so much I hate thinking of innocent helpless animals being hurt for entertainment this world is so fucked up and humans are so fucked up and the fact that authorities don't do shit and make examples of these monsters

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

trip and sick

so i been wanting to update to remind myself of how sick i was but i have not felt good enough to, but now i am well enough and have found the time.

so i did go on that girl trip to LA end of aug into sept, basically labor day weekend 2024 it was so much fun but also so expensive and tiring. it was 4 days total with the first and last day as travel days but next time i will only go 3 days total because i just need to get back to my dog, day 3 was a rest day after the music fest that was the reason we had gone because C wanted to enjoy the music her and my old friend Daniel listened to while he was alive and daniel is my friend who had just lost his life in july 2023 and that was when me and C reconnected bc i wanted to support her and i was bothered and shocked to hear of his death.

anyway at day 3 we had a beach day and i was starting to get irritated with C which I had anticipated bc i tend to get cranky when i get homesick and also need to get back to my alone time. well at the evening of day 3 i just had extreme stomach issues, not that it hurt but i felt irregular and i kept having to go poop and there was an instance where i pooped then lie back down and felt the need to immediately go again and it scared me and my heart rate was also showing as higher and i was worried something was actually wrong with me that would kill me if i didnt seek medical attention and i would not be able to get on the plane day 4 to get back to my son and my dog. so i ended up calling the emergency authories to come check on me bc i know they will do that without taking you to the hosp right away. this kind of bothered C and i thought she was not going to speak to me again and would hold a grduge against me but she did say " i wish you would have talked to me about it instead" and that she felt sad that i did not think to consult her first but my thought is that she is not a medical prof. anyways the fire dept showed and hooked up their machines and said it sounds like food poisioning and to keep hydrating and try to rest and i had brought gatorade so i chugged it after they left and i felt relieved so i was able to get some shut eye. i did ruin C's chance of getting up early to do beach day again bc this was at 2am she was woken up so oops.

but overall it went well, friday when we flew in we partied so hard that we stayed up until like 4am and our 3rd girl Danielle got so white girl wasted it was so fun and funny and we had a beach visit at 1am and she fell, scraped the skin off her knee and elbow which we did not know until the day after i felt so bad like we didnt take care of her good enough, when she fell she dropped her wallet which has her ID and cash and she was going international from LAX after day 2 of our trip with her BF. so it was absolutely necessary that we found it and she was too drunk to be upset but C and I went on a hunting mission. retracing our steps I found it and held onto it and we back to the beach boardwalk and put my shoe down to put them back on so we can leave but upon setting them down i realize i had lost a shoe. so we leave Danielle at the boardwalk and we go looking for my shoe which i was like, no it's ok i dont care and i brought extra but C was being very sweet and persistent about it. when we gave up and went back to boardwalk, Danielle had drunkenly walked off and we were so worried like omg wtfffff. well some basketball players pointed out her direction and i found her talking to 2 girls and one guy THANK GOD instead of a bunch of guys. so i collect her while wearing my 1 shoe and i swear to god these people must have thought we were nuts. so that was the highlight of day 1 lmao. btw club we went to was so banging, speak easy at the basement level which is pitch black and a dope DJ. so cali club vibes i miss those days and was happy reliving it with these ladies.

we went to the fest day 2 and it was so massive and so packed i felt like i was at EDC again, i did not know cali did festivals like that and would love to do it again, it was such a success, the people were friendly and music was great. it was a whole experience.

anyways i was able to get up and on the plane day 4 and get my ass back home but side note, UNited airlines seems like they are just out to kill you. flights in and out were so fucking scary thought i was not going to make it home to my family after being away for what felt like a week and thought the last obstacle was going to be a disaster or a statisic.

ok so i got sick when i got home and it could have been from the packed festival, the coughing girl next to me on plane or sharing a joint with the ladies and the local boys of LA, not sure. oh also i took shrooms festival day and had a panic moment when it hit, felt like my world was spinning out and i had anxiety but it calmed when the ladies allowed me some time to gather myself. i give into peer pressure to easy and C even told me when i called the paramedics that i do not "have to keep up" and its like she saw that was trying to and she accepts me if i dont and it was everything for me hearing that, like she sees me.

anyways i have a sore throat when i get back home but idk i assume its mild dehydration. and i feel ok maybe still running off adrenaline. well 1 friday later and i take my son to waffle house and later in the day like 4pm i start feeling sick like i want to throw up. it settles, i am able to eat a bit of dinner take a dicyclomine during dinner, i go to sleep late like 3-4am. for the next 2 days im feeling a bit weak and my stomach does not want to eat but i no longer want to throw up and i wonder if it is bc of dicyclomine and when i eat i feel sick and im tired and weak. this goes on for like 3 days. then day 4-6 i feel like shit just weak and tired af i have chills, i test for covid its negative. i have diahrea for like 4 days and then lose stools. i take mucinex and it helps my symptoms but i just have this deep brain fog like i just cannot concentrate and my body hurts and i'm hot and cold at times. headache and just feel like shit. one night i felt so sick and gross and did not feel better until i started breathing through my mouth and it improved so i may have been slightly suffocating or lacking oxygen without realizing?? and i am an ex smoker so i always have that worry of breathing problems and heart problems. any way i am taking my temps daily and monitoring heart rate on this smart watch. my temp was never high and would be around 97.5-97.8 so that was a relief but some nights and days i felt so horrible i wondered if it was my last days. i am a hypochrondriac i admit, especially losing 3 people in a 1 year time to sudden deaths, i fear sudden death. so at first i suspect stomach flu bc my stomach felt terrible at first but then it felt like normal flu bc of the body pain and headache. but then the brain fog, tiredness and feeling weak felt like covid. i took my dog on walks twice during this time and i felt so horrible after, i would think i was better then walk the dog then felt so winded and knew i was still sick, it was just like when the doc said he thinks i have long covid bc i got tired easily after covid. so i was worried it would last forever.

I never thought i would recover but then the next friday, which is like 7 days from when it starts i was actually able to play with my dog, do an activity and not be tired after so then i did another activity and found i was still ok. so then saturday i was finally able to change my fitted sheet and i was ok after and thats when i knew i was getting better bc when i was in the thick of it, i could not even imagine changing my sheets and just said to myself ill have to deal with musty sheets until i get better bc i could not clean my room or do any tasks really, each day was a struggle and i was so tired. so today is sunday and i still feel pretty ok even though i have not taken mucinex and i was able to change my sheets twice today bc smores made a mess. and it has been a good day and weekend and i have still been trying to take it easy so i dont overwork myself but i am doing good so far and i am so happy to be out the other end of this. like i have not been normal since i got back and it sucked.

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

It's 4. Can I fucking sleep now

My needs are so insane

Been tired all day but couldn't sleep earlier bc I was cold then hot then hungry then went #2 then drank water then peed 20 times then made love to myself then had a bigger meal and now finally a bit drowsy

Oh yeah and feeling like water stuck in my ear all night worrying me and annoying tf out of me

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

Why does everything in my body hurt today and is annoying me. Is it bc fitbit says period predicted today but it is not yet but the pre period symptoms are there like I'm literally so tired and slept and woke up n ate n now just feel like sleeping again

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

My state is so over ran with stay dogs that shelters are over capacity

And bc they're over capacity they're waiving adoption fees and I just worry about these babies going to abusive homes and I just wish and pray they found good living wholesome families and not some sick fuck taking them home. I'm keeping these babies in my thoughts and it's all I can do but I wish I could do more

Every time I see someone selling dogs on Facebook I just get so fucking mad like how can you profit off of real innocent lives. They end up in shelters, homeless or worse of ending up with abusers. Poor babies they're so helpless bc they can never ask anyone for help.

Please if there is a God please release them from any hell they may be trapped in. Even being a street dog is better than the kind of horrible existence

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

Why people aren't as bad as the internet. Make them went and hung out with a bunch of white people today and they were all right. It was actually a pleasant experience. I felt like part of it.Healed me from the trauma that I Have experience

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

and im eating again, glad i got this potato salad

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

And I'm so tired. I really should just go to sleep if I want to be good but I wanna stay app and enjoy my Friday night and tomorrow and have to take Adan to his and we will be out for a while so I really won't have my chill next time at home.

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

Had a situation earlier where I clogged the toilet.Then try to unplug it myself and that did not work.And I was working up the sweat.

And I got So exhausted.I gave in and asked my dad for help And I had to use a stupid plunger.Richer bought even though I asked him not to buy that one So then I threw it out Because it's just taking up space in the bathroom.And i'm not gonna use it since it doesn't work Then my dad uncled the toilet for me and then I had to clean the toilet because I figured since we're dealing with toilet stuff.I might as well go ahead and clean the toilet.Because i'm already all dirty and toilet up So then I got done cleaning the toilet and I took a shower and I'm just so freaking exhausted. But I still want to play a game so I think I will do battlefront or red dead tonight and and I don't know if the food I eat hurt my stomach cause i'm feeling a little late headed

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

Two dogs will play together, they said... 🐶 Follow me for more dogs teaming up!

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

adding conext to this.

after seeing specialist and $1,500 later, we have confirmed that smores is in top shape and i just couldnt feel more blessed. I am so relieved I have been thinking so hard about his end of life and to know that is not something we have to think about is awesome.

so as the orig post of his diagnosis above, under ultrasound, liver and kidney look fine are doing amazing.

we switched his diet and have found that chicken is causing an irritation and itchiness and i believe he is not allergic or not able to tolerate chicken any further so i have to cut it out of his diet and limit consumption.

the probiotic made him constipated for a couple of days and thats normal seeing as it gives me constipation also, so that seems consistent across humans and animals, to be clear he has his dog probiotics( proviable)

during specialist visit, they checked his liver values and they said it went down to about a 400, normal is about 150 i think but they said it has gone down significantly since Neighborhood pet vet in 2023 where it was so high the reading was like 9999999 repeating.

they believe it could have gone down either bc he feels better or bc the steroid shot that he received for itchiness can make the values fluctuate.

he needs to continue to take his liver supplements

he will be tested for liver enzymes again and if it's still abnormal they recommend a biopsy. this was the thing that scared me prev bc someone on the internet claimed their dog biopsy was something horrifying like $14,000, no joke. but people on the internet be talking out of their ass because i asked the specialist and they gave me a quote of around $2,000 or so which i will happily pay.

he needs to be neutered sometime in this year. to get rid of the large prostate issue which they said will cause him to have problems urinating in the future because it can get in the way.

specialist total was $1,056.18

--------------------------------------

so i was not able to post these wonderful news because almost immediately after, like 4 days maybe

smores was having major butt problems and he was swollen, and pus and it was black on one side and he would keep licking it and messing with it, started on Monday May-6-2024

Mon night it was bleeding bc he kept messing with it so I had to cone him, he kept me up all night crying. so next night we did diaper. and the next couple of days calling vets to try to get him an appointment

his primary is out for the entire week and i refuse to go to ER to be charged $400 upon admitting

finally get an opening for Anasazi

they were amazing

got him cleaned up, i did not have to leave him there, they asked about how i got him and our history together

i told them he has had this happen before

they said he will need to go in regularly for them to express it

they showed it to me after it was expressed, like a thick dry paste that was stuck in his anal gland

said some dogs just have it happen and they need a regular cleaning and smores is one of those dogs, doesnt surprise me bc my dog seems to be sensitive of everything and typically gets the worser luck, like how he can be so sensitve to foods.

total cost for visit was $176.11

of course repeat visits for anal gland cleanings will be cheaper and less work than this time

they did have to pump the area full of solution to clean it out

give him numbing in the area

he went home with pain meds and antibiotics which i had to put on his food to get him to take it.

pain meds for as needed but he didnt need it past the 2nd day, he was running around and full of energy and seemed to be 100

i had him wear a diaper the first day bc he will still trying to lick it but after the first day he started leaving it alone

now my baby is 100 but we need to fix his chicken issue, i noticed he does ok on beef so i might give him that in place of chicken

1 probiotic

2 poss food allergy. To switch to hills

3 eventually liver biopsy and neuter bc of large prostate. Needs to be completed within 1 year.

All organs are good. Liver size is normal

Stool in his anal cavity, stomach seems irritated and needs to switch food

Switch food will also see if he can absorb nutrients better and gain weight

Food irritation can also cause itching when it is related to liver issues.

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

Scared to finish The Expanse don't want this amazing show to end 😢

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

1 probiotic

2 poss food allergy. To switch to hills

3 eventually liver biopsy and neuter bc of large prostate. Needs to be completed within 1 year.

All organs are good. Liver size is normal

Stool in his anal cavity, stomach seems irritated and needs to switch food

Switch food will also see if he can absorb nutrients better and gain weight

Food irritation can also cause itching when it is related to liver issues.

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

It has been about 2 hours since smore's has stayed at the vet office and I have to leave him there for his ultrasound. I miss him so much. I am worried about him being there, but hopefully everything is okay. Yesterday his primary left a voicemail.

About his urine analysis I have not heard back from the primary From what the specialist told me, she was able to see the urine analysis results. And she said that it looked good and that's such a relief to hear. Yesterday when his Doctor left me a voicemail, I was scared to call him back and did not want to know any bad news about smores. I still have not heard from his Doctor today because the Doctor does not get back from lunch until 2 PM. I left Bores at the specialist. At 11 AM and it was so painful. But I'm trying to stay positive and hopefully some good will come out of this. I know the specialist said at his age usually liver problems. Can be a result of. Having bacteria in the liver. Or. A tube going to the liver is not fully developed. But she Said that. At his age, usually liver problems can be resolved. And he may be able to live a normal, healthy life. She also mentioned having liver problems can help. Can be the cause of him being under weight. Anyway, I am to pick him up at 345, and right now it is only 1 o'clock.

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

this past monday I took smores to the vet to check his condition of chewing on his back legs and on his butt/ back area.

the vet gave him and allergy shot which fixed him and mentioned for long term care to have moisturizing wash baths and benadryls

vet also took his blood to test his liver values, bc in may 2023 when he went to a diff vet for stomach issues and they tested his blood and saw his liver values were off and they gave him liver vitamins to help support his liver which he has not been taking bc theyre chewables but he has not been taking them bc he does not like them

on wednesday his blood work came back and his liver values are still bad and also his kidneys are showing b.u.n? which i need to give the vet a pee sample

so now vet said to do an ultrasound for smores which will cover his liver and kidneys and if necessary will do a biospy after.

and I'm in disbelief because my baby dog is now sick and idk what is going to happen and not sure how much longer he will be with me

this mid week i was so depressed and stressed out bc of costs

the ultrasound i called about to 2 vet specialists our vet recommended and they have both quoted about $745-$920. which means to get an xray alone is already 1,000 dollars.

I can pay 1 ,000 dollars but what is next? how much will treatment be? i googled liver disease in dogs and one person said they paid 14,000$ just to get a diagnosis. I don't have 14,000 now, nor will I ever have it all at once.

I feel so helpless that I can not do more for my baby, and i dont know what to do, am I just suppose to not get him medical care??

I read posts from the rainbow bridge and people who say things like they wish they could have done more for him/her. i now know what that really means.

I thought about how I only have 4,000 and i just let my mom borrow it because shes fucking irresponsible and needs to pay back her debt. and she wont be paying me back for a while but I didnt think i would need that money rn and how wrong i was.

then my fucking big credit card is maxed out due to my mom's usage also. it would have 5,000 which i could have really used for the ultrasound.

and so i was sitting there flipping through my accounts and looking at my balances like a few thousand dollars was going to magically pop up in them and save me and my dog

i looked at my digit savings and even if i cash over absolutely everything I will have CLOSE to 4,000. not even 4,000 :(

then my paypal credit which i asked for a credit line increase and they gave me 2,000 but it said i do not get an actual card for it and its mainly for online purchases so that doesnt help me at all.

so finally i applied for care credit and luckily was approved for 5,000.

also to note i just bought my tesla and the payments are so high and insurance is through the roof and i will turn over this car if i need to to free up money to set aside for smores treatment so we'll see if it comes down to that. it's my dream car but i can always buy another one later and my baby dog needs me right now

so hopefully care credit is enough for everything and i really hope a biopsy will not be 14,000. if things can stay below 8,000 for everything than that is something that i can reach but if they start quoting me 20k or so I'm afraid i will have to make some tough decisions and start considering end of life services for smores.

I have been thinking about it and if it comes down to me absolutely not being able to afford paying for smores services then i will have to start having a conversation with his vet on what i can do to make sure he is comfortable for the rest of his time :(

this week has been me taking so many pics, spending so much time, making sure he feels loved and looking at him like i will never see him again. i keep thinking of how i dont want to think of what it will be like without him, im not sure i will be able to breathe. he is my soul dog and i love him with all of my heart

I called around to see if i could find a better deal on an ultrasound but it looks like i can't. i also have an option of 2 places and right now I have booked with the "better place " but its 3 weeks out and being that long out also stresses me out and idk

I been putting his liver supplements in his water so he can actually take some of it. I really wish I had been addressing this sooner.

with the death of my aunt who i love so much, stephen who was such a good friend and poor daniel. I just want to try to stay positive bc i jsut dont know what to do or think anymore.

the sudden deaths of my loved ones in such a little time has been so hard on me, I remember after finding out about each one my mind goes to a dark place and my body kind of falls apart for a time and it just feels like it gets weaker with each one. I have questioned my own health and then i get scared of what if

anyways so thats whats going on w smores so far

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

found out today baby daddy has really moved away to another state and having bittersweet feelings about it

a few weeks ago received an email from N asking if A wants any of his stuff as N is moving. and for A to call him

A called him and cut the convo short and said he did not want his stuff, also some disrespectful stuff.

a week later D of N's Grandma texted to say she still wants to have A in her life and N is moving to washington ( which he mentioned wanting to go there before)

i texted her today to confirm if he is really leaving, using birth certificate as an excuse for inquiring. idk why i needed and excuse just still feel like I'm walking on egg shells with these people.

D said he has moved and that wife needed to be there by the 1st. it's day 8 of the month and I'm just like wow

part of me never thought I would be free of the nightmare that is being his child's mother and the emotional rollercoaster N puts me through periodically, and using A as part of his method to make my life hell

and a part of me is like, i'm sorry your son doesnt want anything to do with u and i hope one day they will be able to make up.

but also im so happy he's gone and like on his own will?

before it was planning on how the hellish outcome will be that A will come stay with me full time when he's 18 and how N will come here starting shit and being a tyrant bc he's not getting his way or feeling like his son is abandoning him

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

We played tonight and started late but it was cool then arson joined and it was still late but it was lit and we had a great time. So it's almost 4am and it's one of those nights where we get to go ham and stay up late but it was worth it