ironiccrus

[ironiccrus]

AFTERMATH ASK MEME || “Is it loving you if I kill you?” for @akajustjessicajones​

From the moment Sharon copped to ratting Tony out, he was expecting this conversation. Luckily, Jessica wasn’t holding a microwave in her hands, implying that his head was relatively safely attached to his body for the foreseeable future, but it still wasn’t the most comfortable situation Tony could think to be in on a Wednesday afternoon. “I get it. You’re defending my honor, fighting for my right to move on, blah blah,” Tony said, waving his hand. He could pretend to have no idea what Jessica was referring to, but that would go down as well as a lead balloon. “People are friends with exes all the time. You and me. Me and Pepper. Ru isn’t even a friend. It’s not like I’m going to screw her, I mean, I have the best man in the world for that.” Tony shrugged a shoulder, leaning back further into Jessica’s sofa. It really was a terrible sofa, but so comfy. “I help her with business, that’s it. I’m a consultant, Jones. That’s what I do. I’m good with numbers, and I– I made promises. Just because she screwed my best friend, that doesn’t mean I get to just go back on everything I said.”

[ironiccrus]

akatrishtalks‌:

(✉ → iron-shit): enough with the quotes. (✉ → iron-shit): she’s a friend. nothing more to see here. (✉ → iron-shit): idk. it’s just going to be a nice relaxing evening (✉ → iron-shit): she loves the stars and hasn’t eaten there before. it has one of my favorite nighttime views, so i got us reservations. (✉ → iron-shit): yeah, really /not/ what i’m going for. (✉ → iron-shit): she would enjoy that too much and the last thing i need is for her to have more reason to tease me.

(✉ → the better half): what ‘quotes’ are we talking about, t? (✉ → the better half): the more you say that, the more i’m inclined to think of ‘just gals being pals’ (✉ → the better half): i’m sure it is. it’s the dessert that’ll bring the fireworks (✉ → the better half): so what /are/ you going for, then? (✉ → the better half): because when i bring someone to dinner, showing off how hot you are is pretty high on the priority list (✉ → the better half): it’s like setting the tone for the evening, even if you are just ‘friends’

[ironiccrus]

akajustjessicajones‌:

(✉ → barnacle brain): we shouldve known. its probably not cancer in ur head either, just some sentiment that got stuck. ofc u did, what grades /didnt/ u skip? (✉ → barnacle brain): yeah, i know u do. appreciate that. (✉ → barnacle brain): do /not/ do that. she’ll start locking the landing pad doors on me. besides, im not soft about goddamn anything.  (✉ → barnacle brain): seriously? bc ive been doing it for years (✉ → barnacle brain): baby dresses, they barely count. none of them were yellow or purple thank god. (✉ → barnacle brain): yeah, you are. love is a seflish goddamn thing, ok? thats just how it is. (✉ → barnacle brain): jesus (✉ → barnacle brain): i didnt think id BSOD u with /that/ (✉ → barnacle brain): how do u think teenagers go to the prom, numbskull?

(✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): stuck sentiment, or august’s maxim cover model still rattling around in there. she was really something. 7th and 9th. i did a coalition of the first six for a beat, and mom didn’t believe in kindergarten (✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): this is very healthy, jones. we’re being healthy right now (✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): you’re soft about a few things. it’s okay if FRIDAY has got into those squishy parts. this is a safe space, talk it out (✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): really? want to clue me in on your findings? (✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): are there pictures of these baby dresses? i bet you were one of those fantastically chubby toddlers (✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): well when you put it like /that/ (✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): it’s taken a lot, but you’ve finally cracked it (✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): they rent suits that cost more than forty dollars? i don’t know! (✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): what kind of fabric costs /forty dollars/??? (✉ → The Rock Not Johnson): oh god. it’s polyester, isn’t it?

[ironiccrus]

wxbhexd‌:

(✉ → irondad): don’t think so lowly about yourself, Tony, you’re better than you think you are. (✉ → irondad): Oh, wow (✉ → irondad): I’m not really sure what to say, I didn’t expect it… (✉ → irondad): thank you… It means a lot, I always try my best.

(✉ → pete): i’m not thinking lowly about myself. i’m thinking highly of a friend. no one matches up to steve, that’s the way it is (✉ → pete): unexpected sentiment is the best kind (✉ → pete): just don’t make a big deal out of it, or i’ll get hives

[ironiccrus]

blueroboticbitch‌:

(✉ → Stark, Tony [Friend?]: Why not?  (✉ → Stark, Tony [Friend?]: Good. I will be in the workshop tomorrow afternoon. (✉ → Stark, Tony [Friend?]: You’re a genius, Stark. You figure it out. 

(✉ → blue meanie): i immediately go to the worst case scenario. bad habit (✉ → blue meanie): i’d say it’s a plan, but i’m always there anyway (✉ → blue meanie): okay, a little touchy, are we? (✉ → blue meanie): you gonna give me a clue to work on? (✉ → blue meanie): UNSENT where did you /go/?

[ironiccrus]

supersoldierwithashield‌:

(✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): I’m not!! (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): I don’t know why, they were nothing special. Bucky’s were always better, I don’t even like reading the ones I wrote back then. But these ones… these ones will be special.  (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): Do you think we could? Do you think there’d be time? we could get everyone to trust each other again?  (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): At least? (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): Then I’ll say it more often. (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): There really is. Was it cold, on your first flight?  (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): /Tony./ If that means what I think it does… (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): FRIDAY just confirmed that it /does/ mean that. You’re a very… I don’t have the word for you in any language. Piccola merda, that’ll work though. Il mio cuore too. (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): Consider me motivated.  (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): Yeah. Did you doubt that? (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): Oh, I don’t think it was the first time you looked in a mirror, you know exactly how handsome you are.  (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): But maybe, it was the first time you really looked at your heart. After meeting you, I started listening to mine more.  (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): I wasn’t perfect. Still aren’t. (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): No one is, of course. But maybe… we can be perfect for each other.  (✉ → Not Safe For Coffee Shops): That’s really cliche and stupid, isn’t it?

(✉ → captain handsome): i think it’s because /you’re/ special, sunshine. barnes might’ve been good with words, but people wanted to know how you thought, what was important to you (✉ → captain handsome): anything’s possible, right? i’m the majority of the problem. the team can learn to love me. you did (✉ → captain handsome): you try being knocked around in a tin can on a daily basis without needing to self medicate a little (✉ → captain handsome): cold as hell. the suit turned into an iceblock just as i moved through the stratosphere. i got an impromptu insight into skydiving, it was exhilarating (✉ → captain handsome): you’ll have to reprimand me? (✉ → captain handsome): ah, irritated and endeared. that’s our sweet spot. dolcezza, zucchero, la mia poca polpetta (✉ → captain handsome): not doubt. just ... never thought about it. figured it was me learning from you, and failing classes for the first five years (✉ → captain handsome): sweet talker. i need to clean up nice, considering whose arm i’m on. a very nice arm, at that (✉ → captain handsome): couldn’t really ignore it. i’m surprised you didn’t hear the arc whirring out of my chest on the helicarrier. i almost malfunctioned because of you (✉ → captain handsome): UNSENT you’re perfect to me (✉ → captain handsome): i literally /just/ typed that, holy shit (✉ → captain handsome): i’m obligated to say it’s cheesy, but nothing you say is stupid (✉ → captain handsome): i really want that, by the way. to be good for you. it feels right, though, doesn’t it?

[ironiccrus]

whitequeenemma‌:

(✉️ ➡️ The (Only) Tolerable Avenger): You don’t know everything, my darling.  (✉️ ➡️ The (Only) Tolerable Avenger): I could if I wanted to, but I’d prefer not to be sick today. But thank you.  (✉️ ➡️ The (Only) Tolerable Avenger): I prefer not to.   

(✉ → frosty): i know more things than most people, you have to admit (✉ → frosty): it’s great viewing, just as a by the way (✉ → frosty): never? you’re a /telepath/. you’ve got the ultimate insight

[ironiccrus]

kunlunsironfist‌:

(✉️ ➡️ Tony): Gross, but good to know. Maybe you can wear Colleen’s pants? (✉️ ➡️ Tony): I don’t know much about science, but I kind of want to hear this theory! Are you saying some things are constant? (✉️ ➡️ Tony): He’s also immortal. He’ll be reborn in a few years so that the next Iron Fist can gain his power when it’s their turn. Or maybe he already has? Or maybe he /won’t./ I don’t know how it works with K’un Lun gone. (✉️ ➡️ Tony): Hey, maybe Sofia will tell me! Then I can tell you! (✉️ ➡️ Tony): I’ve forgotten /plenty/ of stuff. I bet I’ll be fine! (✉️ ➡️ Tony): I won’t tell her. But you probably should soon. You know she’ll figure it out. (✉️ ➡️ Tony): Well, I think he’s great. He seems really nice.  (✉️ ➡️ Tony): You can very easily not talk about them!

(✉ → dan dan the churro man): did you just offer me your girlfriend’s pants? (✉ → dan dan the churro man): i collected data from the different versions, with lady me’s input, and yeah. the avengers always come together in some form. me and steve always meet, though it’s not always great. we’re always family (✉ → dan dan the churro man): so we get /another/ fist of fury? and another dragon? (✉ → dan dan the churro man): sofia wouldn’t betray me like that. she would come direct to the source (✉ → dan dan the churro man): give me some forgetfulness would you (✉ → dan dan the churro man): yeah, i know. i just don’t want to push too much, you know? i’m happy with what i have now. more than happy (✉ → dan dan the churro man): the nicest. probably makes you wonder why he’s with me, huh? (✉ → dan dan the churro man): but they’re /right there/

[ironiccrus]

akatrishtalks‌:

(✉ → iron shit): i’m just saying, the three of us should get dinner sometime. (✉ → iron shit): i thought carol was your friend too? (✉ → iron shit): [UNSENT] i know you want to spend your last months with– (✉ → iron shit): [UNSENT] i’m going to miss you too (✉ → iron shit): [UNSENT] i just want to make things right before– (✉ → iron shit): sorry you had to put up with me getting drunk last time. (✉ → iron shit): at least now you won’t have me trying to hook you up with strangers? (✉ → iron shit): you can even bring steve if you want. or i can invite jess

(✉ → the better half): carol is my friend (✉ → the better half): we’re just having a difference of opinion, at the moment (✉ → the better half): believe me, i’ve spent time with a lot worse people when they’re drunk (✉ → the better half): you’ve put up with me more times than i can count (✉ → the better half): i know what you were trying to do. any other night, it would’ve helped (✉ → the better half): things are a little more complicated than that. we’re not exactly out

[ironiccrus]

supersoldierwithashield‌:

Sometimes, Steve just couldn’t say no to him. Even before meeting Natasha Stark that had been true, but now it felt all the more imperative. He’s worth it. In three simple words, she had summed up every thought that had been going through his head since New York. The thoughts that had become screams lately, but not of fear or anger. Cries of joy. 

But they wouldn’t stay that way for long. 

He had been caught up in that, in the thought of time, when Tony’s voice pulled him back to the present. (As he so often did.) “You caught me,” he said, smirking lightly, and letting himself relax and lean into the touch. His leg missed the warmth and weight of Tony’s head, so he pressed it close to him to compensate. 

For a long moment, he didn’t reply, just let himself freely explore the freedom of Tony’s body pressed to his this closely. It was so simple, to move his head closer. His arm had been slung across the back of the couch, and now he could wrap it around Tony. But when he did, he realized just how small he felt. Thin, the collar of his shirt gaping just enough. A familiar sort of fragility, the kind that made him remember shivering in the winter of 1940 and staring out the window wondering if he’d see the sunrise. 

“No,” he said, insisting it with his body language, pulling Tony even closer. (The way Bucky had, on those cold nights, like he could fend off time and pneumonia through stubbornness.) “I mean, I am. But not that way,” he said, voice softening. “I don’t mind complicated,” he promised. But now he hesitated a moment, certain that no matter how hard he tried to school his features, they would belay his every thought to the man beside him. That was a good thing, but Steve still felt exposed, and it made his heart pound a little harder. “Besides,” he said finally, letting out a heavy breath. “That wouldn’t solve all the complications.” 

Swallowing down his own emotions (which was next to impossible with Tony this close), he reached up, cradled Tony’s face. Thumb moving slowly across his cheek while Steve drank in every detail of his face –  the lines and crevices, the crooked off-center nose, and those warm, warm eyes. But those eyes were tired looking, dark blue half-moons circling them, and there was a thin sheen of sweat at his hairline. “I’ve always been a man out of time,” he said, trying so hard to keep his voice steady. “I’m used to that. But I’m not used to running out of time,” he whispered, with a shaky breath. “We said we should talk about it, Tony,” he reminded him, voice more like a shadow than a sound. 

The idea of getting Steve alone was always something that made Tony feel like all the air was sucked out of the room. Over the years he chased it in subtle ways, but he never expected this, never thought it was possible. If everything in the world happened to even the scales, Tony figured waking up in a cold sweat, having his nurse on speed dial and not being able to stomach food for days on end was worth this temporary happiness. Steve made it feel so permanent, but they both knew it couldn’t be. “Now I’m not letting go,” Tony informed him, moving in when Steve did, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Good,” Tony said in a rush of breath, grinning at Steve despite attempts to keep his face from revealing every thought that went through his head. “I really didn’t want to step to myself. I’m not entirely sure how that would work out. She seemed the type to fight dirty.” He was trying so hard to keep it light, to convince both of them that this was just a couple going on a temporary retreat to get away from the kids, but Steve always brought so much honesty. It made Tony want to do the same thing, rise up to meet him where he stood. “No,” Tony whispered. “I guess it wouldn’t. She’s still a Stark.”

And Steve was still a Rogers, still the man looking at Tony in a way that no one else had before, not really. Tony was never able to break eye contact with him before, and he wasn’t going to start now. “Hey,” Tony said, lowly, hand going to rest on Steve’s arm as his thumb brushed over his cheek, “it’s just me here. We’re okay.” This conversation wasn’t going to be easy with all the comforting words in the world, though, and Tony knew that. He knew there was no way to fix it. He nodded along with Steve’s words, worrying at the corner of his lip. 

“You’re my heart too,” he said, all in a rush, the back of his neck heating up. “I mean, it’s not great, it’s got more holes than cheddar, but what’s left of it, that’s you.” Talking was the last thing Tony ever wanted to do, because he wasn’t good at it. It was significantly easier when they were touching, though, and so Tony’s hand moved up to Steve’s, linking their fingers together. He brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to Steve’s knuckles. “You’re the last person I’m going to–” Tony swallowed thickly, cutting himself off. “But I’m just your first, Steve.” He thought of an elderly Steve standing in front of him in the workshop, that ring glinting in the light. “If things were different, I’d kill to be the only one that sees that look on your face. You know that, right?” Love is selfish. Inherently selfish, that’s what Jessica said. Maybe Tony had permission to be selfish right now. “Promise me– Promise me, Steve, you won’t bury that with me. Even if I’d like the company … you’ve got a lot of life left. I want you to be happy.”

Finally, Tony looked down, eyes focused on Steve’s hand in his. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I know I’ve been pretty shitty about showing it.”

[ironiccrus]

ofblxckwidows‌:

(✉️ ➡️ Tony): Sorry. I’ll remember that for next time.  (✉️ ➡️ Tony): It was fine. We managed to work together. It was good considering the last time I saw him he admitted how he felt and I split. That was before the battle in New York.  (✉️ ➡️ Tony): We could blast other people? There’s still some assholes running about the city. Dangerous things.

(✉ → natalie rushman): it’s alright, but thank you (✉ → natalie rushman): did he bring out those three letters, eight words? that always gives me the heebie jeebies too (✉ → natalie rushman): sounds like a plan. i’ve got a list of potential threats to check out if you want something taxing, or a list of complete assholes if you want simple

[ironiccrus]

@ironiccrus || @dogcfwar || @spyderwomcn || @ghcstsoldier || @lifeinccrnate || @mcnwithnofear || @lornapclaris

Sentence Me Part I || The Aftermath GC Meme

“Bold of you to assume I have shame.”

“I didn’t put the fan in the goddamned microwave.”

“Nice. Cool.”

“I HAVE SO MANY REGRETS.”

“Slurp slurp, bitch.”

“He’s not even a villain he’s a whiny ass bitch.”

“Bring it on, I have a fork and very little will to live!”

“It’s sad and funny. Like my life.”

“Stabbing is so intimate.”

“Always deal with incest on photoshop.”

“I’m home and getting ready for more murder.”

“The true real feral hours are upon us.”

“All I do is apologize for the children and self-deprecate.”

“I’m florescent and that’s weird.”

“How do you turn nursing into something not sexy.”

“I’m not straight, please never say that again. I’m insulted.”

“Demons? Is that what you like?”

“Boiling employees in frying oil?”

“Is it loving you if I kill you?”

“Can’t be a hipster if you’re on fire. No one is chill then.”

“I’m glad you guys are suffering.”

“The core components of a sex tape: performance issues and wheezing.”

“Please don’t smack me with your fish.”

“She could come to my house and give me broccoli and I would be like thanks ma'am for this broccoli.”

“I hear her name and I come crashing in from the dumpsters like a Kool Aide man made of garbage.”

“He has tried to eat me so many times today already!”

“’No say something American’ and all my brain could think of was ‘egg.’”

“I know! I told her ‘wtf’ means ‘whoa that’s fun.’”

“You’re on fire tonight.”

“I use speech to text when I’m driving sometimes, when someone texts me, but it usually backfires because of my road rage.”

“I wanna get into her heart-pants.”

“If you think about it, the Earth is a ravioli.”

“I build graveyards.”

“Like giving myself a sugar daddy, but with murder.”

“What if I interact with a demonic spirit?”

“We’re all sluts here.”

“I’m trying to think of something funny, but it’s not funny enough!”

“That’s very onions of you.”

“Have you met me? All I do is get horny.”

“Goodnight guys, thanks for fucking me!”

“I’m too pumped to function.”

“Hummus makes us horny…”

“I’m self-conscious about my bun game.”

“You asked for my opinion, you get my feelings.”

“It is for bitches, that’s why I thought you’d like it.”

“Smirking during talk of murder feels wrong.”

[ironiccrus]

agenthamburger‌:

(✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): ask dum-e what he wants then! he should have the right to choose here. (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): i wish FRIDAY would read me in on the plan! if this is just about pranking bucky, i want to help out :/  (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): fights aren’t jokes, tony! especially if bucky and i are involved. no offense, but we’re clearly the big guns. i deserve to be the only ghost (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): if i name a kid after you it’ll be antonia. but i’m not telling you any of my baby names. i’ve read too many horror stories about family members /stealing/ them.  (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): okay i will accept this. i want more though!  (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): we’re bonding over your clowning. you should be happy! (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): it’s not fourteen is it? you’re so full of shit tony. i don’t want your boyfriend’s abs, i just want to know how full of shit you are, and clearly, you’re 100% on the scale right now (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): why don’t you support me :/  (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): and we show no signs of stopping anytime soon. (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): ://// (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): fuck i /know/  (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): i’m about to send screenshots to the group chat. don’t test me (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): WAIT THAT WAS A PREPREPARED STATEMENT?

(✉ → applesauce): you realise he doesn’t /speak/, right? (✉ → applesauce): have you tried asking her what it’s about? she might listen to you more than me, i irritate her (✉ → applesauce): you’re right. you’re the biggest gun i have, and the only ghost. you’ve convinced me entirely (✉ → applesauce): so you don’t love your hypothetical future child? shar, i’m pretty sure if i was going to have kids, it would’ve happened before now (✉ → applesauce): you’re /bonding/? that’s the most terrifying thing i’ve ever heard (✉ → applesauce): it’s fourteen. thank you dr erskine. of course i love like him for a multitude of other reasons, but the /abs/. nope! for once in my life, i’m a solid 0% (✉ → applesauce): i support you in everything, fight me (✉ → applesauce): GOOD I’M GLAD WE AGREE because the first time i heard steve say his old war buddy had a metal arm, my mind went to very weird places (✉ → applesauce): you would screenshot shame me? (✉ → applesauce): if he didn’t have good thrust i wouldn’t be with him. plus i love cars

[ironiccrus]

akatrishtalks‌:

(✉ → iron-shit): it’s not a mystery meeting. (✉ → iron-shit): it’s dinner (✉ → iron-shit): with a friend. (✉ → iron-shit): believe it or not, i have friends /besides/ you, tony.  (✉ → iron-shit): i can feel you smirking from here. let’s not use the word ‘adventurous’  

(✉ → the better half): with a ‘friend’ (✉ → the better half): in that epithet there is the mystery (✉ → the better half): i know you have friends! i’m not /that/ much of an asshole (✉ → the better half): so what word should we use instead, then? (✉ → the better half): the green dress makes everyone in any restaurant stop eating, if that’s what you’re going for

[ironiccrus]

kunlunsironfist‌:

(✉️ ➡️ Tony): I made you my emergency contact. (✉️ ➡️ Tony): Should I not have? (✉️ ➡️ Tony): It used to be Ward, but every time they call him to pick me up he hangs up on them. :/  (✉️ ➡️ Tony): No? I don’t have a head injury. I don’t /think/ I have a head injury. I would know, right? I think I would know. (✉️ ➡️ Tony): Do you want me to change it? I should have asked first.

(✉ → dan dan the churro man): that’s the same words as last time, but i still feel like i’m having a stroke (✉ → dan dan the churro man): no, it’s fine it’s just -- surprising, i guess (✉ → dan dan the churro man): UNSENT yet another reason i want to punch ward in the face, how quaint (✉ → dan dan the churro man): do you need FRIDAY to check you out for one? (✉ → dan dan the churro man): no, don’t change it (✉ → dan dan the churro man): it means a lot to me, that you’d trust me with that (✉ → dan dan the churro man): just don’t call me if you’re in jail. i’ll let you rot 

five minutes later (✉ → dan dan the churro man): i was joking. please call me if you’re in jail

[ironiccrus]

agenthamburger‌:

(✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): okay first of all, my idea is great, you’re just don’t don’t have an appreciation for /my/ science!  (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): a tampon works in an emergency okay. saved justin that one time he got shot until we could get him real medical attention. so, it’s not the /worst/ idea.  (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): also consider this, i have the stuff lined up on the counter in the common area already.  (✉️ ➡️ aunt tony ): i’m gonna do it 

(✉ → applesauce): don’t talk to me about scientific appreciation /or/ the sanctity of its variants (✉ → applesauce): it would be an even better idea of justin didn’t get shot in the first place (✉ → applesauce): so you’re doing it before telling me about it? (✉ → applesauce): yeah, you’re doing that (✉ → applesauce): right, okay, i’m on board. but just for the record, i /should/ be irritated about it. i’m not, but i should be

[ironiccrus]

roi-des-voleurs‌:

[inconnu] ooo, somethin excitin goin on in death valley? now i’m kinda interested! [inconnu] what you mean nothin to see here? i gotta know what’s goin on! [inconnu avec de l'argent] …how much we talkin bout? cause maybe whatever’s goin on ain’t quite /that/ interestin

(✉ → Unknown): i’m not telling you. from past experience, you could be a supervillain. i need to be /responsible/ these days (✉ → Unknown): nah, you don’t (✉ → Unknown): five bucks and a hot dog with ketchup /and/ mustard? i’ll really splash out