itsmemot

[itsmemot]

Just gave him a footjob and now he's showing me sea shanties

[itsmemot]

Lake sand

Crunchy, earthy clay flavoring until it starts to widdle away your teeth. Then its like a visit to a dentist office where you get to taste the shavings of your teeth from that tooth picker they use. Dries your mouth and the original taste fades quick. Wish this stuff didn't house parasite eggs in it and microplastics... sometimes can taste like lake plant matter which adds a funky dried leaf flavor. 4/10 enjoyment heavily based on what lake you are getting it from. 3/10 when wet with lake water

[itsmemot]

Damn bitch, is that pussy a haunted house? Cause I'm homophobic please get away from me I'm scared

[itsmemot]

Things I text my partner

"Yeah I'm fine" *proceeds to list several things that are very much not fine*

"Everything will be fine. Unfortunately, I am not a remote bomb."

From my partner: "omg I'm so in love with you"

Me: "I habe paint in my mouth"

Them: "babe what? R u ok? Babe?"

Me: "paint 🤤🤤"

[itsmemot]

Horrible day to be afab. I will never be able to donate obscene amounts of sperm and accumulate an army of children with my DNA

[itsmemot]

Welcome to Anthony's Sperm Bank and Mattress Store, where your cream is someone else's dream

[itsmemot]

Big Wife™ sleeping on the telephone

[itsmemot]

Started working as a florist in January. I've since unlocked several deeply traumatic childhood memories and been made painfully aware that I have daddy issues.

[itsmemot]

They don't know I'm devilish in nature (they knew)

[itsmemot]

Me referring to my amab partner: he's my little butch lesbian

My partners friend: you haven't told them yet? (To me) I have some hard news for you...

Me, looking up at my partner in horror: you mean it was real..?!

[itsmemot]

Guys,,, what is the letter 4?

[itsmemot]

Aw... The blinky florpus got zorped...

[itsmemot]

*Getting intimate with my partner when they reach into my pants, expecting to find a vagina but instead find a completely smooth area of flesh.*

"What the fuck?! Where is your vagina?!"

"Oh yeah, I should have told you. I actually don't have genitals. My pussy has been a mimic this whole time. But it's her day off today."

*points to the walking vagina with gnarly teeth that's slobbering and chasing around a rat because it's hungry.*

[itsmemot]

Love me a dude who's a little odd. A bit unsettling. Possibly a creature. Love me a little freak skittering around. Crawling around in the walls.

[itsmemot]

Over here building legos and this dude is jaCKING OFF!!!!!

[itsmemot]

If I ever send a guy pics of my tits and he says "awesome sauce" I'm immediately giving him head idc

[itsmemot]

Do you think god new I would be the reason for sea levels rising because I'm actually just eating all the sand on every beach