itstashapage - Tumblr blog

[itstashapage]

My first vlog! If you like self acceptance, body positivity and my awkwardness- you'll love it.

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space jam | jhene aiko cover 

just the chorus :)

[itstashapage]

The Year of Failures

I have decided tonight, Friday May 9th, that I need to start taking more risks. I need more failures. I’ve been playing it way too safe.

I’m going through a breakup. It’s fucking painful.

BUT, it's exactly what I needed. I’ve been avoiding my life. I’ve been putting my dreams aside and hiding in relationship after relationship, so I don’t have to realize them. I keep ending up with guys that don’t care about my passions, so it gives me license to not even try and be the smallest version of myself possible. Fuck that.

It’s time for me to pursue what I want. That’s literally the POINT OF LIFE. To discover what makes your soul happy and go do it. But the thing is, my dreams are pretty scary. They make me vulnerable and VERY open to criticism. I get so scared of failure or someone rejecting me that I stand still and don’t ever go after them. The thing is, not everyone is going to like me, and I have to get used to that. I need to believe in myself enough, so that it doesn’t matter what other people think.

SOOOO my plan is to fail. To pursue failure. To expect I’ll be rejected. To go for things I’m not even remotely ready for, just so I can learn from it. To go after every opportunity having to do with my dreams, not with the intention of making it, but with the assumption that I won’t make it.

If I'm going to make these dreams a reality, I need to develop a thicker skin and I need to start believing in myself. I need to hear ‘no’ A LOT, and still keep going. I need to be told ‘you’re not good enough’ so often that it just becomes a drone in my ear that doesn’t even begin to affect how I feel about myself. I need to realize that failure isn’t the end of the world. Rejection won’t kill me. I’ll still be standing there and my dreams will still be calling me.

So I got dumped. IT SUCKS, but I’m still standing. Did it crumble every bit of confidence? For a moment, yes, but ultimately, no. So each rejection will be easier and I’ll become stronger.

So I’m gonna go out there and fail. Get back up and fail again. Until I make it, of course :)

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like a star cover. :)

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Outfit: Cali tank by Brandy Melville | Red skinny jeans from Pure Energy | Bra from Lane Bryant 

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There’s two of me. Runnnn.  

Shirt is from Forever21+ | Jeans are from Torrid | Cuff from Forever21

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tonight

              i got to

      s i n g

    in front of a crowd,

                    and it was

                          a w e s o m e.

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A little bit like drifting...

maybe in water or wind.

Holding just tight enough

to something more solid than

myself.

(mine)

[itstashapage]

little cover of 'like a star' c:

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I just got back from England. I was there for 6 days. It was amazing. I NEED to go back. I've been horrible at posting for a while now. NOT LIKE ANYONE READS THIS. Anyway, I'm gonna post more stuff.

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OH HEY, my car was stolen again.

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Seattle Update, Yo.

So I gotta say, SEATTLE SUCKED at first. Like ROYALLY. D: I lost like everything I owned, I lost one of my best friends, it rained constantly, and I was feeling like I had made a horrible mistake in moving up here.

BUT.

I stuck dat shit out lol, and things are UM pretty fucking awesome now?!

So when I moved here and all the sucky stuff happened, I made a conscious decision not to run and not to quit- which is what I'm very used to doing when things get hard. I stuck my plans and decided to really focus my life on what I WANT to do for the first time. And it's working out!

I found a decent place to live. It's not gorgeous but the location is perfect for commuting. I'm in two bands! One is a reggae group that is very talented and only plays original songs (Not my preferred genre of music but I appreciate their skill and passion). The other is an Indie sort of band that makes awesome, interesting music. The lead guy is beyond talented, and teaching me guitar. SO. SOON I WON'T SUCK. YES. I'm also working with a producer to write some music and possibly record a little. Sooooo UM. But nothing crazy, just trying some stuff out. BUt that's fucking awesome. Two months ago I was just singing a little in my room and not doing very much at all with music. Now I'm doing something like everyday, which makes me sooooo incredibly happy.

I'm also volunteering at two non-profits; one is Path with Art (they offer free art classes for people who can't afford them) and YouthCare (a program that finds shelter/housing for homeless teenagers). SO my nurturing, "I want to make a difference" part of me is happy too.

My day job sort of blows but it's very flexible so that works. I'm an on-call nanny. SO if a child or parent is terrible I get to move on to another family the next day.

I CONTINUE TO BE A GODDESS so... there's that.

I also figured out how to take pictures of myself without a mirror, and for me that was like an earth shattering find. LOL.

Oh OH OH, and I met this pretty amazing guy :) Very unexpected.

Basically everything is completely different. AND I realized... if all that yucky stuff hadn't happened, a lot of what is happening for me now wouldn't have either. SO BASICALLY, if you want things to be fantastic, and stay committed to it, they will become fantastic. Simple as that.

:) peace + love.

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Another little cover <3

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This is all the makeup I have left. I went from having 3 packed cases to this little plastic bag.

WHATEVER UNIVERSE.

I still got my lip gloss.

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SO pretty much the only things that weren't in my car, were me and my guitar. So at least I didn't get physically hurt, and maybe this is a sign that I need to focus purely on music. And get really REALLY good at guitar. Think John Mayer...but without the bad attitude. 

[itstashapage]

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

.....my car was stolen last night.

[itstashapage]

Keep on keepin' on.