itzandromeda

[itzandromeda]

Day Dreams of Nothingness

i only wish for things i may never have

for things so small they seem huge to me

for a sun that will never stop shining

and a moon that will never fade away

If i dream of a place with grassy hills and colorful flowers

of care free days with everlasting happiness

will i see the future i envision

or will it stay in my dreams with a serial sense of a vague reality

that will only be discovered each time i open my eyes

Each step i take moving me along the world

and pause ill breathe its wind

a fictional world that feels so real to me

but no one else will be there to enjoy it

Every corner could lead a path of joy

that the life ill live is frivolous yet fleeting

and when my hands are shown to be empty

from the times of never being

what will i show for my dreams that ill have never known to be real?

Life hasn't gotten any better, In fact, It's gotten much, much worse. Unfortunately, I can't talk about it here because it's a legal matter. I didn't commit a crime, it's just something the law has to handle for right now. I've heard so much about WW3 and my government's foolishness.. I hate it here. I want to go home. I'm not paranoid but I keep feeling like someone is watching me. I want to go home. Can you hear me? Can anything truly hear me? I'll still smile and hold hope, but I feel that something I don't know is coming and it's big.. Weird.

[itzandromeda]

The CIA is watching me because I'm secretly Gossip Girl

Lately, I've been getting into astrology, frequencies, meditation, etc., and have come to some realizations. I've been doing a bit of weird, dare I say conspiracy theory-like deep dives, and now I can't help but feel like I'm being watched. I'm not a paranoid person, but I do get nervous when people perceive me and such. However, lately, I've noticed odd stuff.

The first weird sign is the many flies I've noticed in my home lately. I could say it's because it's summer and the most used door is the garage door which is a bit close to our bins. But, every time I spot one singular fly and manage to kill it, it's like another fly spawns out of nowhere, and it'll follow me to the back of the house. After I take a shower, there will suddenly be a fly nose diving at me as I try to get dressed. It's weird because flies never used to act like this. They'd usually fuck off once they realize theirs no food in the room and a big ass swatter keeps battling them. In spiritual terms, flies are spies. Could someone be sending flies to spy on me? Maybe not.

The second sign is that I've noticed someone is watching my TikTok. I haven't made any posts yet, but I keep noticing this one profile picture pop up in my profile views. I've seen it three times and it's not a meme profile picture. I won't share the picture for their privacy but it's a girl taking a mirror selfie with a black iPhone that has a green case on it and she has long straight hair (possibly white). I saw a different variation of the picture only once, but I could tell it was the same girl. I don't know who she is but she's making different accounts to look at my profile which is weird because I don't post... I find it strange. It's definitely not bot accounts but more like fake accounts created to see if someone blocked you. I don't know how to explain it.. It's so odd to me. Maybe she is interested in the things I repost?

Lastly, I got this weird message from a Twitter account I've never interacted with. (photo included but their details are cropped out for their privacy) They aren't the girl from tiktok, but Based on their pictures I have no idea who they are.. Never liked any of their posts, never followed or even retweeted them. They have a check mark but they aren't a bot account. I've never even had a conversation with them and they used text emojis. (I like text emojis but the ":)" just feels.. creepy. My Twitter name isn't Andromeda but my username is. So it's also strange they used my full name and the fact it felt like they KNEW that was my name.. like not that it was just my username. I don't know what they are thanking me for. I believe I may just be reading into it too much, but I can't help but feel like something is off. Like Someone knows something I don't or that someone is watching me. My gut is telling me there is something afoot but when I list out my reasons I can't help but feel foolish.

Can anyone help me understand wthelly is going on? Am I crazy? I feel crazy, especially with all that I've been learning so far...

[itzandromeda]

Sometime between middle school and high school, I had a dream. It was more like three dreams, because i kept waking up and when I'd go back to sleep the dream would come back but different. I never really had any dreams and after that I hadn't had another dream since. People always say it's because i forget them when I wake up, but no. When I go to sleep there's nothing. Just that blackness you see when you close your eyes.

The dreams were weird. The first dream i was in a chair in a dark room infront of a mirror. There was a hanging light over me and when i got up from the chair to walk towards the mirror the light flickered. When i touched the mirror the light turned off and I woke up.

I went back to sleep and i was in that same black room with the mirror, chair, and light. But it was different. My eyes were completely black. The chair i was in was now a throne and there were black hands reaching from behind it with a crown above my head. I couldn't get up from the chair and the light above me flickered between the regular light and a blue light until it stopped and went out. I woke up.

I went back to sleep again, and I was there again. Some chair now a thrown, Same mirror but now it was moving closer. Same light but now it was blue. I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror at all. The crown was on my head and the hands where pointing at the mirror. I couldn't get up pr look away. There were voice that just kept repeating the words you and god. there were many different voices but i didnt know who or where they were coming from. They were out of sync and some where whispers while others where yells. the mirror eventually stopped close enough for me to touch it and then it broke. the voice stopped and the light turned off but i didnt wake up. I could still see the mirror's cracks. Then I heard one voice say something but i don't remember what it was. I woke up after that and it was early in the morning the sun hadnt come up. I was scared and couldn't go back to sleep.

I've had trouble sleeping ever since then. I was diagnosed with insomnia.

[itzandromeda]

Well, My bday wasn't even bad as usual. I had a migraine the whole day and ended up throwing up several times. I didn't get to eat my favorite food, because i kept throwing up stomach acid. It's ok though my friends and family said we can do a repeat on Saturday. So, I wait till then.

My birthday wasn't a total bust too. Despite being sick, I got a bday message from one of my favorite idols, Wonho. Anddd, Glo & J-Hope dropped a song on my bday too! That was cool. Lastly, my friends and family all wished me a good bday and i got a little money in my pocket🕺🏼

I know my posts are depressing but i do have hope. I'll always hope that something decent will prevail. Hell, I don't much care for birthday celebrations. I was only hoping to atleast see a pretty girl or guy or anyone attractive. It's nice seeing attractive people, especially when they look happy and like they've got everything sorted out. If I had the courage to talk to a pretty girl I would but I have no game when it comes to women😭😭 Also, where in my state, being openly pan/non-binary can be dangerous. I won't let that stop me from being me, but I am cautious.

[itzandromeda]

i hope i meet the love of my life before i violently die, overwhelmed by the shame of living without

i found myself in empty rolling fields a single tree emerging from the earth i walk over to it's shade and i found the most beautiful thing i had ever seen

ghostly pale and white hair green piercing eyes dressed in a long, white gown i know what i need now

she phased right through me tears fall down my face she was just there, i swear my soulmate just disappeared

i twitch softly as i feel something strange my spine tingling with an unknown shame my face contorts as i fall over hard seizing and crying on the ground

[itzandromeda]

This alien is officially old enough to legally partake in alcohol!

TL;DR - I'm 21

Shhhhh! I'm in my human disguise today!😛

[itzandromeda]

A Star's Lament

Why does the sun hurt my eyes so?

It never did before...

I used to sit under you, and gaze at your beauty.

But now, I'm left in pain under the moonlight.

She comes to pick my pieces up, and wipe my tearful eyes.

She wants to save me, but I'm not ready.

She leaves guilty, never fully returning,

only until I need her, but always watching.

She knows she'll be back again.

Yet, she wishes so badly to bring me with.

I'm ready, but I have to complete my mission

The sun knows I crave its warmth,

but he left me withering in his wait.

On opposite sides we met in the middle.

Our time truly shortened between us,

saving your time for another.

When where you ready to leave?

Tomorrow is my birthday.. the 13th and I'll be 21. Legally able to drink and book a hotel room lmsao. I'm not very hopeful if I'm being honest. It'll just be another boring day after all. There's not much to do in my town so I'll likely end up eating at one pf the 4 "fancy" restaurants like usual. But tonight I'll imagine I've been whisked away by a prince to live in his castle as his bride. In my fantasy, my prince is kind and makes me laugh and his horse is a beautiful White unicorn. It'd have shiny coat like that of a Akhal-Teke, and the cute upturned face of an Arabian. It'd also have long hair and long leg hair like a Gypsy horse. My prince's race or height or whatever doesn't matter all that would matter is that he loves me. Imagination is the best part of life. When the world is cruel you'll have a place that's designed by you for you. Isn't that something?

[itzandromeda]

A Prize Winning Rosebush

I cut my finger on the thorns of the pink rose bush.

I remember when their petals blew in the wind,

care-free and happily.

The chill of winter,

makes it's vines look static and hard.

They've seen such a long winter.

When spring comes,

they grow everso slowly,

and, yet those beautiful pink petals

never flow the same way they did.

They fall to the ground,

waiting for the wind to pick them up,

and carry them away.

This week wasn't the best.. It was only made worse by my depression. I'm so lonely and have no one to talk to.. Even my friends ignore me in the groupchat. I wanted to recommend a movie I watched today but they all just moved along with their conversation. Why won't anyone here me? Why does no one truly care about me? Why am I so alone

[itzandromeda]

Being a woman in this world is so scary

but being a black woman is truly horrifying

Now, add being fat and tall on top of that.

But, don't forget the gays and trans folk.

I don't have enough money to change my life.

So, I'm also poor, and if my luck couldn't get better, I'm also mentally ill.

Being a Poor, Mentally Ill/Disabled, Fat, Black, Gay, Trans/Non-Binary Woman is the cruelest punishment of them all.

The workd i live in if filled with doom and despair as I watch my friends march on command. I know I'm fit to wear boots, but the thought of them being forcibly laced up on me, haunts me.

I hope to see a new world of freedom and change and love. We all deserve that much.

[itzandromeda]

i dont remember posting this or writing it. Maybe it's just an old poem I uploaded and forgot about. Still, i keep reading it and i have no idea what this means😭😭 this prolly some angsty teen shit i wrote like god all the spelling and grammar mistakes. Also, It's weird I didn't use any hashtags or add a little note at the end, So I must've been in a hurry.

i love listening to thd stars sing

ive died a thousand times

this life certainly won't our my last

but percy im afraid

the water is rising

the sea will swalow me whole

the beast will take me

save me percy

my twin i need you

your favorite star is blue

your songbirds voice is shrill

be quick and make haste

lest our fate repeat

[itzandromeda]

i love listening to thd stars sing

ive died a thousand times

this life certainly won't our my last

but percy im afraid

the water is rising

the sea will swalow me whole

the beast will take me

save me percy

my twin i need you

your favorite star is blue

your songbirds voice is shrill

be quick and make haste

lest our fate repeat

[itzandromeda]

My mom upset me the other day.. I haven't spoken to her in 3 days no more than a one word reply or a grunt. I can't trust her.. We had a fight and i finally told her how i felt but she just hurled insults at me and then threatened to fight me

I wish i had a mother/daughter relationship with her but we have nothing in common.. my whole life she's been emotionally neglectful and when i needed her most she said i was selfish. I guess the stars are the only family I truly have but I still hold hope that someday we can settle our differences. Until then i guess we'll just be two strangers under the same roof. I don't think I'll ever fully talk to her again if I'm honest.

it feels like she just doesn't like me. everything i do isn't good enough and everything i like is demonic or not to her standards. She complains or drags down everything i like from my artistic expressions to my very being. I can't even come out to her because Ik she doesn't agree with gay/trans people. Unfortunately she so deep in christianity that it's preventing her from ever truly seeing me. She'll never truly know me. She doesn't know anything about me really. I bet if i asked she wouldn't be able to tell me my favorite show or ice cream flavor. It's not fair.. She's supposed to be my mom and yet I can't even trust her. The one person you should be able to talk to no matter what and yet I still have to hold my tongue..

I've decided to set my eyes on a new form of connection. Love, pure love. I know my knight in shinning armour will rescue me and we'll find family in eachother. Whoever they may be, I just hope they accept me for me and all my wild shit. I want to be deep in love. So passionate and romantic like in the movies. Pure, unconditional, unashamed love.

I like to imagine my future life with my partner. They'll be kind and fun and we'll have amazing conversations about everything. I'll finally have someone to listen to me and someone who will answer all my questions and thoughts. They'll be like my teddy beard that i can share my deepest secrets with. I have someone in mind but i know it's highly unlikely we'll ever even meet. But I do like to imagine what life would be like if me and them were atleast friends. I'll never tell who the mystery person is but unfortunately they are a man and he's asian. (im sorry my black queens FORGIVE ME😫🥺🥺) Though, I feel like anyone who has a surface level knowledge of me would know who this "mystery man" is.

[itzandromeda]

I'm so forgetful

i wanna live in a land of bright colors

to see the sun shine in the water.

Where the birds fly over the clouds,

but i'm not sure.

i'm not sure about a lot of things.

my life, my love, my dreams

i think alot, but never understand what it means

sometimes i just want simple things.

i wanna see the world's greatest sights,

the joy of meeting someone new

in a foreign place to only me.

im afraid I might forget my shoes

Will i remember the memories ive made?

Will i forget the last place ive laid

what if i get lost and cant find my way

does it even matter at the end the day

i wanna live in a land of bright colors

to see the sun shine in the water

where the birds fly over the clouds

thats as far as i can remember

I hope internet land likes this poem I wrote. I wrote it last year, I believe. I felt a bit confident to share my poetry here. It's not the best poetry, but It's how i feel and write so I like it. I have happier poems too. I'll post them soon! Thank you for reading friends, please let know how you feel about it!🫀🫶🏼

[itzandromeda]

Bursting Bubble's Bubble?

i was orginally gonna post this on twitter but it feels more like a rant so it goes here I guess. I know it's likely my depression messing with my head but it still feels weird

I'm talking about Wonho's bubble. I have many complaints (majority of them directed to his "fans" that tell him to shut up when he is just being nice and respectful) but my biggest complaint is how lonely bubble feels.

I understand it's basically a big ass one sided groupchat, but I still don't understand why Wonho only replies to korean fans. Is that what bubble is for? Don't get me wrong, I don't expect him to reply to every comment but I have noticed the majority of his replies are to his korean fans. I also understand that korean is his first language so it's easier to reply to them and likely a majority of his fan base is korean, though i still can't let go of the feeling of being alone.

I wish he would reply to more english comments, because I genuinely don't understand the chat 90% of the time. I downloaded three translator apps just to try to understand the convo but I'm still lost. I literally rely on a twitter translator acc to figure out what's being talked about.

Do any of his other English fans feel this way? I'm not mad or upset at anyone in particular it just feels like i'm left out for a reason i had no choice in. Not only that but, I'm watching people get multiple replies from him meanwhile it feels like my messages are on DND😭😭 like howwww?? how are ya'll getting MULTIPLE replies when i can't even get a single question answered😦 Is it something special with the time? (like if you've had wonho's bubble for a year or something then your messages have a special glow?😭😭 genuinely i dont get how it works🙂‍↕️)

I just want to feel more included i guess, but i literally don't know where to start because by the time i've successfully decoded a convo then the convo immediately changes and i'm back a square 1.. That's not to say that the concersation isn't interesting, I'm just a bit slow i guess

i think maybe his bubble is more for his korean fanbase and maybe fancafe is for the rest of us? i've never looked into fancafe so I wouldn't know like i literally only have bubbly for Wonho. He's the only idle i "stan". I listen to other kpop artists and groups but Wonho is the only one who's caught my attention. So maybe I should switch over to fancafe? could anyone tell me what it's like?

So I'm left with 2 decisions; spend the next however many years perfecting my knowledge of the Korean language or switching from Bubble to Fancafe. Learning Korean sounds more fun and a bit hard, so I'm down for the challenge!

maybe this is just silly considering he's a big star though i guess i just want be seen. it would be nice to have your favorite idol recognize you even if only a second. It'd be nice to feel important and seen, like the person you look up to truly sees you. I'm a star too yk. I may not be famous but i'm still bright star. A blue star far away. I'll be the star that cares about my friends like him, except I'll make sure I reply to everyone i possibly can even if i dont understand the language i'lll still try. That's all i've wanted to be seen and heard. When I'm famous my message will be heard, and I will be seen.

[itzandromeda]

I haven't been doing to well lately, I've been so sad...

Still lately, weird things have been happening. when i lay down to go to sleep my body feels like it's vibrating.

My ears ring so loud and sometimes throughout the day I'll start to feel like I'm on fire. Like I'm burning from the inside out. Then, the feeling just vanishes. I think I might have a cold or something.

I've also noticed I'm seeing those men i used to see as a kid. I don't remember much about them, but i remember they never moved when i saw them but when I looked away and back they weren't in the same place. I'd usually see 2-3 men together and they were tall but pale looking. Once I saw 1 of them alone but he was just looking up and when i looked away i think he just walked away. I saw two men when I was at the hospital recently. They look like weird business men who are nervous someone will recognize them. idk hpw to explain it but they look so calm yet panicked. Maybe that's how all business men look

I'd probs look weird too if i spent all day sitting at a desk clacking away at my keyboard under a fluorescent light

i dont think i've ever told anyone about these men. They make me feel bad, like nauseous. Even think about these strange men makes my stomach feel awful. I think that might be my cold making me feel that way though

[itzandromeda]

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬

[itzandromeda]

🥥♡