darksideofthemoonpie

[darksideofthemoonpie]

Wow, it looks like I'm not the only one 😕

[darksideofthemoonpie]

[darksideofthemoonpie]

I got up early this morning and sat in on a crossfit class just to make sure I wasn't going in over my head.

It didn't seem as intimidating as the classes you see online. No tire flipping or any of that.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to sign up tomorrow and start in the morning.

What do I have to lose?

Here's to hoping that I can get started and get down below 200 by the new year.

Of course, I'd like to get down by Halloween, but let's be realistic here. My weight has never went down like it should.

According to losertown I will meet my highlighted goals at these times

10/8 - under 200 lbs

12/3 - no longer obese

2/18 - no longer overweight

4/15 - under 125 lbs

5/13 - at ugw

I have to try

What do I have to lose? (except money)

[darksideofthemoonpie]

Jeans I wear now (bottom)

Vs jeans I wore last October (top)

I have a long way to go

[darksideofthemoonpie]

Well, I decided to l that I'm going to try crossfit.

I know, I know, everyone says that it is really tough. I'm afraid to go to a real gym with everyone taking photos and recording people and posting those videos online for more likes.

I don't want to be a viral tiktok.

I haven't signed up yet but I'm going to sit in and watch a class this week and see what I think about it. I'm told the morning classes are the easier ones than the afternoons. If I can get my ass out of bed in the morning then I can make a 6:30 class before work.

I'm thinking of starting 3x a week in the morning and eventually going up if I can make it.

My doctor is taking me off of olanzapine and is going to try me on only lamotragine and quetiapine. I am weaning of currently, but I should be off entirely after a couple of weeks.

My weight, omg i have gained so much weight.

I am up to 222 lbs. That's almost to where I started from.

I stayed eating more and I haven't drank my tea in months. I'm in a size 14-16. I haven't purged and haven't binged much either, only a handful of times. I'm still gaining weight like crazy.

I'm going to try to go back to being vegan. I haven't eaten much fast food lately. I've been eating wraps for lunch and raisin bread for breakfast. I'll continue to avoid meat, eggs, and dairy. I'm really hoping that this intense exercise will really help me lose weight on top of me getting off the olanzapine.

I'm really sorry about my absence lately, I just really didn't have anything to write about. But I haven't been starving or (much) binging, and I've been walking at least a mile every day. I just keep gaining and gaining weight. It makes me feel hopeless that I will just die being obese, and then I will be stuck with heart disease and high blood pressure and diabetes ( I don't have.. yet) and I'll die at 60.

Start over at 222 lbs.

I'm going to sit in on a crossfit class before I sign up to make sure I'm not getting in over my head. It's more expensive than a regular gym, but I won't have people filming me or posting my fat as on tiktok for likes and attention. That's why I went to the private rooms at the gym when I did go before covid. I just felt so self-conscious thinking everyone was watching me.

When I went to the crossfit place though, there was this one girl working out that was a little heavier than me. I could see though that she had lost some weight as I saw some sagging skin. She was doing that thing where you jump onto a box. It really motivated me to want to join. I'm going to sit in on a class first though to make sure I'm not getting in over my head.

Here's to health and not excessive fasting resulting in a binge-purge cycle. No more laxatives. I'm still going to consider skipping breakfast and substituting a black iced coffee. ☕️ I didn't buy any raisin bread this week but I have plenty of protein wraps, lettuce, and tofurky.

I hope I can stick with it this time. 🤞

[darksideofthemoonpie]

This kind of bs, I swear.

I am about a 6 on this, maybe a little bigger.

I am so sick of men. 🙄🙄🙄

Notice all of the commentors are men, probably single too.

[darksideofthemoonpie]

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A post shared by Aaron Downs (@downwithaaron)

[darksideofthemoonpie]

Ok, I'm gonna do it this time.

I have no more excuses.

My husband went to the doctor last week, and his lab results weren't that great.

His Dr advised him what foods to avoid and what foods he can have.

Oh goody, no more picking me up impossible whoppers and egg biscuits.

No more buying chips, cookies, ice cream, processed foods, fried foods, eggs, most meats, and beer. (beer was a big one for him. His liver levels were pretty bad and he has to have more labs done to make sure he doesn't have any irreversible damage.)

But, for at least now I can cook things for dinner that I LIKE.

We are even talking about going to the farmer's market on Sunday mornings to get local, fresh produce.

I know he will give up in 6 weeks, he always does, but this time he seems really scared. 😱

Now I have no excuses.

There will not be bad foods in my house anymore.

Good food in, bad food out

[darksideofthemoonpie]

This seems like a trap🤔🤔🤔

I don't trust it

[darksideofthemoonpie]

I've been so hyperfocused on the stock market for the last 6-8 weeks I haven't thought of much else. I'm checking it every morning when it opens, throughout the day, at close, and even during the evening after the markets close where trading still happens for some stocks.

I've abandoned my knitted blanket I was working so hard on. Same with my personal finance book I was reading. I wasn't even halfway done with either.

I need to find something new to obsess about. Maybe get back on the roll for weight loss? It's getting harder and harder to fast. I haven't for the last couple of weeks, and now I'm up to 218 as of this morning.

I'm going to talk to my psych in August to see if i can be switched from olanzapine to something else. I'm convinced that is what is causing me to have difficulty losing weight. I am to only able to lose weight at all if I eat under 800 calories. If I don't, I gain weight. That can't be normal.

Somebody suggest me a new hobby to pick up so I don't go broke. Maybe crossfit? Lol, yeah right 😅 I would collapse in the floor day one.

But maybe?

[darksideofthemoonpie]

My husband cooked dinner and put CAJUN SEASONING in the spaghetti.

I really try to be respectful when people cook for me and eat it, but this was too much.

I was so hungry and I could only get down about 4 bites.

It was so gross and I tried so hard to keep it together.

Now my husband's is mad at me. He won't talk to me.

Guess I'm the bad guy again 🤷‍♀️

The bad guy that just wouldn't be grateful for someone coming a meal for them.

I really tried to eat it. I really did.

[darksideofthemoonpie]

[darksideofthemoonpie]

[darksideofthemoonpie]

STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]

[darksideofthemoonpie]

I went back to sometime in October 2023 to add tags. Since I'm doing this via mobile, it resets to the to the top of the page each time. I am sick of scrolling.

Maybe when I have a functioning laptop again maybe I'll go farther back.

Enjoy the tags.

When grouped together, they tell a story.

[darksideofthemoonpie]

I'm going to start adding tags to my posts in relevance to the theme.

I might go back and add some but probably not too far back