j0dyta1

[j0dyta1]

Hello so yeah its been a long time since my last post and i just wanted to say that i guess im finally getting better. Im still feeling empty and my self descrutive thought still haunts me BUT i feel i have more control over them.

I have new meds , new therapist and a new friend !!

I hope that my life will be a little bit more stable rn

Also im very proud of myslef because im clean for THREE WEEKS !!

[j0dyta1]

TW: BLOOD ( form of sh??)

I better now , i have new meds and starts my theraphy!! But im not healed. I know i can never be fully healed and i will live with all that damage and mess inside my head for the rest of my live , its just can be a little easier , to the point when i will just live like a ,, normal'' person. Im not so far rn and its just fucking exhaustive BUT i try my hardest. I need to keep going

Im angry at myself

I was clean for a wholeee week and then.

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I did this , because i dont have a blade anymore i just start straching myself to this point. I felt like its never over

[j0dyta1]

Recap 2024

This year was my worst and best , i was feeling emotions so intense that it almost kill me ( literally) but rn i think a lot of things is starting to get at least a little better. I cut off some toxic people, my meds are working, i have better relationship with my mom and i found one person that really cares about me!! Thats a lot of good things im trying my best to not fuck this up like i did in the begging of this year ( pls pls pls i dont want my episode back). So yeah i almost kill myselef like 3 times? this year and half of this year its like blured memories that haunts me in random situations BUT overall its not that bad ( its weird and shitty for the most time but in december when i almost got in psych ward things were starting to get a little better and im clean today for 10 days❤️)

BTW SH TW IN ONE PICTURE !!

[j0dyta1]

YUPIEE MERRY CHRISTMAS !!

im clean for 6 days straight 💗

[j0dyta1]

Im tired

[j0dyta1]

I got new meds!! But rn i need to wait for them to start working

TW!! SH

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i realise that i have really serious issue like I NEED someone to notice and fucking took my blade away amd lock me in the room so i cant hurt myself but from the other side i dont want to stop. At this moment I find some kind of comfort in my own pain

How it strated ( on my arm):

How it was going:

How my arm looks like at this point :

I want to stop but i cant.

,,Its been getting worse and i cant turn it of this time" - the perks of being wallflower

[j0dyta1]

Tumblr is my free teraphist 💫

oversharing on tumblr to stay mysterious in real life

[j0dyta1]

I dont give a fuck anymore

So i will post my face here because i dont want to post this on my tt account,but im feeling like i want to share this video with someone ( ik on tumblr no one will see me as attention seeker for this so i want to THANKS SOO MUCH this few people who follows me here💗)

Btw i wish the march was just a joke 😋

I feel like im in endless loop

[j0dyta1]

Journal

Last night i was just drawing random stuff that comes to my mind on peace of paper and it turn out to be pretty cool

Also this is me if you even care

[j0dyta1]

Most relatable thing i ever seen

[j0dyta1]

TW! Sh

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I was so angry at myself for literally no reason at all that accidentally i went to deep

Also wen i was at school i was so fucking uncomfortable that i started peeling of my gel nails and my cuticles was bleeding soooo bad

[j0dyta1]

Candy by alex g on repeat rn

,, dont let them see you like this, wash your face and hide your wrist"

I dont know what im felling anymore so psyhical pain is the only stable thing in my fucking life

.TW !! Fresh sh

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I was warnig you

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.tumblr it really realistic makeup

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I made a bloody mess

[j0dyta1]

people act like being a mess is some kind of crime but let's be real. most of the world's best art, the most raw, the most real, comes from the messiest places. so if you can't handle the chaos, then stay away from me. i'm not here to fit your pretty little picture of what a woman should be.

[j0dyta1]

Hello!! So here is drawing i made a couple days ago, its not my best but i was doing it without sketch and i really like concept of backroung full of lyrics ( btw thas all mitski lines i relate to 💫)

[j0dyta1]

“but we didn't know that you were struggling!” oh really? or you were just ignoring all the signs because you didn’t want to deal with me.

Check on your love once until its not to late.

PLEASE!! when your suicidal tell someone about this. Trust me you cant take it on your own... Sometimes i just want to cut my fucking veins but im trying my best to disctract myself, rn im spendig all of hours in school alone so its getting worse but i dont want to give up until blood runs in my veins.

,,Only dumb people are happy"- Courtney love

[j0dyta1]

Hello everyone !! I decided that this account will be kind of my another journal so i will post about my struglles with mental healt , art ( if i can call this like that) i made , maybe i will post some covers but idk i just want to talk about things that are too burdensome for my loved ones. I just feel like here im not being judged by evryone and can comfortable show all parts of myself that form my personality even the bad ones. Maybe its sound fucking weird but actually i feel so much better after loudly talking about my problem with sh, i know this kind of stuff is trigerring to many people so always when im going to post something graphic i will put a TW . I want to tell you about my story , all the things that happend to me piece by piece. If you will have any questions feel free to ask!! I want to create save place when we can share our expierience and not feel ashamed for the disorders that affect us. Love you all ❤️ and thanks for my first followers

Here are some random pictures of my eyes and dps quote

[j0dyta1]