jagger-fish

[jagger-fish]

Nostalgia

     The ashes of the bonfire kissed my cheeks. A warm greeting for a family that came together on such an occasion. I took in the surroundings. A pagan had wandered into the camp and the priests decided to make an event out of it. I should be good. I should stay. I should obey my mother’s orders and listen to the priest’s sermon. Idle chatter and laughter filled the atmosphere, but it all fell when the pagan screamed. The attention is immediately directed to the ceremony.

 No one is watching. I can leave.

      I’m not allowed here, my mother told me spying was a shameful act and has scolded me countless times. Was I perverted? No, just curious. My bare feet stepped on unforgiving thorns.

 I see it, the chapel. I can’t wait. Why am I nervous?

      I am as quiet as possible. The watchmen of the church are ruthless and I’m already familiar with the rod. The steps of the chapel soothe my cut feet and I settle in it’s cool embrace.  I shouldn’t be so impatient. They will be there all night, they always are. The room, the one the pastor forbid everyone else from seeing, was just up ahead.

     I am not allowed here. The high priest told us that behind this door lied the ones that are destined to deliver the true gospel of God. How can I not see something so great? The first time, it was glorious and every other time after that was lovely. It took me a few nights to quietly rip a gap from the old wooden wall. I know they are waiting for me, too. This is the first night that I peeked first.

      The Holy Beauties, the nuns that gave their body and souls to Lord Jashin, were dressed in white. My eyes focused on their feet, carved with runes since childhood. As my gaze traveled upwards, I could see the seams of painstakingly crafted dresses that probably took weeks to sow, the glow of the lantern highlighting the details. Their heads are adorned with crowns made of painful barbwire, an act of devotion. They noticed me, finally. The feminine figures gathered around the gap. All the girls smiled as they brought in woven baskets, all of them have different pieces of paper inside. I could tell the girls were so very proud to be chosen for a wonderful purpose. They even cry with joy every time I see them. I wish I could be closer to them.

 No, I’m fantasizing again. No, I shouldn’t get closer. No, I shouldn’t like this. These thoughts are vile and only lead to blasphemy.

      They barely spoke at all, but I know that they write. They once gave me a letter that was covered with random letters trying to form words. I couldn’t make out what it said. They didn’t have names either, so I wasn’t able to call them individually. This time, the one with bruised hands gave me an envelope. Instead of random letters and symbols, the writing appeared to have gotten better. It clearly said, “Read.”

 It’s time to go. I have admired them for long enough. The Beauties cried their goodbye, like always.

      I ran back and the ceremony was over. My mother knows me well. She knows that I was being nosy, my feet gave it away. I already know my punishment; I know the pain that is to come. The lecture is endless, I can’t wait to go home. “Your misbehavior will be dealt with in the morning.”

      A few smacks to the hand was good enough for now, so she says. Straight to bed and no dinner, I know the routine by heart. I’m not too bitter. I am so curious about the letter. I cautiously waited for mother to rest; she would never understand. What could it be? More gibberish? Love? A warning? I nearly ripped the enveloped in two. I was right to be curious since it was none of those.

 It was a request.

 “Help us.”

[jagger-fish]

Some Hidan and Jashinism headcanons

* His mother was definitely a pioneer in modern Jashinism, more of a witch than a priest. She was just as radical as Hidan and was ecstatic when he showed interest in being a priest. Even if she was loving to her son, there was no time for games when it came to the church. She immediately signed him up for the trials and tests that were required for the position. He doesn’t remember anything that happened, only bits and pieces that seemed more dreamlike than real. When Hidan tries to remember what happened during the process of his metamorphosis, he shuts down. [I plan on writing a fic of him exploring his own memories.]

* He has a lot of fond memories of home and his childhood is a bit blurry. He remembers being secluded for a lot of time and only allowed to go to the village when necessary. His mother would tell him to be wary of the temptations the heathens took pleasure in. He was taught from a young age that matters of the church came before anything else.

* Because he lived in seclusion, his “home” (the cult campgrounds hidden away from the feeble society) was decorated in a clean, macabre fashion. It wasn’t uncommon to see runes drawn in blood and spiritual symbols on the walls. They decorate their shrines with feathers and human “bits”. Those “bits” could range from fingernails to a whole skeleton. It all depended on how many people wandered into the camp for that month.

* They were nice… with each other. Hidan had and still has connections with family and friends from the cult. He has had a few lovers inside the camp; Nonetheless, he feels like he can’t be with someone who agrees with him all the time. Hidan loves the gatherings he has with his cult members. They meet up 4 times a year and take the time to get to know the new members. Odd enough, more and more people have taken and interest in Jashinism for the past years. Some people took the pacific route to recruiting since Jashinism has more branches that don’t focus on slaughter alone.

* I feel as if Jashinism has a significant following but not all of them are as loud as Hidan. This is what makes him stand out though, most of the other members resort to quiet killings and secret rituals. There are various meeting points scattered across the nation. Even if they were a reckless bunch, they cared for their own. Every meeting point seems to be disguised as a shrine or church. It has a lookout and a log to see who frequents that location to maintain contact. They all seem to wander different directions, but he will still receive a letter from a loved one if he checks one of his mailboxes. He has a few sadistic pen pals :)

* There are no commandments but there are unspoken 3 rules that should be common sense:

1. Never reveal the location of a meeting point to an outsider (Hidan broke this rule various times which resulted in punishment from the high priest).

2. Don’t expose those that partake in the more “pacific” branches. They are capable of chaos worse than slaughter and will not hesitate to use it on a reckless member.

3. Never use the curses if they are not needed. This can result in madness.

* His home was his paradise, it was sacred and true. Still, he never wandered after dark. His mother always warned him of those who misused Jashin’s gift and were sentenced to roam the evening path for eternity. These people weren’t like the other church members, they held a pure hatred that changed their physical appearance and were bound with a seal to walk the campgrounds at night. Hidan remembers seeing one while he was on one of his rebellious episodes and was shocked that they weren’t made up. She was a pale woman with the runes carved onto her skin, chanting out verses he was not allowed to speak. Hell, those pages were even ripped from his bible. He thanked Jashin he wasn’t dumb enough to get closer.  

* Hidan hated the authority within the church since they obviously favored those that were born “special”. A lot of them were on his shit list. Those that had the supposed gift of clairvoyance yet could never get an answer right when tested on it. There were those that could draw the runes perfectly by memory and never had to do a ritual because that was enough. Those that could speak to Jashin… even the altar boy didn’t buy it.

* He loved his branch, the path of destruction. This didn’t stop him from being envious of the other branches, he sometimes wished he could curse someone without having to do a blood ritual. Hidan would never be ungrateful for his gift. That didn’t stop him from praying long and hard for another skill to come along. His ritual did get tiring sometimes. He even tried seeing if anything else worked out. He wasn’t studious enough to be in the knowledge path or quiet enough to be in the pacific path. Rampage was something that he got a handle on and it would always be that way. Hidan just had to learn to love it.

* He gets weird symptoms if he doesn’t have a ritual. It wasn’t uncommon to hear whispers asking for a sacrifice or an occasional vision of a nun telling him he was doing something wrong. The symptoms get worse during the stealth missions where he will not have any human contact besides Kakuzu for days on end. Hidan always resorted to killing animals for sacrifice since he would never try to kill Kakuzu. These hallucinations are beyond scary and will get to the point where he loses his grip of reality. He is aware of when it’s happening, though. Other than that, he can be in situations where everything is fine and in order, but he will just randomly black out for days with no memory of what happened. He has consulted the other priests about it several times and they all have the same problem. No one knows what the hell it is.

* Kakuzu was very judgmental at first but he is old enough to understand the significance religion has in people’s lives. He’s not a believer himself and never will be. He watches Hidan’s dedication to the religion and is surprised one can be so deluded. He was born into it, it’s hard to see the world when your own people covered your eyes and brainwashed you. For crying out loud, he’s even met other members who were NOTHING like Hidan. Some of them were even, dare he say it, nice. How the hell did Hidan get to be so radical? Hidan seems to be a special breed of idiot even within his own crowd. So, he concluded that not all of them were nutjobs.

* The long walks on missions are bearable when Hidan is in one of his trances and completely quiet. Although, he can’t help but wonder what the hell is going on in his head. He completely changes and these moods can last for days on end; Hidan didn’t seem alright and always dismissed it. He won’t eat, sleep or talk. Hidan follows orders with no protest. It was very unsettling. The kid would even apologize for random things. The night where Hidan would finally rest would be the night Kakuzu stayed awake no matter what. The kid would fall asleep and the rings around his eyes would just get darker. He would sweat and breathe deeply as if he was having some sort of withdrawal. Hidan would talk in this sleep and would reveal some dark shit that Kakuzu would never talk about unless Hidan brought it up. Kakuzu knows what happened in his pilgrimage and why Hidan can’t remember the events that transpired. It’s not some bullshit side effect or amnesia like he was told countless times. It’s because he knows what really happened and doesn’t want to relive it.

[jagger-fish]

Konan Headcanons

*We can’t just sit here and pretend like Konan was okay with everything that happened. This girl has serious trauma. Her entire organization was wiped out the same day her lover died. Nagato went crazy, too. She put on such a brave front to act so emotionless when all she wanted to do was cry as loud as she could. She is so mistreated as a character and was never mentioned again after being brutally murdered and dumped in a fucking lake. This poor girl had everything taken away from her and was probably out of it most of the time.

*She only stayed with Nagato because he was the only person she had left. She was loyal but stopped loving him when he started losing it. The same day Yahiko died, she noticed that he changed; it’s normal for a person to mourn but he took it overboard. She came back to base one day and nearly fainted when she saw a familiar face in her doorway. Tears streaked on her cheeks and she thought it was all a nightmare but was snapped back to her awful reality when she kissed Yahiko’s… no, Pein’s lips. They were so cold and dry, Konan instantly recoiled as she felt a faint aftertaste of blood. She was never okay with Nagato using Yahiko’s body. Watching his dead body being used as a tool disgusted her to no end.

*Constantly dreams of Yahiko and wants to move on, but his body gives her orders every single day.

*She tried her best to like the new Akatsuki. Itachi and Kisame were a delight to be around, Sasori and Deidara could entertain her with artistic banter, Kakuzu was quiet, yet he did have his moments… Hidan was there too, she guessed. She tried to look on the bright side every day, but these people were wanted killers, not the good willed citizens that started the Akatsuki. She knew her boundaries when it came to them.

*She loves the citizens of the rain but is a little disappointed with the whole Angel and God rhetoric that Nagato implemented. She is also disappointed with how they just all went with it. They just solved one dictatorship with another that relied on fear mongering and killing all that opposed. They weren’t that different from Hanzo. She admits that the New Rain Village was not what she envisioned; she became what she was against in the first place.

*Has tried to bury her feelings for Yahiko with a few men but it never worked out. How to you kill a lifelong bond? No man would ever compare to him. She eventually gave up on love. That doesn’t mean she didn’t get lucky every now and again.

*She wishes she had few more friends to talk to, you know, female friends that could empathize with her. She did get to trust Itachi with personal matters because he had a similar background. They would often meet up and talk gossip. Kisame tagged along sometimes, too. Still, the Akatsuki was a total sausage fest.

*She has nipple piercings. Stop fucking asking, it gets old.

*During her youth, she tried skinny dipping because she read about it in a book once. Skinny dipping in a lake in a summer night is VERY different than a lake in the cold, cruel rain. Her clothes were blown away and she caught a nasty cold. Yahiko had a good time, though.

*Has always loved romance novels but would find that life boring. She’s a woman of action and wanted a man that could win a bar fight then take her out to dinner afterwards.

*She LOVES anything with a goth style to it.

*She loves travelling to other lands and seeing other cultures. It is a nice distraction to visit a hot spring or attend festivals in neighboring villages. She wishes she could bring it with her to the rain, but it would cause an influx of people and stricter border security. She can still dream.

*When she was young, she witnessed cannibalism within desperate villagers. She remembers a man eating the remains of a starving villager in a dark alley and running as fast as she could. She also remembers watching a human hand cook over a fire when she was spying on some bandits. It was also weird that some restaurants would serve meat since it was impossible to raise livestock in an impoverished land. Poverty brought out the true monsters in people.

*The rain was a terrifying place for an orphan since they wouldn’t be searched for. Sex trafficking was also something that scared her since she had seen so many atrocities happen in Amegakure during her childhood. During one of the lowest points in her life, pre-Akatsuki, she considered becoming a prostitute to earn some money. Yahiko and Nagato assured her that they would rather starve than every turning to that.

*She has caught so many men checking her out.

*She has severe depression and has done everything to feel better. Despite all that, she is still the kind of person that is willing to hang out for a good distraction.

[jagger-fish]

Sakura Headcanons

*Contrary to popular belief, while she does love Sasuke, she is not as head over heels for him as she thought she would be. She is pretty unhappy in her marriage and has mused constantly over her decision to chose him after everything he had done. Marriage and a child will never change a man who had to suffer so many traumas in life. She is a little jealous of Ino and Sai’s relationship and envies the happiness her friends have found in marriage. Even after multiple ways of trying to get Sasuke to participate in family events and bond with his daughter, he will only ever apologize on paper thinking it will fix everything. 

*She feels so empty after devoting so many years of her life to a man that won’t even give her a kiss when he departs from the village for the seventh time this year. She feels so dumb for defending from any badmouthing because of his desertion of the village. While he was gone, Ino and the other girls had moved on. She thought that her endless devotion and sacrifice would earn his love and wanted a happy ending so badly. She wanted to be with her childhood crush and she thought that he would love her back. He just neglects her like every other error he needs to own up to in his life.

*She constantly and discreetly tries to teach Sarada that she doesn’t need a lover to be happy in life. She missed out on so many chances at dates with great men, including Lee and Naruto. She constantly wonders what it would have been like to receive a grand romantic gesture (that wasn’t a single rose) or a surprise date. Sasuke was so dry when it came to romance and the mysterious guy attitude gets so damn tiring after a while.

*She tries her best to balance her medical career and her mom life but constantly misses out on Sarada’s developmental milestones. She won’t ever forget the time her daughter had just learned to tie her shoes but found out three days later because of a quarantine situation at the hospital that would cause her to collapse with exhaustion every day. She found out when she was getting her dressed for the academy one day and caught her tying her laces all by herself.

*She loves Ino to death and is so thankful she buried the hatchet during the chunin exams. She is the only person she confides in when it comes to personal matters and has become her shoulder to cry on throughout all these years.

*Has considered cheating more than once but is too honorable for it. She gets VERY lonely and gets frustrated every time she gets home late from a shift and has to hear some couple getting bumping uglies in the inns. She always wonders if Sasuke feels the same since he was always so reluctant when it came to sex. Were all Uchihas this prude?

*Ino and her have discussed the topic of divorce more than once but it is so taboo in the village that people will think differently of her because of it. Hell, it might even jeopardize her relationship with Naruto.

*Speaking of Naruto, she has so much love for him. She has never admired anybody more and constantly tries her best to hang out with him. She misses her conversations with him when they waited for Kakashi to arrive. She desperately misses her Team 7 days and the missions that they would go on. It was so simple to be young and carefree and only having to worry about D and C rank missions.

*She has come to love her breasts and has truly come to embrace her body image. She used to stuff her bras but stopped when Ino loudly pointed it out in front of a group of their friends.

*She feels so powerful when she looks back on her life. She turned out to be an amazing ninja and is one of the best kunoichi in the village; she looks at the people that gave her a hard time growing up and how their lives turned out. Most of them didn’t make it past genin.

*While travelling with Chiyo, she would do this weird old lady thing where she would ramble incoherently and ask Sakura if she agreed. She was 99% sure she was starting to go senile since she confused her with Tsunade a little too much. Chiyo would also fall asleep while talking to her and left her dentures in her house for Gaara’s rescue. Sakura, being the properly raised child she is, would help mush her food and Naruto would giggle in the background. Sometimes the food would dribble to the side of her mouth and Sakura had to bear with it. Yes, she did fall once and was not able to get up when going down a steep hill. Lord knows how they managed to put up a good fight against Sasori since she complained about her arthritis so much.

*Sasuke once mentioned the whole “reviving the Uchiha clan” thing to her but she immediately shut that shit down because she knows how much incest is needed to have a “pure” bloodline.

*Has made a great effort to get Sarada not to act like she did when she was young. She’s haunted by all the cringy things she did to act like a pretty schoolgirl and get attention. She is so happy she grew out of that.

*Yes, she masturbates… a lot. Like I said before, she does get lonely. Out of all her friends she seems to be most knowledgeable and adventurous when it comes to sex. She has quite the collection of toys in her closet but had to move everything when Sarada stumbled upon it during her little investigations.