jan-22-2004

[jan-22-2004]

he’s not getting it is he

[jan-22-2004]

hinge is just stuck on a loading screen, i think i swiped so long i got to the end. theres no people left

[jan-22-2004]

i love my friends because they love me back

[jan-22-2004]

[jan-22-2004]

06/20/25, 1:11am - spinach pizza slice w feta cheese, diet coke.

(night out w boy bestie, got off work late and met him after; were abt to hit the rave but i hadn’t eaten all day and needed something to hold me, this did the trick. lil local pizza spot popped off, literally like 5 dollar slice and took like 20 mins to eat, this shit was bigger than it looked. and tasty, not too much cheese, and not so hot that the cheese fckin falls off the dough, hate when dat happens. good experience all around , 8/10)

[jan-22-2004]

06/18/25, 5:45pm - poached eggs w a tomato basil sauce, sitting on top of some irish soda bread with a side of coleslaw. french toast w maple syrup and some marmalade on the side. both accompanied by a coffee w cream.

(meal w bestie; ate this delish meal, and genuinely caught up from like 6pm-9; we haven’t seen each other in a week so the update was much needed. trauma dumped and had a time :D those diner girlies know everything about us; hope they had fun eavesdropping. anyway food was 7.5/10).

[jan-22-2004]

06/05/25, 12:30pm - eggs benedict with smoked salmon, subbed potatoes for a side salad (#skinnyyyy). london fog w/ oat milk and sugar free vanilla.

(solo brunch after a hookup wednesday night w a hinge date. woke up in bed alone w no note msg or anything, so i left because i thought he was gone, whole time he was in the next room over because he was in an online class and didn’t wanna wake me. welp. would smash again.)

edit: also stole his hairtie , the one in the pic :D

[jan-22-2004]

may married june

the strangeness of summer

sinks its smile into you like teeth

a softening stirr

watching the sweetness seep out like

sap from a song

you carry the tunes of solutions

and manipulative mothers are

masters at mourning their daughters

how their skin was once like milk, free from debris and marks of humanity

and the months sang music when

may married june,

blushing rocks and

july jumping like a jackal

the joy of jealousy,

jam on picnic tables and

jaws filled with jewels

breath brimming the blues of the shore

all while brother bustles about, brainless and bruised

my backwards boy

swept by sinking songs

and masterful mirrors

sinking sweetness into me like

a gaze from a summer stranger

[jan-22-2004]

miracle

[jan-22-2004]

reflections of Adolescence.

you miss the simplicities of childhood. the lack of awareness or understanding for the things that adults seemed to hyper fixate on (and stress over, even if they tried to hide it). the curiosity that filled you; the joy of asking (and telling). how time seemed to wait for you.

you miss car rides after the day (which seemed to last a year) had finally come to an end, as the rumbles of the back seat soothe and rock you into an unexpecting slumber.

fighting tirelessly (and sometimes viciously) against the dreaded "bedtime", and when you finally were wrestled into sheets and sedated, you dreamed of being awoken again and the ventures that would await when the sun rose; as if it was christmas everyday, and your gift was tomorrow. no matter how mundane or void times seemed, you strived to find meaning in the inactivity; always adding spirit to the spiritless.

it really is easy to romanticize. today you visit childhood landmarks; old neighborhoods, parks, grocery stores and wonder; where has the magic gone? what once seemed big and complex and all-knowing now seems stoic, predictable, unremarkable. nothing specific has changed about any of these special places; (which you still regard as special) but there is something fundamentally different that you can never seem to put your finger on.

the routines and presumptions of adulthood don't come naturally to you, and you fear they never will. interactions become progressively unenthusiastic and inauthentic as you try your hardest to pretend to care. work and school and travel and relationships and health and finances and drugs and events and consumerism and expression and politics and discrimination. you have newly found passions and ideologies that you share with others; many nod and smile, but some listen and understand (and you love them for it).

you participate in systems that don't support your best interest, and sometimes you hurt other people (but you always try to make things right again).

but in all this confusion and uncertainty, you can't seem to move past your earliest years. you wonder when this glow that permeated the world disappeared from your eyes.

you decide the glow left you they day you saw your mother cry for the first time. the day you realized that even God is just a child after all.

-s.

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