jarviscockerssecrethusband - Tumblr blog

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

90s harringrove au where Billy’s musical icon is Kurt Cobain and Steve’s is Mel C. And that’s genuinely the biggest source of conflict in their relationship.

They’ve been together for years, hardly ever fight, saved each other’s life multiple times but Billy’s limit is Spice Girls at 5AM on a Saturday morning.

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Steve: babe if you’re gay- how are you still Catholic

Billy: you’re kidding right

Steve:………..no????

Billy: ok A religious people can totally be queer and B I’m worshiping a man how is that NOT gay

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Nothing brung me more serotonin this month than the fucking amazing hairstyles Quinni wore every episode of this season of Heartbreak High.

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Harringrove meet cute where instead of meeting each other at the Halloween party, they meet at Billy’s basketball practice and Steve ends up accidentally throwing a basketball at Billy’s nose.

Because pretty boy means that Steve’s brain stops working. Duh.

(Despite that, they still get together like two weeks later, love wins)

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Fics where they can only be their true selves around each other (idiots) have my heart.

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Something about Steve finding autistic Billy, who’s always had to mask for his own safety, having a sensory overload on the cold floor of the showers. The lights were too bright and the people were too loud and running water made his skin feel like it was going to crawl off.

And Harrington sees him. Doesn’t yell or even scowl in distaste. He just kind of looks. Like he’s thinking.

Rummages around in his pocket until he comes out with a small stuffed animal.

Her name’s Star he says. And could Billy take care of her. She always helped Steve through shit like that.

He smiles really genuinely and walks off, feet turned out like a duck.

And Billy feels his heart beat just that little bit faster.

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

Me and @jarviscockerssecrethusband *Talking about who in ST is which drag queen and getting heated about who is what*

Both of us: But Jason is Alyssa Edwards, of course.

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

I wanted to make one addition to this post, both because Apple’s name is out now (Applewillowstone) and because I still feel like I was too nice to the terf in this.

So I wanted to make it abundantly clear. Whilst I do not have as much experience with Apple as I do with her terf friend (though I’ve certainly had my unpleasant experiences with her) I remember enough from my time when I was being bullied to say this.

I am the close friend of Saf’s who she spoke about in her post regarding “Z”. All of what she spoke about in her post regarding me were experiences I had over the course of six months.

My bully, Z, who was allowed to run basically without rules from the sound of it in Apple’s server, would target you specifically if you were autistic. Especially if it was more visible and would then hide behind criticism by saying that she has autistic friends (both of whom were aspie supremacists.)

I would join a conversation with her and a couple others in voicechat and suddenly she’d be making disgusting jokes about domestic violence, knowing that I had been the victim of an abusive relationship two years prior.

She would learn anything that made you upset, triggered, anything she perceived as a weakness at all and exploit it mercilessly because she could. Everyone had to love Z and if you didn’t you were a threat. And Z didn’t tolerate threats at all.

I am choosing not to say the worst of what I know Z did because it is disgusting and I want to respect the privacy of her other victims but I will say this.

Apple was knowingly friends with Z. A terf who targeted autistic people because it made her feel powerful or some crap. And from what I’ve heard (and experienced) of Apple, I can’t think of two people who’d be more alike.

Like others have said, this is not drama. This was never drama. People like Apple and Z are a danger to vulnerable people in this fandom. And I hope nothing like this ever happens in this fandom again.

On Guy Fawkes night of 2022 I was one of the first people to be invited to a harringrove discord server belonging to someone I believed to be a close friend.

This decision led to six months of a group of five people, some more than others, targeting me relentlessly, seemingly just for existing.

I was bullied because I was disabled, because I was trans, because my abuse didn’t “fit in” with their perceptions of what abuse looked like, because I was poor.

Even after I was kicked one day, with no explanation and blocked by both mods, my page continued to be stalked for three months afterwards while my mental health deteriorated significantly and visibly, even through my posts.

When they were finally cornered in the act, the excuses they gave were as weak as citing my politics (I was a bit too left for their tastes) and some was covert antisemitism.

I was never offered an official apology.

Then they went away for a while. Some of them deactivated, some crawled off into the shadows.

But then I heard about a new discord server. One which I never joined but I understood that the ringleader of the group who had tormented me for MONTHS was in. And my close friend was in this server, this person hadn’t changed. Apparently, this person is also selling their harassment of me as a “misunderstanding.”

I cannot mince my words here. This person is in a group of bullies, some of whom I understand were also on that server. Not all of them may have actively participated in the bullying but didn’t exactly do their damndest to stop it. And I know they saw it. They just don’t care. The exact participants of said bullying have changed since my experience over a year ago but the sentiment remains the same.

I don’t want to give any additional stress to any of their other victims so I won’t be naming any names. These people know who they are.

I hope everyone else who were affected by them and their actions are ok.

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

I didn’t want to make any public posts about what’s been happening in the past days in our fandom because of my health issues. Some of you know, mostly people I consider my friends now, others because I was offering emergency commissions to solve hospital and treatment costs, but my health isn’t that good lately and the level of drama, intensity and everything around this topic was affecting me. Still is a bit. However, after everything that has come out, so many similar experiences, so many people being manipulated, hurt and damaged because of this one individual who I considered my friend, I can’t remain silent anymore. I just can’t. I’m still shocked and feeling so many emotions, from sadness to concern, from disappointment to anger. Even guilty for not realizing how disgusting this person was. It’s unbelievable.

I won’t go into any details, those involved know everything that needs to be known. I will not share screenshots either but there are plenty to prove what this person tried to do until the end and how many people she damaged.

I became her friend months ago, around August/September of last year. I considered her a real friend, a good one even, she was nice to me all the time and talked to me every day for all these months. She bought my friendship with love bombing, gifts, with praise about my art and me, a fucking naïve idiot, thought she was sincere. I never noticed the red flags until it was too late, how she was collecting artists along the way and discarding the ones that weren’t useful. She was after popular people, writers and artists, anyone that could give her status. She wanted her name seen everywhere and she invaded every space she could. She also promoted her server to anybody who had big numbers or was known in the HG fandom.

I didn’t know anybody in the fandom, only some names I followed because I admired their art or writing. I always spent my days in any fandom as a spectator, doing fanart and having casual conversations but not getting close to anybody. She was the first person I let get close to me.

I trusted her and that was a mistake I’ll regret for a long time.

She took advantage of me not knowing anybody, she used me as a dumpster bin to trash talk about others, she played victim over and over again, she claimed some people hated her, and she made me believe so many things that I later discovered weren’t real. She twisted reality to her convenience; she created a false narrative where she was the poor victim who was attacked constantly and that she only wanted the best for everybody. She just wanted to be ‘nice.’

Knowing English isn’t my first language and sometimes it’s hard for me to understand certain expressions, she used that to be able to act as a bigot without me noticing until it was too late.

And I believed her. I believe every single fucking word she said about others, because why would she lie? She was just trusting me with things, right? She was just warning me about people, she cared about me, she was just looking out for me.

I’m a good friend, I know I am. Friendship has always been important to me, and I’m faithful to whoever I care about. I thought I was being a good friend to her by defending her and giving her my thoughts and opinions about all these ‘awful’ people who didn’t like her and were against her.

She just wanted an ally.

Her love bombing and praise only lasted until I didn’t act the way she wanted.

I confronted one of her ‘friends’ in her server after that person was exposing an innocent writer just to humiliate them. I was mistreated and attacked. She, the owner, didn’t do anything to stop it while I was telling her in dms what was happening. She didn’t do anything at all because she didn’t care.

She didn’t care either when I showed her proof that her friend was a terf. I was worried, I was so naïve I thought maybe this person didn’t know about her friend being transphobic. But she knew. She didn’t act surprised, she just did her best to clarify she wasn’t a terf ‘by association’ in between jokes and tried to justify her friend over and over again. She dismissed my worries and acted like it wasn’t such a big deal.

I trusted her to the point I felt safe enough to tell her I am autistic and how hard it was growing up not knowing that, how everyone treated me as if I was dumb when I was a kid and a teenager. Her attitude towards me changed after she knew my diagnosis. From treating me like I was a child to a condescending way to talk to me whenever I did ‘wrong.’

I supported her when she decided to create a BB just to be called silly and treated as stupid because I wouldn’t join if the terf was there. She simply didn’t care I was affected because I’m non-binary and trans. She just wanted artists for her shitty event because she needed to make a name among other events. She kept insisting that I join, even after she knew the terf was going to be a part of the event. She wanted me to be a pinch hitter artist.

I finally opened my eyes after my medical emergency in February. I decided to open emergency commissions to help with the costs and that led me to talk to people I never talked to before. People this individual didn’t want me to talk to.

I don’t know why things happen but everything seems to happen for a reason. Some people that reached out to me to help me were people this individual talked shit about over and over again for months. And to my surprise, they were nothing like I was made to believe. On the contrary, these people were sweet, nice, and were actually sincere.

Her reaction to me talking to them was passive-aggressive comments, jokily threats and playing the victim. She also started giving me the silent treatment in order to manipulate me again. Which, luckily, didn’t work.

This disgusting individual lied so much I have spent the last few days wondering how much of what she said was true and how much was bullshit. She tried to mess with friendships, she tried to ruin a relationship, she made racist and transphobic comments, she lied about so many people that didn’t deserve it, she thought her lies wouldn’t catch up to her and kept acting like a ‘mean girl’ who wanted to be number one in popularity. She thought having popular friends, who she bragged about, would keep her away from anything.

She thought she was safe and that I was stupid enough to keep believing her.

I’m not stupid. I never was.

And I will not remain silent while she still plays victim, while she decided to blame ME for all of her fucking mess.

When this whole thing exploded, she desperately tried to convince someone she wasn’t bad, that it was all a misunderstanding and that she was just venting to me. A good pity party because she was being called out and she didn’t expect it. She tried to convince them that I was to blame. She didn’t hesitate to throw me under the bus, to make anyone believe I was the villain, exposing me with screenshots, for all we know, were probably manipulated by her. It is now known that she edits, changes and deletes messages.

I’m not a villain for exposing the truth to people I now care about. To people who have been nothing but nice to me even tho they are aware I said awful things about them based on what this individual told me. She tried to brainwash me with her lies and almost succeeded.

The past few weeks have been hard. But it’s harder to see how many others she hurt.

She’s not a good person no matter how much she tried to act like one. Her disgusting behavior led to so much damage and she got me involved in it, using me until the end.

This behavior is not ‘fandom drama,’ it is dangerous behavior, one that should not be tolerated or accepted. Fandom is not a place to escalate in popularity, to surround yourself with popular artists just to get something from them. Fandom should be a safe place for us to enjoy, to escape from reality, from the real world that is hard enough for so many of us.

I will not let her step on me anymore. I will not be her scapegoat. And she will not get my sympathy anymore.

Please be safe out there, do not let these people harm us anymore. This individual and her fucking terf friend can go fuck themselves.

I am so tired.

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

Thinking about harringrove who are both like early on t and Billy growing the dumbest wispy moustache in existence which he’s SO proud of. Steves already halfway towards a full beard so he doesn’t quite get why his boyfriend takes so much pride in what is objectively the worst eighties style douchey moustache in existence but he also does get it.

He really does.

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

Billy: I'm on my way, Babe.

A special Stevie meme for @jarviscockerssecrethusband ❤️

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

When I first joined this fandom in late 2022, I had some traction with some stories. And some people reached out to see if I wanted to join a discord server that was owned by a person who at the time had over 1000 followers and posted quite frequently. She was popular, though she presented herself as much more popular than she was. Let’s call her Z.

I did not connect with everyone there, in fact I was uncomfortable for reasons I will go into in a moment, but there were some people I really did connect with, and I stayed to be close to them. And then one day, my closest friend there was kicked out of the space with little to no explanation. He begged the mods and Z, formerly his close friends, and was blocked. I combed the server, but I couldn’t find anything that he did that in my opinion was worth kicking him out. Then he began losing followers and receiving many hurtful and upsetting anons on his tumblr. Angry, because I suspected they had something to do with it, I stopped posting in there and later left. I was disgusted that this was going on and they were acting to my face like it wasn’t, and still sucking up to me about my stories. He said he was worried about me believing him, believing that whatever he did, he didn’t understand what it was. But having witnessed Z’s behavior in her server I had no problem believing it was her and her friends.

Z used to find fanfiction or art of ships that she didn’t like, and @ everyone in the server to come look at it, despite knowing it was extremely distressing for some members. If you protested that you had no issue with these ships in fiction but that maybe you didn’t want to see that on a Tuesday at work in the general chat, Z and her closest friends would harass you (me) to say that it was bad, and evil. She often called for people to unfollow these artists, or block users who she had found and showed to us without any participation on our part. Despite this she frequently became interested in dead dove subject matter, but it was always ok when she did it. Boundaries did not exist to her, except for the boundaries of her taste and how she thought the world should be. Z would routinely make jokes about sensitive subjects like trans rights, and let's just say it felt like it wasn’t her place. But don’t worry, Z would say, I have friends who are [joke she had made] [from country she had insulted] so it’s fine. There’s only so many times you can hear a joke like that and not wonder why it’s being made over and over. If you were offended, everything was a joke, or there was something you didn’t understand.

This server was a deeply uncomfortable space. Many times I felt harassed over my politics, over my opinions in fiction, and it was often easier to just swallow this. When I met my friends there, they showed courage standing up for themselves and I am so glad that I found them. With them, my experiences of this fandom lightened enormously. Z and her friends had made me so paralyzed, paranoid and unhappy. I had been afraid to even talk about my race however tangentially. I was afraid to make posts against anti behavior, because they had so twisted the way I thought the Billy fandom would perceive them. Thankfully I do not think that the majority of the fandom agrees with her views.

Z apparently has been presenting harassing my friend as a misunderstanding. Perhaps the misunderstanding is that she thinks any of this is harmless. Misunderstandings can be overcome, discussed, apologized for. If someone is confused, you can explain, you can be civil. There was no discussion.

Z made no effort, except to further talk about him and others behind their backs. She never reached out to clear anything up at any time. Her excuses when she made them were frankly shocking. And she never explained to me why my friend was so dangerous, but hid behind fake apologies and more popular friends, lying to my face like things were all good. My friend made a post when he felt safe with her username and the username of another person who harassed him. My friends that I kept from that server are the bravest people I know who understand that reputation means nothing if you can’t look at your own actions with conviction. And Z went away for a time.

Until I earlier this year, I was invited to a very large Billy server. Immediately I was confused by a user I had seemingly never seen before who had me blocked. It was Z, with a new name. She had me blocked until she saw me interacting positively with a very popular artist. Then I somehow became unblocked. Which was very interesting. I came to find that she was very close friends with them or tried to be. She appeared to be very close with the owner of the server too.

I was obviously wary but who knows. People can change. I really believe that. Unfortunately I do not believe that she has changed yet.

All of her old behavior was back as was my paranoia and fear. And it appeared that, emboldened by her friendship with the owner of the server and others, she felt safe going even further. Here was finally what she had craved, a large platform and popularity to continue her previous behavior. I later came to find out that the owner of the server had her own issues with bullying others, twisting the truth, and other, much more serious things. They showed the same character that Z always did, sweet to my face and sour behind everyone’s back. Yet again people said that they worried they wouldn’t be believed. They were afraid of the fandom famous people who were their friends.

Perhaps it’s just me, but if I had been called out in the past for bullying a trans person online I would distance myself from any appearance of transphobia or bullying or lying. Not Z. She in fact announced that she would bully the mods and “everyone” in the server when people joined. I am not paraphrasing, she said he was a bully so often that it was almost comical. She openly said she was an anti when someone confronted her over AGAIN trying to publicly shame authors and create mass unfollowing campaigns. There were no consequences for this. She would casually bring up the same old jokes and dogwhistles that she used to, uglier with time, and to me pathetically stripped of anything that could have excuse them.

Nobody told me these things. I saw it with my own eyes. But still, somehow, she was the hero, the popular beloved person in every story. I was afraid because she had very powerful friends. Because she was friends with a server owner who hurt people I cared about. I am still afraid now. But I’d rather do it afraid for my friends than watch this happen.

I would give up every stupid note on every stupid meme if it meant trans people, and all vulnerable people, felt safe in fandom spaces. I am tired of dishonest communication and trying to play some stupid game I never fucking cared about. If some popular person wants to crush me like a grape for believing my friends, they can go ahead and do it already.

Everybody wants to be liked, everybody wants to be believed. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. But I’m done waiting for people to believe me or like me. I’m done waiting for people to wake up and take a look in the mirror. To explain and to deign themselves to listen. I believe in my friends. I believe my eyes, and I believe in my own convictions. That’s enough for me.

I believe people can change. I hope they do. But I hope they do away from vulnerable people who they can hurt carelessly.

I’m not blocking you. Clean up your own mess.

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

On Guy Fawkes night of 2022 I was one of the first people to be invited to a harringrove discord server belonging to someone I believed to be a close friend.

This decision led to six months of a group of five people, some more than others, targeting me relentlessly, seemingly just for existing.

I was bullied because I was disabled, because I was trans, because my abuse didn’t “fit in” with their perceptions of what abuse looked like, because I was poor.

Even after I was kicked one day, with no explanation and blocked by both mods, my page continued to be stalked for three months afterwards while my mental health deteriorated significantly and visibly, even through my posts.

When they were finally cornered in the act, the excuses they gave were as weak as citing my politics (I was a bit too left for their tastes) and some was covert antisemitism.

I was never offered an official apology.

Then they went away for a while. Some of them deactivated, some crawled off into the shadows.

But then I heard about a new discord server. One which I never joined but I understood that the ringleader of the group who had tormented me for MONTHS was in. And my close friend was in this server, this person hadn’t changed. Apparently, this person is also selling their harassment of me as a “misunderstanding.”

I cannot mince my words here. This person is in a group of bullies, some of whom I understand were also on that server. Not all of them may have actively participated in the bullying but didn’t exactly do their damndest to stop it. And I know they saw it. They just don’t care. The exact participants of said bullying have changed since my experience over a year ago but the sentiment remains the same.

I don’t want to give any additional stress to any of their other victims so I won’t be naming any names. These people know who they are.

I hope everyone else who were affected by them and their actions are ok.

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

For all Billy fans who want more of him but don’t want to support the Duffers in any way by rewatching, may I humbly suggest watching This Town

It’s about a new wave band set in 1981 Birmingham/Coventry and one of the characters is so unbelievably Billy coded, look at him

He’s a singer, he dances and his dad (who is essentially a more fleshed out version of Neil) is pushing him into the IRA

It’s by Steven Knight who did Peaky Blinders so it’s a tough watch at times but it’s SO good

And Bardon is INCREDIBLY Billy coded

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

Au where Steve, a budding musician, writes a Midwest emo song for Billy as a love confession.

Billy isn’t *quite* sure what to think

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

I know likelihood is on Steve’s side but I do want Sophie to win at least one episode