javasickcloset

[javasickcloset]

Cringetober 2024 or something

​why are my drawings at work always better than the ones I spend hours on???

[javasickcloset]

Amazing drawing!

My version of chinese+chinese american miku along with a few of my favorite international mikus having hotpot together

[javasickcloset]

Always has been ;-;

Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of being perceived.

Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?

Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.

Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?

Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?

Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?

Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out

People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?

Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.

It's all a defence mechanism

[javasickcloset]

brazilian meeeeeku

[javasickcloset]

[javasickcloset]

So today I went to Walmart with the intention of buying nail polish because I really want to learn how to do my nails. I was a little anxious, but I told myself I wouldn’t run into anyone.

**ROLLED A NATURAL 1**

I get to the beauty section or whatever, and not one, not two, not even three, but FIVE of my old classmates were there buying makeup or something. One of them was someone who used to absolutely shit on me, for the stupidest of things, and is one of the 3 people that made me resent my time in high school so badly.

ANXIETY + 20 !!

They either didn’t recognize me or were too preoccupied to notice me, but me and my Kagamine Len hoodie marched over to the razor blades and acted like that was what I was buying. It SHOULDN’T BE, but it was anxiety inducing enough to even look at girly stuff with people who once knew me around, but having to TALK TO THEM—because they were taking up the whole friggin aisle— was soooo incredibly petrifying, that my dumb awkward ass purchased beard oil and 4 razor blades I DID NOT NEED.

I went home and paid ridiculous money for nail polish online, and decided I’d create a new Tumblr account so I could vent this out somewhere without family seeing it haha

Wasted like $50 because I’m somewhat-arbitrarily scared of people whose opinions I don’t give a shit about, thinking I’m gay.

[javasickcloset]

Actually peak haha

THERE IS JUST NO FUCKING WAY